Klei's Backstory Pt. 2

29th July 2013

It's my birthday, so I saved up lots of money to give everyone expensive brownies! I did so, but the problem is, someone stole my money. It was just gone. I gave away the cupcakes, and I didn't even spare some for myself at my class despite them hating me. I just wanted to do this to make them like me again, like on the first day in class.

Now, I have another debt to pay.

"Hey, Klei." John called out, my best friend, who happens to always belittle me for my relationship with my ex, but the thing is, he stopped that now since I broke up with her, but I was single ever since, "Where's the money you owe me?"

"I was ganged on. They jumped on me and stole my money that I was about to pay you. I'm so sorry, John! Look! I can- " before I could even finish, he just punched me, "You owe me twice that money now!" and just left.

I just laid down there looking up without moving, speaking, blinking, but barely breathing, "What am I doing with my life?" I started to laugh. This feeling of laughter isn't something I can explain to myself at all. It was the laugh of hysteria. It was an emotion of stress mixed with this maddening mindset where I just… snapped. And started to feel like I'm not myself anymore.

December 2013

I started getting into more fights but I was the one who usually initiates, I've been shoplifting, stealing items and money, committing felony, jumping over fences to skip most of the school days of my entire school year, purposely damaging private property, always manipulating, lying, and cheating on everyone I meet and know, even the people I used to care about and those who care about me.

I just kept on doing my thing where I started to enjoy it more and more, but I've got bored eventually, I wanted more adrenaline, the need for speed! So, I started drinking heavily, doing drugs, and smoking cigarettes often, even doing all of those inside school, even during class hours. I just ask to go to the bathroom, start to smoke a blunt at the backstage of the auditorium, and start to get higher and higher.

I've been awfully failing at class, and started to collect many deadly weapons especially butterfly knives or in the Philippines where it originated called the "balisong" where I just do random knife tricks where it looks almost impossible to do in front of my old bullies where they get all shocked by my skills and nowadays they are starting to respect me. Back then, no one liked me or noticed me as if I'm just a ghost. I was starting to lose my mind back then, but now people are starting to notice. I thought I didn't exist, but I do…!

People now respect me, people love me, and EVERYONE FUCKING LOVES MATRYOSHKA!!!

I started cutting myself often because of my inner sadness that I don't understand. I have all the women, the respect, the adoration, the worship, the love, the admiration, everything I wanted! Money, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, hell, I can even get a gun if I want to have one, but I was that one edgy kid that always loved knives.

Nothing but knives. I've always had the thirst for blood, the homicidal tendencies that are so intense it felt extreme that I always have the urge to kill everyone I see, mass murders and genocide baloney all around!

When I'm with everyone else in society, I'm more active, more talkative, more hyperactive, and more sociable, where I never shut up and people love me for it. But when I'm alone, I can't shake the feeling as if I've never had actual friends even if I had thousands and millions of everyone I can have as friends, to manipulate, to use, and to force them to do things I want in my own special way. The thing is, I feel this… loneliness.

The more I notice this loneliness, the more I start to feel more depressed, and the more I feel lonely in everyone else's company. As if they were never my friends to begin with, I was different from everyone else, I was without fear, not even death, I wanted fun and adrenaline, but in society, it feels like walking inside to a funhouse mirror where I see myself differently based on everyone else's opinions and I never found my true self again, that's… where I lost myself.

That's when I went to the school bathroom, stared myself at the mirror just to see myself to not actually see myself, instead I saw a different person in my own reflection, it was not who I really was anymore, it was a man with characteristics I don't have, my hair, my face, my facial expressions.

I was so different from the way I see myself in the mirror, I was no longer that sweet childish, smart yet misunderstood "Klei" my loved ones once knew who I was as a kid, I noticed that I've been hiding my pain this whole time and I was just masquerading my true nature.

I was that good kid, I was that goodie-two-shoes, I was that one kid who wears glasses, carry textbooks through hallways and always at the top of the class outsmarting everyone and winning at contests… where did that all go? I was just a people-pleaser beyond the co-point of no return…

I can never gain my true self back again anymore… so. I got so furious that I punched my own distorted image of the mirror where it shattered onto the sink and saw my blood dripping down onto the shards of glass where I took out one shard and started to cut myself deeply and bathed my mouth on my own blood where I started to taste my own blood that felt so much adrenaline.

Drinking more and more blood made me feel high as if I was on heroin, where I just passed out there, and then… woke up at the hospital without memory. I was chuckling loudly at that laugh of hysteria again, just like the first time I snapped. My entire arm was bandaged, and I lost a lot of blood that day…

***