SCP-343 ⨷ GOD
"This is impossible!"
The SCP site director, Dr. Grimstone, wasn't known for his calm demeanor—if anything, his constant scowl was a permanent fixture on his face—but the researcher had rarely seen him this angry. His face had turned a shade of beet red that could probably be classified as an SCP anomaly in itself. He scanned the documents on his desk with the intensity of a man searching for his lost soul before finally barking out, "How have months of valuable research just... vanished?"
The data was completely gone, like a politician's promise after election day.
The researcher, Dr. Felix, gulped nervously, hoping his career wouldn't go down the drain faster than yesterday's coffee. He nodded, desperately trying to figure out how something like this could happen. "How could this be possible?" he muttered under his breath. After all, Dr. Felix was supposed to be an experienced researcher, the kind of person who double-checks his work even in his sleep. Could the being they were studying have somehow erased all the documents himself?
That was just what Dr. Felix had been trying to find out for months, spending countless hours questioning his life choices and trying to learn the extent of SCP-001's abilities.
Dr. Grimstone slammed his fist on the desk. "Well, where is it? I want everything you have, and I want it now!"
Dr. Felix, trembling like a leaf in a hurricane, dropped a printout of what little research remained on the mysterious subject. The relevant line read, with all the irony of the universe: **Data Lost**.
Dr. Grimstone let out a deep sigh, the kind that comes from a man who's realized his last hope is a glorified intern. "Tell me everything you know, Felix. Start from the beginning."
Dr. Felix sat down, his mind racing. "Well, uh, it's about SCP-001, or as some of the other researchers have taken to calling him... 'The Janitor.'"
SCP-001 was first sighted in Chicago, just an unassuming older man wandering the streets, probably looking for his lost youth. He seemed completely normal to everyone who passed by, until he decided he'd had enough of walking and vanished into thin air. An SCP agent in the area saw the old man disappear, only to reappear on a rooftop nearby, probably because elevators are too mainstream.
The local SCP teams were mobilized faster than a cat at the sight of a cucumber, and soon they had tracked down what seemed to be a very powerful anomaly. But SCP-001 didn't seem concerned. If anything, he looked bored. He reacted calmly when detained by the Foundation and went with them willingly, probably hoping for better company.
He was placed in a standard holding cell for interrogation and examination, but he seemed completely at ease, like a man who'd ordered a glass of fine wine and was waiting for the waiter to return.
It didn't take long for the anomalies to start. Dr. Blunder was brought in to consult on SCP-001's classification, and that's when things got weird. Their assessments matched at first, but when it came time to describe him physically, Dr. Blunder's face twisted in confusion. "Old man, Caucasian, nondescript," he said, reading from his notes.
Dr. Whoops, the colleague, frowned. "What are you talking about? The guy's clearly black."
Confusion turned into an argument, and they decided to bring in a third opinion, Dr. Zonk. She returned quickly with her assessment. "Older male, Asian, possibly Chinese."
SCP-001 appeared to everyone as a member of their own race, but that was just the beginning of the strangeness.
Dr. Blunder started making regular visits to SCP-001. On their first interview, he asked the old man who he was and how he got his abilities. The old man replied, deadpan, "I created the universe."
Dr. Blunder stifled a laugh, figuring the man had finally lost it. But when he asked for proof, SCP-001 just got up, strolled through the solid wall like a ghost with a mission, and vanished. Blunder was about to sound the alarm when the old man walked back through the wall, this time holding a hamburger, which he sat down to enjoy with the smug satisfaction of a man who's just proved a point.
A full investigation was launched into how SCP-001 had breached containment. After hours of research and several coffee breaks, the conclusion was clear: SCP-001 hadn't broken through security. He'd just ignored it, like a cat walking past a "No Cats Allowed" sign.
When questioned about his little snack run, SCP-001 simply replied, "I'm God," in between bites.
This was far from the only strange thing that happened around SCP-001. His containment cell, originally as bare-bones as a prison diet, suddenly looked like a cozy English manor, complete with a roaring fireplace and all the decor of an aristocrat's living room. The scientists assumed SCP-001 had made some unauthorized trips out of his cell to do a little redecorating, but no one could explain how he'd managed to install the fireplace. Or how his cell now seemed bigger on the inside, like some kind of cosmic joke.
SCP-001 wasn't just breaking containment; he was breaking the laws of physics, probably as a hobby. But there was one thing he didn't do—escape. After each little jaunt, he always returned to his cell, treating it like his summer home. When interviewed, he was polite but vague, like a politician avoiding a scandal. Everyone who talked to him came out of the conversation feeling oddly cheerful, which was more disturbing than comforting.
It was decided to keep him on-site, not to increase security—what was the point?—but to restrict access. Only researchers with Level 3 clearance and above were allowed to meet with him, because the last thing anyone wanted was to have the janitorial staff talking to a possible god.
But God—or whatever SCP-001 was—works in mysterious ways. Minimal Security Site-13 was one of the least restrictive SCP containment sites, hosting anomalies that were more of a nuisance than a threat. Yet despite this, security was still taken seriously. Or at least it was supposed to be, until SCP-001 arrived.
Security Officer Jenkins, who was tasked with keeping people out of SCP-001's cell, ended up doing the opposite. He let in multiple visitors, in addition to dropping by himself. When questioned, Jenkins simply replied that SCP-001 seemed lonely and was always so happy to see people. How could he say no?
Jenkins was reassigned, but the new guards fell into the same trap. Orders were tightened, exposure minimized, but SCP-001's charm proved too much for anyone to resist. His containment cell became a revolving door, with staff regularly popping in for a chat.
Dr. Blunder decided enough was enough. He marched into SCP-001's cell, determined to lay down the law. He'd convince this "God" to stop influencing the guards, or the facility would have to take drastic measures. After a long conversation, Blunder emerged, smiling like he'd just had a heart-to-heart with Santa Claus. He patted the current guard on the back and assured him that security wasn't that important. After all, what harm could come from letting people visit SCP-001?
Minimal Security Site-13 soon became the happiest place on Earth, with morale soaring. Staff visited SCP-001 daily, and he seemed to know everything about anything they wanted to talk about. Guards no longer broke protocol because their only job was to keep track of who met with SCP-001. Everyone left his cell in a better mood than when they entered. It was like a mandatory therapy session with the world's most laid-back therapist.
No further information was available on SCP-001's origins, the full extent of his powers, or whether he really was the God who created the universe. Dr. Grimstone rubbed his temples as Dr. Felix finished his explanation.
"So, what you're telling me," Grimstone said, voice strained, "is that we have an uncontained, highly powerful SCP that not only breaks containment whenever he wants but has also managed to delete all the research on him?"
"Yes, sir," Dr. Felix replied. "But the situation at Site-13 seems stable, and we've got a plan to maximize the positive effects SCP-001 has on the facility. We're even considering bringing staff from other sites, maybe even some anomalies, to see if they can be pacified by his presence."
Dr. Grimstone was unimpressed. "Go back to the drawing board, Felix. If all the files are blank, we have no way of knowing how to contain him. And that's what the 'C' in SCP stands for, after all—Containment."
Dr. Felix finally grew a spine and pushed back. "With all due respect, sir, it's not a good idea. We've tried everything to contain SCP-001, but he doesn't even acknowledge that we've made an attempt. He's omnipotent, aware of things he shouldn't be, and able to break the laws of physics without so much as blinking. There's no evidence he's God, but there's also no evidence that he isn't. The best guess is that he's a powerful reality-bender who stays here because he wants to, and trying to change that might not be in our best interest."
Dr. Grimstone sighed. As much as he hated to admit it, Felix was making sense. He decided he wanted to meet SCP-001 personally but asked if he needed to know anything first.
"Well, sir," Felix replied, "he likes hamburgers. Beyond
that, he'll take care of the rest. He's right where we left him, in his 'home,' waiting for his next guest."
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Item #: SCP-343
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-343 resides in a 6.1 m by 6.1 m (20 ft by 20 ft) room at Minimal Security Site 17. It should be brought any items it requests and visited by at least one staff member each day. Attempts to add further safety precautions or required clearances are unnecessary/impossible due to the nature of SCP-343 (see description).
Description: SCP-343 is a male, seemingly race-less, humanoid in appearance with apparent omnipotence. SCP-343 was discovered walking the streets of Prague and detained after a staff member witnessed him disappear from the streets and reappear on a rooftop. SCP-343 is detained willingly in his chamber, as containment has proved impossible (see notes).
Addendum #343-1: "SCP-343, colloquially nicknamed 'God' by the staff here, looks like an older man, although his features are different to each observer. In my first talk with him, he claimed outright to be the creator of the universe. When I asked him to prove this, he laughed, walked through the wall of the chamber, and returned seconds later with a hamburger in his hand. When I returned for a second visit, the previously bare cell had been furnished in up-scale, Old English style, complete with a roaring fireplace, and seemed many times larger than it did from the exterior. SCP-343 greatly enjoys speaking with people, and seems to have a knowledge of all topics. Visiting with SCP-343 has become a daily event for many of the staff here, and all employees report feeling generally happier after each visit. Attempts to bar staff below Level 3 clearance have proven unsuccessful, as guards assigned to watch the room quit their posts, saying 'You know He likes company' or shrugging when questioned. Since SCP-343 has thus far been harmless, all staff have been allowed access, and somehow they all have time to meet with him for as long as they need. For now, I leave this report open as further questioning of SCP-343 is ongoing." - Dr. Beck
-[WARNING SL-4 or higher needed for further access]-
Addendum #343-2: In regards to document 343-1a, there are no relevant records available or seemingly in existence and, similarly, all records of Dr. ████████████ ███████████ ever working with SCP-343 or Dr. Beck are missing and presumed non-existent. All staff questioned about the document convey ignorance of Document #343-1a and claim not to have met Dr. ████████████ ███████████. In a related matter, Senior officer Dr. Beck has requested a higher staff rotation "…to increase morale in worse-off sections." This is a very odd request and was the subject of further investigation. Other localized anomalies such as better health, greater job satisfaction, and lower fatalities in this section have led to the request being granted. This subject is now closed on orders of O5-█.
Addendum #343-3: Data recovered on ██/██/████ from routine check of Dr. ████████████ ███████████'s network drive:
Document #343-1a: "[DATA LOST]…as of [DATA EXPUNGED] 'visitors' of SCP-343 are to be questioned as to their intent and convers…[DATA LOST]…uestions pertaining to other SCP are to be put forth…[DATA LOST]… orders of Dr. ████████████ ███████████"
Document #343-1b: "[DATA LOST]…apparently my orders have gone missing. This is the last straw Dr. B…[DATA LOST]…all my reports and requests to higher-ups have gone unnoticed. I will confront SCP-343 tomorrow signed Dr. ████████████ ███████████"