21. Moving in

"It's official, my friend, you get to go home," Derek said with a smile, having completed the discharge exam on the patient who he had operated on in the most extreme circumstances of his career.

"I can't thank you enough," Tucker responded with a smile, a tightly fit grey cap pulled over his healing head. "I thank you. My wife thanks you. Our son thanks you." He smiled down at the small baby in his arms.

"Tucker," Miranda chastised as she entered the hospital room. "Shepherd's head is already far larger than it needs to be; he doesn't need you here trying to boost his ego any further."

Derek shook his head at the snarky expression she gave him. "Dr. Bailey," he greeted formally. "I see you're in a friendly mood this morning..."

She cracked a smile.

"Dr. Shepherd deserves our gratitude, Miranda," Tucker cut in. "He saved my life; and braved a bomb scare to do so."

Derek smiled, meeting Bailey's eyes. "See. I deserved your gratitude."

She shook her head, but didn't respond to his statement. "And what's this I hear about you punching someone on the surgical floor?"

It had been three days since Mark had shown up unannounced on the Seattle Grace surgical floor. Derek had moved to Seattle to start over; to get away from his past. Addison's presence had brought out a side of him he decidedly did not like on several occasions. But Mark's appearance had left Derek with a consuming sense of anger he had never felt before. He hadn't lied to Meredith when he had told her his vision had gone red upon his eyes first landing on Mark's familiar form. And the next thing he knew he had been standing over the plastic surgeon, clutching his fist.

Derek wasn't a violent person. In fact, he was quite the opposite; he was a healer. But Mark brought out a side of him he didn't want to admit to. A side that left him angry and awkward and scared. Mark had been his brother. And in one move, he had swooped in and turned Derek's life upside down. He had trusted his wife, even if their relationship wasn't what it had once been; hadn't become what he had hoped for. He had trusted his best friend, even though he had a reputation. Nothing could have prepared him for the sight that had awaited him that fateful day.

Finding your wife in bed with your best friend did more than simply hurt you. It did more than disgust you. It did more than destroy friendships. It made you think twice about so many things. It made you distrustful, even if it was irrational. It kicked the crap out of your sense of self, your self-confidence and your self-esteem. It made you vulnerable and insecure. And Derek hated that.

He had come to Seattle a jumbled combination of what he had been, what he was trying to get back to and what he never wanted to be again. His struggle had stopped, along with his breathing, the moment he first laid eyes on her in the bar so many months before. She allowed him to be him. There was no need to try to be anything else. She accepted him, and more importantly, she loved him. She loved him. He had found that thing he hadn't even realized he had always been looking for, had always been missing.

But for a few hours, three days prior, Derek had stopped being himself. He had allowed the hatred to take over. He had allowed himself to live in the past. He had been preoccupied with his memories, with hating Addison even though he believed her when she claimed she had nothing to do with Mark's arrival, with trying to keep Mark away from his patient, and with the irrational fear that Mark would take Meredith away from him.

It wasn't that he didn't trust her. It wasn't that he didn't believe that she hadn't initiated the talk he had ended when he had sucker punched Mark right in front of her. It wasn't that he didn't believe her when she told him there would never be anyone else. It was the knowledge that Mark had taken before. It was the knowledge that Mark didn't respect those ever important boundaries. It was the knowledge that Mark had a reputation for a reason. He had talked a lot of girls into things they weren't so keen on to begin with. He was charismatic and smooth and engaging. And Derek had been consumed with the irrational fear that Meredith wouldn't be immune, no matter her intentions. However, entering the bar to find her yelling at Mark to leave her alone had definitely helped to calm his nerves.

She really was amazing. And bossy. And yet, he had spent that day ranting to her about Mark; about his presence, about his attitude, about his interference with his patient, about his betrayal. And she had taken it all. She had been there and she had comforted him and reassured him over and over and over that she was his. And he had admitted that he had been distant, without understanding why she had been asking. And he had missed her disappearance for over an hour between the hospital and the bar. And he had missed her mood after talking to her mother; that always put her down, and he always asked about it. He had been absent.

For a few hours three days before, Derek had been absent. Meredith had needed him far more than he had needed her, and yet she had found the strength to put her own problems on the back burner for him. And that realization had very nearly broken him. She had been in so much pain. And he hadn't noticed. He had known something was amiss, and when she had claimed a bad day, he had accepted it. It was Derek's dark truth; he had known it was something more and he hadn't asked, because he had been wrapped up in his own issues. He would never allow that to happen again. He would never again allow himself to finally realize something was very wrong with her when he was on top of her, trying to prove his love to her, only to find her beautiful green eyes filling with tears. Never again.

Derek Shepherd would never be absent again. Not with her.

He sighed and met Miranda's searching eyes, forcing his concentration back to the present. "You're becoming a gossip, Dr. Bailey."

She huffed. "You've tried that one before, Shepherd, now explain why I heard from Nurse Debbie that you sucker punched a man for talking to my intern?"

He had to smile at her insistence. "It wasn't like that."

"Really, because when I come back to work and find out that you two are being inappropriate-"

"It wasn't like that," he repeated, cutting her off. "And she had absolutely nothing to do with it, so please don't take anything out on her."

"Fine."

He nodded. "It was Mark," he admitted. "He showed up, I saw him, and suddenly he was on the floor."

"Mark..." She spoke softly as her eyes shifted like she knew the name, but couldn't place it.

"He was my best friend, until he slept with Addison."

She nodded. "Right." She met his eyes again. "Derek, I'm sorry to hear that. Is he gone now?"

Derek shrugged. He and Meredith had spent the day after at the trailer. And they hadn't seen Mark when they had returned to work the day before. "I think so; I hope so."

"Good."

"Yeah," he agreed with a smile.

"So, is my husband clear to go home?"

He nodded, smiling at Tucker, and then back at Miranda. "Absolutely. He's doing very well. You're free to take him home."

Even with her attempts to remain relatively stoic at work, she couldn't prevent the smile that appeared on her lips. "That's wonderful. Derek, without trying to further inflate that ego of yours, thank-you." She shook her head. "If it hadn't been for you..." She didn't need to complete her sentence.

He nodded, closing a comforting hand around her forearm. "I know." And he really did. They had both almost lost a loved on that day.

She took a breath. "And how is Meredith doing, after everything?"

"She's okay, I think. It was hard, going to the memorial service and everything. And then this week..." He sighed. "We're getting through it. She's still here; that's the most important thing."

"You are being there for her, right Shepherd? Because if I hear that you-"

He laughed. "Miranda, trust me, there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

000

Derek spotted her across the cafeteria having lunch. After spending so much time with her lately, he had found himself searching the halls for a glimpse of her through the morning, but had only seen her while checking on his patient. He purchased his meal and wandered through the throngs of tables to collapse next to her.

"Hey," she greeted evenly.

"Hey," he responded, leaning close to kiss her cheek. "How's my patient?" A young boy had been hit in the head with a baseball, to the horror of his fathers, and Derek was keeping him for observation. His scans had revealed a small amount of blood in a ventricle, but Derek had high hopes the injury would resolve itself.

"He's doing well," she commented. "I checked on him right before lunch; all of his stats are normal."

"Good," he murmured into her ear. "That'll give us plenty of time for lunch..."

Her laughter was music to his ears, even as she was playfully shoving him away from her.

He grumbled good naturedly and reached for a fry from her plate, smiling when he elicited a second giggle.

"Thief," she muttered.

He laughed, pushing his plate closer to hers. "I'll share..."

She rolled her eyes at his very green lunch. "So not a fair trade," she told him, reaching for a piece of lettuce anyway.

"On that case I'll have to think of something I can do to make it up to you..." He raised an eyebrow.

"And what would you have in mind, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Well, Dr. Grey, I'm open to suggestion..."

She shook her head at his antics and leaned in close to press her lips against his. "Surprise me," she whispered, pulling away as Cristina set her tray down at their table with a bang.

"Hey," Cristina greeted them both with a curt nod as she collapsed onto a free seat.

"Hey, Cris," Meredith offered. Derek chimed in his own greeting. "Any good cases today?"

Cristina scowled. "Maybe; if the guys clingy, wedding obsessed fiancée lets him have the surgery. He's got the largest aortic aneurism I've ever seen. The guy's a walking time bomb. But all she wants is to get married. She's all 'wedding this, wedding that, this is getting in the way of my wedding.'"

Meredith snorted. "She can't be that bad."

"Oh, she is. Apparently getting married means he can't die. And not because she loves him and can't live without him or any of that crap, but because the wedding is planned and she's not so young and she's been waiting a long time for it. Seriously. What is that about?"

"Family members cling to anything familiar and comforting in extreme circumstances," Derek offered. "Just be patient."

Cristina shifted her eyes to him and blinked. "Okay, seriously, you're obviously not understanding the purpose of this conversation."

"Okay..." He mumbled, sending Meredith a confused look. "And the purpose is...?"

"To rant. There's no room for rational thought and advice."

Derek bit back a laugh. "Oh, I get it know. I was getting confused with my responsibility to teach you."

Cristina rolled her eyes. "No offence or anything, McDreamy, but I have no interest in neuro, so you're off the hook."

This time Derek did laugh. "Good to know."

"So," Meredith prompted. "What are you doing to deal with her?"

"Nothing. I'm letting Bambi deal with her. He's better with people. And this way I have a better chance of scrubbing in on his surgery this afternoon."

Meredith rolled her eyes and tossed a few fries into her mouth as she leaned against Derek. "Sounds like a good plan," she added, sarcasm heavy in her voice.

"Hey, I'm getting better at dealing with the patients, and even their family members, but not when they want to get married more than they want their loved one to live."

"I guess that's fair," Meredith answered reluctantly; her best friend was obviously not going to have her mind changed at this point.

Before they could continue any part of their conversation, Izzy and Alex appeared, trays in hand and joined their table. Ever since the code black, the two had been nearly inseparable.

"How are you doing, Mer," Izzy asked after she had greeted everyone.

Meredith blinked. "Fine. Why?"

"Well, it hasn't even been two weeks since the bomb and everything. And you seem to be doing well, but I want to make sure."

"I'm fine, Iz," Meredith repeated. "Although, for the future, not the best topic to bring up at lunch. This is time away from stress."

"Sorry," her roommate offered with a shrug. "But you're never home anymore. This is my only chance to ask." There was a load of truth to Izzy's statement. She and Derek had been spending most nights at the trailer. Neither had been put on any long shifts yet; all who were closely exposed to the code black were being 'eased' back into work, with the exception of Cristina, of course, who had been back the first day the ORs were operational. Meredith and Derek were taking advantage of the relatively early nights to drive out to his land. It was therapeutic to them both.

The code black and Mark appearing within a time frame of a little over a week had put significant stress on both of them. Although, as Meredith was infinitely glad to discover, it wasn't stressing them. Their relationship was still solid. They were talking. They were dealing. In a way she was grateful for Mark's sudden appearance and the day that had resulted from it. Maybe it had been a wake up call, a warning to talk before it was too late. She had thought she could handle everything she was going through on her own. She had been wrong. And letting it get so bad that she had actually broken down and cried during sex was enough to let her know just how off base she had been. But the embarrassment she would have thought to have experienced hadn't been there. There had only been love and support from him. They had talked through everything they had both been feeling, and everything they should have done differently. And when they had run out of words, they had finished what they had started. And Meredith had woken the next morning feeling more loved than she could ever remember.

She had woken up the morning after with a new sense of calm in her life. She may not have a mother who remembered her. And she may not have a father who wanted her. But Meredith had a man who loved her; a man who wanted to be with her and had promised not to leave her. And she had friends she was starting to regard as the family she had never had. She didn't want to dwell on the family that hadn't wanted her anymore. She wanted to look forward to the life she was building towards.

Back in the present, Meredith allowed a small smile to grace her lips as she reached for Derek's hand under the table, suddenly overwhelmed with the need to be closer to him. "We've been taking advantage of the lighter schedules to spend some time on the island," she told Izzy. "Sorry I haven't been home so much, but I'm sure we'll be staying there more when our hours pick up again." Derek nodded his agreement, and Meredith smiled wider. It was assumed they would be staying in town more, when they stopped staying at the trailer. There was no more sleeping alone; no more questioning if he would come home with her that night. And that...was awesome.

000

"Are you sure you're okay?" Meredith asked for the umpteenth time as she stood anxiously in the small exam room.

"I'm fine," George muttered through his teeth as he clutched at his left arm. His posture was hunched and pained.

Meredith laid a comforting hand on his good shoulder. "That's my catch phrase."

He looked up, his pained expression hinting at a smile. "Good point."

She ran her hand along his shoulder blade and back and forth across his upper back, remembering him tumbling down the stairs in front of her. They had been discussing their patients, and had opted to take the stairs as they headed for the main floor. It was only two flights. And then, stepping down onto the first step on the second flight, George had stepped on something and had fallen.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Torres," said the young doctor who stepped into the room with them, clipboard in hand. "And you must be George O'Malley." She lifted her eyes from the chart and took in George's attire. "Dr. George O'Malley," she corrected, her lips turning up into a smile. "You're the heart in the elevator guy."

George swallowed hard and nodded. "Yeah, that's me. I've, uh...dislocated my shoulder."

Dr. Torres nodded, her experienced hands feeling around his injured joint. "Yeah, I see that..." She pulled away and went back to his chart. "You know the drill; pick your poison..." She looked up expectantly.

"Uh, no pain killers, thanks," George mumbled.

She raised an eyebrow and exchanged a look with Meredith. "Bold choice."

"Well, technically, I'm still on duty."

She exchanged another look with Meredith. "And planning to stay? Bolder choice."

"George," Meredith said gently. "You don't need to stay. Seriously, Bailey will send you home when she finds out."

He shook his head. "No. I'm fine to stay. I just need some help popping it back in."

"Come on, George," Meredith tried as Dr. Torres made her way back to George's side, her fingers feeling along his arm. "I'll even drive you home."

Dr. Torres nodded. "You should listen to your girlfriend," she stated.

"She's not my-Arghhhh!" George exclaimed as his shoulder was rotated back into place.

Dr. Torres expertly supported his arm as she reached for the sling. "Sorry; it hurts less if you don't see it coming."

"She's not my girlfriend," George repeated as his arm was secured high on his torso to allow the pressure off his shoulder. "She's my roommate."

Meredith nodded her agreement. "I'm Meredith Grey," she offered. "Also an intern."

Dr. Torres nodded. "You're the hand on the bomb girl."

Meredith nodded again. "Yup. That's me."

She laughed. "Wow, you two are like mini celebrities around here, the way the gossip travels. Let me guess, you also live with the resident who saved that woman last month when they were both in the same car accident?"

Meredith laughed. She had heard that story as well. "Nope, sorry to disappoint you."

George stood up cautiously. "But we do live with two other doctors, so I guess if you wait long enough they'll be something with one of them."

Dr. Torres laughed. "I'll be sure to keep up on that..."

George smiled and met her eyes, and Meredith suddenly faltered, realizing she was quickly feeling like a third wheel as she saw something between the other two in the room. "Well," she stuttered. "I really need to check on my patient, so as long as you're sure you don't need me to drive you home...?" She turned and expectant look to George.

"I'm sure," George said, his voice taking on a confident quality she hadn't heard before.

She nodded and bit back a laugh as she excused herself. Good for George, she thought. She hadn't seen him interested in anyone since Olivia had given him syphilis.

000

It was late when Meredith and Derek finally fell into bed together. Their young patient had developed complications, which they had successfully dealt with before anything too severe had come up, but it had meant the boy was put on heavy monitoring for several hours. Derek had been hesitant to leave until he was sure the boy would not develop a build up of pressure again. And Meredith had stayed late with him, not wanting to go home alone.

"I'm tired," Meredith mumbled as she settled herself against his chest.

"Me too," he yawned, his hands finding her back. "You stole my shirt again," he accused lightly.

She giggled. "It's comfy..."

"Still..."

She lifted her head and met his playful eyes. "And what do you think I should do about it?"

He smirked. "I think you should take it off right away."

Meredith laughed and shook her head at his antics. "I thought you were tired?"

He yawned again, but his eyes continued to sparkle. "I am," he admitted. "I guess I'll have to let you keep it for the night..."

"Thank-you," she murmured, reaching her upper body up to press her lips against his. "You're too good to me."

He smiled and brushed a few strands of hair out of her face. "You deserve it," he told her honestly.

She smiled and lay her head back down on his shoulder with a sigh. "You remember the patient Cristina was ranting about at lunch?"

"How could I forget?" Derek mumbled into her hair.

She giggled, but sobered quickly. "He decided to have the surgery and...his fiancée left him...in a hospital bed."

Derek sighed. "That sucks."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed. "Apparently she claimed she wasn't strong enough, so she...just left him there. And then his aneurism blew and he was rushed into surgery and lived. And woke up after all alone."

Derek closed his arms around her. "Why are you telling me this?"

"I'm not sure," she told him honestly.

"You know I'd never do that, right?"

She lifted her head again, meeting his eyes evenly. "I do know. But maybe..." She trailed off, trying to collect her thoughts.

"Maybe what?" He prompted, his eyes concerned.

She offered him a small smile to waive his concerns. "It's just...they met, they fell in love and decided to get married and planned the wedding and everything... And yet...here they are now, not getting married. And he almost died. And I'll bet that he never expected her to abandon him like that. I mean, I met them on rounds, so I'm pretty sure..."

He scrunched his forehead. "I think you're losing me..."

"Stick with me, I'm getting to my point."

He smiled. "Okay."

"Anyway, horrible things happen every day. You don't expect to suddenly be in the hospital with life threatening injuries, but it happens. It's not something you can ever know for sure. But I think you should be able to know for sure who will be there with you, you know?"

Derek blinked. "Okay..."

She laughed at his attempt to follow her train of thought. "That man didn't expect to have a heart attack and discover he had a life threatening condition, but he was okay with it because there was nothing he could have done about it, and no way to have known. And he was prepared to have the surgery. But he expected his fiancée to stick by him. And I'm sure he wouldn't have left her bedside if it had been her in the hospital. He just struck me as that kind of guy. He was strong enough to be there for her."

"Mer..."

"No," she shook her head. "Just another minute, I'm getting there. Anyway, my point is, when I got hurt I knew you would be there for me, and I get that it isn't much of an example because I wasn't injured badly or anything, but I'm sure if I ever am that you will be there for me."

Derek nodded. "Absolutely."

She smiled. "And you were amazing when I broke down the other day. And you came right out and told me that you would never leave me. So..." She took a breath. "This is me telling you that I will stick by you if something horrible should happen. This is me telling you that I'm strong enough for you. And most importantly, this is me telling you that I will never leave you."

Nothing could have prepared her for the expression that took over his features. "Thank-you," he whispered, his voice suddenly hoarse. "I...thank-you, Meredith. I think that...I didn't even realize how much I needed to hear that."

She leaned forward and kissed him again before resettling on his chest. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too."

She sighed happily and closed her eyes.

"Derek," she said thoughtfully after several quiet minutes. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You can ask me anything."

She paused for a moment. "Do we live together?"

There were several seconds of silence. "I'm not really sure how to answer that," he eventually admitted.

She nodded against his chest. "It's just...I know that after the bomb and everything I kind of demanded we always sleep in the same bed, but I... I wasn't thinking about everything at the time. And I know you would have agreed to anything then-"

"Hey," he said sharply. "I would have agreed to that anytime."

"I didn't mean it that way," she said softly, once again raising her head so she could meet his eyes. "I just meant that you would have agreed to 'no longer sleeping alone' thing, and wouldn't have pushed to see exactly where that leaves us. And I've never done this before, so I'm not sure where that leaves us right now..." She trailed off. "I love that we've spent every night together since then. And I love that it's expected. But I was in with George when he was getting his shoulder relocated and he told Dr. Torres that we live with two other doctors. And that means that my roommate sees you as another roommate. And I guess I just want to know if that's what you are..."

He was smiling warmly at her when she finally trailed off. "You're adorable when you ramble, have I told you that before?"

She rolled her eyes and sat up, sitting cross-legged beside him. "I'm sorry that I'm so scattered tonight, but I just...want to know."

He sat up, taking both of her hands in his. "I would have to say that we don't officially live together...yet."

Meredith smiled, knowing exactly what he was insinuating. "Okay, then, Derek, will you, officially, move in with me?"

He dipped his head and captured her lips for several moments. "I'd love to," he answered when he finally came up for air.

AN: I'm starting to feel like a broken record, but sorry again about the delay in updating. I was having trouble getting through part of this chapter, and so set it aside to work on Still Here. But I'm back now. Originally I wanted to continue this story through season 2, and maybe 3. But I think I've decided to take it through season three as well now. The only problem is that the closer and more solid their relationship becomes, the more they are pulling away from the storyline of the show, so I am working through some of the main situations from the third season in my head right now (drowning etc...). Also, I am going to skip over 2.20 and 2.21. I loved the story of the woman with the brain aneurism, and fork in her neck, but the point of that was to make Derek aware that he had been absent and to no longer be absent. And I guess I jumped the gun, because I've already dealt with that. Anyway, sorry again, but thanks for reading still!