Chapter 12

Kenna sat there staring at an unremarkable door fidgeting with her backpack zipper. Everything in this mansion school was remarkable. The walls, the furniture, and everything in between but this door wasn't. Almost as if it didn't want to be noticed but in the act it became the very thing it was trying to avoid. The added ambience of the rain didn't help her mood either. While she waited she wondered if this was a natural event or did Ms. Monroe was messing with her for whatever reason. Perhaps she was still a little peeved about all the complaints that were filed against her. Maybe in her absence she felt she could let it rain more and wasn't told about Kenna's return. The door opened, interrupting a doomed train of thought.

She was met by a sickly looking man with beautiful long blond hair. When he noticed her he tried to conceal his tears. "Oh, hello," he said in a voice that both sounded warm and sad, "Are you here to see Danielle?"

"Maybe? I'm here to see somebody behind that door? To be assessed? Or therapized? I don't know. Franny wasn't super clear about it."

"Oh, you're acquainted with Francine?"

"Franny? Yeah we're friends. How do you know her?"

"I see her at the meetings. She's quite passionate about her new responsibilities."

"The school meetings?"

"I suppose you could call it that." Kenna took a moment to read between the lines.

"Oh, oh! You're! Wow! Which team are you with?"

"I shouldn't say."

"Oh."

"Blue," he said smiling.

"Wait, so you were in Manhattan during the alien stuff?"

"I was indeed."

"What was that like? What did you do? I know some shit went down so you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to."

"I flew," he became distraught, "the jet." He quickly re-composed himself. "I'm sorry. I need to go."

"Are you alright?" The man mustered a chuckle.

"No, but that's why we're here isn't it?"

"I guess."

"It's Warren by the way."

"Kenna, it's actually been a pleasure to meet you."

"Before I leave, can I give you a bit of advice?"

"Only if it's good advice," she joked, trying to lighten the mood. He looked more confused than humored.

"Danielle is going to take you places you're not going to like. It's going to be tempting to lash out, but please try to be kind to her. She has been through a lot. We all have."

"I'll try."

"Oh, and you should probably just go inside. She's not going to call you in," said Warren walking away. She looked back at the unassuming door that was left slightly ajar. The initial peak through the crack already made her anxious. Danielle's office was set up like you'd expect any other therapist's office would be, except there was norse memorabilia decorating the place. Bows, armor, small statues, and necklaces decorated with runes gave the room a very specific theme. Odd unto itself, even odder when she spotted the woman she assumed was Danielle. She didn't appear norse or what she expected someone from that region to look like. She had an olive complexion while her hair was dark, fashioned into two long braids hanging behind her.

Gleaming all she could gleam she opened the door. "Danielle?" Asked Kenna. The woman, sitting in the largest comfiest chair in the room, didn't even acknowledge her. Choosing to focus on the contributions she was making to a notepad. Kenna sat down in the arm chair across from her, placing her backpack in between her legs.

Not wanting to interrupt whatever she was doing she began to look around again. This time spotting an out of theme picture frame behind her. It was a picture of Danielle in an X-Men uniform with four other people dressed in a similar uniform. They seemed happy. A complete contrast with how she looked now.

"So how does this work?" asked Kenna. Danielle remained glued to her notepad. "Oh, is this one of those things where you sit in silence and I talk the entire time? It is, isn't it? If it is, say nothing." Danielle looked up at her. The bags under her eyes looked heavy. So much so that she could only give a passing glance before returning them to paper.

"Okay, so where to start. I have no idea why I'm here. I mean, I do, but I don't. I assume it's because I just got back from that hole you threw me into. You're probably afraid I'm going to take that personally. Well, I'm not. I totally understand why you did it. And even if I did take it personally it's not like there's anything I can do about it now with this nifty bracelet. See, all your bases are covered, can I go now?" Danielle shook her head without looking up.

"Are you sure? Cause I feel like it both is and isn't. I know six months doesn't seem like a lot of time to you, but it felt like a really long time. Especially when everyday you wake up in a pitch black labyrinth made of metallic sand. And from the moment you wake up to the moment you pass out from exhaustion you're being tested both mentally and physically. You'd think that being yelled at about the sins of man in German over and over again would get to someone eventually don't you think?" Kenna said, sliding a finger over her bracelet. "I wasn't even alone in there. Elixir was there too. I spent a lot of time running from him. There were others too but I didn't recognize them. I don't think anybody could. He had gotten to them first. And I bet you're wondering how I got away from him." Ms. Danielle didn't respond or even slow down in her diligent note taking.

"There was water there, lots of it. Professor Lehnsherr was definitely trying to get me to be me. Which is not something that would have helped against Elixir. That man just has to touch you and boom!" Kenna smacked her hands together, "You're done, but I have a way around it. Well, around me." She rolled up one of her sleeves. There were faded bite marks all across her forearm. "Really? Nothing? Not even a, whatever. The point is, do you know how hard you have to bite down on skin to draw blood? And do you know that you'd have to do it, a lot, to get scars on a person that can grow their skin back." Danielle kept writing.

"Well I got really good at running, and you're not listening are you?" Kenna waited for her confidant to answer the challenge, but none was afforded. She furled her lip and scanned the room for something to throw, some physical manifestation of her frustration she could launch at this insult. She settled on a crumpled piece of paper which was promptly caught and flicked back at her. Kenna was so completely flabbergasted by the sudden sign of awareness that she jumped from her seat with raised hands. Without any further signs of retaliation the moment passed allowing her to sit back down.

"Okay, you're still there. I see that now. Good to know. I'm going to assume that this is about something different then," she clasped her hands and began twiddling her thumbs together while raking through hoarders house that is her emotional baggage, "I still feel pretty bad about killing that guy." She paused for effect but there was still none. "You're right, I should be more specific. It's not like it's not a long list or anything. And it's not like I intentionally killed any of those people, but somehow that makes me feel way worse about it. The person in the helicopter especially. I don't know his name, if he had any family, or if was even a he at all. He was only an acquaintance and by that I mean I am only acquainted with the gross way I crumpled his corpse," she laughed uncomfortably before sighing. Swallowing before starting again.

"But seriously, how do you come back from that? How do you move on with your life with these wounds? Don't me wrong I do move on, but should I be able to? Do I deserve to? And what kind of person does that make me?"

"I guess we'll find out in a minute won't we?" said Danielle looking at her watch.

"We will? Wait, you're alive?" said Kenna.

"Your session will begin in exactly fifty-five seconds from now," she said again, still looking at her watch.

"I thought what we were doing was the session?"

"Fifty seconds."

"Why is there a countdown!? What's going on!? What is this!?

"It's whatever you and I make it, thirty seconds."

"That wasn't twenty seconds! Are you skipping time!? Do you not know how to count!?"

"Ten seconds, don't forget to breathe and remember," Kenna's heart rate jumped, "It's all an illusion." Wave after wave of anxiety washed over her, drowning her, crushing her. Making the short list of things she was asked to do very difficult. She closed her eyes hoping it would help in some way. "Don't close your eyes."

"Why?"

"It spreads the poison too quickly."

"You poisoned me?"

"The poison was already there. In the cracks of your mind. Hiding, hoping you won't look at it too closely."

"I'm not sure that's how poison works," she said as a fat drop of water slapped her in the forehead. She opened her eyes in panic, wiping the area thoroughly with her shirt. With every stroke of the fabric she began to realize that her surroundings were no longer surrounding her. They were somewhere else. More open, more dark, and much more familiar.

"Where are we?" asked Danielle.

"Is there a leak in the roof!? Was that real!?"

"It's an illusion. It's all an illusion."

"Then how come you don't know where we are!?"

"I don't control the illusions.They're drawn out of you in your own way."

"Then how do you know that wasn't real!? It was raining outside before I came in!"

"And because you know that you will use it against yourself."

"What? Can you just give me the antidote or turn this all off so we can be sure?"

"Kenna."

"It just felt so real. It felt wet."

"Did you feel yourself change?" Kenna clutched her wrist looking for an accessory that was no longer there. "It's still there I promise."

"I'd like to go now. Thank you for your time, Danielle" she said, getting up from her seat.

"Is that how you want to live the rest of your life, afraid?"

"If it keeps people alive, then yes."

"I don't wish to be mean, but people are already dead. Only an idiot tries the same thing over again expecting something different."

"It's not, It's not like I was always afraid. I've been not afraid before. There was a time I was me. Happy and excited for what I was. I was safe. I was invincible. In my own world I feared nothing," she looked around at the splintered wood of the decimated home, "And this is what happened."

"You're going to have to be more specific Kenna. All I see is the aftermath around us."

"There was this funny guy."

"Was he special to you?"

"He was, but not for the reasons you'd think. Or, maybe it is for the reasons you think," Kenna looked at a ruined window, "He was fun to watch."

"How so?"

"You know, he did funny things. Especially when he didn't think anybody was looking."

"Like what?"

"Please don't make me remember him. Don't make me remember any of this."

"Okay," she said, letting go of the false world she had created.

"So, what now?"

"You can leave. There's the door." Kenna started to leave before turning back around quickly. She raised her hand cautiously as if she was in class beaconing to ask a question.

"What happens now?"

"I'll sit here preparing for my next appointment."

"To me? Since we weren't able to do anything for me."

"You weren't able to do anything for you. And I don't know. Maybe he'll keep you here out of pity. Maybe you'll be taken by SHIELD. Maybe he'll simply lobotomize you and release you into the city."

"Shit, has he ever done that before?"

"Not to my knowledge, but would he ever let us keep that memory if he did?"

"All he said I had to do was try. I'm trying. This was me trying."

"She said with her hand on the door after," she looked at her watch, '' five minutes. Kenna worked the handle without ever fully committing it to its purpose.

"He never said I had to try hard."

"It was nice knowing you Kenna, while I could."

"Fine," she said, sitting back down.

"It's not easy. Conscious efforts, also known as trying, are uncomfortable."

"Can we just get it over with?"

"With these things it's not as much the destination as it is," Black sands shot out of every orifice of the room. The substance invaded with such speed aggressiveness that it was filling up the room at a concerning rate. Kenna fought the urge to close her eyes again even as she felt the particles bounce off her face. The armrests she was gripping suffered, "the journey."

"Am I trying yet!?"

"Talk through it."

"I hate this!"

"You mentioned something about the guy you liked."

"You're still on that!?"

"You said he was funny."

"I said he did funny things!"

"Like?" Kenna felt the metallic sand encircle her knee.

"He brought a squirrel to school! I think he was nursing it back to health! He would talk to it in a squirrel voice! I like tiny animals and I like funny voices!"

"And the house?"

"It was his!" The sand rose faster now, "He was across the woods from me so I snuck out to watch him! But he saw me!"

"So you killed him."

"He tried to run! I just wanted to explain myself but he made it to the car!" Before the cold sand could completely cover her she was able to get out the words "So I dove for it."

She closed her eyes and held her breath looking to prevent the scratchy metal from entering either. Darkness beget darkness only interrupted by two fiery yellow spheres burning their way into existence behind her eyes. The longer she kept her eyes closed the closer they came. Moving with a weight about them. Danielle snapped her fingers at her with urgency.

Without thinking she opened her eyes back up. They were met not by an invasion of agony but of another all too familiar setting. They were in an obsidian hallway with only enough light to outline the walls. "It was an accident," said Danielle.

Kenna took a shallow breath testing the air, "I could have done anything else. I could have let him go. Nobody would have believed him. Then I could have talked to him at school. Explained myself better. But that's classic me. Every choice I make is somehow the wrong one."

"Experience is just what we call our mistakes."

"And what we name our victims."

"I'm not saying you should forget these moments, but you shouldn't let them hold you back either."

"So just push forward over the pile?"

"More like, honor them by being more than you are. You at least owe them that."

Footsteps in the dark interrupted their conversation. A polluted golden figure made its presence felt down the hall past Danielle. Kenna gripped her seat yet again. "I get that none of this is real, but how am I feeling?"

"They're as real as you make them."

"So if he?"

"Touches you?"

"It will feel like?"

"As you remember." Upon hearing this Kenna let out what would later be described as the loudest most pathetic whimpering groan ever heard. "And how does this make you feel?"

"Indifferent!"

"Good, it sounds like we're making progress." Drawing closer Kenna was reminded all too well of what he had become. The heavy unevenness of his breath. The trembling of his hands. The look of hate so strong it popped blood vessels in his eyes. She stood up, but didn't move. "And?"

"This is it," she said, trying to hold what little composure she had left. Elixir reached out. His hand oscillating between the bright and the dark. "This is trying."

"It's a start at least." Elixir and all that was around him evaporated into smoke. They were once again in the mundane and not all threatening office of Danielle.

"What?"

"Your session is over. Please talk to Tessa about your next appointment."

"Next appointment? No, you said try. I'm trying! This is me trying! You'll never find me trying any harder than I am now!"

"I am glad that you are trying. Just keep up that energy and we'll press a little more next week or so from now."

"You can't leave me like this."

"Leaving you like this is exactly what I must do. You need time to reflect on what you've done here and we'll build on it. Besides, I am very tired, and hungry. Those are two things you don't want me to be while I operate." Kenna sat back down and closed her eyes. "That's not going to work. The session's over."

"Try, that's all I've heard since I've got here and I've been railed for not and the moment I actually do you tell me to stop," she said before taking a deep breath to hold. Moonstar swallowed.

"Please, you don't know what you're asking for. This technique, my power, only helps in moderation. You are a wounded animal lying in the open, and I am starving."

"Try me," she mouthed with indignation covering yet another means to perceive the world around her. The void behind her eyelids was empty and nothing could be heard but the beating of her own heart. Until the fiery yellow spheres returned, brighter and closer than before. With a set of ethereal jaws bleeding through the veil. The great beast it was slowly becoming encompassed her head in its mouth. Pressing its teeth slowly into her. She felt no pain, but incredible pressure. Building to such a degree it finally crushed her head.

In lieu of death she was met with a beach. Bright and sunny with an ocean that stretched beyond the horizon. She was standing not far from where waves wet the sand. It was eerily peaceful. Not even the weight of anxiety that was placed upon her was there anymore. She looked around the picturesque scene. Her guide throughout these sessions was no longer there.

"Danielle?" Kenna called out. No one answered. Without an audience to entertain she stared out into that vast collection of salt water, sighed, and went forth. She knew why she was here. It was a fear as much as it was a fantasy. A finality to everything. A question people were too afraid to ask her. An answer she always wanted to know.

Each step was not what she expected. Given the dramatic nature of the manifestations that came before this one was very subdued. No quaking footsteps, no miniature cities, not even any screams to grace her ears as she made her way.

Approaching the cusp of the waves made them recoil. As though the closer she got the more they receded. Kenna grew frustrated. Never expecting to work so hard to give into her trepidation. The retreating waters swelled into a wave. A wave bigger than any Kenna had seen before, roaring like a cornered animal. She lost herself in the moment. In the smell of roaring currents. In the twisted reflection of herself mirrored and parodied along the length. In the bliss before making a terrible mistake. In the moment that it crashed down onto her.

The tidal forces washed over her with all of its primordial force. The event was as powerful as it was swift. When it was all over she stood exactly where she was before, unchanged, still knee deep in the tide. She looked at her wrist. There was still no device hindering her body's natural tendencies. Just water running down her forearm. Just skin refusing to drink.

There was also a thud. Blinking back into Danielle's office she had found herself on the ground. The armchair she had been so keen on sitting in had been pushed over backwards leaving her staring at the ceiling. "Kenna are you okay!?" asked Danielle as she helped her up in a panicky manner.

"I'm fine," said Kenna.

"What did you see!? Do you want to talk about it!? I'll clear my schedule! I'm so sorry I shouldn't have let that happen!"

"No, I'm good. I think I'll leave now if that's okay with you."

"Are you sure? I went pretty deep. Some scars are likely to form. If we don't address it now you might be worse off than you were before."

"Just the usual 'Ah! giant monster' stuff. No new ground to break there," she said, making her way for the door.

"Okay, I'll still talk to Tessa about getting you checked out just in case."

"That's fine, whatever. Thank you I guess?"

"You're welcome, and Kenna," she said with hesitancy, "Whatever you really saw in there, don't let it become you."

"Sure."