119. Resident Competition part 2

AN: Here is part two of the Resident Competition, day three to ten. Day eleven to fourteen should be up in the next week. Hope you enjoy!

Day Three

Derek smiled as he caught sight of his wife across the busy surgical floor, leaning against the Nurses' Station with her friends. She was facing away from him and his view was mostly blocked by the hustle and bustle of hospital staff, patients and family members mulling about the floor, but one fleeting glance and he knew it was her. The light blue scrubs weren't exactly unique, but the dirty blond hair in the messy pony tail was a dead giveaway. He'd know her anywhere, despite how fleeting the glance.

Carefully weeding his way through the throngs of people, and cautious of the small duffle bag hanging on his shoulder, he eagerly made with way towards Meredith.

He had been taken aback by her emotional state the night before, but once he'd gotten home and had time to mull over the past few weeks, he picked out several instances where she had seemed off. He had known Tucker's accident had affected her – it had affected them all – but he hadn't realized just how deeply. He had always known she had looked up to Miranda Bailey, but he had never recognized the potential problems that could lead to. Being an attending, he was privy to more of Bailey's personal life than her residents, not that she shared much at all with anyone, so he had seen signs of unhappiness in Bailey in the months leading up to Tucker's accident, whereas Meredith would have been caught completely off guard. And the apparent 'fall' of her role model had had a profound effect on her confidence.

She was the single best thing that had ever happened to him. He only hoped he had done the right things and said the right words the night before to make her see all that she was to him. He had been confident the night before when he had gone to bed, but he had woken early that morning and had been unable to fall back to sleep. One reason, of course, was the fact that her body was not lying next to his, but the other was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that she was at the hospital suffering because she thought he was mad at her.

He hadn't been lying during their talk the night before. He wasn't mad. He wanted to see her shine at work. He wanted to see her dominate this competition. And he definitely didn't want her distracted because she was worrying about him. So, he had gotten up earlier than he needed to be and had stopped at the specialty coffee shop around the corner from their condo – the shop with the ridiculously overpriced, but amazing, specialty hot beverages – and bought her an extra large specialty coffee.

Finally reaching his destination, he smiled softly at her appearance. She had clearly stayed up most of the night trolling for cases. Her body was hunched forward, her elbows resting on the desk and her chin supported by her hands. Her eyes were closed.

Derek silently sidled up beside her and set the coffee down in front of himself. She didn't move.

Placing a hand on her lower back, he greeted her friends with a friendly, "Morning."

Meredith startled slightly under his touch, but he knew she hadn't been sleeping. He too had become an expert at 'upright dozing' during his residency. You had to get all the rest you could wherever and whenever you could. She stood upright and turned to him.

"Hey," she greeted, her voice scratchy, though she cleared her throat and when she spoke again her voice was much clearer. "You're here early."

He shrugged. "I wanted to catch you before rounds." He leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek while he slid the coffee across the counter towards her.

"For me? Thank you," she murmured, wrapping her hand around it. "And it's the good coffee from the place."

He chuckled at her non-specific comment. "The good coffee from the place," he agreed.

She took a sip and her eyes closed as she savoured it. Then she opened her eyes and offered him a bright smile. "You've made my morning. I was too tired to go down to the coffee cart."

"Well, I hope this gets you though rounds." He bumped her hip with his playfully. "Did you get any sleep last night?"

"A bit. Not much." She yawned. "Not enough."

He offered a sympathetic smile. "I brought your clothes. I'll just stash them in my office."

"Thank you," she said softly.

He smiled back, but before he could respond, Bailey arrived at the Nurses' Station. "I reviewed the points from last night. Still very close-"

"Dr. Bailey, Meredith is cheating," Izzie cut in.

"What? I am not!" Meredith retorted.

"She is," Izzie insisted. "We're all exhausted, and she has an attending bringing her coffee." She motioned towards Meredith's very coveted cup of coffee. None of the five residents had had the energy to make it to the coffee cart yet that morning.

Bailey turned to him, her expression telling him she was not amused with Izzie's antics. "Dr. Shepherd, you're in your street clothes. I presume this means you are not yet on duty. Is this correct?"

Derek nodded.

Bailey turned back to Izzie. "Then Grey is not getting special favours from an attending, but her husband, who I will admit should not be here."

Derek chuckled. "I'll be going then."

"Izzie's got a point," Alex spoke up, keeping Derek's attention and presence for the time being. "Anytime Mer needs points she can just go to Shepherd, trade him an hour in an on call room for-"

"Alex!" Meredith hissed. "I would never-"

"She shouldn't been allowed any points for working with him during the competition," Cristina cut in.

"I haven't worked with him," Meredith pointed out.

"Shut up, all of you," Bailey said with a huff. "I will ensure Grey gets no special treatment, but I will not ban her from anyone's service because that would give you all an edge, so stop complaining or I'll start deducting points."

Cristina had looked like she was going to say something, but shut her mouth at Bailey's threat.

"Now," Bailey continued, shooting Derek a look, "I'm sure Dr. Shepherd will be more generous tomorrow." She glanced at Meredith's coffee and then back to Derek.

"I'm sure I will be," Derek stated, before turning from the desk to head for his office. When he was out of ear shot he muttered, "This is going to be an expensive two weeks for me."

Day Four

Meredith was starting to adapt to her new 'schedule' of sleeping for very short periods of time at very short notice. She had worked super hard all day the previous day, crashed for an hour between surgeries, worked hard until midnight, crashed for two hours, worked hard for three hours and then crashed for another hour. She knew she would have to allow her body a much longer sleep shortly, but she had at least another day before that became a problem. She glanced at her competitors as they waited at the Nurses' Station for Bailey to lead them in rounds.

Cristina looked both exhausted and determined. Meredith wasn't actually sure if the very competitive resident had slept for a moment since the contest began. She had managed to surge ahead, but only held a one point lead over Meredith, who had somehow been in second since the competition began, but to three different people.

George was sitting in third. He had made it into first the day before, but had lost the lead late into the evening. After losing the coveted lead spot, he had walked away from the action for several hours and now looked incredibly more rested than any of them. Meredith kind of envied him.

Izzie was sitting in fourth, and hadn't stopped complaining about her lack of good luck. She was the only one, other than Meredith, who had not yet made it into the lead for any amount of time. She had been tired and dragging the day before, but not appeared very lively. Too lively. Meredith recognized the anxious, jittery movements as the behaviour Izzie normally displayed after a multi-day baking binge. She predicted a crash in the next twelve hours.

Alex was sullen and unhappy, having dropped from first to last in three days. The cocky attitude he had developed after taking the lead right from the beginning had pissed off a few attendings, which had limited his ability to earn points.

Meredith glanced at her watch. Three minutes to rounds. She yawned, expecting Bailey to arrive any moment. She caught sight of movement to her right, and turned her head.

The sight that met her eyes had her covering her mouth to stifle a laugh. Derek was walking towards them with a large tray of specialty coffees cups from the place around the corner from their home. He met her eyes and offered her a smile.

"What did you do?"

"I'm following Bailey's directions," he explained, "By being fair. I wanted to bring my wife," he paused to press a short, chaste kiss to her lips, "A treat without getting hell for it." He shot a humorous glance at the other four residents, who had all fallen silent as they stared at the tray of drinks, identical expressions of longing on their faces.

Meredith giggled at the matching expressions on her friends' faces. "That was very nice of you. They would say thank you, but you've mesmerized them."

Derek smirked as he lifted the first cup out of the tray and pressed it into her hands. "For you." He seemed to pause, and then leaned in to press a second, quick, slightly less chaste, kiss on her lips.

"Thank you," she murmured.

"You're very welcome."

"Shepherd, are you distracting my residents again?" Bailey's voice cut through their moment.

Meredith cringed, but Derek simply smirked and turned to Bailey. "Dr. Bailey, no, I wasn't here with the intention of distracting your residents. I was simply trying to right a wrong by being fair to all of the residents. I was following your expert advice." He turned back to the tray and lifted a cup. He examined the markings on the lid before passing it to Izzie.

"Dr. Stevens."

"Thank you," Izzie said. "I'm sorry I said you were helping Meredith cheat."

Derek pulled the second cup out of tray, examined the markings and passed it to Alex. He then did the same with Cristina and George.

"You know what we all drink?" Izzie asked.

Derek shrugged. "I've lived with all of you."

"You didn't live with me," Cristina pointed out.

"Close enough. You were over all the time."

"Are you done?" Bailey spoke up. "We're officially late starting rounds."

"Almost," he said, not deterred by Bailey's tone. He pulled the second last cup from the tray and turned around. "For you, Dr. Bailey."

She stared suspiciously at him. "You brought me a coffee."

"Mocha latte," he corrected.

She took the drink. "Wipe than damn grin off your face."

"You're welcome," he responded easily, winking at Meredith when Bailey rolled her eyes. He then picked up the final coffee cup and held it out. "To being fair."

"To being fair," the resident's chorused together, also holding up their cups.

Derek turned to Bailey, one eye brow raised expectantly.

Bailey stared him down for a long moment before sighing. "To being fair," she said flatly. "And to rounds," she added immediately, turning on her heel and heading towards the first patient's room.

Meredith shot Derek a grateful smile before scurrying after her Chief Resident.

Day Five

It was late and Derek was done with his patients for the day. He was ready to go home, but refused to do so until he said goodbye to his wife. Unfortunately, he had been searching – unsuccessfully – for said wife for twenty minutes. She wasn't in surgery, wasn't in the ER and wasn't working with a post op patient. He had seen Alex sprawled out across a gurney in the basement, but no sign of Meredith. He knew she wasn't in his office because that's where he had started.

She had to have found a place to crash. He was tempted to page her, but didn't want to wake her if she was, in fact, finally getting some much needed rest. He respected, and even admired, her commitment to this contest, but he didn't know how she did it. Had he been so good at staying up for close to a week with very little sleep when he had been a resident? Surely he had never gone more than seventy-two hours... He shook his head. Looking back, his residency was a blur of exhaustion, elation and surgery. He could remember in detail his first shift and his last shift, but the five years in between had little definition.

He found her in the third on call room he checked. She was curled up on the small bed to the right. The other bed was empty. He had to smile at the way her pager was clutched in her hand, resting on the pillow beside her face. He wondered how long she had been sleeping and debated whether to wake her or just get his fill by staring for several minutes. He wanted her to be here competing with the other residents. And he wanted to be her biggest supported along her way to greatness. But he would be lying if he said he didn't miss her. Their new home seemed very empty without her, as did their king sized bed. Every morning he woke up and reached for her on instinct and every morning his arm met cold sheets.

Quietly, he padded over to the small bed and sat beside her. She didn't stir as the mattress shifted under his weight. She'd let her hair down since he'd last seen her and most of it was spread across the pillow behind her. A few strands lay across her cheek.

His fingers itched to brush the hairs from her face. They itched to touch her soft skin. They itched to stroke and caress and warm every inch of skin he could find. In fact, his entire body itched touch her, to be pressed against her. He yearned to bury his nose in her hair, to taste her salty skin, to feel her legs wrapped around his waist as he-

Derek released a breath and forced his mind to stop and settled for simply brushing the stray hairs from her face. His fingers only brushed her cheek for a moment longer than required.

She didn't move, but released an exhale that sounded quite a bit like a sigh. He tried to draw his hand away from her, but it seemed to move on its own volition towards her, as if magnetically drawn.

At first he just brushed his fingers across her arm. Then he laid his hand on her shoulder.

Meredith sighed again and rolled slightly towards him so that she was more on her stomach than on her side.

He ran his hand down her side and across her back in lazy circles.

She drew in a deep breath and released it through her mouth.

Derek pulled his hand away, chastising himself for not leaving her alone when she needed her sleep. "I'm sorry," he whispered, having known the moment she had woken. "I didn't want to wake you."

She mumbled something unintelligible and then said, "That felt nice."

He returned his hand to her back and traced three large circles before dipping his hand below the hem of her scrub top and dancing his fingers across her bare skin.

She moaned. "That feels really nice."

"How long have you been sleeping?"

"That depends on what time it is."

He chuckled. "Ten."

"Five hours, then."

"That's good."

"Mmm," She agreed. "I was having trouble standing in my afternoon surgery so I put myself on a time out from the contest."

"That's good. You'll feel so much better. No one can keep up the schedule you guys have been pulling for two weeks."

With a sigh, she rolled onto her back. He followed her movements and shifted his hand to her thigh.

"Izzie snapped last night," she told him. "She got really crazy and then started crying." She giggled.

"Izzie crying is funny?"

She nodded against the pillow. "Only because she was crying because she kept trying to diagnose 'medical mysteries' in the clinic and none of them panned out. She was certain a few hives were flesh eating bacteria and a case of the flu was some rare autoimmune disorder. We forced her into an on call room. She was asleep in less than a minute. Of course, she slept for twelve hours and was livid this morning that we hadn't woken her. Apparently, it was group sabotage."

He laughed. "Just tell her sleep is important."

"We did. George has been sleeping more than any of us and he's holding his own with the points. He tried telling her that..."

Derek lowered himself onto the small mattress beside her, lying on his back so they were shoulder to shoulder. "And how are you holding up in the points?"

"Third." She made a face. "Cristina is still in first. George got some really lucky cases today, so he pulled ahead of me by two points. Well, that was at lunch. I got some points in surgery this afternoon, but I don't know about him, especially if he was working while I was sleeping."

"Then you'll just get more points while he's sleeping."

She smiled and reached for his hand. She intertwined their fingers before speaking. "Are you going home now?"

"Mmm-hmm. I had to go back in on my haematoma from this morning. There was a re-bleed."

"He going to be okay?"

"He should be."

"That's good." She paused. "Are you sure you have to go home right now?"

"When should I be going home?"

She moved quickly. One moment she was laying beside him and the next she was straddling him. She ducked her head down so her lips were inches from his. "After this."

He reached his hands to rest on her hips. "I supposed I could stay for this," he whispered, reaching up to close the distance between their lips.

"I miss you," she whispered between kisses. "It's been days."

He chuckled into her mouth. "It's unacceptable," he agreed.

She deepened the kiss in response.

Cautious of the edge of the mattress, he rolled them over so she was pressed against the bed under him. He released her lips and took the leisurely path to her neck, stopping to breathe in the faint lavender of her hair. She moaned when he finally ran his tongue across the crook of her neck.

Her fingers burrowed themselves into his hair, her nails biting into his scalp.

He pressed against her, feeling his body reacting to hers. In just moments he could be-

The sound of a pager cut through the room.

Meredith groaned in frustration.

Derek buried his face into the pillow, his chin resting against her shoulder.

She sighed as she held up her pager. "Trauma coming in," she relayed, "Five minutes out." She paused. "It's big."

He released the last remnants of hope that he would get to see his wife naked in the next few minutes. Slowly he sat up.

She offered him an apologetic smile.

He kissed her, telling her it was okay. "Next time," he promised.

"Next time," she agreed. Then she ran her hand through his hair. "I really do miss you."

"I miss you, too. I'm on call tomorrow night. Maybe we can...have a sleepover in my office...?"

"Definitely."

Day Six

Meredith had pulled into the lead. She had picked the right patients in the ER and had been in surgery four times that day. She had pulled ahead of Cristina by several points. And, having caught up on her sleep, Izzie had pulled into second. Alex and George were tied for last. The late dinner the five had shared – in a keep your friends close, but your enemies closer kind of way – had involved quite a bit of the girls gloating about their lead over the boys.

It was late now. Meredith had only seen Derek once since she had been paged away from him the night before, and that one time had been a fleeting glance across the busy ER. She missed him. It wasn't something she would admit to anyone but him, but it was the truth. She missed coming home to him, missed waking up next to him. Despite their hectic schedules, they had never spent this many nights apart before.

There was no light shining out from under the door to Derek's office, but she assumed this was where he was. She had checked the OR Board, but hadn't seen his name. And they had made a date the night before to meet here. There was more room in an on call room, but his office offered privacy.

The door was unlocked. She smiled as she turned the knob and pushed open the door, knowing he had left it unlocked for her. As expected, he was asleep on the couch, still dressed in his navy scrubs. He was lying flat on his back with his forearm draped across his eyes.

She closed the door behind her and locked it, before padding across the room. He shifted at the noise, reminding her how light of a sleeper he could be.

"Mer?" He mumbled? Sliding his arm away from his eyes.

"Expecting someone else?" She joked, sitting on the edge of the couch next to him.

He offered her a sleepy smile. "Just making sure."

She leaned down and pressed her lips against his.

He deepened the kiss and his hand found the back of her neck, pulling her upper body against his. "I didn't mean to fall asleep," he murmured between kisses. "I was waiting for you."

"I've been thinking about this all day."

"Mmm, me too."

She pulled away quickly and stood.

Still flat out on the couch, he shot her a questioning look.

She smirked and pulled her tops over her head. She then kicked off her shoes and shimmied out of her pants. "I've missed you," she murmured as she returned to him, crawling onto his body so that she straddled his waist.

"I've missed you, too," he told her, sitting up and pulling her against him.

Meredith ran her hands across his sides and back. He leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled back, her fingers finding the hem of his scrub top. "First things first," she explained.

He helped her to rid him of his shirt, and then immediately pulled her flush against him again.

"That's better," Meredith said, revelling in the feel of his bare chest against hers.

"Almost," he responded, his fingers deftly unhooking the clasp of her bra.

She giggled as he tossed the garment away, but he cut her off with a kiss.

Day Seven

Derek woke early in the morning to the sound of a pager. For a moment he was disoriented – it was dark, he was naked, something was pressing against his back and his front, and he smelled lavender – but then the thing pressing against his front groaned. He sighed as his mind found sentience and he remembered his surroundings. He and Meredith had spent the night on the couch is his office. It was a rather large couch, but still wasn't truly large enough for a full grown adult to sleep on, let alone two. His back was pressed to the back on the couch and Meredith was wrapped in his arms in front of him, her back pressed to his chest. It was a tight fit, but they made it work.

Meredith shifted in his arms as she reached over the edge of the couch for the two pagers sitting together on the floor. "It's yours," she announced, "Consult in the pit. Not nine-one-one."

He moaned. "You go," he mumbled, "Get some points, just don't kill anyone."

She giggled. "I wish. Unfortunately, I think they'd notice that I wasn't Dr. Shepherd."

He sighed and pressed a kiss to the back of Meredith's neck. "Technically, you are Dr. Shepherd, just the wrong one."

She turned over to face him, and he tightened his grip around her to keep her from falling off the edge of the couch. "I'm not a neurosurgeon," she tried.

"Not yet."

She rolled her eyes.

He kissed her. "Fine, I'll go. If it leads to surgery, do you want to scrub in?"

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"It'll look like you're giving me special attention. And with the contest..."

He sighed. "Mer, I've let everyone else work with me at least once this week. You're the only one who I haven't worked with. No one will think it's favouritism."

He kissed him softly. "I just don't want to take any chances. I will scrub in with you if a patient I'm working on needs you. Other than that, I'm saying now for the next week." She smirked. "I don't want anyone questioning it when I kick their asses in this contest."

He couldn't help but smile at her tenacity. "That's my girl."

She laughed. "Now, go do your consult."

He kissed her once more, before murmuring, "Bossy."

Day Eight

Meredith was starving. Every time she had tried to grab something to eat that day she had been pulled into surgery. She needed the points, but her body was starting to remind her that she needed food, too. She was crossing the atrium on her way to the cafeteria when she heard her name, and smiled as she caught sight of her husband hurrying towards her.

"Hey," she greeted brightly.

"Hey," he echoed, pecking her lips. "Where are you off to?"

"Food," she replied. "I'm starving."

"I hear you're winning again," he said as they walked together down the series of hallways that would take them to the cafeteria.

She smiled. "By a point." Cristina hadn't done so well the day before and her score had suffered. She had fallen into fourth. Izzie had pulled ahead of everyone, with Meredith in close second. Alex was in third and George had fallen into last. But in the last few hours, Meredith had made up enough points to pull ahead of Izzie.

"A point's a point. You just have to keep the lead."

"I slept a lot a last night, so my plan is to try and push through tonight and tomorrow to expand my lead."

"Sounds good, just don't burn yourself out, you're only halfway there."

"I've found it easier to sleep less often, but for longer. Catching short naps when I can are only helpful for a few hours."

He nodded. "Less REM sleep that way."

"I just have to make it a few more days like this, and then my plan is to..." She trailed off as she glanced around the empty hallway to make sure no one was listening as she voiced her strategy to her husband. "My plan is to get a good amount of sleep on day twelve so I can just push through the last thirty-six to forty-eight hours."

"Good strategy."

"I hope it works." They had reached the cafeteria. "Do you want to have dinner with me?"

"That depends."

"Depends on what?"

"Whether you'll buy me dinner?"

"And why would I do that?" She asked playfully.

"Because I'm broke," he bantered, pulling a single dollar bill out of his pocket. "This is all the cash I have left after the daily coffee runs I've had to do. Being fair isn't cheap."

She laughed. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "You're worth it. I just haven't had time to make it to the bank. I was actually on the way to the ATM by the front lobby, but I got distracted by the pretty doctor."

"Flattery will get you everywhere, Dr. Shepherd."

"Including free dinner?" He joked.

"Including free dinner," she agreed.

Day Nine

It was a quiet day. Meredith had gotten points that morning by doing sutures in the pit, but there hadn't been any more interesting cases. She was sitting at one of the desk in the ER, catching up on paperwork she had let slide over the past week as she focused on the contest.

At least, she was trying to catch up on paperwork.

Unfortunately, with the lack of activity, her mind had less current information to focus on and kept straying to the issues that had been plaguing her mind for weeks now. Derek had, as he so often did, talked her down from her freak out. He had made her feel loved and safe and secure. He had made her trust that he was okay with her need to be as committed to her residency as the single residents. He had even made her feel proud of herself and more grateful than ever for the wonderful man she had fallen in love with. He had fixed her in that moment, but she was starting to accept the fact that she couldn't continue like this. Something would happen that would trigger the insecurities she liked to shove into the back of her mind and pretend she didn't have, and then she'd stress within herself, often with nightmares, until she reached her limit. And Derek was always there to talk her down.

But she didn't want Derek to always have to talk her down. He shouldn't have to. She knew he loved her and didn't mind, but she wondered how long he would put up with her behaviour. How many more freak outs would he put up with before he lost his patience with her? He'd never given her a reason not to trust him, and yet she would find herself doubting things with him. Eventually he would realize he deserved someone more secure than her.

She needed to fix herself before she damaged her marriage.

"Hey," Cristina greeted, dropping a pile of charts onto the desk next to her. "You had the same idea I did."

Meredith nodded. "I thought about using the quiet to catch up on sleep, but I'd also rather not have to stick around for a day after the competition while I catch up on paperwork." In truth, she wasn't exhausted enough to sleep right now. She hadn't had the nightmare since Derek had talked her down, but she wasn't sure if that was because she had been calmer or because she was only sleeping when absolutely exhausted, which tended to result in dreamless sleep.

"You and me both. How behind are you?"

Meredith shrugged. "Just a couple days. I've been able to catch up a few times."

Cristina dragged a chair over and claimed half of the desk to work on. "Any interesting cases today?"

"Not a single one. Did some sutures. Diagnosed a case of the flu."

"I got that beat," Cristina said as she scribbled notes onto a chart.

"What did you get?"

"You'll never guess."

"If I'll never guess, then just tell me."

"You have to try."

Meredith sighed. She snapped closed the chart she had just finished with and turned to her best friend. "Is it cardio related?"

"Yes."

"Is it rare?"

"Extremely."

"Is it-"

"Ectopia cordis!" Cristina said excitedly, cutting her off.

"No way."

"Way. I couldn't believe it myself. Bailey made me go to the clinic and I got stuck doing an ultrasound," she made a face, "For a single point. But it was totally worth it. You should have seen it. So cool."

"Could you see the heart and everything?" Meredith asked. Ectopia cordis was a very rare defect in which a baby's heart grew outside its chest in utero.

Cristina nodded. "I admitted her and did a 3D ultrasound."

"Wow, that's...wow. There has only ever been a few hundred cases ever reported."

"Less than two hundred worldwide."

"I hate you for being sent to the clinic."

Cristina smirked.

"How do you treat that? Clearly the mother can't give birth. The heart would burst."

"C-section is four to eight weeks. We'll need time to get a team together. I met with Hahn after I made the diagnosis. Sloan's going to see about extracting some stem cells to grow some skin to cover the incision after we repair the heart."

"Is Hahn going to let you assist?"

Cristina's expression darkened. "She better. It's my patient. I made the diagnosis."

"I'm sure she will," Meredith added, hoping it was true. Hahn still hadn't warmed up to Cristina, despite the months she had been working at the hospital, and she could tell it was starting to take its toll on her best friend.

Day Ten

Meredith hesitated outside the department she had never set foot in before. The walls were painted a comforting beige colour and inspirational, framed pictures were hung along the walls. It should have felt welcoming, but Meredith still hesitated as she wondered if she should truly be here.

She'd had too much time to think the day before. It had triggered ideas that she couldn't get out of her head, even after a massive car accident had kept her busy all night. It could help...

But did she really need the help? She was doing okay...right?

Memories of the desperate fear that had plagued her a little over a week ago fluttered into her mind. She had overreacted on a whole new level. She had practically been at the point where she thought Derek would leave her because she had agreed to participate in a two week contest.

That wasn't normal or rational. She needed to fix the part of her that reacted that way.

She needed to fix the part of her that needed a role model, that needed the assurance that things could work out okay.

She wanted a long, happy, full life. With Derek. She wanted to have a family. And she most definitely did not want to turn into her mother. She needed to become for confident in herself, and she didn't know how to do that on her own. Derek was there for her no matter what, but he couldn't help her with this, no matter how much he may love her and want to do everything he could for her.

Meredith took a deep breath. She needed to do this for her future.

After glancing around to ensure no one was watching her, she pushed open the door that led into the counselling department, grateful that despite the fact that it was staffed with psychiatrists, it wasn't part of the psychiatric department. She didn't think she could have found the determination to go there if that was the case.

A friendly looking, older woman with greying hair and a scrub top with cartoon animals on it sat at the reception desk. She offered Meredith a smile as she approached the desk.

"Can I help you?"

"Uh, yes, I was wondering," she glanced around nervously, "What the process would be for making an appointment." She paused for a moment, before rambling onward as she lost her nerve. "For a patient, I mean. I work here, clearly," she laughed nervously as she looked down at her blue scrubs, "And I have this patient. And I think that she could benefit from...some help. So I was wondering what the process would be..."

The woman behind the desk surveyed Meredith with understanding eyes. If she saw through Meredith's thinly veiled explanation, she didn't say so. "It's quite simply. We have a number of psychiatrists on staff who specialize in different areas. Your patient just has to come in or call to make an appointment."

Meredith nodded. "Okay. And what might the wait time be?"

"That depends on the psychiatrists. We have specialists in several different areas. Children and teens, marital counselling, traumatic experiences..." She trailed off. "What kind of help does your patient need?"

"More...personal problems. Some insecurities. Some...issues in the past. Fear of the future."

The receptionist smiled. "That would be Dr. Wyatt's area of expertise. She's excellent." She passed Meredith a small brochure and business card for Dr. Wyatt. "Give this to your patient. Dr. Wyatt's schedule is pretty open because she also does consults for the hospital. Appointments can be made with twenty-four to forty-eight hours usually."

"Great. Thank you." Meredith turned to leave.

"And doctor?"

"Yes?" She turned back.

"Whatever your patient is going through, we can help her."

Meredith nodded before back around and leaving the department. She may not have made an appointment, and she may have lied about who needed to appointment, but she had gone. And that was a start.