Divine Dumps and Dodgeball: Liang's Village Vortex
Liang woke up feeling like a sack of crap, the aftermath of yesterday's epic shitshow hitting him like a ton of bricks. His gut churned with discomfort, and the pressure building up down there was no joke. He needed to take a dump pronto. With every step, he clenched his butt cheeks tighter, desperate to hold it in until he found a damn toilet. The collective stress of the day weighed on him, but right now, all he cared about was finding relief for his tortured bowels.
But as luck would have it, someone was hogging the only damn toilet in sight. Liang couldn't hold it any longer and yelled for the person to hurry the hell up, not realizing it was Jhinga inside. "You little shit, wait until I get out, I'll give you a good beating. Kids these days, no damn manners, back in my day..." Jhinga's rant faded into the background as Liang's desperation reached its peak.
With every step feeling like torture, Liang sprinted towards the outskirts of the village. Finally, he found a bush and hastily relieved himself, feeling a sense of sweet sweet relief as his emergency came to an end.
Liang suddenly heard someone blabbering from the bushes behind. It was the crazy god who'd arrived yesterday and offed old Chang in a flash. 'What's he doing? Lost his marbles? Who talks to themselves, huh? Must be some kind of weirdo perv,' Liang chuckled to himself, finding the whole thing oddly amusing. 'Let's keep an eye on this nutjob,' he thought, intrigued to see what antics the strange immortal would pull next.
"...sure it was somewhere around here. I'm sure! No, honored elder...yes elder, I used the divinity formulation number 33 with just the right amount of lizard's blood and red frog's blood...Not that I'm aware of elder..." The immortal suddenly stopped talking and looked in Liang's direction. Liang's hair blew away as a swift breeze suddenly approached him with vigor. The immortal was in front of him, his face a mixture of astonishment and anger. "You dare to eavesdrop on me, mortal? You'll pay for your insolence..." The fancy-robed idiot suddenly stopped. "As you command, elder. Right away."
Liang was still shitting bricks, going from shitting one moment to feeling constipated the next from the fear of dying at this madman's hand. He thought, 'I swear nothing's been going right since this dickhead arrived here.'
Kunan, the immortal, was astonished. How had this seemingly insignificant idiot managed to hide himself from Kunan's superior senses? He had been so sure the boy was just an average mortal. How then? Perhaps the elder had sensed something from him, which was why he stopped him. Kunan's mind raced with questions as he pondered the mysterious presence of Liang.
Kunan vanished once more in a thick cloud of fog, with a weird pop sound echoing in the air. Liang let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Well, would you look at that? Survived another round of crazy," he chuckled to himself, his voice tinged with a hint of lunacy. "Guess my luck's still holding, or maybe it's just my shitty pants at this point." His laughter bordered on hysteria as he tried to cope with the absurdity of the situation.
Nothing was making sense anymore. Liang's mind felt like a scrambled egg, and his body was in shock from the insane events unfolding around him. His coping mechanism? Well, it seemed to be a mix of humor and sheer lunacy. "I mean, seriously, what the hell is even happening?" he muttered to himself, his voice teetering on the edge of hysteria. "One moment I'm taking a dump, the next I'm dodging crazy immortals like it's some kind of twisted game of dodgeball." He laughed nervously, the absurdity of it all hitting him like a ton of bricks. But underneath the laughter, there was a hint of seriousness, a realization that he was in way over his head and had no idea how to navigate the madness surrounding him.
Thanks to this circus, Liang was now stuck in the bush for over half an hour. The stress had him clenched up tighter than a bank vault. "Come on, you stubborn ass," he muttered, feeling like he was in a showdown with his own bowels. But no matter how hard he tried, it seemed his body had gone on strike.
With his luck hitting rock bottom, Liang realized he'd also forgotten to bring water with him. How the hell was he supposed to clean himself now? "Leaves will have to do," he grumbled, resigned to his fate. "Fuck this shit, or rather, shit is fucking me right now," he muttered, finding a crude sort of humor in his predicament.
After returning to the village, Mei bombarded him with questions, concerned for his safety. Jhinga looked on, his expression a mix of sadness and frustration as he watched his daughter fuss over this skinny kid. "Hmph. Not even loved by my own daughter anymore," he muttered bitterly, feeling a twinge of jealousy. Rachni couldn't contain her laughter at her husband's predicament, finding the whole situation absolutely hilarious. "Oh, Jhinga dear, don't be such a drama queen," she teased, unable to stop giggling.
Mei, sensing her father's wounded pride, gave him a comforting peck on the cheek and reassured him of her love. "Don't worry, Dad, you'll always be my number one," she said sweetly, trying to ease his jealousy.
Meanwhile, Liang couldn't resist taunting the old man a little. "Looks like your daughter's got a soft spot for me, huh, Jhinga?" he teased, unable to resist poking fun at the situation.
"You brat, just you wait," Jhinga growled, his frustration boiling over as he picked up his club, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
Realization smacked Liang like a slap in the face—he was about to get his ass kicked. He had to haul ass, pronto. After a quick smooch on Mei's cheek, he hightailed it around the village, Jhinga hot on his tail.
As he ran, Liang couldn't help but marvel at his own stamina. "Damn, I'm like a freaking Energizer bunny!" he yelled back at Jhinga, dodging his swings with a mix of fear and exhilaration. "And here I thought old guys were supposed to be slow!"