129. Chapter 129

AN: So, it's been a little over a year since my last post...Really sorry. The last year has just been one issue after another and though I thought about this story a lot, I lost the ability to pick up where I'd left off. At the beginning of the year, I started re-reading the story to get back in the mindset...got about three quarters through before RL blew up again, then had to start again a few weeks ago. My plan right now is to complete this story (should only be a few more chapters) by the story's 6 year anniversary, and then move on to finish HWA. I think this story will have 2 more chapters, with epilogue either at the end of last chapter, or on it's own.

00

Derek awoke to the sound of the front door closing. He sighed and blinked at the darkened blurriness of the bedroom. His eyes focused and he turned to read the numbers on the alarm clock resting on his nightstand. The alarm wasn't set to go off for another twenty minutes.

He rolled over and reached for his wife, content to pull her into his arms and drift back to sleep until he had to get up. Unfortunately, his plan was ruined by the fact that the sheets next to him were cool and bare. He sat up and glanced around the darkened room, trying to determine how long ago she'd left the bed. She'd definitely fallen asleep in his arms only a few hours earlier.

The night before had been...exceptional.

After getting out of his afternoon surgery, only to be told Meredith had had some sort of breakdown when she'd found blood on the kitchen floor of her mother's house, he'd panicked. He'd thought it had been too much for her; thought it had pushed her over the edge he'd watched her balance on for weeks. She'd opened herself up and had been vulnerable. Too vulnerable, he'd begun to think. He'd watched for weeks as the stress of opening herself up to her past slowly created cracks in her strength and ability to cope. He'd thought it had been too much for even his very strong wife to handle. He'd been desperate to find her, to help her.

To save her.

But he hadn't had to. He'd found her and she'd been okay. Better than okay. She'd been empowered. She'd had an epiphany. She'd reshuffled her world view. And she'd invited him into her therapy session without hesitance; had let him in to see and hear and experience everything with her.

She'd saved herself.

He'd known she was strong – something he had recognized and admired early on – but he hadn't know she was that strong. To know what she'd been through and to be included as she worked to make a different life for herself was truly humbling.

Everything had changed. She'd changed. When she'd first started, he had hoped the therapy would help her see things differently, but the reality was truly remarkable. The things she'd said to him, the things she now viewed differently than before...

She was so strong to have reached that point and come out the other side. So strong. And the moment they'd set foot in their home they'd bypassed the kitchen for their bedroom, needing each other more than nourishment. And it had been different. They'd craved each other, but hadn't been desperate. They'd reached a new level, a new ability to share their emotions and thoughts and needs.

Truly exceptional.

With a sigh, he swung his legs over the side of the bed so he was sitting and reached for his phone. He'd woken to the front door shutting, so she'd probably been paged in early. And she would normally text him, so that he'd know where she was when he woke up.

His phone didn't show any missed texts.

He rubbed his hands over his face. If she'd just left, maybe she hadn't had the chance yet.

After standing, he stretched and stumbled into the bathroom to relieve himself and brush his teeth.

It was disappointing that she wasn't here now. After everything they'd experienced the day before, both the good and the bad, he wanted to spend the morning with her, even for something as germane as sharing breakfast together before work.

Leaving the bathroom somewhat more awake then he'd been when he'd entered, he shuffled across the bedroom to his dresser. He pulled on a pair of boxers and tee shirt before heading downstairs to check the coffee pot. If she'd been paged for an emergency, she may not have had the chance to start the coffee.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he heard rustling in the kitchen and his mood picked up. Maybe she hadn't been paged in early. He quickened his steps and smiled as he rounded the corner and caught sight of his wife puttering around the kitchen.

"Morning," he called, unable to contain a smile.

She turned, large bowl in one hand and spatula in the other. "Hey," she greeted brightly. "You're up early."

"So are you." He narrowed his eyes at the items in her hands as he approached, "What are you planning on doing with those?"

She smirked at his tone. "What? You don't think I'm capable of handling these?"

"Absolutely not," he said easily, tugging them from her hands without much effort. "Let's just put them down before something bad happens."

She laughed freely as he placed the bowl on the counter and the spatula in it. Then he turned back to her and pulled her to him. "Morning," he said again into her hair.

"Morning," she said back, snaking her hands around his waist as she hugged him back. Several moments went by, but she made no move to extract herself from his arms.

He rubbed her back and closed his eyes as he ducked his head to bury his nose in the crook of her neck and breathe her in. God, she smelled good; like lavender and Meredith and a little of himself as she hadn't had the chance to shower after their night of celebrating. "I'm glad you're here. I heard the door and thought you'd been paged in early."

"Cristina," she supplied. "She heard about yesterday – the bad part – and wanted to make sure I was okay. She texted to say she was outside the front door, so I couldn't exactly not let her in."

He chuckled. "She still here?"

"No. She only stayed a few minutes. She's been going in extra early to get in on surgery before Hahn shows up." She paused. "She seemed really down today, so I lent her my sparkle pager."

"You're a good friend."

"I just want her to be okay."

He pressed a kiss to her shoulder and released her. "She will be." He paused before narrowing his eyes at her. "Now, we need to talk about this."

"This?"

He motioned a hand at the items she had taken out of the cupboards and placed on the counter. In addition to the bowl and spatula, there was a frying pan, a measuring cup and a box of pancake mix. "This," he confirmed. "You know you're not supposed to cook unattended."

She laughed at his joke and swatted at his chest. "It's half my kitchen, too, you know."

"Yes, but if you burn down your half, you'll burn down my half as well."

She laughed again. "I am not that bad."

He kissed her briefly. Just because he wanted to. Because she was happy and laughing and her eyes looked freer then he'd seen in months. "You've made improvements," he conceded.

She rolled her eyes in good nature. "I was actually hoping I could persuade you to make pancakes for breakfast."

"I think I could handle that." He said, before kissing her again, just because.

Meredith was smiling when he pulled away to prepare breakfast. She shuffled around him, dragging her hand across his lower back as she went by, and hopped up onto the counter a few feet from the stove.

"What's your schedule like today?" He asked as he began pulling ingredients out of the cupboards.

Ankles crossed and legs swinging aimlessly together, Meredith launched into a detailed explanation of the tumour she was scheduled to assist Bailey in removing at ten that morning.

Derek smiled at her enthusiasm as he mixed the ingredients together in the bowl he had taken out of her hands minutes before. He mixed more than normal. After skipping dinner the previous evening, he was starving and was sure his wife was as well, especially considering she'd skipped lunch as well.

"How about you?" she reflected the question back to him when she'd finished her explanation.

"Couple of consults," he said as he began stirring the batter. "And some paperwork to catch up on. On call for emergencies." He glanced down at the bowl and then smirked. Dropping the spatula to rest against the edge, he lifted the bowl and stepped across the kitchen to his wife. "Think you can handle some basic food preparation?"

She mock glared at him as she took the bowl. "I don't know, Derek. Seems pretty dangerous to let me handle a spatula," she said, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

He chuckled and she stuck her tongue out at him playfully. He laughed out loud before leaning in, mindful of the bowl of partially mixed pancake batter, and kissed her.

She was smiling when he pulled away. "What was that for?"

He shrugged. "Just felt like it."

Her smiled grew as she picked up the spatula and began to stir the batter. "I'm freaking starving," she commented.

"Me too," he commented as he pulled a frying pan from the lower cupboard and set it on the stove. "Did you get anything to eat yesterday?"

Meredith pursed her lips for a moment before shaking her head. "I had a granola bar on my way to work. That's all. I was going to grab something from the coffee cart before surgery in the morning, but then Izzie told me about Rebecca and I got distracted. And then I was going to have lunch after I got back from checking on Alex and Rebecca, but..." She trailed off, not needing to explain.

He padded up to her and set his hands on her knees as she continued to stir the batter. "How are you feeling today?"

She offered him a gentle smile. "Physically, I'm a little sore. I don't know how much time I spent scrubbing at the floor." His heart clenched at the thought of his wife desperately trying to scrub away the sight of blood on the kitchen floor; trying to scrub away the memories of her darkest childhood day. He couldn't decide if the five year old or thirty year old version upset him more. "But emotionally, I feel..." She trailed off and shook her head, as if unable to explain. "Free."

He felt himself smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." She dropped the spoon against the side of the bowl and reached her free hand to grip the collar of his tee shirt. "I didn't know it was possible to feel like this," she shared. "Everything makes more sense. I make more sense." She tugged him close and pressed a kiss to his lips. "I feel like I've had a weight on my chest since that day and now it's just gone. I feel better. Hell, I slept better last night than I can remember."

"No nightmares," he murmured in realization. More nights than not recently he'd woken to his wife shaking or crying out in their bed. It had broken his heart every time he'd woken her and she'd burrowed herself into him for comfort. Because she shouldn't be so haunted by something that had happened so long ago, while she'd been so innocent and helpless. He'd hated Ellis for what she'd done to her daughter. A mother was supposed to be the thing that kept the bad dreams away, not the cause of them.

"No nightmares," she echoed proudly. "I'll never have that dream again. It doesn't have the same meaning now."

"Have I told you how happy I am for you?"

She smiled.

"Or how much I love you?"

Her smile widened. "You have, but you can tell me again..."

He tugged the bowl from her hand and set it down on the counter. Then he stepped in between her knees and wrapped his arms around her middle. "I. Love. You," he said, pressing a quick kiss on her lips between each word, "So. Very. Very. Much."

She giggled when he finished, but stopped him before he could put any distance between them, her small hands gripping at the collar of his shirt. "I. Love. You. So. Very. Very. Very. Much," she repeated, taking her turn to kiss him between each word as he had done. "Too," she added against his lips before deepening the kiss.

He moaned into her mouth and was just debating forgetting about breakfast and scooping her into his arms to take her back up to their bed when her stomach grumbled loudly in protest.

They broke away laughing.

"I told you I was starving," she said.

He pecked her lips one more time before releasing her. "One order of pancakes, coming right up."

00

After over an hour of especially dull paperwork, Derek donned his lab coat and headed for the surgical floor. His first consult wasn't scheduled for another hour, but he hated being stuck in his office. Meredith was scheduled to be in surgery now, so he planned to observe her surgery before heading off for his own consult. He loved watching her work. However, when he reached the observation room, the procedure below was not a tumour resection being performed by Dr. Bailey, but what appeared to be an accident victim being worked furiously on by Drs. Webber, Hahn and Yang. Well, being worked on by Dr. Webber and Dr. Hahn. Dr. Yang was standing apart from the two attendings, her head down as Hahn appeared to be yelling furiously at her.

He observed for a moment and shook his head at Hahn's behaviour before heading down the hall to the OR board. Meredith's surgery was still listed for OR 2 at that moment. He furrowed his brow.

"Got bumped for an emergency," Bailey said as she appeared seemingly out of nowhere beside him.

He stepped out of the way as she erased the start time of her surgery and replaced it with a later time. "I'll operate after lunch," she added.

He frowned at her tone. "By yourself," he finished for her.

She capped the marker, but kept it in her hand. "You tell me."

"Excuse me?"

"I won't operate with a resident who poses a risk to my patient. And after yesterday..."

Derek hesitated, torn between the husband who wanted his wife to be treated fairly and the attending who understood his fellow surgeon's reservations. "She's fine," he said evenly.

"Fine? I know fine, and I'll tell you, Derek, yesterday she was anything but fine."

"Yesterday was..." He shook his head. "Tough. But she's strong."

"You didn't see her when O'Malley brought her in. She was white as a ghost and shaking. And she had trouble following conversation. And the state O'Malley said he found her in-"

Derek cut her off before she could say more by prying the marker from her hand, setting it on the ledge by the OR board and hooking his hand around her elbow to drag her away from the open area. Both husband and fellow attending recognized the middle of the surgical floor was not the right spot for this conversation. He found an empty conference room, and ushered her in. "Dr. Bailey, you of all people know it's not appropriate to discuss residents in public like that."

She waved a hand in apology as she sat at the table, clearly wanting to have a real conversation.

He sat kitty corner to her. "She won't be a danger to your patient. She's still the best resident in the hospital."

Bailey cracked a smile at his inability to truly be objective about his wife's ranking. "Can I talk to you as her husband for a few minutes, and not her attending?"

"I'm always her husband."

She glared at him in the way only Bailey could.

He smirked back at her and nodded. He wouldn't allow this with anyone, but Bailey was special. She was concerned for Meredith as a person she cared for and not just another resident, whether she'd admit it or not.

"Off the record," Bailey said.

"Off the record," he echoed.

"She scared me yesterday. When I first saw her in that state, I thought something had happened to her."

He flinched at how bad it had been, had almost been. Had once been, if he was honest with himself. Sure, his wife had flashed back yesterday and for a few hours she'd lost herself in reality. But one day twenty-five years earlier that had been reality. Something had happened to her. "She's stronger than you think."

"It's no secret that girl's strong. She's continued to excel at work, despite everything she dealt with last year." She smiled. "I had my money on her in the resident contest, you know?"

Derek smiled. "Me too."

"She's a fighter. I was proud when she won. And she hasn't lorded the sparkle pager over the other fools. You know if Yang or Karev had won they'd never leave the OR."

He nodded. "You're probably right."

"She may be your wife, and you may be trying to convince her to go into neuro, but she was still my intern, my baby. I raised her along with that ragtag group she calls family. And I'm her Chief Resident now. So, I need to know how hard she can be pushed before she'll break."

"She won't break," he said confidently.

"Derek-"

"Yesterday looked bad," he cut her off, "But trust me when I tell you a lot of good came from it."

Bailey met his gaze for a long moment. "What did her mother do when she was a child?"

He looked away and shook his head. That wasn't his story to tell.

"Did she...did she try to kill herself, Derek? Because she told O'Malley the blood was her mother's when he first found her and-"

"Stop," he said, holding up a hand. "I can't...Whatever Ellis may or may not have done isn't my story to tell."

"But you know."

"I'm her husband," he answered. "That means what she tells me in confidence stays in confidence, no matter what."

Bailey stared at him.

He smirked. "And staring me down won't work this time."

"You know about that?"

"It's not subtle."

"I appreciate that you don't want to talk about her private life, I do, but I'm worried about that girl."

"I will tell you one thing that she told me once," he said, his mind going back to the morning after she'd first told him what Ellis had done all those years ago. He'd been sick with worry for her; had wanted to shelter her from the world to make it better. "Just because you're suddenly aware of something that may have happened long ago doesn't mean it's new for her. Whatever Ellis may have done when Meredith was a child is something Meredith has known about and dealt with every day since then."

"And yesterday?"

"Was a good day," he repeated his earlier explanation. "I promise."

She narrowed her eyes at him for several moments, looking like she wanted to believe him, but wasn't completely convinced.

"Speaking as her attending, I would have no concerns with having her in my OR today. I respect your concerns, Bailey, I really do, and if I wasn't her husband, I would probably have the same concerns as you. But I am her husband, and so I can tell you that if you let her in your OR today she'll be the same natural, highly talented, exceedingly bright aspiring surgeon you're used to."

She glared at his description.

"I did say I was speaking as her husband," he pointed out with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes at him, but he caught the hint of a smile.

"I can tell you that she acted just like any other enthusiastic resident this morning over breakfast when she told me all about your patient and the tumour she was going to assist in removing."

At that, Bailey smiled. "I'll make sure not to disappoint her, then."

He smiled. "Thank you."

00

After hurrying to check on her assigned patients and checking in with her interns in order to be ready for her morning surgery, Meredith was disappointed to find it postponed, but also a bit relieved for the chance to take a break.

She headed for the coffee cart for some much needed caffeine. After the exhausting previous day, spending much of the night having hot sex with her husband was definitely gratifying, but also a little extra exhausting seeing as she hadn't gotten nearly the amount of sleep she could have had.

After joining the relatively short line at the coffee cart, she stared at the glass display window, debating whether she'd order something sugary. Derek's pancakes had – as usual – been delicious and more than filling. But several hours had passed since she'd had them and her postponed surgery meant she'd most likely be missing lunch again.

Nodding to herself, she decided on the large cinnamon roll at the front that seemed to be calling her name. The line moved up and she followed it, but when she stopped, she felt a presence behind her. She turned to meet her friend's ashamed gaze.

"Iz," she greeted guardedly, confused by Izzie's expression.

Izzie held out her hand. "I'm so sorry, Meredith."

Meredith reached to take whatever Izzie was offering.

"George told me what happened," she said as she placed Meredith's car keys in her palm. "We brought your car here this morning. I...I didn't think you'd want to have to go to the house to pick it up...after what happened yesterday." She paused, her gaze pinching. "I'm sorry, Meredith. I never meant to... I shouldn't have..."

"It wasn't your fault, Iz," she found herself saying.

"But it was. I was worried about Alex, but it wasn't your problem. I made it your problem." She ran a hand through her hair. "God, Meredith, I made you go there and you... Well, I don't really know what happened to you, but George told me how he found you, and I... I'm sorry, Meredith. I'm so sorry."

Meredith reached out to grasp onto Izzie's forearm. "You didn't make it my problem. You and Alex are my family, Iz. That's what made it my problem. I would do it again if I had to. And what happened was..." She sighed, not prepared to go into details here and now. "It was bad, but it was also really good. It helped me figure a lot of stuff out."

Izzie only looked half convinced.

"Remember when I told you about therapy?"

Izzie nodded.

"It helped me figure a lot of that stuff out."

"I never meant to put you into that kind of situation."

"Do you blame Alex for what happened?"

"Of course not. He did everything he could for Rebecca. He just wanted to help her."

"And you just wanted to help both of them. And I just wanted to help. So stop beating yourself up."

Izzie looked a little more convinced, but still not ready to let go.

"Seriously," Meredith insisted, causing Izzie to smile.

"It really helped you figure stuff out?"

Meredith nodded. "It did. And today is a better day than I've had in a very long time." The clearing of a throat caught her attention, causing her to turn to see the barista waiting for her to place an order. She quickly ordered two large coffees before turning back to Izzie. "Have coffee with me." She pointed to the display of pastries. "The cinnamon bun is mine, but anything else you like is yours."

After receiving their coffees and snacks, the girls headed for a quiet corner in the waiting room to take their break.

"You seem different," Izzie observed.

Meredith shrugged as she pulled her cinnamon bun out of the bag. "Like I told you; today is a very good day. The first day of the rest of my life, or whatever," she said with a hint of sarcasm and a wave of her hand.

"I'm glad," Izzie said, for the first time appearing to fully believe Meredith.

"How is Alex?"

Izzie shook her head. "Not good. Rebecca was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She's...a lot worse than even I thought. I stayed up with Alex last night and I've never seen him quite like that."

"Is he working today?"

"He was supposed to. I'm covering for him. He...he definitely needed the day off."

"You're a good friend, Iz."

"I'm trying. I hate leaving him home by himself."

"It's Alex, so alone time if probably what he needs to process everything."

"I know. He just...doesn't deserve this."

"No one does."

"We'll make sure he's okay, Iz. He's one of our people."

Izzie smiled as they both remember a conversation between the two of them almost a year ago, when Izzie had first discovered Meredith had invited Alex to live with them. "I get it, you're crazy again."

"Paint with all the colours of the wind..." She echoed her response from their earlier conversation.

Izzie laughed. "I'm glad that Meredith didn't last long. She was creepy."

Meredith echoed the laugh. "She was too much effort. I think I found a happy medium."

"You did." The blonde sighed. "Thank you, Meredith."

"For what?"

"For not blaming me for yesterday."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Maybe not, but it felt like it was. Alex felt bad, too. He's brooding and depressed about Rebecca right now, but when he stops, he'll be apologizing as well. Okay, well, he won't actually apologize because he's Alex, but he'll say something."

"Well, you can tell him he doesn't have to, so that's one less thing for him to worry about. Seriously, I'm the last thing he should be worried about right now."

"He'll be okay," Izzie said confidently. "I'm determined to make sure he's okay."

"He's lucky to have you."

"I hope so."

"We're all lucky to have you, Iz," she added.

Izzie rolled her eyes. "Now you're being weird again."

Meredith laughed. "Too much? I've spent so much of the last few months wrapped up in my own crap I feel like I've missed a lot."

"We've all be wrapped up in our own stuff, not just you. No one thinks you've been avoiding us. And you definitely helped George."

Meredith felt her brows furrow. "How have I helped George?"

Izzie smirked. "Apparently you told him to grow a pair, so he did."

"What?"

Izzie laughed. "Something about the Chief ordering him to distribute and collect the date and tell forms, and you refused and he begged, and you told him to grow a pair?"

Meredith groaned as she remembered. I say this with love, but you need to grow a pair, George. You're a surgeon. This job is demeaning and he picked you because he knew you'd go along with it. She'd been right in the middle of anger at the Chief and was refusing to complete the date and tell form to make a stand. George had gotten caught in the middle. "And that helped him?" She asked meekly, torn between curiosity and feeling bad for what she'd said to her friend.

Izzie started at her for a long moment before shaking her head with a laugh. "You weren't kidding when you said you were wrapped up in your own crap."

"What does that mean?"

"George stood up to the Chief."

"What? He did?"

"Yeah. That night. He told the Chief – in a George kind of way – that he was a surgeon and that being forced to deal with that form was demeaning. Then the Chief actually apologized and put him on two really good surgeries to make it up to him. And ever since it's like...a whole new George. He's been more confident and more assertive." Izzie paused. "He was kind of..." She sighed. "Not struggling exactly, but floundering a bit, like he was second guessing himself."

"I didn't know that."

"I think he only talked to me about it. He was feeling a little overwhelmed. But now he's figured it out. So, you helped him."

She smiled, proud of herself and her friend. "I'm glad."

"Now we just have to fix Alex."

Meredith laughed. "And Cristina."

"Agreed."

"Unless you have anything that needs fixing, too?"

"Only thing that needs fixing is my friends."

"Okay, so we need to fix Cristina and Alex, and in doing so we fix Izzie."

Izzie stuck out her hand. "Agreed."

Meredith was laughing as she shook. "Agreed."

000

Derek had just finished with his last consult of the day when he paused in a quiet corner of the surgical floor to debate what to do next. The right decision was to return to his office and the always present pile of paperwork. But he just didn't want to do that. He'd made substantial progress between consults, so he could stand to put off doing more.

Deciding to side with sanity, he headed for the OR Board, hoping to find his wife's name listed for a surgery. He'd missed watching her earlier when their schedules had conflicted, and he hadn't been able to tear his mind from her all day.

Her name was – disappointingly – not on the board.

He grumbled under his breath at the thought of having no excuse not to return to his office. There were still several hours scheduled left in her shift, so leaving early wasn't about to help him. But after the last months of watching her struggle, and the previous day of watching her make sense of everything, he just wanted to be with her. To celebrate with her. To watch her smile. To feel her happiness.

For a moment, he wished they weren't surgeons, and he could whisk her away from Seattle for a week – or even just a weekend – to celebrate. Maybe he could plan something. Work their schedules for some time off in the coming weeks. Take her away. Make her feel special. See her smile as she experienced all those things she had learned could be a part of her life.

Derek closed his eyes and took a breath. God, he loved his wife. He didn't normally think of himself as a romantic – at least not to this extent – but after having her allow him to experience the last few months of self-discovery with her, he was simply in awe of her. And he wanted her to see herself as he did her.

Opening his eyes, he shot a glare at the OR board – which still didn't have her name on it – and walked away with a huff, resigning himself to an afternoon of struggling to do paperwork while his mind fought to think of his wife.

He got halfway to his office when an unmistakable laugh tugged him off course. He couldn't see her, but he knew which direction she was in. Turning into a staff lounge, he felt his heart tug at the sight of his very beautiful and amazingly strong wife laughing with her best friend as Cristina handed her something.

"Seriously, Mer," Cristina said, "You have to take this back. I'm drunk off the power."

Meredith took whatever item Cristina had offered with a smile. "Congratulations."

"Now I'm going to go teach my interns something."

Meredith snorted. "Okay, now I think you're just drunk."

"Just living the dream, Mer, living the dream." With that, Cristina turned on her heel and strode away, shooting Derek a half smile as she walked out of the room.

Derek raised an eyebrow at his wife.

Meredith laughed as she sidled up to him, waving the sparkle pager in her hand. He nodded as he remembered her telling him that morning she had leant it to Cristina.

"I take it the sparkle magic helped Cristina?"

She laughed at his comment, but instead of responding she hooked both hands around the back of his neck and tugged him down for a kiss.

His hands found her hips on their own volition and the moment his lips touched hers the spark caused him to deepen the kiss. She leaned back and his hands snaked around to her back to support her. She groaned into his mouth and he pressed closer.

"I've been thinking about you all day," he said when they came up for air.

"Mmm, you too," she responded, her voice breathy in that way that pulled at him. He needed to be closer, to feel her, to touch every-

She pulled away as he leaned in again, pressing her hand to his chest.

He pressed his forehead against hers, eyes closed, breathing hard. "Sorry, you're right. We can't do this here."

She tugged one of his arms from around her middle and stepped back from him as she threaded her fingers through his. He thought the gesture was to convey both agreement and apology, but she surprised him when she tugged him towards the door.

"What...?"

"We can't do this here, but we can still do this. We just need to find somewhere more private."

All thoughts of rules and responsibility and 'we're at work' went out the window, because – seriously – who was he to say no to his wife? He dropped her hand at the door and did his best to appear professional as they walked together down the hall in search of a free on call room.

It being the middle of the afternoon, an unoccupied on call room wasn't too difficult to find, and the moment they were inside, alone together, door locked, he pressed himself to her.

"Derek," she mumbled into his mouth as he kissed her.

"Mmm," he mumbled back, not even sure himself if he was trying to say her name or simply making a non-descript noise.

She tugged at the hem of his scrub top. He pulled back just far enough to divest himself of it quickly and reached for hers as well before she could close the distance between them again. Her fingers were working the drawstring of his scrub pants before he even got her top over her head. He huffed a laugh as he tossed her stop to the floor with his own. "Someone's impatient."

Her hands released the drawstring and moved up the bare skin of his chest, leaving tingling trails behind them. "Patience is overrated," she murmured as she stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his.

He mumbled "agreed," into her mouth as he kissed her back. His hands found her side, felt her shiver as his fingers ran up and down along her ribs. She moaned against him and pressed closer. He reached behind her to unhook her bra and within moments the garment landed on the floor with their shirts.

Having to come up for air, Derek broke the kiss and began running his lips down her neck. Meredith moaned again, making him smile as he felt the vibration of the moan pass by his lips. Her hands ran down to his waistband again and she tried to tug at them, but was unable to make much progress with them pressed together as they were.

"Derek," she mumbled. "Der..."

He kissed his way back up her neck and cheek to her lips until her could meet her eyes. "Yeah?" He asked breathlessly.

She kissed him before demanding, "Take off your pants."

He chuckled before pulling away with a, "Yes, dear." His fingers easily worked the knot in his drawstring as he kicked off his shoes. Only feet away, she was doing the same thing, and in just moments, he had divested himself of all his clothing and was reaching for her again.

She allowed him to press her back towards the bed, and tugged at him as he lay her down, pulling him over her. Her eyes practically sparkled with happiness and desire and love. And a little bit with forever. He kissed her softly, telling her how much he wanted the forever as well. Her hands snaked around his waist to rest at his back.

He ended the kiss, but hovered, staying close to tell her some of what she was making him feel, but he beat her to it.

"I love you," she whispered, stealing the words at they were being formed in his throat. "So much, Derek. So much."

He ran his fingers through her hair, marvelling at how perfect she was; how lucky he was. "I love you, too, Mer. More than I know how to say."

"Then show me," she whispered.

He groaned with want and proceeded to do exactly that.

000

"How soon do you need to get back to the floor?" Derek asked quietly as his hand drew meandering shapes on his wife's back. Their quickie in the on call room hadn't exactly been quick and then he'd lost track of how much time they'd spent laying together.

Head on his chest and arm slung across his abdomen, Meredith shrugged. "No pressing patients. They'll page me if I'm needed."

When she made no move to leave or even commit to a timeframe when she would have to leave, he wrapped his arms around her and pressed a kiss to her head. "I'll just have to keep you here with me forever, then," he said.

"Fine with me."

He chuckled. "May make surgery a little difficult."

"I'm sure we'll figure something out. We're good at figuring things out."

He smiled at that. "We certainly are lately." He pressed another kiss to her forehead. "I'm so glad you've figured things out, Mer. I'm so happy for you. And it makes me so happy to see you happy."

"I am happy," she agreed. She reached for his hand and threaded their finger together. "I couldn't have done any of it without you."

"You could have," he argued. "You're so strong, Mer. You could do anything."

She lifted her head to meet his eyes and offered him a soft, appreciative smile. "I could have," she accepted, "But I'm glad I didn't have to."

"You never will," he promised.

"You won't either," she returned his promise.

He squeezed her hand. "I'm glad."

She smiled and ducked her head to brush her nose to his chest, not hiding her face from him, but also not quite not hiding it either.

"What?"

She looked back up at him, smiling. "I kind of like this whole marriage thing."

He laughed out loud at her statement. Though they were probably technically still newlyweds, they'd been married well over half a year now, so it wasn't often brought up anymore.

"You're here for me, no matter what," she continued, "I'm here for you, no matter what. The good and the bad. I like it."

"I should hope so."

She lay her head back down on his chest. "After a few months of being with you, when I started to understand there'd be a future, I thought about the being there for each other thing and it was scary. Not being there for you. Well, okay, I admit I was afraid I wouldn't be enough to be there for you, but the thought of being there for you wasn't the problem."

"It was letting me be there for you," he finished for her.

"Yeah."

"Then it stopped being scary?"

"Then I just sort of accepted it and hoped it would never really have to happen," she admitted.

He laughed at her blunt honesty. "I doubt any relationship could get through a lifetime without something coming up."

"Or a hundred things."

"And now that it happened?" He prompted, back to her statement.

She lifted her head again to meet his eyes. "It wasn't scary anymore when I married you. And I'd more than accepted it by then. But I wasn't this grateful until the last few months. Just knowing that I had someone who cared when I had a bad day..." She trailed off and shook her head. "That's not something I've ever had before."

His heart tightened in his chest like it did every time he was reminded how alone she had been for so long.

"And I didn't realize until now just how much better that makes everything else. My life is better because I get to experience it with you. Does that make sense?"

"Meredith..." He managed to breathe her name around the lump that had suddenly lodged itself in his throat.

She released his hand and ran hers up his chest to his shoulder and then into his hair, giving him time to speak.

"Yes," he said. "Yes, Mer, that makes sense. I feel it, too."

She stilled her hand, fingers buried deeply in his hair and met his eyes evenly. "Thank you, Derek. For everything. You made these last few months a lot better than they could have been."

"You did all the work."

"But you were there for everything. You didn't make me feel weak for not being able to fix things faster. You cared. You were there every time I needed something and you didn't pretend it would all magically get better. You just let me feel the frustration, and reminded me you cared and would still be there tomorrow. That's what I needed."

"I'm glad." He offered her a tender smile. "I worried, too, you know; that I wouldn't be enough for you."

"Well, don't ever worry about that again. You went above and beyond."

"Beyond, huh?"

She nodded. "Mmm-hmm. Derek, you offered to quit your job and move more than once. And you would have done it for me if I'd said yes. And you stood beside me and refused to complete the date and tell form, which seriously, looking back rationally now..." She shook her head. "That was a really stupid thing to be upset about."

He laughed his agreement. "You couldn't help how you felt."

"But you could. And you stood by me anyway."

"I'm your husband. That's my job," he told her. And to him it was the simple truth.

She stretched up along him and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "You're a really good husband," she told him.

He allowed the pride he felt at her praise show across his face in the form of a smile. "Having an amazing wife makes it easy."

She laughed. "I try."

The sound of a pager cut him off before he could respond. They groaned in unison as she pulled away from him to reach for their pagers. "It's mine," she told him. "Have to meet Bailey in ten minutes."

He sat up. "Or you could stay here. I'll write you a note. Tell her you have more important places to be."

She laughed as she pulled her clothes back on.

He laughed as well as he stood and found his boxers and scrub pants and began pulling them back on. By the time he had re-secured the drawstring, she was sidling up to him, fully dressed, with his scrub top in her hands.

"Do you think you'll get out on time today?" He asked, momentarily forgoing re-donning his shirt to snake his arms around her waist.

"I think so, but I need to stop by the house on the way home."

"Pick up your car?"

She shook her head. "No. Izzie drove it in this morning for me, so it's here. I need to talk to Alex. Izzie said he's not doing well and he's blaming himself for what happened to me on top of everything that happened with Rebecca."

He nodded. "Okay. I won't wait for you, then. I'll get home and get started on dinner."

She smiled. "Two home cooked meals in one day. What did I do to deserve that?"

"Just by being you."

She scrunched her nose in that adorable way that made him want to kiss her every time. "Corny."

"Maybe, but I stand by my statement."

She pressed a kiss to his lips. "There's also one more thing I want to talk to you about tonight. A conversation we've put off since the fall."

"What conversation would that be?" He asked, though he was pretty sure he knew what she was talking about.

"Babies," she said, confirming his suspicions.

"Is this your way of telling me you're ready to start trying?" He joked, "Or that we just did?"

She laughed. "I wouldn't do that to you. And I don't know if we're ready. Which is why we need to sit down and talk about it to decide if we're ready or when we will be ready."

"Okay," he said, unable to contain his smile.

"Okay?" She echoed.

"Okay," he confirmed, releasing her.

"Okay?" She said again. "That's all you have to say?"

He tugged his scrub top out of her fingers with a smirk. "Do we need to have a conversation to plan to have a conversation?"

"You're mocking me."

He pulled his top on and then leaned in to kiss his wife one more time. "A little. But only because I love you. And because you're cute."

She scrunched her nose.

"I'll go home and get started on dinner. You go see Alex. When you get home, we'll talk about babies and the future. And then, regardless of what we decide, we'll practice for when we start trying. Agreed?"

"Agreed."