What on Earth is Happening Here?

Darkness... Flashes of something... Can't make out! Cannot understand! Panic! Cloying panic that cuts me! Darkness... Blessed quiet...

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My body feels heavy, sweaty, tired. Am I ill? Bed feels strange. Not mine. Not my lumpy bed that has become moulded in the shape of my body. Where am I? Hospital? What happened?

Ouch! Why does my head hurt like ten thousand hammers were banging inside my head when I try to remember!!!!? Did I hurt my head? Was there an accident? God no! Please no! Am I badly hurt?! Paralyzed? Can I move?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

It hurts!!!!! Deep breaths! Deep breaths! Fudge! Breathing hurts! Okay okay. Don't panic. What good does panic do? Let's start slow. Let's try for a finger.

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It moved! It hurt but it moved! Alright! Hmm, wait. Why is it dark?

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Oh! How silly of me! My eyes are closed! My thoughts are a real mess right now, no? Sigh. Well, let's try to focus on immediate matters for now. We'll deal with the rest as it comes. Concentrate! Concentrate! Good! That was a flutter! Now let me try again!

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Argh! Too bright! Too bright! It hurtsss! Holy Mother of All That's Holy! So bright!

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Okay! Eyes are adjusting! Good! Huh? What the ever loving fajitas is this? Where the heck am I? What is this place?! Are those... freaking lace curtains? Holy guacamole! What on earth is happening?