Anxiety - Ella POV

The last seven years I looked to Eros as this much older guy that knew everything, even though we were only months apart in age. Sure, he could be stupid and definitely acted like a child at times. Mostly though, I saw him as someone that didn't let anything bother him. He was always there, even when I didn't know I needed him. Now we're entering this whole new sexual exploration between us that I prayed would become something more.

Right now as I looked at him standing with grass and dirt on his pants after he slept on the side of my house I saw him much differently. He was still my everything, but we won't admit that right now, but in this moment he was a lost child almost caught with his hand in the cookie jar. That jar was of course me which gave me another new outlook of him as well.

I shook my head walking back in the house. Did last night really happen? Did Eros DeClare climb out my window and pass out the second he hit the ground? God, did I actually have sex, and more than once?

Life is getting strange. It's gut wrenching how I had no idea what to expect next, yet I loved every second of it.

"Why the smile?" My dad was back in the kitchen drinking his coffee.

"Actually! I think it's hilarious he passed out in our yard. Who does that?"

My dad laughed lightly. "Eros, I guess. That boy has a lot of growing up still to do." He shook his head.

He seemed perfectly grown as he took my body against my window last night. Shit! I grabbed my coffee and headed upstairs before I accidentally moaned in front of my dad. Yuck! That would be beyond embarrassing and just gross.

Before heading out to school I googled what to do when you had sex with no condom and apparently there are a lot of options. Not a single one was I comfortable with and I think this was the last day to get it. I should of asked Eros or looked this up sooner.

I pulled into my first class with shaky hands about what I had to do after. Then I had to return here and just be normal after I took this pill. Normal

was impossible for me when I had nothing going on around me.

"Hey, Betty!" Dylan called out in my direction. I had no idea who he was calling to because no one was by me.

I kept walking then he called out, "Ella! Wait up."

I stopped walking waiting for him. "Did you call me Betty?" I asked confused. Seriously, even he forgets my name.

"You're shirt." He pointed to my white t-shirt with Betty boop and her little puppy.

"Oh! I forgot I was wearing this." Also no one ever pointed out my clothing to me, or at least not in a nice way.

"Betty is sexy as fuck! How could you forget?" He smiled and we turned to walk inside with me giggling.

I know Eros said he was bad news but I was comfortable around him. Plus, we are at school. He wasn't going to force drugs or weird sex on me here. Right? Although, Eros and I got a little naughty in the bathroom last week. My cheeks instantly blushed at the thought.

"So what do you think?" Dylan asked. I was totally zoned out the whole time he talked. I'm never going to make friends with real people.

"What?"

"Oh god you're blushing. You're seriously so cute. Come with me Saturday as just friends. I promise nothing too crazy."

"Saturday?" Right, he must of asked me out.

"Uh, I don't know. Friday is my dad's Christmas party." And Saturday was my birthday, not that I had anything major planned.

"And Saturday? Any plans?"

"Just dinner with my parents." It's one of the few days a year my mom actually tried to spend time with me.

"Ok, give me your phone."

"Why?" I clenched my books to my chest like he was asking for my kidney. I have serious issues.

"So I can give you my number. If you decide you want to meet up give me a call and I'll pick you up."

I looked down at my feet. It's just a phone number. What's the harm? I handed him my phone unlocked and he began typing fast.

"What are you doing?"

"Texting myself so I have your number." He winked at me then handed it back to me.

"Oh, thanks." I smiled and headed into my class. That was strange. I guess it's a normal way to make friends. I just never made one before. First Jack and now Dylan, yet the boy that climbs in my window in the middle of the night still wasn't saved in my phone.

Half way through class I got a text from a saved number Rainbow boy. I chucked in the middle of my teacher talking making him glare at me. "Sorry," I wanted to melt into my desk.

I closed my phone not daring to read the message until I ran to my car after. I opened it immediately dying to know what it says.

Rainbow boy: Of course, I would love to. Send me your address and I'll be there at nine.

What they hell did that mean? Then I scrolled up and he texted himself.

Ella: Come pick me up Saturday so we can have an amazing night together.

I quickly erased both messages. I didn't need anyone getting ideas about us. I took a deep breath and headed to the store.

The second I walked in the double doors I felt everyone's eyes on me. A mother and her two children looking at candy began staring at me. At least I think they were. The mother whispered in their little ears and I heard it clear as day, which is impossible. "That little tramp is not what I want either of you to turn into." An older man was looking at vitamins shook his head in agreement. How do they know?

I looked back to the mom and she was laughing with the boy while the sister was speaking vibrantly. Shit! I was freaking out. Nobody knows I had sex, or unprotected sex for that matter. I'm nineteen anyways it wasn't some sin.

I got in line for the pharmacy and every person in line kept turning to stare at me with disappointed glares. I had to keep telling myself they didn't know. This was just my irrational anxiety because I was a total freak. It's was fine though, I can handle this.

"Next." The woman called behind the counter. Suddenly my feet felt like they were stuck in mud. I couldn't move, sweat beaded my neck, and the woman's face turned spiteful. She knew, they all knew. They will think I'm a slut. Eros even called me one.

"Ms. do you need something?" The pissed off woman turned sweet as she waved for me to approach. I can do this!

"Yes... I uhm... need something." Then my head spun out control. Everyone around me was laughing at me. Whispering slut and how stupid I was to think Eros wanted anything from me.

"What do you need?" The woman that was just heckling in my head popped me back to reality.

"Allergy medicine." I shouted looking around to prove to everyone they were wrong. I wasn't here because I had sex, just bad allergies. As I glanced around I realized no one was looking at me. Geez, I was not made to be an adult.

"Here you go! Anything else?"

"Nope, that is all I need. Thank you." I grabbed the box to walk away.

"Ms. you have to pay for that."

"Right, sorry." I pulled at my wallet shaking my head. I was definitely a freak and shit I was in trouble now.

I paid then practically ran out of the store. I put my car in gear and headed back to school. I could try a different place after my last class.

The second I pulled into the parking space I saw Eros standing by the sidewalk with his arms crossed. He looked way too good in that white t-shirt and light washed jeans. No! I will not get turned on right now.

"Where were you?" He asked the second I got out of the car. He was off the charts pissed and I had no idea why.

"Just... pharmacy, no store, no, shit! Allergies." I stuttered the second my mind went to why I went there in the first place.

"What?"

"What?" I said back.

Something happened. Oh my god did he know? Wait! He wouldn't be mad about that. He was the one I had sex with.

"Ella, why did Dylan have your phone earlier?"

"What?" I was so confused and my face was bright red. I was making him even more mad that I seemed so suspicious.

"Answer me!" His tone was all demanding as he stepped closer. There was just pure rage in his voice though.

"I don't understand." My eyes began watering and I knew what he would say next.

"Don't fucking cry, Ella." His tone started out pissed but turned annoyed. "One question at a time and one answer. Ok?" He seemed to calm down some.

I nodded my head yes as I clutched my bag to my chest. I just had a total breakdown at the pharmacy. I can't handle whatever this was.

"Did you get Dylan's number?"

"Yes." I answer confidently. I can do this.

"Why!" He shouted. I can't do this.

"He asked me." A small tear fell.

"God, Ella! Why are you crying?"

"Because you're yelling at me." I sobbed holding back the flood of emotions ready to burst out of me. He didn't understand what just happened to me though. I needed to tell him.

"Erase the number. I'm not bailing you out of his bullshit." He turned to walk away.

"Eros!"

"What Ella." His tone was all annoyed to have to deal with me. Stupid me thought we moved passed this.

"I.. Uhm.. I need help with something... something we did and I should fix."

"What are you talking about?" I swear there was a hint of worry mixed with the annoyance.

"Well we.. you know and you didn't always put that thing on. So, I need to take that other thing." My fingers pointed at his crouch then myself and my eyes got wide then squinted. I was perfectly aware I looked like a freak. I literally can't help it.

"What the fuck are you saying?" He scrunched his eyebrows at me.

"You didn't wear a condom." I blurted out quickly.

"And.."

"Well I need to take a pill or something. God catch up because I'm literally dying here." I whined throwing my hands to my side. Didn't he see I can't have adult conversation, especially ones involving sex.

He thought a moment and then his stare turned straight evil on me. Shit! How can he be more pissed than before.

"Ella!" He stepped closer to me. "You didn't get the morning after pill?" His words were like poison dripping out his mouth.

"No. I didn't know what to do. New at this, remember." I rolled my eyes annoyed. He can't get mad at me! He was the predator eating his prey over and over again and I was no where close to his first prey.

His hand slapped on my car next to me. "Ella it's been four days!" I jumped at the sudden aggression. I've seen him pissed, even fight other kids, but never at me.

"No, yes, I don't know." I squealed out.

"God you're so fucking stupid. I swear to god we are not doing this." His eyes went to my stomach and lingered a moment. I doubt I was actually pregnant. "Fix it and now. Get back in that fucking car and fix this, Ella."

He moved to open my door when Dylan came walking to us.

"Relax hot shot. I never imagined Eros DeClare as a wife beater, yet here we are." Dylan was speaking playfully but I saw the glint of rage in his eyes. Something was happening and I was not picking up on it.

"Go the fuck away, Dylan." Eros turned to him with all his anger.

"Or what?" Dylan crossed his arms over his chest and nodded to his six friends not too far off. This was bad, really bad. If Eros tried hitting him they would all jump him.

Eros followed his eyes and clenched his jaw. He knew he was out numbered. He turned back to me pointing in my face. "Fix it, Ella and when you get into bullshit with this asshole don't fucking call me for help."

"I couldn't if I wanted to." I whispered the comment but was still a little proud of myself.

"What?" He said in my face. This Eros was way too scary for me to handle.

"Back off, Eros. There's no reason to be in her face. You need to go cool down. I won't hurt her, I swear." Dylan held his hands up.

"I don't fucking care what you do to her." Then he turned and stormed off.

The second he was far enough away I let the tears just stream down my face. I was such an idiot to think he could ever love me. Who sleeps with a guy hoping afterwards he sees you?

"Hey it's ok. I'll take you to the store." Dylan put his arm around my shoulder and I nearly died. He heard everything. I can't handle this. No more sex... ever. I'm done being an adult and will happily crawl into my five year old mind because all this just sucked.

"I can't." I shook my head embarrassed. This was going down as one of the worst days of my life.

"I'll get it, don't worry. Just stay away from Eros, ok. I'm sure he is just freaking out at the idea of being a dad so young, but it doesn't give him the right to talk to you like that. It takes two, right?"

"I know. He's never been so angry with me before." And oddly the supposed party animal standing next to me was being sweet. I knew rainbow hair couldn't be a bad person.

"That's because you never made him a possible dad before." Dylan laughed. "Seriously though, Ella, if he can't treat you right, just stay away. Eros isn't some sweet guy that will stand by your side. He is a selfish prick that only worry's about himself."

That was more than obvious only moments ago. I never thought so low of him before. It was weird that my hero just turned into my almost abuser. Dylan was right though. I can't let him treat me this way.

"Come on, I'll drive and have you back to class only ten minutes late. You won't have to worry about this anymore."

"Thank you!" Another tear fell and he wiped it away.

"You're too cute, Ella. Let's go!"