55 Clear

Jackson leans over and pulls me back over to his side, "That's all I ask you to do, Melita. Try." He holds me close and kisses my forehead. His breathing slowly becomes evenly paced and his light snores, tell me he's fallen asleep. 

I know he's probably wiped out from all the stress he's been under plus the flight to come back and come over to .... God... I'm a horrible girlfriend. I sit up on the edge of the bed and he doesn't even move, that's how tired he is.

My stomach was empty though and I needed to eat something. I head downstairs and start to make something to eat. A knock sounds at my door and I go answer it. There's an older, silver-haired gentleman I've never seen before.

"May I help you?" I ask him.

"Hello, I'm Mr. Sawyer. Are you Melita Xenos?" He asks kindly.

"I am. How do you know who I am?" I become a little wary since I've never seen this man before.

"I'm here because of Mr. Morgan. I'm his lawyer. He had requested I had his phone repaired for him and was informed he would be here." He lifts a small bag and holds it out.

"He's asleep but I will take it for him." I hold my hand out and he hands it over. 

"Thank you, Ms. Xenos. I'm glad he's getting some sleep. Could I beg a favor by asking you to have him call me tomorrow?"

"Of course. Thank you. Mr. Sawyer." I close the door and go back to the kitchen and check the food.

Once it's done cooking and I sit down and take my first bite, there is another knock at the door. Rolling my eyes, I swallow my food and answer the door.

"Hello... Ethan...?" I look at him, he's got a bruised cheekbone and split lip but seems alright.

"I wanted to make sure that you're okay. I'm sorry for earlier. I didn't mean to set him off with my comment." Ethan scratches the back of his neck at his words.

"What did you say to him?" This was something I had thought about.

"I told him to try again later. That you had a few drinks at lunch." He shrugs, not realizing he had told Jackson something that was exactly what he had been concerned about.

"Okay that makes sense. He was worried if we went out together that you could get me drunk and take advantage of me. I told him you were not like that but...." I shrug. "Anyways, thank you Ethan for coming by and checking on me. However, I'm fine. I hope you are too?" I motion to his face.

Ethan nods, "I'm fine. Nothing I can't handle. I'll talk to you later." He waves and leaves before I shut the door.

I head back to the kitchen and finish my food before heading back upstairs to crawl back into bed with Jackson. He stirs a bit as I snuggle in next to him after pulling the duvet up over us. His eyes flutter open but close again as he smiles and wraps me back up in his arms. 

He softly murmurs, still asleep, "I love you, my Lita." 

I've only heard him say those words a handful of times. Every time I do, it pulls on my heart strings because I know he means them. Even asleep.

I run my hands over his body, finding my comfort in him being next to me. I lay my head on his chest, listening to his breathing and heartbeat that quickly becomes my lullaby as I fall asleep.

I wake to Jackson still sleeping, curled around me and the early morning sun coming through the windows. It's still soft enough to not hurt my eyes as I climb out of bed and head to the bathroom. When I come out, I pull my drapes across the window partially to block them from hitting Jackson's face here soon. I go downstairs and get the coffee started and pull some bacon from my freezer to start thawing. 

I head back upstairs and notice Jackson has moved around in the bed, like he was searching for me in his sleep. Knowing it will be a few minutes before the coffee will be done I climb back into the bed, gently so I can watch him as he sleeps. He looks at peace right now, much better than yesterday. 

I'm disappointed in myself and how I have felt about this whole situation. It wasn't my intention to completely disregard Jacksons feelings... I just didn't think about it. Which makes the guilt worse. 

I'm stupid and pathetic really. I'm a full grown adult who can't even consider how one of the few people who's cared for me feels. Yet, I considered the feelings of the one that walked away from me. I don't deserve Jackson. I don't deserve his love, his kindness, his patience. He deserves better than me. 

I close my bleary eyes and lean my head back, letting the hot trickle of tears fall over my cheeks. I wipe my tears away and take in a deep breath before looking at Jackson again. He has the most beautiful eyes, I could look at them forever.

"Why are you crying?" He reaches out to me and I start, just now realizing he was awake.

"You're awake!" I exclaim, now embarrassed.

He cocks a brow at me, "What gave it away?" I roll my eyes as he sits up but let out a squeak as he pulls me closer and sits me across his lap. "Now, why are you crying, Melita?" 

It's hard to even look at him, let alone admit it out loud. I shake my head and tuck my chin to my chest.

"Melita. You are safe with me. You can tell me anything." He says softly and calmly.

His words only make me feel worse. I really do not deserve him. I keep my chin tucked as more tears well up in my eyes, bitterly. Jacksons hand takes my chin, lifting it to make me meet his eyes that I still keep down.

"Melita..." He says my name again with a hint of annoyance blooming in it.

"I don't deserve you." I say barely above a whisper and close my eyes. Tears are forced to fall over my cheeks that I quickly try to wipe away.

Jackson sighs, "Why do you think that?" 

I snap my eyes open frustrated he keeps pushing when I'm not wanting to speak about it right now. "Because it's true. I'm an adult who shouldn't even be in a relationship because I don't know how to be considerate of anyone's feelings but my own. I don't deserve you."

Jacksons eyes grow hard and he takes a deep breath before letting it out slowly. "You are correct."

Wait? He just agreed with me? I let out a little whimper now that my thoughts have been confirmed. 

"The way you're acting childish right now, you don't deserve me, according to you. However, last time I checked, I knew what I was getting myself into." Jacksons jaw tightens as my jaw drops open. "I know you are inexperienced when it comes to healthy relationships. That may make you feel inadequate at times due to what I've asked of you. However, the truth is... I am inexperienced too. What I need from you now though, is to stop sulking and putting yourself down. Stop making it sound like you want to give up. I need you to use that strength I know you have, to pick yourself up and say you have made a mistake. That you are willing to learn from it and we can move on from here together." 

My mouth flops open and closed, insulted but at the same time... he's fucking right.

Damn it.

My silence must unnerve Jackson because he grips my hip with one hand like I was ready to jump up at any moment. 

"Melita... I don't expect you to be perfect. I'm not perfect either. Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you should give up on us or devalue your own self worth." 

"I never said I was giving up. You asked why I was crying and I told you what I was feeling to cause me to cry." I still can't meet his eyes for long, feeling like I am the biggest idiot of all time. 

Jackson sighs, "Will you look at me?" 

I raise my eyes to meet his but still end up glancing down seeing too many emotions reflected in his eyes. All of those emotions are causing my body to react anxiously and not maintain eye contact. They make me feel guilty but also stupid and selfish. 

Jackson takes my chin in his hand again and lifts it up, "Melita... My Lita. I told you already, I'm not going anywhere. I only want you. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make us work." My damn bottom lip begins to tremble at his words, so I bite it to control it. His eyes catch the movement and I watch Jacksons eyes dilate. 

"You're right." I manage to say, finally. I release a heavy breath as I continue, "I am sulking and I need to stop." I glance down at his own lips that are slightly parted, his tongue flickering across them. I feel my nostrils flare at the site and Jackson lets out a low, rumbling, growl.

His hands slides up my back to my neck, pulling me to his lips for a desperate kiss. His heavy breathing as our lips meet and part, has me wiggling my hips in his lap. He grips my waist and legs, holding me firm until he rolls his body out from under and over me. 

He looks down at me as our lips part to catch our breath, a hunger rising in his eyes. Those same eyes that take the sight of me in, under him. I can feel him growing against my thigh, his hunger becoming harder to contain by the second as he leans back over to run his tongue over the nape of my neck.

His hot breath tickling the sensitive hairs sending a shiver of desire through my whole body. He whispers against my skin, "Since that business is cleared up, it's time I show you how much I've missed you... my Lita."