87. The night of Angela's rescue

In my agitation, I tossed the bag of chips aside, in that moment, I felt this wave of frustration and anger, everything I had buried started pouring out, "You have no right to say you are worried...where have you been? Where did you disappear to? Did you even think about me in your absence? Did you even-"

Walter dropped his head, "I am sorry.", It's all he said with a face darkened with guilt and zero hostility in his voice, taking all the words from me. I didn't even know how to respond, I was angry but at that moment, I just felt defeated, all my anger melted, and I sighed heavily, and stared down at my hands. I didn't want him to the sad look on my face, him ghosting me was the worst thing anyone had ever done to me, and I needed to know why, "Why did you disappear? Was it something I said? Was me confessing my feelings to you that scary? You could have told me if you were not ready. You didn't have t-"

I felt his huge arms hug me from the back, and with a heavy voice, he muttered, "That was cowardly of me. After what happened with Angela, I didn't know what to do. Khalind- anyway there are no excuses. I am sorry..."

I believed he was sorry, I could hear it in his shaky voice, but it wasn't enough, my heart couldn't accept it, "Walter, that's not enough. I need to know what happened..", I said calmly

He abruptly unwrapped his arms around me and marched back to the stove, still with an unstable voice, he continued, "It's not that I didn't care, it was something...I am really sorry Thandie, it's just not that easy, but-"

Based on the hesitation I saw on his face, I knew I was not going to get the answers I needed, but now I was sure that there was more to the story. The way he looked, if I was in a good mental state, Walter would have walked out at that moment, his hands were slightly trembling, and every slight movement from him was literally screaming let's not talk about it, he was a second from shutting down.

"Looks like I am not the only one in need of therapy", I said through my teeth but his five-second pause told me he heard me, he didn't say anything, he just looked at me displeased with my comment, and I didn't take it back because I meant it. The man clearly looked disturbed and traumatized, we were in the same boat.

In acceptance that I was not going to get my answers and also feeling sad about my wasted Vodka, I sighed in disappointment, "Anyway, you didn't need to throw my alcohol away, and I will say it again- you don't have to feel responsible over what happened. I should thank you for showing up when you did. You don't need to worry or feel guilty about it.", I got up to leave the kitchen. I decided that staying in my room was better, "You can call me when the food is-"

"Where are you going?", he asked,

 I couldn't bear the silence, and I was not in the mood for small talk, unless if it was an explanation, I looked at him with determination, "My room, I don't think we have anything to talk about-"

He chuckled, "I am sure we can figure something out, we can talk about anything, just not about that. Please...sit"

I obliged and waltzed back to my chair, "Then what do you want to talk about...the weather?". I hadn't seen Walter in a while, and sure, normally there would be a lot I would like to talk about, the latest in his life, maybe business, but at the state I was in, I had no interest in talking about anything else. 

"Don't be like that Thandie...we haven't seen each other in a few months, I am sure there's a lot to talk about, you know-", he said so casually somehow causing my heart to tense up. Yes, there was a lot to talk about, but we cannot talk about anything else before we've addressed the elephant in the room.

In my pettiness, I blurted out, "Yeah, maybe the reason behind not seeing each other for months. I mean ordinary people would normally start there but we are not, and so there's nothing to talk about. You already know everything that's been happening with me. I would ask about you...but, I don't think I would like to go there without a good explanation for why you disappeared in the first place...". I had to know why, I risked a lot trying to find him, I was in such a mess because I was looking for him, atleast I needed to know that I endured all of that for a good reason, I needed a reason, and I was fooling myself by thinking that I would be able to let it go.

There was a long silence in the room, the air was dense and heavy and Walter was even more tense, he really didn't want to go there. You'd swear we weren't the same people that just from the grocery store. Right when I was about to give up, with a sad voice, he spoke

"I did it to protect you..."