Prelude 2 - Inevitable circumstances

"So Dave, since you're loaded. Are you footing all of your sister's bills from now on, or are we still going to Deb and George to get the money back?"

Britta had just gone to the bathroom while Pierce took Abed and Troy to the other room to talk about japanese culture, mixing in some disgusting stories.

Now it was Jeff, who asked the question, Annie, who kept looking at Dave with shining eyes, Shirley, who was enchanted with the expensive kitchen, and Dave himself in the kitchen.

"You guys go to our parents for money? How did that happen?"

"George reached out to me on facebook," Annie explained.

"Your mom went to my church and bought all the brownies I sold that day. We got to talking and she told me how hard it was raising your sister and that any attempt to give her money just pushes her away even more so she gives me money and has me pay for her food without Britta feeling bad," Shirley recounted with a smile.

"Yeah, your parents are really nice," Jeff cut in with a smile.

"...what? That's like crazy psycho stalker behavior!"

Everyone looked to Dave with a raised eyebrow at his description of his parents.

"They are the kindest people I've ever met," Jeff offered, and Annie pointed to Jeff and nodded in agreement.

"They are the ideal christians," Shirley chimed in with a pleased look.

Dave looked at everyone with a weirded out expression, "I have to assume you have been to their home?"

Everyone nodded.

"You guys didn't recognize me. Never wondered why there were no pictures of me or Britta for that matter in that house? Keep in mind, I was their favorite kid," Dave said with a deadpan.

Shirley frowned, thinking about the hundreds of picture of her babies on the walls in her home, "Why are no pictures of you and Britta in their home?"

Dave turned to Shirley and explained, not knowing that Britta had come back from the bathroom but stood hidden behind the door, "They were terrible parents. After our oldest sister Astrid turned out fine, I think they decided that they could do no wrong and let go of the metaphorical steering wheel. When I was old enough for kindergarten, they toured the country with money they didn't have and left Astrid to take care of us. They started drinking one too many bottles of wine a day, and taking the anxiety and ADHD meds, they got a psychiatrist to prescribe Astrid and Britta. When I turned out to be smart enough to skip a class, they once more thought they did everything right and put me on a path of no social life and constant studying so they have the perfect child to show off. And, since I was 14 when I graduated, they decided on my major despite my protests. They arrived at engineering at Caltech through picking a flier while blindfolded."

"Well... you turned out fine, no?" Jeff spoke after a minute of silence.

"Yeah, I became a millionaire before I turned 30, and all it cost me was having no real friends, social skills, and an ex-fiancee who was only after my money. Now I desperately want to cling to my one clinically insane relative to receive some warmth from family," Dave scoffed.

"I think you're very charming," Annie flirted cutely while twisting her hair again.

"Yeah, it got better with the anti-depressants and all those other pills my shrink has me on."

"We'll talk about you calling me insane later, but you gotta stop taking those pills! Your sister is a trained professional now! I can help you get better," Britta shouted as she stormed into the room with tears in her eyes.

"More like untrained amateur," Jeff mumbled under his breath.

"Let's give these two some space," Shirley whispered to Jeff and Annie.

"He didn't answer if he's going to pay for his sister now," Jeff whispered back and got smacked by both Shirley and Annie as they dragged him out of the kitchen.

"You changed so much. What happened to you?" Britta asked from her hugged position.

"Well, my favorite sister ran from home when I was 14 and th-" Britta hit him in the chest for the joke he wasn't even allowed to finish.

"I wonder how you can tell that I changed. I remember buying my company's HQ in Newark, NY. After tracking you down for that decision with PIs, you dodged all my calls. And then came to my company without knowing that I was the owner. But you didn't come to talk but to protest our use of leather in a prototype belt with that weird group you were in at the time."

"Ecofeminists for Female Animal Rights. And to think you had even spent half a year of your time to work on a patent you bought to create a durable vegan leather kevlar mesh just for me," Britta muttered with a guilty expression.

"Heh, you remembered."

"Of course! It was the reason they kicked me out of EFFAR! The most embarrassing day of my life!"

"That was your most embarrassing day? Really? No, wait! That's your takeaway? I created an alternative to leather for my project because you stopped eating meat at age 17! I didn't even call the police on your protest as you threw fake blood at my building, and when they showed up anyway, I didn't press charges. I paid for the taxis back to Brooklyn for you and those women. I ordered you guys food since you stayed for three hours! I-" Britta held a hand up to Dave's mouth.

"Don't make this the most embarrassing day instead!" Britta berated her brother with furrowed brows and a forced smile.

"Ugh, that wasn't fair, sorry," Dave apologized with a wry smile of his own.

"No, don't worry. I was a terrible sister."

"Yeah, but I shouldn't rub it in as your lovable younger brother."

Britta shoved him away from the hug and glared at him, "Really, how come you're such an ass all of a sudden? Where's my baby brother who would stutter when a cute girl enters the room? Who never talked back? Why are you such a player all of a sudden?"

"Is this because I asked out Annie? Who told you?"

"Yeah, and Jeff did. We're all kind of protective of her. She's just eighte- no wait, she's turning 21 already in a few months... why are we still so coddling?"

"Would it be reassuring if I tell you I will be very open with Annie later? And that I'm not looking for something serious?"

Britta looked at her brother with a frown. Then she sighed and said, "Just don't hurt her. They are more than friends to me. They're family."

"Yeah, got it."

When Dave and Britta left the room to rejoin her friends, Troy was in a heated discussion with Pierce and Jeff. Dave had just gotten off the phone when he started listening in.

"But you didn't! My weird cousin Jamal, Abed's father, and the dean were the only ones who helped Abed and I move into our apartment," Troy argued.

"Yeah, but you moved into the third floor of a crappy dump. Britta moved into a palace with a doorman and an elevator," Jeff countered.

"I don't get it, I helped throw out all your stuff when you moved out. How is that not helping?"

"You took the moving boxes and emptied them in the driveway so 'they can be reused'! I had plenty of unused boxes left! And that's not how you use moving boxes in the first place!" Troy shouted back.

"Hey, you two! I called my butler back in Newark and told him to send two belts to this address. You can get them from the doorman Earl later. I'll tell him about it so he knows the box is for you," Dave interjected.

"The batman belt!?" Troy shouted at the same time Abed asked, "You have a butler? Is his name Alfred? Are you the actual Batman, and we are getting recruited as Robins?"

"That's not how you pronounce New York," Pierce shouted in an attempt for the group to make fun of Dave.

"Uh, nope. His name is Chad Dickinsworth, not Alfred Pennyworth. I searched for someone named Alfred, but after a month, I simply settled on the butler with the most ridiculous name I could find. If you ever talk to him, don't make puns based on his family name. He hates that," Dave answered while ignoring Pierce like the rest of the group does.

"Heh, Dickinsworth. Is the dicking worth? Heh, dick," Pierce mumbled and Troy started giggling as well.

"Yeah, that!" Dave said as he pointed to Pierce and continued, "In any case. According to my internet search you usually serve pizza as thanks for helping out in a move but I'm about to go on a date and Britta is broke. Have some cash instead and maybe order something while I bring Annie to her apartment to freshen up and get ready for said date. Everyone cool with that?"

Troy, Abed, Shirley and Britta nodded but were flabbergasted when he took out almost $2.000 in cash. Pierce just scoffed and took out a few hundred dollar bills from nowhere in an attempt to compete and Jeff first looked like he sucked on a lemon, but quickly relaxed the frown when Shirley elbowed him in the side.

"Let the nice boy go out with the poor girl you've been leading on for two years," Shirley whispered in a sweetly threatening tone.

Thirty minutes after he threw on some fresh clothes, washed up a bit and drove away with Annie, Dave parked his rented car in the parking lot of a strip mall sexshop called Dildopolis with two floors of living space above it.

"This is where you live? Oh no," Dave asked with a frown.

"It isn't all bad~ Anyway, do you want to come up or wait outside? We'll have to walk through the shop to get to the stairs at this hour. Don't let the owner's obscene words get to you," Annie inquired.

"Uh, I'll wait outside if that's okay with you? I don't want the car to have no tires when we come down. I don't think taxi companies or tow trucks allow their drivers to get to this street."

"Yep, no taxis or bus stop anywhere two blocks around Dildopolis. I would advise you to park the car down the street instead of waiting here. I'll text you when I come down so you know when to get back?"

Dave made a non-commital tone and watched as the overall-wearing Annie got out of the car. She was immediately whistled at by two shady looking guys as she ran to the store to get to her apartment.

Three minutes later, some guy stumbled out of an alley and walked all the way to his car just to piss on it. One of the only three cars in the parking lot.

In New York, David would have honked the horn to frighten the guy away, but he didn't want to draw too much attention. He was already really glad he rented a 'normal-Joe' car instead of the limousine his butler Chad wanted to rent for him.

Twenty minutes later Annie sped downstairs in a trenchcoat. She didn't want the creeps on her street to see her bold outfit after all. She had a sweet smile on her face when Dave hadn't driven away to safety but instead waited on her. Her smile did grow a little strained when he told her about the guy peeing on his car, though.

"I see, you met Spaghetti," Annie cheered as Dave started driving away.

"You should really not live there. Nobody should."

"Yeah, well... it's affordable and I don't have much of a choice. You get used to it, eventually," Annie shrugged.

"Didn't Troy and Abed recently move in together? Was there no room for you? Or why don't you move in with Britta? She has two free rooms and I fear once she notices that, she will let some weirdos move in for some crap idealistic reason and then she won't be able to get them to move out, eventually ending up on the street herself instead of them," Dave asked as he concentrated on the street.

Annie regarded him with a sweet smile, touched that he cared so much, "I just didn't ask them, I guess. And, please don't take it the wrong way, but I'm not so sure your sister is a great roommate..."

"Afraid of the many strange dudes she's sleeping with left and right?"

"What? No! What? That's not it, I swear!"

"Haha, relax. I'm just messing with you. Think about it, though. And no worries about rent if you do move in with Britta. I'll consider you taking care of her and the apartment payment enough," Dave offered.

"I... I'll ask Britta first if she's okay with me moving in," Annie meekly answered. After a few minutes of silence later, they arrived at the restaurant.

"Alright we're here. The only restaurant in this forsaken town with more than three stars on yelp. Is this one okay?"

"Yep! I've only eaten here once though after my bubbe died and it was really nice. The food, I mean! Not my dead grandma, of course, heh-heh."

Annie stepped out of the car with a bright smile and opened the trenchcoat to reveal a stunning red dress that showed off plenty of her cleavage and legs. Dave had to stop himself from staring and most of the other restaurant goers failed miserably when the two stepped inside. Annie had a smug smile on as they were seated in a secluded booth just for themselves.

"Well, you look really lovely," Dave praised as he finally gathered his thoughts and sat himself down opposite of her.

Annie giggled and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, "Thank you!"

They didn't talk much until after they ordered, but eventually Dave took a deep breath and explained the heavy topic that had been weighing on him.

"Okay so, I promised Britta I'll be honest with you and please hear me out fully before freaking out," Dave started.

"O~kay..."

"Haaa, I'll rip this band-aid off before either of us get any more attached: I won't be able to date you with the intent to marry you, Annie," Dave continued, but waited if Annie had any questions. She looked a little hurt and disillusioned but did as he asked; hear him out fully.

"I'm sure you're a very lovely girl and all, but I'm the problem here, not you. That's not even empty rhetoric. I'll tell you something nobody except my butler knows. I'm dying, pretty soon actually. It's why I so desperately wanted to find a way for Britta to accept some money from me. She doesn't know yet, but the building opposite her appartment complex is currently being refitted into a low-rent college dorm she will be the owner off with an animal shelter and a bar on the first floor. I even offered your dean millions in an effort to make a veterinarian center with courses where the students get almost free admission as long as they help out in the shelter for a certain amount of hours a semester."

Annie at first looked weirded out, then sad, then she started crying but her tears quickly stopped as she gained an incredulous expression. It took two minutes before she had gathered her thoughts for a question.

"Why not just tell her?"

"Same reason I didn't tell her about the building opposite her new home. I didn't think she was ready for that yet. Last time I moved my company's HQ an hour drive from her home in NY and she had a nervous breakdown. Britta literally fled the country when she found out I lived in the same state as her. Well it was that or the fact that her weird protest group kicked her out. She spent two years backpacking through Europe being her most self-destructive self yet. She didn't even pick up a single language while over there, which honestly baffles me the most. I wanted to hire a bodyguard in the shadows at first, but it seemed a bit excessive... when I inquired with an agency if they could find out she was still alive, she worked in a failing bar in Amsterdam for four months and didn't do anything except for sleep with the owner for weed... At least he was quite handsome and a likeable fella," Dave explained with a sigh.

"How do you know he was a 'likeable fella'?"

"Ugh, I know I bashed my parents for being crazy stalker psychos, but I... had Chad fly over once Britta left the bar behind and do a background check on him. I'm not proud of it, but I just wanted to know if he made her... you know," Dave explained as he whistled and did circles with his finger pointing at his temple.

"That's not... normal... but maybe because normal people don't have access to a butler to do that kind of stuff for you. It's sweet that you care," Annie mumbled with a thoughtful expression.

"Yeah, probably."

"So, uh... you're dying?"

"Oh, true. I don't know since I've only told Chad but I always pictured people freaking out when I tell them. You've been very, uh, cool about it?"

"Freaking out on the inside," Annie explained with a forced smile.

"I see... well, brain cancer. Late discovery, inoperable. I refused treatment after I heard chemo's chance of success was below 1% because of something called... uh blood brain barrier? I might have accepted if they didn't show me the chemo ward before the diagnosis. Real dick move on the oncologist's part."

Annie swallowed and gingerly asked, "How long?"

"Uh, two weeks? Two months? They weren't sure but I wouldn't see the new year, that's what they told me. Biggest reason why I didn't fight that idiot's attempt at selling my patent for his gain, honestly."

The atmosphere was heavy after that, but halfway through the meal Annie grabbed his hand in silent comfort.

"Why tell me?" Annie asked outside the restaurant as she and Dave were walking to his car after they enjoyed their meal. The young student finally had the courage to ask the question that has been on her mind since the start of the meal.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I... I'm sure I wouldn't have told Britta until it was too late. And since you're good friends with her, I thought you might be able to, you know, help with that. Again, sorry to put you into such a position."

"It's okay. It's not how I thought this night was going to go but I'm not complaining. Just hearing you out meant I'll get to move out of that hellhole, heh," Annie joked to lighten the mood.

Dave held open the cardoor for her and watched her put on the trenchcoat, "How about you spend the night in the apartment? Not with me if you're not into that. We do have two couches and Britta might not even sleep in her bed if my past experience with her is anything to go by."

"I think I'd like that."

For lack of her stuffed animals, Annie spent the night sleeping on the couch with Dave. It took him a while to fall asleep because instead of a pyjama, Annie was in one of Britta's shirts that was way too tight around the chest and some very short shorts. Her literally using him as a stuffed animal and talking in whispers directly in his ear before falling asleep did not help.

"How come you are up?"

Next morning, Dave incredulously looked at his sister sitting at the small dinner table in the kitchen with a coffee in her hand, a smug smile on her face.

"I was home when you did that panty raid on my clothes for little Annie. You didn't see me under the blankets? I was sure we crossed eyes for a short moment."

"I see, huh. You really did grow up. Glad you didn't skip town," Dave noted with a warm smile to which Britta only scoffed.

"I saw the sign for the Perry Shelter on the building outside when I went for breakfast baggels," Britta explained with narrowed eyes.

"If you want to be menacing, at least pronounce bagels right. What's wrong with you?"

"Don't change the subject, subject-changer!"

"Hey keep it low, Annie's still sleeping," Dave whispered back with a frown.

"Oh, were you honest with her? I don't think you two did it last night, so kudos for not being a man-whore," Britta inquired in a gossip mood before stopping for a whisper-shout, "WAIT! You changed the subject again!"

"Ugh, okay. I admit I went overboard but I spent some of my money to create an animal shelter and a bar with a student dorm on the higher floors for you. You don't gotta do anything and just accept the money that comes from it. You can donate it all to charity if you want. You don't even have to lift a finger, I hired a manager who's paid a reasonable salary from a trust fund and will bow down to your every whim. She will take care of everything and, again, you don't have to lift a finger if you don't want to. You can let the students from underpriviliged backgrounds stay in the dorm for no rent. Your bar can have a happy hour for everyone that joins you in a protest every day of the week... Hell, you could even live in the shelter among 100 cats if you want and make the bar a cat-cafe."

Britta sent her younger brother a seething glare that eventually simmered down into a concerned frown until she sighed two minutes later when Dave had enough of the looks that could kill and turned to make breakfast for himself and Annie.

"That's too much."

"I know, but I don't know what else to do. I already donated over half of my money. I want the rest of it to benefit you after I wasted some of it on mom and dad to pay their mortgage, a new car and a trip around the world. And before you say what I do is too much, still. I had a care center and hospital built for our elder sister Astrid so she can take better care of our niece while working. Not working for money but for what she cares for. She said thanks and hung up on me when I gave her the news... so... this is your chance to be a better relative than those three."

"Wait, you said it's a dorm, a bar and a shelter for animals? Why those three?"

"Well, we weren't exactly on speaking terms these past years so I kinda used a shotgun approach. Pray and spray if you will, hoping something would stick."

"And you want nothing in return, even if I donate the entire thing to refugees?"

"You do you, Britta. All I want is to make you happy."

"Why are you doing that? I'm a psych major, so I know just being nice and 'losing' your company isn't the reason. Something changed your motivation or reasoning, else you would have done the same as before or opened a new company or something. So you're either in a cult, you're about to die or I dunno. You found out you were a father of twins and lost one of the kids or something. Like, you want to make the world a better place for the survivor but also want to be a better man for the one that died."

Dave listened to his sister with a sad smile and his back turned to her. Her reasoning was super weird, but also weirdly accurate, well one guess of it anyway. He wasn't ready to tell her about his impending death yet, though. He would let her swallow the new reality with the dorm, bar and shelter first, he justified.

"Not answering? I'll have you know as a therapist I'll get to the bottom of this sooner than later."

Dave stayed silent and after finishing the eggs, he asked, "When Annie asks you something later, could you just say yes? I was at her place yesterday and I don't think she should live there."

"Sure, Captain Subject-Changer. CSC, that's my new nickname for you! It's very catchy, I bet it sticks," Britta agreed with a triumphant smile at her 'epic pun'.

"So, why didn't you do it with her? Annie I mean. Couldn't get it up?"

Dave coughed violently when Britta asked the questions. Annie had woken up a little earlier and made her way to the kitchen, but, unknown to the siblings, stayed outside the doorframe to listen to the siblings' discussion.

"Huh? Oh, after that fiasco with Caroline, that's my ex-fiancee in case you didn't know my dear sister, I swore to myself I'll fulfill my bucketlist before... settling down once more. Annie is a sweet girl, but I doubt she's up for a two-girl-threesome. And while I could see her being kinky, I don't think she's into butt-stuff," Dave calmly explained and this time it was Britta who didn't swallow her coffee correctly and had to cough.

Annie on her part turned crimson red and decided to take a shower first before going to the kitchen. The last thing she heard was Britta's answer between her coughs, "I'm not going to take part in that sick fantasy," and Dave's immediate retort, "Yeah, no one was asking you either weirdo."

At the end of the week on Sunday... one day later, Dave was in study room F at 6am. Troy, who Dave became very fast friends with, had called him about an emergency at 5 in the morning.

Troy and Abed were sitting on barstools wearing checkered sweaters when he arrived. Both of them were turned toward a free barstool, holding mugs with their faces on them.

"Dave, you made it," Abed greeted. Troy nodded at him with a bright, obviously fake smile as random students stood in the windows behind the two and held up colorful cardboard signs and cheered.

"Uh, what is this?"

"A morning show. We need you as a guest," Troy explained, never losing his fake, bad news-anchor-smile.

"Uhh... alright? Where are the cameras? The mics?"

"The show is fake," Abed said as he pointed Dave to sit down.

Dave cautiously stepped forward and sat on the stool. When he finally looked in the right direction, Troy and Abed sang, "Troy and Abed in the mooorning~," in perfect synchrony and started their morning show.

"Today we have millionaire and possibly secret real life Batman Dave Perry with us," Abed started.

Troy continued, "Good morning Dave. Glad to have you with us!"

"Random Sunday at 6am for a non-emergency emergency. Nowhere I'd rather be," Dave answered in a dry voice.

"So Dave tell us. What's your secret?"

Dave just looked at Abed with a tilted head and nobody said anything for a two minutes as Troy and Abed simply smiled at a nonexistent camera.

"Haha! And there you have it!" Troy shouted with a fake smile and Abed followed up with, "Next up, we're talking about Dave's favorite buttered noodles recipe!"

"Troy and Abed in the mooorning~," both sang at the time immediately after that.

"Welcome back from the ads everyone," Abed introduced, "Dave Perry is still with us and our next topic of discussion is bees."

"Wait, what?"

"Yes, bumblebees. The fluffy puppies of the insect world. Named after the iconic Transformers character. Dave, may I call you Dave, Mister Perry?"

Dave looked at Troy as if he had whiplash and nodded unsurely, so Troy continued, "Dave, if you could save five bees from drowning in their own honey or pet one sad wienerdog puppy, which one would you choose?"

"Uh, the... bees?"

Abed nodded and interjected, "Ah, classic train tracks dilemma, isn't it? Have you ever heard of the dilemma, Dave? Two tracks, one lever, one person on one side, five people on the other? Pull the lever and you are responsible for the death of one person, don't pull the lever and five people die? Pull the lever halfway and kill all six because the train reenacted the movie Tokyo Drift?"

"That got dark real fast, but yeah, I heard of it," Dave answered unsurely.

Troy picked up the conversation and asked, "Do you like trains, Dave?"

"Guys, am I getting pranked? I don't understand what's happening. Why are you talking as if a camera is recording this?"

"That's it for tonight, folks! Thanks everyone for watching," Troy thanked and both started singing the 'shows' theme, "Troy and Abed in the mooorning~!"

"That's it for... tonight? Oh god, I think I need different meds," Dave mumbled under his breath as he wiped the sweat off of his forehead.

After fleeing from the scene, Dave quickly made his way to the nearest hospital to have his symptoms checked.