Chapter V

I am at my bed sketching the view of Lake Revel before painting it with watercolors in my journal. Nan and I just finished dinner and we’re off to bed at this hour. I softened the glow of my lamplight so as not to be discovered by Nan that I would sleep late. But, as per usual, she slips into my room without knocking. “Nan? I’m so sorry. Did I distract you again? I’ll finish this off,” I returned my art materials inside the duffel bag. Nan perched at the side of my bed. She pick up my journal for a closer look.

“This looks wonderful dear. As always, you make a masterpiece,” she said. I just shrugged, feeling unaffected by the words. It’s not close enough from the captivating source of inspiration. I believe I failed.

“It’s not much,” I said, sitting beside her. She saw my color pencils, most of them short, too small to grip by fingers. She holds my hand.

“Do you want me to buy you something dear? Come on, you can ask. Do you want a canvas?” She asked while shifting to face me. “You don’t have to Nan. Besides, the journal still has a few pages left,” I said.

“I can afford it. Don’t worry.” I don’t want to pursue the topic. Painting is just a hobby of mine, she ought not to spend just to satisfy her granddaughter’s nonsense. It’s not like I’m going to art school, probably never getting into college even.

You see, careers like being a physician, engineer, psychologist, dentist and many more that actually earn big bucks – they’re not only intimidating but totally out of my reach. These professions attain success. Who am I to challenge? I’m an average high schooler who paints on a journal and doesn’t even know what she wants to achieve in life. I cleared my throat and calmed my nerves.

“Did you take your medications earlier Nan?” I asked

“Already done. No need to concern yourself. See, I’m healthy and active.” Her eyes wrinkling with her smile.

“Feleni. I want to tell you something. I –” She paused and sighed. “Never mind.” The hesitation in her voice is apparent that I said nothing further. It’s best to know when she’s ready to tell me.

She walked out of my room and kissed me goodnight. Still, the light remains glowing in my neighbor’s room. I suppose he is a night owl too. I laid in bed. Slowly, my eyes closed as I drifted into sleep.

The morning came. And, I stayed late in bed because it’s my day-off at Royal. Nan is early to cook breakfast and the usual day-to-day routine takes place inside our household. The birds chirped in harmony, the room bright from the glow of a sunny day. I parted my hair and styled them into twin tails, tying them using a flower tie. I head downstairs, managed to glug a carton of milk on the fridge with one swig.

A yawn escaped me at the porch before noticing a piece of paper on the chair. The print says “Property for Sale.” Did grandma made this?

This can’t be happening. With alacrity, I searched for Nan at the back of the house, and found her in her gloves – picking out weeds from one of the flower beds. I rushed to her and handed over the paper, thinking of a reason to make sense of what is happening. Her face look grave, an ominous sign. “Where did you find this?” She asked calmly.

“Nan! Did you know about this?” I can’t believe she would sell the house.

“Nan, tell me! Why?” I asked in desperation.

She turned away and gets inside the house, and I followed her, only to be shut down as she gets to her room. I knocked a hundred times but her silence prevailed. Not long after I’ve given up, I heard her muffled sobs by the door. It made me cry too, we’re both upset. I’m not upset with Nan, I’m upset with myself. I felt useless – like I can’t do anything to help our current situation.

The house made a lot of memories from childhood; I can’t say goodbye to it forever. It felt like yesterday when Mom was cooking lasagna and Dad was there washing dishes in the sink. Even grandpa, I remember sitting on his lap every morning while he drinks his coffee and he lets me read his guessed crosswords in the newspaper. I remember the time when the smallest of things that are mundane and normal was my genuine happiness.

No matter how I see it, it doesn’t makes sense. Nan loves this house, she values it more than anything. Questions rushed through my mind. Does she want to sell the house because we’re struggling financially? Was it that bad?

A bobbing feeling surged to my chest, I could hardly breathe. The thought of my uncertain future scared me. I could feel my heartbeat drumming. Going to the garage and taking the ride out was all I could think of. I pedaled to my heart’s content until my legs ached. Hitting the brakes, I was at Lake Revel, a kilometer away from the resort. A big oak tree is up the hill on this large open space. Massive and healthy. It was the perfect shelter of my escape from reality that’s gnawing me. I tucked underneath the shade, wrapping my arms to assure myself that I am safe here.

I cried until I got bug-eyed. A few hours later, a crunch of dried leaves wake me. I sense someone’s here. Footsteps are getting closer to my direction. I stand up from the ground, a familiar face emerged from the bush. Our eyes met, my heart skipped a beat, and I flipped.

His eyes took me to fantasy land. The hazel browns glistened from the sunlight, and they look dazzling with the frame of his long lashes. Absolutely gorgeous.

Eventually, cat got my tongue, and I just stared at him wide-eyed. “You okay?” he responded, weirded out by my reaction. He walked forward, looking at the view of the lake. From there, he fumbled on his jacket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He lighted one from his lips and puffed a smoke twice.

“Aren’t you too young to smoke?” I say, not sure if that was the right thing to ask.

“And who’re you to meddle? He countered.

That shut me up. I bit my lip and forced myself to look at the ground then back at him. He’s deep in his thoughts, his gaze could pierce through waters.

It felt like I was an outsider from this spot at the oak tree, maybe he found it before me and this is his escape too. Honestly, I was close to asking him if his bruises healed entirely but I stopped before I could embarrass myself.

“Why were you crying?” He asked.

And he noticed. Great.

“I was – I was stung by pesky mosquitos out here while taking a nap.” I’m hoping he’s convinced.

“Really? Because both of your eyes are swollen. That doesn’t seemed like mosquitos to me,” he says, side glancing me on the tree.

Rather not. I laughed awkwardly.

“You know, whatever that is you’re going through just tell yourself tomorrow will be better.” He puffed again.

We were there for the entire afternoon, looking at the sunset. The moment the light streaks everywhere the place – it was spectacular and magical. And, I felt at peace, my worries washed briefly. Nan’s decision might have been the effect of the inevitable, and all I have to do is to fully understand that.

I took my leave before it gets dark. I turned behind him, he stayed there still looking at the lake.

At the time I got home, Nan and I haven’t spoken to each other. We pretended like common strangers. I eat breakfast and go to work while she cleans the house. I get back in the afternoon and she’s not anywhere the house – only leaving notes about what I have to eat for lunch. This became a routine till it lasted for a week. And, I really can’t stand it anymore.

Later this evening, Nan washes the dishes and I’m behind her. I figured, I’d have to talk to her now. Nothing would describe how awkward I am. I’ve practiced my apology a lot of times in my head earlier but as I inched closer to her – no words came through my mouth, so I give her a hug. It’s like the thin sheet of barrier cracked between us. Nan faced me, a look of understanding replaced her somber features. She held me once more in a tight embrace. “Nan, I can’t breathe,” I said wheezing for air. “Oh dear, I am so wretched. I am so sorry my dear.” She forced a laugh, her eyes filled with tears. Pulling away, I smiled and we’re back as best friends again. We can’t find our voices after, both of us just blurt out a giggle in this moment of solace. I tell myself – it will be better Feleni, it will, so don’t worry what tomorrow brings and let it manage on its own.

With Bright Tomorrows, end of Chapter Five.