Winning My Ex-Wife Back

EDWINAI gave a nod as Harriet continued to fill me in on her getaway with her fiance a few weeks back. I was barely listening to her as my eyes were now glued to the couple seated a few tables away who had come in for lunch barely after we had settled ourselves.Tears swarmed my eyes when the man gently took her hand to press a kiss on it. One would think that I was stupid for having tears spring my eyes for such a simple gesture but I was anything but stupid.For the past five years of my relationship with my husband, Kieran, even something as simple as a kiss on the lips wasn't something I'd ever received in the comfort of our home away from the prying eyes of the public.That was right, our marriage was a sham.And the following day was going to make it five years of being married together. It was also the day that the contract I had signed with Kieran five years ago to be his pretend wife would come to an end.And I didn't know what to do with myself.Blinking back the tears, I grabbed my fill to the brim glass of wine which I had poured myself and took a large gulp of it. Harriet who was busy responding to a text on her phone barely noticed otherwise her brows would shoot up in concern. From the way her cheeks were flushed a deep pink, I had every right to believe that it was her fiance she was talking to.And that stung, deeply.My eyes flickered to the huge rock of a ring she was wearing on her engagement finger. The ring was so beautiful and I couldn't help gawking at it for a moment. I had received something similar for my false engagement with Kieran too. The only difference was that mine had been a sham while Harriet's was anything but.Harriet put her phone away and caught me staring at the ring, her smile taking over her face. She twirled the ring for a second as she stared at me, meeting my gaze. For that moment, I tried to put my worries behind me."It's beautiful," I smiled at her before taking a small sip of my wine.Harriet blushed. "Thank you. But that is not what I found appealing about it.""What is?" I prodded, a bit surprised."Well, it's the fact that he went ring shopping and picked this with me in his mind. He saw this ring amongst many others and knew without a doubt in his heart that it was the perfect one. That is exactly what I like about it." She explained.My smile froze on my face, "oh,""I know, I know. I'm being cheesy." Harriet rolled her eyes at herself and I fought the urge to laugh out loud.Kieran probably had his assistant pick me the ring anyway. She had no idea how that made me feel."Of course not," I cut into her chuckle. "That was the perfect explanation. It makes sense." I admitted.With a smile on her face, she leaned back into her seat and shrugged. I eyed her long discarded plates of food wishing for something to do. We had long since finished our meal as we had both been very hungry when we arrived."So, how have you been?" Harriet asked, putting her glass of wine away.I didn't like that the conversation had shifted from her recent engagement to me. Even though I kept getting stabbed in my chest by an invisible knife, I would rather talk about her and her engagement than me."Just normal. Fine." I shrugged. "When do you think your wedding will be?" I asked her."Don't try to change the topic," she chided, seeing right through me. "Any news so far?""News about what?"Harriet pointed to my stomach and I glanced at it for a second before looking back at her. I'd been trying to have a baby for as long as I could remember without Kieran's knowledge but nothing had happened so far."Oh," I mouthed. "Still the same," I answered like it didn't bother me that I couldn't get pregnant even after all these months of trying.How foolish of me to have thought that anything would work in my favor. Nothing ever did. And perhaps, the universe was also working in Kieran's favor because he had no idea that I was trying to get pregnant and he would probably throw a fit if he learned about it.I was disgusted with myself that I would do anything to keep the man that I loved including attempting to get pregnant to tie him to me. Before I could help myself again, tears were filling my eyes."Excuse me," I hurriedly mumbled as I shot out of my seat toward the restroom with my purse.I was such a despicable human being. My best friend was engaged and instead of me to be happy for her, I was reminiscing about my disgusting life and getting jealous. Perhaps it was a good thing that I hadn't gotten pregnant yet.I sniffed and wiped off the tears that had rolled down my face ruining my mascara in the process. After using the toilet, I proceeded to wash my hands before grabbing the make up items in my purse to redo my makeup. Even with the time I had spent on my makeup to cover up the pain in my eyes, I still ended up ruining it with a few tears shed.When I finally gathered the courage to return to Harriet, the couple I had been admiring were long gone. Harriet had a look of concern on her face as I gulped down what was left of my wine."Sorry about that,""Edwina, are you okay?" She asked, reaching for my hand. I allowed her to squeeze my fingers and express concern toward me.Of course, I wasn't okay.But I still managed a small smile at her. "Yeah, I'm okay. I just have to go." I told her."It's your wedding anniversary tomorrow, isn't it?" She asked. My silence to her question was enough to answer her question. "God, I'm so horrible. I should have known than to keep yapping about my life. What—""My goodness, no. Don't blame yourself. It's your happy moment. I'm the one who should have known better than to let my problems get in the way." I told her.Holding my hand, she forced me to look at her. "Edwina, what are you going to do?"I shrugged casually. "Nothing really. We will just see how things go." I gestured to the waiter who had attended to us. After tipping him, I turned to my friend with a smile."I really have to go, Harriet." I told her.She nodded, rising to her feet as well. I kissed her goodbye, certain that she could see that there was no emergency but I just wanted to get away from her. But she didn't voice it and moments later after I was settled in the car that would take me home, I was glad that she didn't.Harriet would never understand how messed up my life was. She would never understand how it felt like to be rejected by everyone who was supposed to stand by you. And as a tear slid down my face yet again, I prayed that she didn't.