Seventy-Nine

By the time that Changmin and I had left DayBreak and gotten to our car, I had also pulled my mask on. I helped Changmin load the luggage into the boot before I got into the passenger seat. I was still not a very confident driver so I let Changmin and Jaehyeon do most of the driving unless I absolutely had to.

Changmin and I had moved in together. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, we had merely moved into the same apartment complex. It was a high-end place that took security and privacy as being their top priority so we had had little to worry about regarding our secret cohabitation.

We had not quite gotten a chance to live there together though. Almost immediately after we moved in, Changmin had to go to the Military. I had lived there alone till the world tour.

"Have you been well?" He fleetingly glanced at me.

I had gone silent. Realising that, I put all other thoughts out of my head. "Yes."

"Even without me?" He pouted.

"Ey…" I chuckled. "But tell me, how was it for you? The Military service." I hugged the backpack that I now had on my lap and turned to him.

His face…

I had missed him so so much.

"It was nothing that I couldn't handle." He shrugged. "I enjoyed it, in a way. That doesn't mean that I wanted to stay there even a moment longer. I had been itching to get back home to you since day one."

I doubt that I would be different when my time comes. "You're finally here though."

"Mm. But… you didn't visit me."

"Hyung, I was busy. When I was free, I couldn't meet you. You know that I tried. And… I did write you letters…"

"Why are you embarrassed to admit that?" He laughed on seeing my face.

"They were such cliched love letters…" I looked away. "I cringed so much while writing them."

"They got me through all this time though." He smirked. "And they were really cute."

"Just... be happy that I even sent them."

"You still did not come to see me though." He went right back to pouting. "Even my sister who is away in America was able to make time when she was in Korea."

"I'm sorry." I said, telling myself that I should have expected this complaint. "But you'll be seeing me every day from now on."

"I hope to. That all depends on our schedules though." He shrugged.

That was true. Everything still depended on our schedules. Speaking of schedules… "It's next month, isn't it? Your solo debut."

"Mm." He nodded. "It just… feels strange. It hasn't quite sunk in yet. After all these years, to think that I will be doing this on my own… Even though it has been almost two years, because I was in the Military, it hadn't really hit me. It was after getting home with nothing much left to do that it really dawned on me."

I watched him closely as he spoke in that unusually solemn tone. This was another reason why I had written such sincerely cheesy love letter hoping to give him as much support and strength as I could have. I really had wanted to visit him but it just had not worked out. "Hyung… you okay?"

He looked at me and smiled before turning back to the road. "I'm okay now."

04:00 am had disbanded a month before Changmin left for the Military.

The news had come suddenly and had been a huge shock to everyone- myself included. They were doing very well, after all. They were at the peak of their popularity and everything had been going so well- or so we had all thought. Even Changmin had not told me about it but, apparently, they had been contemplating it for a while.

Hyeonwoo Sunbae had wanted to settle down. From what Changmin had told me, Hyeonwoo Sunbae was in a relationship and there was huge pressure from the family front. They had all tried to talk it out and come up with another way but, in the end, Hyeonwoo Sunbae said that he would leave and that the others should continue without him. That had affected all of them pretty badly, especially coming from their leader himself. No announcements were made because the agency was still trying to work things out somehow.

None of this had reached our ears.

Apparently, there were scattered fights too, especially between the younger members and Hyeonwoo Sunbae because they felt a little betrayed. Hyeonwoo Sunbae had supported them through their hard times and they were all very attached to him. When the same person who inspired them suddenly came out and said that he wanted to quit, it had not gone down well with them. I couldn't even begin to imagine what that period of time might have been like for 04:00 am. They were still promoting their latest album and still performing in front of thousands, not letting on any of the riff-raff that was happening behind the scenes. Minho had apparently even gotten so upset once that he asked Hyeonwoo Sunbae if he really was okay with abandoning them.

They did understand that he wanted to settle down but they were also aware of how he was merely giving into family pressure. Hyeonwoo Sunbae might have seemed a little easy-going at times but he was one of the most passionate members of 04:00 am when it came to music. It was unbelievable that he was willing to throw all that away, especially considering that he had secured a name in the industry as a solo artist too.

Hyeonwoo Sunbae's case was just the begin. It had adversely affected their group chemistry but Hyeonwoo Sunbae still held on. It was painfully obvious that he was having a hard time making the decision.

Then Beomseok Sunbae went off to the Military. Hyeonwoo Sunbae himself was preparing to leave the next time. Changmin and Jaemin Sunbae too would soon have had to follow. With all four of them gone, 04:00 am would have had to temporarily halt their activities anyway. It might not have affected them as badly had things been okay otherwise but with the strained relationships, they just lost their ambition. To top it all off, Youngjae Sunbae had gotten into a little trouble at a bar once and 04:00 am, in general, and Youngjae Sunbae, in particular, had received a lot of hate online. Coffee were still holding on strong though and it did not affect their general popularity much but all of this was taking a toll on them emotionally as well.

DEspite everything that had happened up till that point, Changmin had continued to hide all that from me. When he did end up telling me later, he had said that they had not wanted anyone on the outside to know until they had worked out an end to all that themselves. That was understandable but I would have liked to have been able to support at least Changmin.

Maybe it was the timing of it all that dealt a heavy blow to them. It had all happened at around the same time, after all.

And at a time like that, Baekjae Sunbae got offered the lead role in an international series that he could not turn down. No. He would have turned it down had he really wanted to. If he had, though, he would have remained where he was, acting career-wise. That might have been okay had 04:00 am held promise for the future. With things as they were and how suffocating it might have been, he wavered. When the others had heard about his indecision, they had sat him down and told him that he was free to choose whichever option he felt would have helped him grown.

'We won't hold you back. We want you to succeed in what you want to do too. Times are difficult but… don't feel obliged to cut everything else off just for our sake. No matter what happens to us, we will always support you.' Hyeonwoo Sunbae had told Baekjae Sunbae that. I had heard so from Baekjae Sunbae himself when we had met for a drink two days before he was scheduled to leave for America for the shooting.

That had happened a week before the official announcement of the disbandment came and a day after Changmin had unexpectedly cried to me about the whole thing. It was on that night that we had decided to get a place together.

It looked to me as though they had all pretty much given up on continuing as 04:00 am by then.

Baekjae Sunbae had also felt partly responsible for it despite receiving the others' support- 'had I chosen to stay, they might have felt a little more strongly about sticking it out. I feel like I'm running away and that they are letting me because that was all that was left to do.'

I could offer no comfort.

Conveniently enough, it was also time for their contract term with DayBreak to end. While Coffee and everyone else had been awaiting news about their contract renewal, all that they had received was an announcement that had been beyond shocking to them- '04:00 am has decided not to renew the contract with DayBreak Entertainment to focus on personal lives and pursue solo careers.'

The actual drama behind it all remains known to very few people, including myself. Even the rest of S.T.A.Y did not know the whole story.

I was still in touch with all of the members of 04:00 am. By now, they were all aware of my relationship with Changmin as well. While some of them had not accepted it whole-heartedly, most of them had only best wishes to give even as they asked us to be careful. When Changmin and I had found a place for ourselves, I decided to tell S.T.A.Y as well. While Hanseol had said that he wasn't too surprised, Yeojun had been shocked and Mingyu had gotten upset because it was too risky and because I had not told them sooner. We were able to talk out any differences that arose as a result of all that though. I had had Jaehyeon on my side, after all.

No one outside of S.T.A.Y and the former 04:00 am knew about us though.

DayBreak Entertainment had had talks with Changmin on his return from the Military and had agreed to sign him on as a solo artist. For me, personally, I was happy that he wasn't going to give up on his career. Beomseok Sunbae and Jaemin Sunbae had also decided to pursue their solo careers. Baekjae Sunbae had made it big in the film industry, getting recognition internationally and moving further ahead from there, thanks to that drama that he had signed up for. Hyeonwoo Sunbae had gotten married and settled down. He had decided to never step foot in front of the camera again. However, he continued to work with DayBreak as a Producer. Youngjae Sunbae had completely dropped out of the industry though, saying that he couldn't handle it anymore. Everyone was concerned about him because of the hate that he had received but he had been doing alright since then, working a low-profile job. Minho had also left the industry as an artist and joined his family's business but he did occasionally appear as a host or a guest on shows.

While the younger members hardly talked to Hyeonwoo Sunbae, I was still in touch with all of them. Despite how tense things had gotten between them, it was obvious that they were all still worried about each other.

Changmin and I did not really talk much after that for the rest of the ride home. I did not speak because I was not sure of what exactly to say. Moreover, I still had not been able to greet him like I would have liked to. I wasn't entirely certain about what Changmin was thinking about but I was aware of the slight tension in the air. It was as though the both of us were holding a lot back.