50. Chapter 50

AN: You can blame this delay on the season. I got so freaking sick for over a week that I could barely move, let alone type... Not fun. But I'm on the mend, and fanfic is the best therapy. lol. I can't believe this is the fiftieth chapter. Half way to 100 - which I would say I won't get to...but I never expected to get to chapter 50 either, so it could happen...

The air around her was cool when Meredith awoke.

Goosebumps peppered her exposed skin as she became conscious enough to register the temperature. She groaned and pressed her face into her pillow, trying to make the real world disappear, and fall back to sleep, where being cold didn't matter.

A male groan echoed hers, and there was movement beside her before a very familiar – and welcome – arm hooked over her waist. And suddenly she felt warm.

"Mmmrr," Derek mumbled into the back of her neck, in what may be a sleepy attempt to say her name. Or it could have simply been an incoherent combination of syllables. She would never know which.

Meredith sighed, pressed her back into Derek's chest and pulled his arm snugly around her middle. "Sleep," she grumbled, wanting nothing more than to fall back to sleep in his arms; wanting nothing more in this moment than to spend the rest of her life in his arms, where the world was warm, comforting and good.

The past two weeks since her revelations regarding her and Derek's future had been full of pain, grief, and stress, stress, and more stress. George's dad had failed to overcome the great odds against him, which had led to the O'Malley's making the impossible decision to take their loved one off life support. Laura had relapsed suddenly, resulting in a second life saving surgery, leading to Thatcher's nearly constant presence in the hospital, and with it Meredith's life. And Cristina and Burke were still engaged in their silent fight. However, despite the stress of the past weeks, one thing hadn't changed.

Meredith still had Derek in her life. Meredith still wanted Derek in her life forever. Meredith was still ready.

Derek had been there beside her for every piece of bad news in the past two weeks. He had hugged her when she needed, had told her everything she needed to hear and let her do the same for him. Their relationship had reached a point Meredith had never pictured before because it was something she had until now been unable to comprehend.

Not only were they together, committed and happy, but they were stable. She no longer actively thought about the fact that they were together. She no longer started when she remembered she was in a committed relationship. And she no longer weighed the amount of time they have been together with the amount of progress they had made.

She expected Derek to be there tomorrow. Next week. Next Year. Ten years from now. Fifty years from now. Forever. And she expected him to expect the same of her. But she no longer had to overanalyze the concept with her brain going a mile a minute. And she no longer started when she realized she wasn't overanalyzing. She just...was. Meredith was. She was living in the now, preparing for the future and content for once in where her life was taking her.

Derek groaned again, burrowing his face further against the back of her neck, inadvertently reminding her of his constant presence in her life."Make it stop," he spoke into her hair.

"Make what stop?"

He pressed his lips against her bare skin, before pulling back far enough to be properly heard. "Your phone."

She rolled towards him, coming to rest on her back. "What?"

He snuggled close, his chin landing above her shoulder. "Your phone is ringing."

Meredith paused, cocking her head to listen. "I think you're losing it," she finally told him. "I don't hear anything."

He grumbled something incoherent, his arm tightening imperceptibly around her waist.

She giggled, reaching her free hand to run through his hair. "Are you losing it?"

Derek glared at her, and opened his mouth to respond, only to be cut off by her ring tone sounding through the room. "Told you."

"Lucky guess."

He chuckled. "They've called at least twice already."

"Crap," she grumbled. "It must be important." Her friends had an uncanny habit of calling at early hours in the morning, but would only call once if it wasn't an emergency. She unhappily extracted herself from Derek's warm arms and rolled to snatch her cell off of her bedside table.

"Hello?" She said groggily into the phone.

"Hi. Dr. Grey? It's Miss Henry. I'm sorry to be calling so early, but there's an...issue with your mother."

This had Meredith's attention. "Is she okay?" She sat up quickly, and Derek mirrored her, his eyes worried as he reached a supportive hand to squeeze her forearm.

"Physically, she's fine."

"Is she not eating again?" Meredith asked with a sigh.

"No, it's nothing like that."

"Then what is it?" Meredith demanded, not liking the nurse's tone.

She sighed. "It's... It's very important that you come in, Dr. Grey. As soon as you can."

"I don't understand..."

"We have a...situation, Dr. Grey; one we really can't explain over the phone. We really need you to come here. Your mother really needs you here."

Meredith ran a hand through her hair. "Okay. I'm on my way."

"What's wrong?" Derek asked as soon as she hung up.

"I have no idea. They just told me it's imperative I come in right away," she explained as she threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood. And it didn't even surprise her when Derek did the same. She also didn't argue when he hurried to match her pace as she pulled on some clothes.

Somehow in the last few weeks it had become expected that he would accompany her to the nursing home for these kinds of visits. And somehow she had found it liberating to stop arguing. Apparently sharing your life with someone meant you would both be involved in these aspects of each other's lives.

Izzy had left the house early that morning in her excitement to open the clinic, and had left a half pot of coffee on the counter, which Meredith immediately poured into two travel mugs. Derek met her in the hallway, both of their jackets in hand.

"Ready?"

Meredith nodded as she traded him a mug of coffee for her jacket. This was just another aspect of sharing your life with someone; you became efficient with getting ready to go without having to verbally plan it. She got the coffee. He got the jackets. Both were vital for the morning, but neither had needed to voice it. "I hope so."

He nodded at her before pressing his lips against her cheek in an attempt to comfort her. "Whatever it is..."

She nodded up at him, not needing him to continue. "I know."

"Good." He offered her a supportive smile, placed his hand against the small of her back and led her out to the car. He drove the familiar route to the nursing home as Meredith placed a call to Bailey, explaining that she would very likely be late. The one good thing about being Ellis Grey's daughter and working in a hospital meant no one would question you being late if there was a problem with your sick mother.

She sighed when she hung up her cell and shoved it into her purse. Her now free hand began to tap nervously on her knee, before Derek's hand fell overtop. "I'm here," he reminded.

"I know," she murmured. "I just...hate these phone calls. I never know what to expect."

And she really didn't know what to expect. But nothing could have prepared her for the news awaiting her at the nursing home. Sudden lucidity was something she had read about in her textbooks in medical school, but it had always been a small insert in a section on Alzheimer's or Dementia. It was one of those things that happened occasionally, but was never expected. It wasn't predictable or controllable, and many doctors went their entire careers without ever seeing it.

Meredith had never expected to see it; especially not in her own mother.

"She woke up this morning aware; she's her old self. It happens. Medically we don't know why. It's just a...random gift." Miss Henry, the nursing home representative in charge of Ellis's case, spoke.

"Wow," Derek murmured beside her.

Meredith shook her head. "But...how long will it last?" She asked, even though the doctor in her knew there was no way to estimate a time period.

"It's different in every case."

She nodded, glancing at Derek for his reaction. He offered her a supportive smile and squeezed her hand.

Meredith took a breath and glanced through the small window in the door to her mother's room, where she could see her mother pacing anxiously back and forth. "So...she's really lucid." It was a statement and not a question. "She remembers..."

"Pretty much everything," Miss Henry filled in, "Except the last five years. And, of course, she doesn't realize she has Alzheimer's. We thought it should come from you."

"So...she'll know me? I'm going to walk in there and she's going to know who I am?"

"She's been asking for you."

Meredith was surprised to feel tears pricking the backs of her eyes. "Can...can I go in?"

"Of course."

"I...what do I say to her?" She asked, hesitating with her hand on the door handle.

"It's important to be slow and comforting, but you need to establish her current environment and timeline."

"So...I need to tell her...right away."

"It's important that she realize the truth."

"Okay...I can...okay." Meredith stumbled over her words.

She glanced at Derek, who nodded encouragingly.

"Okay. I'm going to..." She trailed off as she took a deep breath and pushed open the door, preparing to meet her past head on.

"Mom," she greeted cautiously.

"Meredith!" Ellis exclaimed. "Thank God you're here. I...I don't know what's going on and these people...these people won't tell me anything."

"Mom..." Meredith said evenly, trying to make her mother calm down as she struggled to come up with the right words. But then again, maybe there weren't any right words for things like this.

Ellis still paced back and forth across the room, so Meredith sat, hoping it would entice her mother to follow suit.

"Meredith, what is going on? When did you get back from Europe?"

"I went to Europe for two months, but that was-" She began, only to be cut off as her mother talked onwards, unhearing of her daughter's pleas to listen.

"I've been sitting here thinking about the fight we had. The things I said. I said some terrible things."

"Damnit, Meredith! You were accepted into some of the finest medical schools in the country. You can't just not go."

Twenty-three year old Meredith scoffed. "That's certainly a change of heart. First you tell me I don't have what it takes, and now you want me to go."

"Why did you bother applying and getting my hopes up that you would actually accomplish something with your life when you never planned on going?"

Meredith seethed at her mother's words. "To prove you wrong. To prove to you that I could get accepted into any school I wanted."

"You're a Grey, Meredith. No medical school would turn you down."

"No. I won't let you tell me that's the only reason I got in. I won't let you keep doing this to me."

Ellis ignored her. "You owe it to me, Meredith. You owe it to me to go and make a good impression."

"How do you figure I owe you anything?"

"Because I am your mother!"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Nice try."

"Meredith-"

"I don't want to go to medical school."

"Give me one good reason not to go."

"Because I don't want to turn out like you!"

Ellis's eyes flashed at her in a way Meredith had never seen. "Well, don't worry about that for a second, Meredith. You're nothing like me. You're the epitome of bad choices and failure. You'd never make it through the program."

Back in the present, Meredith shook her head, trying to rid it of the bad memories that seemed permanently seared into her brain. "It's fine."

"No. It's not. After you left I was upset. I..." She broke off for a moment, breathing hard. "Did I have a break down? I must have had a nervous break down. Is this a hospital? Because I can't remember anything for the past two months, Meredith." She continued onwards without giving Meredith a moment to talk. "The last thing I remember is the fight we had. And listen; if you don't want to go to medical school, that is fine. It's your life. Just take me home. I need to go home."

Meredith hesitated when her mother finally gave her a moment to speak up. Ellis was standing before her, her hands clasped together, pleading with her daughter to take her away, almost as if she could sense what was about be to told to her. "Mom...please sit down."

"No. I don't want to sit, Meredith. I want to go home. I need to go home."

"Mom..." Meredith sighed, not wanting to be the person to deliver this horrifying news to her mother; not wanting to give her mother another reason to look at her with horror and upset. "I went to medical school," she finally said, her tone even and measured. She couldn't give her mother much good news here, but she could at least give her the last thing she had wanted from Meredith before she had gotten sick.

"What?"

"After I went to Europe you got sick. I came home and went to medical school."

Ellis stood, frozen, her hands still clasped together before her. "You...you went to medical school," she repeated, as if trying to swallow the news.

"Yes. At Dartmouth."

"Dartmouth."

"Yes."

There was a long pause before Ellis spoke again. "How long?"

Meredith swallowed hard. Ellis didn't have to specify what period of time she was talking about. "It's been five years, mom."

"Five," Ellis gasped. "Five...but I don't..understand."

Meredith stood, cautiously approaching her mother, reaching a hand out to grip around her forearm in an attempt to comfort. "You got sick," she repeated. Ellis's eyes shifted to meet hers, a question behind them, and Meredith didn't have to ask to know exactly what her mother needed to know. "You have Alzheimer's."

Ellis gasped and shook her head, stepping back, away from her daughter. "No. No!"

"Mom," Meredith tried, following her movements. "I'm so sorry."

"No!" Ellis cried again, before suddenly going rigid as her eyes flew back in her head.

"Mom? Mom!" Meredith went into action, quickly supporting her mother's body as she fell to the ground. "Somebody call 911!"

The second the words were out of her mouth, the door swung open, Miss Henry, Derek and one of the nurses barging through.

"She...she's unconscious," Meredith cried out, her fingers reaching to her mother's neck, searching for a pulse. "She...she has a pulse. It's fast. Too fast."

Derek said something Meredith couldn't hear, and a moment later he was crouched beside her, a stethoscope already in his ears as he reached a hand over Ellis's chest for a long moment. He shifted to another position and listened again.

"She's having arrhythmias," he spoke, sitting back on his heels, his free hand moving to rest on Meredith's back as he looked up at Miss Henry. "How far out is the ambulance?"

"Ten to twenty minutes."

"Ten to twenty..." Meredith rambled. "That's...good. Quick. Good."

"It is good," Derek echoed, his calm tone and calm stance and utter calm...ness washing over her.

Meredith nodded and took a deep breath. "She's breathing. Her heart is beating. She's stable."

He turned to her. "Did she fall?"

"She went rigid and I caught her before she fell," she responded. She couldn't do the daughter with a sick mother thing very well, but she could do the doctor thing. There was a patient, and Derek was asking her questions. "She wasn't dizzy or light headed...just passed out."

"Okay. Hopefully she was just overwhelmed. Why don't we get her off the floor?"

Meredith nodded and shifted to support her mother's head. Two nurses went to Ellis's far side. The four were just about to lift her when Ellis groaned.

"Wha..." Her hand moved upwards towards her face. "Meredith..."

"I'm right here, mom," Meredith said, quickly moving back into her mother's view. "You're okay. You passed out. You're having arrhythmias, so we're going to take you to the hospital. The ambulance is already on the way."

Ellis stared at her, silent.

Meredith bit down on her lower lip. "Do you think you can sit up?" She offered a hand.

"Of course I can sit up, Meredith," Ellis replied, using Meredith's hand to pull herself upright.

The nursing home staff brought in a wheelchair, and worked together to help Ellis off the floor and into the chair.

"The ambulance should be here any minute," Miss Henry informed. "Is there anything you want to take with you, Dr. Grey?"

Ellis glared at the woman. "Well, seeing as I don't know what it is I have to take, I don't think so." She scoffed and turned to Meredith. "God, Meredith, what kind of people have you left me with?"

Meredith's heart clenched. When her mother had first gotten sick she had tried her best to keep her at home, but with her inconsistent hours in medical school, it had become too hard. Her mother's condition had progressed too rapidly and Meredith spent too much of her time in class worrying about whether Ellis was getting herself into trouble. The decision to put her mother into a nursing home had been painful, but necessary.

"Mom...they're good. I swear. Just..." She trailed off, realizing her mother wasn't paying attention to her at all.

The ambulance arrived quickly, and Meredith followed along numbly as the paramedics took Ellis's vitals and strapped her onto the stretcher.

"Are you coming with us?" One of the EMT's asked as they were loading her mother into the back of the ambulance.

Meredith nodded. "Of course."

"I'll follow you," Derek said, appearing beside her.

She nodded. "Okay...thanks, Derek. Thanks for being here."

He offered her a tender smile and pressed his lips against her cheek. "It'll be okay."

"I know." She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and inhaled sharply. "I hate this," she whispered.

His strong arms went around her waist and one hand ran comfortingly back and forth across her shoulder blades. "I know you do. But I'm here for you."

She took a breath and pulled away from him. "I'll see you at the hospital."

He nodded, still smiling his trademark smile at her, and she couldn't help but kiss him before turning and climbing into the ambulance with her mother.

000

Meredith was officially avoiding.

She was avoiding her mother for the obvious reason that she had always been a disappointment and knew a medical degree would never change that.

She was avoiding her friends because they didn't understand. Her one run in with Izzy and Cristina had proven that. It had also led to her finding out that George had gotten married, which was...well, Meredith wasn't sure what that was. There was too much on her mind for her to devote much brain power to thinking about George and Callie getting married in Vegas.

She was also avoiding Derek, which was something new for her; something she hadn't done since the weeks after Addison had first appeared in Seattle. But she was. Meredith was officially avoiding her boyfriend. Why? She wasn't quite sure. Maybe because he would act similar to her friends. Maybe because he would have opinions as to what she should do. And maybe...

Maybe Derek would be perfect and dreamy and supportive. And that would make it real. Her mother was really lucid. Really and truly freaking lucid. Really and truly lucid and wanting to speak with her daughter.

Which was why Meredith was avoiding.

"Hey," a soft – and all too familiar – voice sounded from behind her.

"Crap," Meredith muttered, cringing as she turned to face one of the very people she was trying to avoid.

Derek raised an eyebrow, a hint of a smirk on his lips. "Crap, huh? Are we really back to that?"

She had to giggle at the memory of meeting him in the hospital parking lot one morning when she had still been trying to convince herself being with Derek was worth Bailey's wrath.

"I heard your mother is stable."

"Yeah. She's...stable," she stammered, chastising herself for the umpteenth time at her inability to be more coherent.

He cocked his head to the side in a way that told her he knew her all too well. "And I found that out through hospital gossip."

A nervous laugh fell from her lips as she ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah..." she mumbled, "I'm avoiding."

"I noticed."

"I'm sorry." She sighed heavily and looked away from her boyfriend.

He chuckled, the welcome sound drawing her eyes back to his. "Oh, Meredith. What am I going to do with you?"

"I don't know what to do," she found herself whispering. "She's...and I...I'm...me, and then...now...I can't..."

Derek ducked in close for a moment, pressing his lips against her cheek. "Mer, this is a situation no one ever expects to be in. You need to face her; you know that. And you will when you're ready; I know that. So, really there's nothing I can do to help you here, other then to remind you of exactly how much I love you."

Relief flooded her. He was absolutely right; as usual – not that she would ever admit it.

"However," he continued, "I'm glad I finally found you. You and I have something in common today."

She furrowed her brow, her lips curling upwards in reaction to his teasing tone. "And what would that be?"

"We both found ourselves in an unexpected situation. You're dealing with a lucid mother. And I ended up dealing with this," he said, holding up her purse, which she hadn't noticed in his hands. "I've been carrying it all over the hospital for over an hour, which comes with its share of glances and whispers."

A giggle threatened to escape, heaving with all its might upwards from her lungs. She managed to hold it back once, but the second wave of laughter found a way through. And then she was laughing in full, tears leaking from her eyes. "You...you..." she stuttered. "You actually carried my purse...you carried my purse around the hospital?"

"You left it at the nursing home. What was I supposed to do; leave it there? And then I couldn't find you when I got here..."

Meredith kept laughing.

His eyes narrowed at her as he tried to glare, but she could still see amusement there. Plus, she could also see his barely concealed smirk. "First you leave me holding your purse at work. And now you're laughing about it," he accused. "You're lucky I'm so in love with you."

Tears of humour and relief and happiness sprang to her eyes as she finally quieted her laughter, and she wrapped her arms securely around Derek's neck, hugging him close. He was slow to hug her back, not used to her being so forward at work.

"Are you okay?" He whispered into her hair.

Meredith nodded, blinking back her tears. she pulled herself away far enough that she could meet his eyes, but not so far that she had to extract herself from his arms. "Thank-you for loving me," she whispered fiercely.

His expression morphed into one of his trademark smiles and he cocked his head ever so slightly. "You can't thank me for doing something you make so easy."

Despite the fact that they were in the hospital and people could very well be watching, Meredith pressed her lips firmly against his for several seconds. If he loved her enough to carry her freaking purse around the hospital looking for her while she was avoiding her mother, then she could break her own rules for a while.

"This is all going to be okay," she stated when she pulled away, still wrapped securely in his arms. "I'm going to be able to face her. I'm going to get through the day. I'm going to deal with whatever is making her have arrhythmias. And I'm just...going to deal with this whole crisis and whatever comes after it."

He faked a frustrated huff. "We," he corrected. "We're going to deal with it."

She laughed at his vehemence. It was ironic that he would pick now to insist on their 'we-ness' when she had only been able to say what she had said because he was there and she knew he would be there the whole time. "We're going to get through this," she revised. "We're going to get through this, and whatever else life throws at us."

He smiled. "That's better."