〈 Episode 17 〉 Yandere Youngae 17

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"Aah..."

A groan of despair that leaked out. It was the kind of sound that made me question whether or not it could come from my own voice, and the kind of sound that made me rebel. It was a groan that ripped through the silent rain, a note lower than a stringed instrument to express my shock.

"..."

No one says anything. Just a man about my age, with a stern face, staring at me.

"To be an adventurer..."

[Sophia...my first love since I was ten years old, she left to become an adventurer. I wanted to join her, but I wasn't good enough, so I joined the Rogue's Guild, and we set our sights on adventuring together.]

I remember Noel's words. Evidence, establishment, and conclusion from the butler's words from then to now.

'Sophia is...'

A little girl who looked after me ideally from a young age. The walnut pie she offered to a beaten, fleeing beggar in the slums. The raspberry juice she gave me, saying it was a secret from her mom.

"Aaaaah!!!!"

My heart began to feel like it was being shattered. Those vacant eyes that looked like they meant nothing, coming from a stoic face.

"Sophia!!!"

The butler says nothing, nor does the woman I recognize as Sophia. It's been a long time, but I recognize her at a glance. My breath caught in my throat, my head spinning, and I felt like I was lost, like I couldn't find my bearings. I felt like I was having a panic attack, nauseated, and...wanted to die.

"This child was the vehicle that allowed you to live in the slums with hope, looking forward to a distant future. He gave you the freedom to be an adventurer, but he also showed you that you weren't good enough."

How being a slum kid and a girl in a country that didn't recognize a girl's power, and how the Deckard estate made her realize that she was weak, and how she would grow up to be strong and follow in her footsteps.

"You bastards!!!!"

I screamed, unable to contain myself. When I realized that my memories, my entire past, could be shattered in a single moment, and that all my precious memories were the product of someone else's lies, I didn't care about the butler's sense of duty or loyalty, or the Count's unfortunate past. All I wanted to do was to look at the people in front of me and tear them to pieces with blood and tears, and to convey to them the humiliation and despair I felt.

"I'm sorry for you, but if we hadn't helped you, you would have become a common corpse in the slums and disappeared."

I admit it. If it weren't for Sophia, and if it weren't for the good people who have come into my life and helped me along the way, I would have been dead and gone long ago. It just comes down to a different conclusion: die in the slums and go from bad to worse, or be sacrificed at the White Castle for the greater good.

"Who...who else is involved?"

At my question, the butler looked at me impassively.

"You're wondering about Ellie, too?"

My eyes fluttered wide. The girl who had pulled me up and given me hope after Sophia had left, the girl who had taught me the proper way to make a living, the girl who had taught me the proper way to pickpocket, the girl I knew had been taken by a wizard to the Ashen Tower.

"She's a traitor, so I hired a mage to do it quietly. Teaching an important member of the Earl's household to pickpocket professionally...the cause was in danger of being lost."

"And Ellie...is she safe?!"

"Kudang-tang!

The movement intensified, and I collapsed, tied down, along with the wooden chair. Looking down at me, the butler opened his mouth.

"As far as I can tell, she didn't make it to the Ashen Tower. Someone attacked the mage... and the child was kidnapped. Oh, she definitely had magical talent, so we're deducing that her kidnapper was probably a witch."

Of all the things Ellie had said, she had asked me to flee the slums with her, and I had refused because I had to wait for Sophia. The next day, we were caught by a mage in the Ashen Tower...and Ellie was never seen again.

"Damn it..."

"I hope you realize by now that you're not like other slum children."

"What's so special about me...I'm the one you bred to kill anyway."

"I can't deny that, but I just want you to know that there are other definitions of self-destruction and sacrifice for the greater good in the world."

Through gritted teeth, I began to laugh. I'd been miserable, miserable, and occasionally hopeful, never giving up, just living life as usual, or rather, moving forward, but it was all rigged, and what was I if not me?

"Our error was that we saw you too easily; you were quite an intelligent child, beyond our wildest dreams."

The butler, speaking like a master who has raised a young pupil.

"On the plus side, Eli, who taught you my skills, has taught you the art of rogueing, albeit a mixed skill, so you're my grandson...my son-in-law."

"Fuck you."

The slumlord's harsh words slipped from my mouth.

"Some asshole master sells out his pupil because he did something wrong."

"The rogue's guild you wanted to join...such things are not uncommon, and I say that as a professional senior and master."

"Tsk!

He lifted a white glove, and all my restraints were ripped away. I stared at him in disbelief.

"I tell you," he said, "that the Cause is now approaching a climax with your actions today."

"What?"

For a moment, I felt Sophia sway slightly in front of me. She, too, was the Count's spy, the grown-up child I'd been waiting for, the one who cared for me for no reason, the one who made me will...and the one who was more than a dirty, filthy child in love could ever dream of. But then she stared at me again, motionless.

"What conclusions are you coming to now, Noel, the man you thought most dangerous? The man who, like Samuel Deckard, was taught from an early age by the magic of the curse to think differently about love, obsession, and murder than anyone else...not by natural reason, but by the magic of the curse...what do you think he thinks of you now?"

I understood why he'd let me go. Running away would only make Noelle hate and love me more. Eventually, I will die at her hands.

"Soon, you will return to this castle, now that we have been informed."

The dagger I had concealed in my sleeve was gone, except for the stolen necklace and rings, which lay like two silver coins on top of the eye-masturbation a man does when he dies.

"You've done well so far. Tir."

He slowly fades away.

"Ah, if you and Sophia have anything else to say, you may. You may rape her, however briefly, or assault or murder her, however you choose. If you rape her, you'll probably get the full story, Noel, so I recommend that for the greater good. Oh, and if you choose not to, you can commit suicide. The legacy will be fulfilled, even if it's over a corpse."

I'll die when Noel returns anyway. I looked at the disappearing butler and then at Sophia, who stood stoically.

"Was it your will that made my life this way...that I...that I stayed with dreams of leaving the estate?"

Sophia says nothing. Like a mannequin in a clothing store, she simply stares at me and does nothing, perhaps as bait to lure me in, her outfit not unlike the adventurer's outfit I had imagined. Leather armor, long adventurer's boots, a sword at her waist and a shield on her back. If I had run away with the Adventurer's Guild, or even the Order...they would have used Sophia to lure me in.

"Answer me!!!!"

I demanded of her, a scream of agony escaping me. I needed an answer. I grab her by the shoulders and shout, flailing like a drowning man in a quagmire, or a drowning man asking for a rope. The rain is falling hard, and I don't care that Noel is approaching, I just want her answer.

"Yes. It was my will."

Her voice sounded like something I hadn't heard in a long time. But when she looked at me, she didn't have the welcoming smile, or the playfulness, or the gentle touch that had comforted me before.

"Fucking bitch!!!!!"

I screamed out loud. I felt like I couldn't let this shit out without blowing up. I try to swing my fist at her, but I slowly lower it. She stares at my fist and my anger without any emotion.

"Fucking world."

She's going to die soon. I pull away from Sofia. I don't know if it's the strong rum I've been drinking or the sleeping pills dissolved in the soup simmering in the crockpot, but my legs are wobbly as a wave of nausea washes over me.

'I...calculated...that I would die...one way or another.

So, before he dies, he gives a dirty thanks to the butler for explaining, in a last act of compassion, why he must die. It's a gratitude that makes me want to spit on him, curse at him, and give him a fist instead of a kiss on the cheek, but it also gives me another glimmer of hope, however desperate.

"Yeah, I threw you a party because I thought you'd be looking.

My funeral will be unusually noisy, accompanied by the sound of rain, and will be announced to the world as the death of a servant in an insignificant earldom. Just a man dies. For this fucked-up world of being bred and ruled, of hope planted in vain and despair turned to waiting in an orchestral climax that never gets out, I will rebel as an actor enough.

"If you want me to survive somehow, don't stop me."

Sophia just stares at me, wanting to lean on this fucked up, manipulated world...again...that wants to take comfort in her. In fact, I want to run to the butler and throw my legs up and cry for help, but he looks at me and says, "You're smart.

'Don't do anything that the odds don't favor.

"Pfft!

An open cellar. I can see the count's mansion and walls in the distance, and the bridge over the long lake. The lake is flooded from the rain, and I assume it's not a good place to swim.

'And my only way to live.

I have two choices: drown in that big lake or be killed by Noel. I can only make one decision: I'm not getting out, and I slowly begin to climb the mansion's stairs.

"Hmph...hmph!..."

I run up the high stairs in my soaking wet clothes. The stairs of the dark, deserted mansion were high, and I could feel it as I reached the bridge of clouds that led to the other side. This is the only place I can escape.

"This is it...

A giant cloud bridge leading to the city walls. I wonder if this is the path that leads to my life. Why did the butler leave me this path, that I hadn't expected it? No, he must have known I would come here, for he trusts me to be intelligent. The rain forms puddles on the stone bridge and drips to the ground. On the impossibly high bridge, I slowly began to move forward.

"Again, again, again!

The shoe echoes in my ears. Despite the pounding of the rain, I hear the familiar, deliberate, steady steps of my feet.

"Noelle..."

A beautiful young woman with tear stains. Her silver hair shines through the rain, and her beautiful purple eyes stand out. Her white skin was dripping with raindrops, as if she were a water spirit, her clothes clung to her body with a hint of flesh, and her eyes...they looked as empty as ever. She stood on the stone bridge, staring at me.

"Why...are you running away?"

In her hand was a sword that bore the mark of the Earl of Deckard, a sword worthy of the title of greatest sword ever wielded.

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