Free walk, free spirits

As they walked blindly, Vania turned around every two minutes, having lost sight of the café at least ten minutes ago. The illuminated skyscrapers of Seoul towered majestically around them, casting beams of light into the twilight sky. Geoul walked with determination through the human tide of downtown, pulling Vania behind him with a firm grip.

The blaring horns, the buzz of conversations, and the luminous signs of shops formed a deafening urban symphony. Street food stalls emitted enticing aromas, capturing the attention of busy passersby. Despite her concern, Vania couldn't help but admire the pulsating energy of downtown.

Ahead of her, Geoul remained silent, his tense face expressing a strange determination. Vania tried to call out to him since their departure, but Geoul seemed deliberately deaf to her words. Finally, they reached a bustling intersection, where streets intersected in a kaleidoscope of movements and colors. The two had to take a break from this exhausting and futile walk, and Vania took the opportunity to scrutinize Geoul's face.

"Do you even know where we're going?" she asked, her black eyes scrutinizing the young man.

Geoul's gaze briefly met hers, and he responded curtly, "I don't know."

"And, asking again, do you know why we left?"

"I don't know."

"So, what are we doing here, then?"

"I don't know, okay!"

Geoul turned around, and Vania welcomed his intense gaze with her large, shiny black eyes. She crossed her arms, perplexed. Yes, she was entitled to explanations, but Geoul seemed just as lost as she was. The young man grumbled, running his fingers through his long blond strands, then buried his face in his hands.

"Are you calmed down?"

"No, not yet."

"But why are you so angry?" Vania inquired, trying to unravel the mystery surrounding Geoul.

The young man immediately withdrew his hands, bewildered.

"Why!"

It's true, why? Geoul would have liked to express himself, but seriously, he was confused by his own self. He didn't know why this feeling of anger, shame, betrayal, and sadness too. Yes, that's it. 

"I—Do you realize what you're putting me through? I live with guilt every day," exclaimed Geoul.

"What guilt?"

"The guilt of living a peaceful life when I owe it to someone to whom I've shown no gratitude," replied the man. "The simple fact of better you will already be good."

Vania let out a sigh, exasperated by this same phrase.

"I'm telling you, you don't owe me anything."

"Yes, you do! I owe you my life, and what I would like now is to have a small place in yours. I mean, do you realize, I don't even know what to say when someone asks me about you? I've lied countless times on TV, saying we have brunches together, when just two days ago, I didn't even know you were still in Seoul."

"Geoul-ssi..."

"I just can't continue to live selfishly while your life is where it is."

"Geoul-ssi," Vania called again, overwhelmed.

But he continued without paying the slightest attention, lamenting and blaming himself:

"I am really the worst of all, in truth, I haven't really changed. I'm still that stupid kid who did whatever he wanted without thinking about others' feelings!"

"Geoul-ssi!"

"Yes!"

Suddenly, the young woman cupped her face in her hands.

"Geoul-ssi, can you stay focused for a second?"

In this warm embrace, the young man's face melted like butter in the sun. He blushed like a blackberry, unable to contain his resentment. He sulked and replied:

"Of course I can. You don't need to do that, I'm an adult."

Vania raised an eyebrow, unsure of this statement. Now that he had somewhat gathered his spirits in the same body, the young woman released him. A real discussion; and not reflections, each as rambling as the other, could be envisaged between them.

Vania observed him for a moment, then chuckled slightly. At that age, one is often like that, she thought. Expressive, shaken, and particularly talkative. So as the adult in the situation, Vania intended to set things straight once and for all.

"Geoul-ssi, why so suddenly? I mean, so many years have passed now, so why do you want so much to change things?"

"Because... I feel guilty," Geoul admitted after a moment of silence. "I felt guilty seeing you that day at the bookstore. I know that before that, you had a stable life but that everything changed because of me."

"And what do you think will change if you come into my life?"

"Uh, at least we can be friends. We can talk from time to time, try to get to know each other better," the young man innocently suggested.

"Why, because you pity me, right?"

Caught in the act, Geoul couldn't deny the obvious. He pouted, avoiding the piercing gaze of his elder.

"Yes, you can say that.", he quibbled.

"I see," Vania laughed.

"But understand me, Vania-ssi, put yourself in my shoes for a moment. What would I look like now that I've seen you again, if I just erased you from my life?"

"I don't know, like someone who forgets a stigma from the past, supposedly," the woman claimed.

"No! I would look like a perfect ungrateful jerk," Geoul declined.

Vania gently tapped his shoulder to indicate that he should lower his tone, as after all, they were in the middle of the sidewalk. But it mattered little to the young man, unlike his elder. Geoul had a particularly unreserved personality, and looks and opinions didn't matter to him at all. What he wanted, he did without considering external opinions. A rebel, one might say.

For Vania, it was quite the opposite. She had grown up with the scrutinizing gaze of society; appearing proper was almost vital to her. Smiling when needed, doing things always correctly, in time and on schedule. So, she couldn't deny that the libertine temperament of this young man puzzled her a bit, even if he remained a good person.

Nevertheless, the idea of ​​being close to him was not good at all. Vania could understand his feelings, but what Geoul wanted was something that her surroundings would certainly not approve of. It's normal, he was young; weighing neither pros nor cons, he made a decision subjectively. Geoul seemed unaware of his mother's threat after the trial, but Vania was.

"Geoul-ssi, I understand perfectly what you want but..."

"Is that true? So you agree to be my friend?" the concerned one immediately asked, taking Vania's hands in his.

She withdrew them gently, urging the young man to let her finish. Although disappointed by this cold behavior towards him, Geoul resigned himself.

"I understand, but unfortunately what you want is not possible."

"But..."

"Listen, you are young and fulfilled. You have a group of friends just as full of life as you, and I'm sure you share your life with a beautiful young girl too. Enjoy all of that, and leave this story behind."

"No, it's not..."

"I won't bring you any kind of healing, and anyway, I would advise you to see a therapist. Talking, having coffee, or brunch won't bring you anything special. You already have a busy life; there wouldn't be room for an uninteresting person full of dark thoughts like me."

Vania might have used blunt words, but at least he would understand this time. She reassured him with a smile and added:

"I'm glad you thought well of me, but I can take care of myself. Don't feel responsible for my life; everything that happened could have happened under different circumstances. You have nothing to do with it, believe me."

Suddenly, Vania stopped. The young man stared at her the same way he did a few minutes ago when he abruptly pulled her from her group. Obviously, this declaration did not please Geoul, and he couldn't hide it. His face read his thoughts like an open book.

"What?" Vania asked.

The young man did not reply immediately; he continued to stare at her. Vania awaited his response when suddenly, he turned his back.

"Geoul-ssi?"

Without a word, the young man crossed the alley. Vania watched him, surprised by his sudden change in behavior. She couldn't really know if he had grasped the message or if he was still pretending to have listened but had already made his own conclusion. Vania stood there for a moment, and then when she saw him walk away, she decided to do the same. Suddenly, she heard her name from the other side, and Vania turned around. 

"You won't get rid of me that easily; I'll insist until you say yes!"

The two looked at each other. Obviously, Geoul had made the unexpected decision desired by the young woman. Between them, this crowded road full of people, vehicles crossing in all directions. Yet his voice still reached her; it conveyed his determination. The flame still burned in his eyes, the one that had extinguished in Vania's eyes for years. How funny, just two days ago, Vania thought that she had not attached herself to anyone in over thirty years of life. And here, like a comet, this rebellious blond forced his way into her life to have a place in it. A smile? Yes, it made her smile sadly. This Geoul had the same energy as his mother; that's what Vania thought at the moment.

Seeing this smile on her face, Geoul felt a slight pinch. He saw himself three years ago, in her company when Vania and he were waiting for the arrival of the rescue in her apartment. While she was seriously injured, she smiled at him to reassure him. That, no one else knew but him, no one knew that this woman was actually a guardian angel and had protected him from everything, even trauma.

Vania turned around and continued on her way; Geoul would have liked to follow her. But something held him back there, on the other side of the road. What would he do now? What would he say to her when he couldn't even explain the feeling that crossed him at the moment? Words would fail him, just like three years ago. The young man gave up his desire, preferring the path of retreat. For this time.