〈 Episode 42〉Wild West 6

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I walked away from the spot and went to the bench where I'd been sitting.

"Isn't he there.

If he's already gone to the next top, I won't know where he is. I hadn't said how long it would take, so the chances of Sergen waiting for me were unknown. But she didn't tell me where the next top was either, so I couldn't go looking for her.

"Looking for someone?"

Her voice. I looked at her with a nonchalant face.

"Oh, there you are."

"You look pretty serious. I take it you didn't run into any good fortune?"

"I've met a very bad match."

I didn't expect to meet him like this by coincidence. That's why he was even more depressed.

"How disgusting...to end it with my hands.

Jeffers died by my hand, by his own hand. It's not that he asks for my forgiveness.

It's just a bunch of crap to deflect the absurdity of it all.

That's how Jeffers died. He died because he couldn't live with the situation he was in, and he used me. That's why I have no sympathy for him. Just.

"Dirty.

I curse him even more for creating one more dirty memory. For my sake? It was just another knot in his end, done for my sake. He'd known it all along, sowing pain that would only entangle me further.

'Selfish bastard.

It might have been better if I had killed him myself. But he couldn't stand my hesitation, and he died for my own good.

"Can I ask?"

Sergen's question made me hesitate.

"If you're showing this much emotion on your first day, it doesn't make you trustworthy. I thought I'd come to Cirrus to cleanse myself of the past, but what if I'm just entangled in it?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry is not the answer I want."

Sergen sighs heavily.

"It's just that it brought back some things I don't want to remember."

"You have a past, too, so I won't ask more. Perhaps we should call it a day, then."

"You don't have to."

Sergen looked at me quizzically.

"There's no reason to pretend you're fine. It's a little early, but how about a drink?"

I felt an irresistible urge to drink at her words, but I shook my head.

"No. I'm not in a very good place..."

"You've done quite a bit for me since your first day as my personal escort, and come to think of it, I haven't rewarded you for it."

"What?"

I didn't think I'd done much today.

"You broke Arwell's nose."

Sergen recounts the night he defeated his escort and further elevated Sergen's standing.

"That saves me the trouble of trying to figure out what to award you. You may call it a night. I'm going to keep the rest of the merchants on their toes, which will make it easier for me to get a contract."

"You don't have to do that for me."

"Tir."

Serghen's stately face came closer to mine.

"I have every confidence that you will not go out and dishonor the name of Sirtus. But when you look like you want to be left alone, and you can't even hear that, you won't make a good lieutenant."

"..."

"I understand that you want to be alone because you're afraid you've made a mistake, that I haven't shown you enough faith in you. That's not your fault, and frankly, it's not mine. Just give a meritorious soldier a break, don't make me an ungrateful superior anymore, and get out of here. My recommendation is that you go to your lover, Elyssa."

"..."

"I don't care what you do, as long as it's not criminal."

I bowed my head slowly.

"I'll go."

"Okay. Don't feel bad if this is where your day stops."

I started heading toward Elisa's house, not knowing if she would be home, but just wanting to stop my head from hurting.

[memory tavern.］

On the way to Elisa's. I saw a ramshackle bar on the hillside. I was dragged into it and asked.

"Do you have rum?"

"It's not what we usually sell, but..."

The owner, an older man who looked like he had a toothache from drinking and drunkenness, looked at me sheepishly.

"Here's one of my favorites."

He held out his hand, and I handed him a handful of silver coins.

"Take this."

He glanced at the rum in the large glass bottle.

"..."

[Dude, you have to drink rum by the bottle].

I remembered the face of the guy who first taught me to drink.

"Fuck."

I cursed, grabbing the bottle and taking a nibble, vowing never to imitate the way he did it.

"..."

The boss wiped the table, and I sat there, soaking in the sugary flavor of the rum.

.

"I'm home..."

"What the hell, why are you so drunk, did you take a shot just to get in?"

I walk into Elisa's house, feeling cozy, and she asks me a worried question.

"...No."

"Then?"

"I met Jeffers."

"Jeffers?"

Elisa doesn't know. Yeah...she doesn't know, not like those assholes who knew everything about me and manipulated me from behind. Yeah...it's natural.

"Old friends..."

"Oh, so you met up with your friend for a drink?"

"No..."

"Well, take off your coat first. How much did you drink?"

"Rum... four bottles..."

"You may be a Sword User, but four bottles of rum will get you to the goal."

Elisa's eyes meet mine. She seems to realize something, and I smile.

"You... drank... alone?"

"Yes..."

Elisa says, taking my robe.

"And your friend?"

"Friend...no."

"You said he was a friend, and then you said he wasn't, did you have a fight?"

"...Yeah. We fought."

I looked at Elisa, who was staring at the blood on her robe.

"...What the hell happened?"

I felt like I couldn't keep my wits about me anymore. The world was spinning, and pretty Elisa. Everything was spinning, and I felt the bed tugging at me, unable to laugh or cry at it.

"The cause..."

I've been used as a reason to die. For me? You could have at least...used my revenge. My eyes close.

.

[Tir.]

She calls. I look for her once more, my mind fading.

[Noel.]

I look at her and feel desperate, guilty that I'm living in someone else's house, not hers. I wish I could go find her right now.

[I want to see her.]

[Tir.］

She would just call my name and cuddle my cheek. She leaned into me and whispered that she would be there for me in my time of need.

[Becoming like me].

I opened my eyes, feeling a chill at the sound of anything other than her name.

.

"..."

Without another word, I sat up.

"You're up?"

Elisa was sitting next to me, reading a book.

"...My head..."

"Well, I made some soup for your head, but you should eat it."

"Yeah."

"So."

She closed her book.

"What happened?"

My mouth didn't quite fall open.

"Tir."

"What?"

"I'm in love with you, that's undeniable."

"..."

"It's not a right, it's just an emotion that takes solace in its own behavior, and yet I can't help but feel the sadness you feel, and I can't help but grieve for you. It's not a right, it's not a right of love, it's just a favor."

Her hand rested on mine.

"I want to know what happened, why you were so sad."

I carefully closed my eyes, finally telling her what had happened yesterday.

"Oh my God..."

I felt the corners of her eyes moisten.

"Tir...you...you're...then..."

"Yes. It was revenge."

"That's not revenge!"

Elisha shouted, rising to his feet. It was...it sounded like me shouting, sharing my feelings.

"Calm down."

"You know it's not revenge, and you're just lying to me...to calm me down. You thought we were friends?"

"Yes."

"Whether you choose to punch, spit, or beg for forgiveness for that betrayal, that's your right as a victim and avenger, and you took it away from me because you wanted it for yourself."

She meets my eyes.

"You can take the day off work. I'll go to Sirtus myself and talk to him."

"That's okay. I have other things to do."

Sophia. I have to go see her.

"Something else?"

I told her about Sophia.

"I can't. Well, let's take the rest of the day off work and go see her."

"Why would you go to all that trouble for me?"

"Tir. That kind of talk hurts me."

"...I'm sorry."

"No, you're not in your full emotional state right now, so I understand, it's just...oh my god...what a horrible..."

She put a hand to her forehead, as if her head hurt, and her lips parted.

"I'm a witch of emotional magic, so while I don't know you completely, I do have some idea of what you're feeling, and I think you're on the cusp of panic disorder."

"Panic...disorder?"

"I wish I could explain it to you properly, but once you're fully aware of it, it can't be cured. Let me tell you something else, you were used to death by that son of a bitch Jeffers."

"Is that right?"

"Yes. So you did nothing wrong, and have no pity. Jeffers forced you to forgive him, and I could understand if he'd accepted death at your hands, but he didn't give you his throat on purpose, he pulled you to your death. That's like smashing a glass window in someone's head."

She was getting angrier than anyone.

"He saw you, and he saw redemption, and he realized that if he died at your hands, he could end his irrational situation with death. I don't know how desperate his situation was, but it's psychotic for an assailant to do something like that. It's almost like self-inflicted rape. He's throwing his body away for profit."

She tugged on my hand, heading toward Cirrus.

"Elisa."

"Why?"

"I thought you said you were going to make a pot of nautical soup for me."

"Oh, look at me."

Unable to calm down, Elisa angrily ran her hand through her hair again.

"Hah...you Deckard bastards are no good. How do they end up like that?"

"I still have to see."

I wanted to see Sophia.

"I thought you said she was your first love?"

When I'd described Sophia to her, I'd included the explanation that she was an induced first love.

"Yeah."

"It's nice of you to be so confident. But...I'm getting some uneasy feelings...are you seeing her because you're remembering her?"

"If it was, I wouldn't have explained to you that I needed to see her, I just..."

I clenched my fists.

"Because it makes me want to punch that asshole Deckard in the face."

"Oh."

Elisa glared at me.

"I'll help you."

"It's going to be dangerous."

"What do you think I am? If I die, the coven will rise up, and if that happens, sure, a monster like Noelle might be spared, but Deckard is finished, and they don't know who they're messing with."

I smirked at her pride.

"Thank you. That's really comforting."

"Revenge would be a good motivator, too. I'm afraid not. You'll have to come with me on any future such expeditions. I'm sure Count Sirtus will understand, as it will serve him well. But...I'll have to tell Sergen the facts about this, with a twist."

"...I don't know how to explain it."

"Don't worry, I'm here. You're in a state you can't explain to anyone, or even cope with...being forced to avenge and forgive a betrayed friend...it's beyond trusting people, it's a curse!"

She exclaimed.

"Emotional magic is not a curse, the act of it is."

I found great comfort in Elisha's words. Like she was fighting for me.

"Thank you. Elisha. But I'll explain it to Sergen myself."

"But...will you?"

"If you explain it for me, I'll just end up sounding like a halfwit who can't handle his own ass, and I don't want to be that person."

Elisa hesitates, then answers.

"I'm sorry... I guess I treated you like a child in my anger."

"That's all I would think if I were you, Elisa, if I thought you had done that to me."

I thanked her sincerely.

"So let's get this over with, and then we'll go to Sirtus. I'll explain."

"...A witch of emotional magic being pacified, I'm starting to get it."

"Not at all. I was calmed by you, Elisa, and it is my duty to return the favor and calm you."

"The problem is that you're cowardly kind, so it's not like...no. Seriously, it's all because I'm feeling love, not control, it's too strong!"

Her anger was starting to look cute.

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