Chapter 4

The first day at campus was complete shit. As many know, I have feelings for others, care for them and what they think about me. I always think about others, their judgements, I know it's bad but I can't stop it. So most of my time I live in my thoughts like now we are having this imaginary conversation and you are on my mind talking to me. Yeah I overthink and what's worse is that occasionally it triggers panic attacks and I start to run from anything that has even a slight possibility of causing panic attacks.

So back to the story, on the first day I really wanted to make a good impression on them. Everyone introduced themselves in front of class so I prepared a great speech with some jokes but when my name came on the table I panicked and unfortunately this time I didn't pass out. Instead my hands began to shake and started to sweat heavily without saying a word. I stand in front of the whole class.

Finally Mr Rafeal , the lecturer came to offer some support and put his hand around my shoulder, asked softly "name"

Even my voice is shaking " Dave …. Avery"

Mr Rafeal loudly said breaking the awkward silence " This is Dave Avery and thank you Dave to your seat"

When I returned to the seat everyone was looking at me like looking at a monkey in a cage. What's the stupid thing he's gonna do next? Some were laughing and some eyes were showing sympathy. When the class ended Mr Rafeal was waiting for me outside the class and when I came outside said

"Walk with me Dave".

"So talk to me about your family".

I felt strange, what would you do if a stranger came to you and asked about your family. Anyway I don't want to hurt him so I replied;

"Father, mother and me" looks like a happy family from the outside. I made it short by not giving away too much details even though my mind asked me to mention about the divorce.

"Here" gave me paper with a short paragraph about Nelson Mandela and continued ;

"In the next class, today is Tuesday so next Tuesday I want you to present it in the class."

"Present it?!" I felt like my soul left my body and ran for his life for a second.

"Yes, read it in front of your class".

Without even saying a word I walked.

"I hope you do it well" - Mr Refeal said.

So here I am, in my room sitting on the bed and in a place where I am real , confident, funny, smart but now I'm worried about next Tuesday even though there's a 7 day gap.

Knocks on the door.

Dave opened the door and saw someone short, with brown hair , gray eyes .

"Hi, you must be the new roommate, Iam Steve Williams."

"Hi , Iam Dave Avery".

Putting his large blue bag in the cupboard, turned towards Dave and asked;

" Do you smoke?"

"No"- Dave

"Drink?"

"No"

"Ah, so you are a Drug virgin ".

"Haha, yeah "

"Speaking of which, do you have girlfriend or girlfriends?"- Willy

"Ugh do i look like someone who gets a girlfriend " -Dave

"Why not, good height, good skin, shiny and healthy hair and teeths, no problem with eyes or smile"

Willy continued;

"My friends are throwing a party tonight, come with me, let's meet some friends who know maybe the one will be there ".

Dave laughed

" Yeah okay "

The party was at Kyle's home, one of Willy's friends. Just like every party energetic music playing loudly, lights,drinks, foods, dancing, kissing and some have sex but these were not interesting to Dave. All these lights and sounds made him uncomfortable and he is trying his best to control his feelings and thoughts, taking long breaths and counting numbers to avoid another panic attack. Dave took a drink (non alcoholic) and went outside the house (backward), sat on the ground under a tree looking at the sky. Maybe I shouldn't drink carbonated drinks, it may cause anxiety Dave said himself. Dave went back after a while to find Willy.

"Hey Willy, I'm going, i had a great time thanks" smiled to show that he really meant it.

Willy was so drunk that he forgot about Dave.

"Wait I forgot about you, there is someone you should meet "Willy takes Dave to a room, compared to other places a bit less noisy. Mixed smell of smoke and alcohol irritated Dave's nose. Everyone looked at Willy and Dave , especially Dave, a new face and carelessly back to what they were doing (drinking , smoking, cracking jokes).

"So where is Dave?" Willy asked loudly.

"Corruption, Where is Christine?".

"Here you idiot" the voice came from the balcony.