Nineteen

The moment he had parted ways with them, he had stuffed his hands into his pockets and frowned. It didn't really make sense to him but he wanted to get down to the bottom of it. It was difficult to comprehend given his lack of understanding of his own sentiments. His love for her was real. He knew that the connection he felt with her was not his own messed up imagination.

It was almost as though he was missing a very important piece of the puzzle.

Whenever she smiled at him, beyond the obvious affection, he could see a slight sorrow- a loneliness. It was beyond him how he had even come to be able to read her so well. It was as though he had known her for a really long time but according to what she had told him and what he could remember, he had never met her before that time at the café.

This was all so messed up.

Miyazono Shibata stopped walking outside a bookstore for no particular reason. Walking was just distracting him from thinking. He just did not want to walk anymore.

Agari-san, wasn't it?

She had indeed shown him the kimono and planned a very detailed festival date but that was not all that she had said.

Halfway through showing him the kimono, she had gotten all serious and asked him about how he really felt about dating Akane. He had figured that she was referring to all the family trouble that it entailed. He had answered honestly. He had never felt so strongly about anything or anyone before. No matter what it meant, he wanted to stay by her side. He had nothing more to consider and no one could make him reconsider.

He loved Akane.

Nothing else mattered.

'She's awfully lucky to have you, you know? You're the one thing that's keeping her from breaking. I'll leave her in your care. I know that there's a lot that you don't understand and probably never will but know that she's genuine and that everything she's doing is so that she can protect you in her own ways.' Agari had said. 'No matter what happens, don't doubt her and don't blame her.'

'Blame?' He had asked.

She had smiled. 'She loves you.'

'I know but-'

'That's all you need to know.' She had cut him off and continued showing off the kimono.

When he saw Akane again, he couldn't look at her properly because of all that Agari had said. Neither did she leave him blissfully oblivious nor did she tell him the whole story. It left him wondering who exactly he should be worried about- himself or Akane. Or both?

All he had really understood was that her situation was far more complicated than she let on. If he could have, he would have taken her away with him and hidden her away from the rest of the world.

Something told him that this didn't work that way though.

If only he knew what was going on.

If only he knew how to support her.

If only he knew the truth.

Nevertheless, he decided to trust her. Whatever she was doing, she was doing to protect him, wasn't she? He would respect that. He'd swallow all the questions he had, hoping that there would come a day when he will know or that there would come a day when it did not matter anymore and they would be able to love each other without any worries.

However, his pride as a man wouldn't let him sit still and just be protected. He wanted to protect her. He wanted to be the one doing what her said 'cousin' Terasaki-san was doing.

He couldn't ask her anything but maybe he could get something out of Terasaki-san, as two men who had the same objective? But then again, Terasaki-san did not seem to like him very much. Maybe he was just protective of his little sister?

He paused.

Were they really cousins?

The kind of dislike that that man showed was more along the lines of... jealousy. After all, he did assert that she was living with him. Whenever the conversation got favourable for Shibata, he'd cut it short. And he'd always looked away rather distastefully when Shibata kissed her.

...

It was probably better for him to see the man as her cousin, especially given that he understood too little about their circumstances. After all, the one Akane loved was him. If anything, in this situation, he trusted at least her love.

Shibata began walking home again. If what Agari had said was true about him being the only thing keeping her from breaking and if all she really needed was for him to be there for her and to love her like he did, he would do just that.

That was all he could do, after all.

It was 03:17 am according to the clock when I had happened to wake up. Chiyo was fast asleep beside me, her pendant lightly wrapped up in her fingers. The girl had probably only ever heard stories about her father and yet, she cherished that pendant enough for me to know that she knew her father's warmth too. I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. I had nothing to hold onto my parents by.

Terasaki-san wasn't on the couch beside me like he was supposed to have been. I sat up in bed and looked around. He definitely was not in the bedroom. Slowly, I stepped out of bed and made my way to the kitchen and dining area. Just as I had thought, he was standing by the window.

How many times had I already caught him standing by the window like this in the middle of the night?

"You're supposed to go back to sleep, Akane- not come looking for me every time you don't find me there." He looked over his shoulder at me. "Unless... you can't sleep without me."

"I'm worried about you." I frowned, ignoring that statement. "You hardly sleep some nights."

"It's a restless night. I have a job to do." He looked out the window again.

A restless night, huh?

"Will Shibata-kun be alright?"

"You worry too much about too many people. Go to sleep." He said curtly.

"You come sleep too."

"I can't."

"Then I can't either." I stood my ground. "I can't just sleep blissfully knowing that you're going to be up the whole night trying to keep me safe. I'm not a child anymore."

"That you aren't. You're a grown young woman now." He breathed. "But that doesn't change the fact that you can't stay up all night. We've had this conversation too many times already."

"It's not going to work- your trying to talk me out of this." I went over to stand at the window. "I'm going to give you company for at least a little while."

"Stubborn, aren't you?" He chuckled.

"Thank God, huh?" I shrugged.

"Fine. Give me company for a while." He gave in. "But only a little while."

"Compromise." I nodded, standing beside him and leaning against the window sill. "It's hard to believe though. It's such a beautiful night out and yet..."

"It's precisely because it is such a beautiful night."

"Huh?"

"When the night is so beautiful, more people are peacefully asleep and there's a lot less to worry about. It is on such beautiful nights that people let their guards down. That's when the other entities get to work."

"Oh." I had never thought of that. "That... makes sense."

He looked at me. "You like thunderstorms, don't you?"

"Yeah." I replied. He had obviously seen me standing by the window of my own room back home during stormy nights, watching the lightning bolts streak across the sky.

"Why?"

"'Why?' I... don't really know." I took a moment to think. "It's pretty- the lightning. It makes the world seem alive. And it somehow makes me feel calm."

"Calm?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

That's when it hit me. "Calm..."

He smiled. "Looks like you were sensitive to these things in your own way."

Damn. "But shouldn't there be more negativity on a scary night like that?"

"There is. However, that negativity is just from people's own emotions within themselves- emotions that they tame and largely have control over. Such negativity does no harm. At the worst, a new entity may be born but it poses no immediate threat to anyone or anything. No one can actually stop it being born either so it is out of our forte. 'Restlessness' as I say, refers to the entities born out of emotions that have lost meaning. Without meaning, there's no means of controlling them. 'Meaning' itself can be the person or the host. It can be reason. On peaceful nights such as this, entities try to sever the spirit from their meaning when they are unguarded." He paused. "Does that make sense?"

I nodded. "Somewhat."

"Good." He looked outside again. "Don't worry. You'll be fine." He then added as if on second thought. "And so will Miyazono, as long as he keeps the charm I gave him close to him. There's only so much that a charm can do but it is basic protection."

I see. "Terasaki-san."

"What?"

"Thank you." I said, leaning against his arm briefly to show that I truly meant it. "You do so much for me and... I really can't thank you enough."

He was silent for a bit. "You want to thank me?"

"Yes." I perked up.

"Go sleep then."

"Wha- Terasaki-san!" I punched his arm lightly. He laughed softly- a laugh I hadn't had the honour of seeing often. "Y-You're a horrible person."

"Yes, I am." He said and turned his eyes to the nightscape outside again. "I'm a horrible person."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I frowned. He had said that in such a way that it did not seem to have been just a mere echo of my words.

"You have two options."

"Huh?"

"Either you go to sleep on your own or I put you to sleep."

I pouted and glared at him. "Again?"

"Your 'little while' is up."

"No. I want to-"

"Akane."

I pursed my lips and looked away. "I may not be able to do much now but one day, I'll become capable of taking care of myself. Till that day comes, however, to give you company is the least that I can do."

He breathed heavily and dropped a hand on top of my head. "It's alright. I'm doing this because I want to. Now you..." He trailed off, then stepped away from the window and began walking towards the bedroom. "Come with me."

"Huh?" I followed him in. He proceeded to go and lie down on the couch. "I can't sleep but I'll be here. Now, sleep."

"It isn't because I can't sleep without you." I clarified.

"I know." That was all he said.

I stood at the foot of the bed, considering what else to say to seem less like a scared little child but eventually I gave up and climbed into bed. Without another word, I turned my back on him, faced Chiyo and closed my eyes.

"What? You're angry with me now?" He chuckled.

... "No."

"Then turn this side."

"What?" I looked back at him. "Don't be stupid."

"Good. You're not angry."

"I'm not."

"Okay."

All conversation faded away after that. In the silence, however, I felt a lot more at ease.

Maybe I was consciously or unconsciously aware of Terasaki-san's presence after all. Maybe I tended to wake up and come across him standing at the window so often because I wake up every time he goes away. Maybe I wake up precisely because of his absence.

The spirit sure worked in funny ways.