85. Sandra's plan 2

I paused whatever I was doing for a second to take in his words. Never in a million years did I even consider the fact that Walter might be feeling guilty over what happened to me. I hoped it was nothing like what he felt when Angela disappeared because if that was the case, I don't believe I would have been able to handle it. It would just worsen whatever emotional turmoil I was going through, in fact, I didn't even dwell on it. But the fact that he felt guilty somehow justified his absence and it made me feel a tiny bit better. It might be that I was making excuses for his behavior, not wanting to face a reality where he may have not cared or he really wanted to get away from me. But that doesn't mean I was happy that he was taking responsibility for what happened to me. I sighed and went on to pour my drink, now I really needed it.

The entire time I couldn't look him in the eyes, I felt like I was no longer the same woman he knew and so he shouldn't have to stare into the eyes of the woman I have become. I was too humiliated and I was scared he would see how pathetic I truly felt, still acting indifferently, I grumbled, "Don't worry about it, it was not your fault, you never asked me to do any of that. Anyway, you have seen me so you can leav-".

He jumped and grabbed the glass from my hand a second before it touched my mouth, "Oh, I can't leave, I promised Sandra that I would be driving you to the therapist-"

For the first time, I raised my eyes to look into his, "Thera- what?", it seemed Sandra was serious about the therapist and stupid me, I even forgot that I told her I would be going to a session on that particular Friday.

Seeing my blank expression, Walter sighed, "I knew it, anyway, she said if you don't go, she would be forced to tell your parents what happened and they can make you go...."

Classic Sandra. She really got me there, I never wanted my parents to know what happened to me, I was scared they would be disappointed in me. After all, I was irresponsible, so I needed to deal with it on my own. I made Sandra promise not to tell...but it seemed she had the ultimate leverage over me. So much like when we were kids... I was basically at her mercy. I sighed, "Fine, but I am not booked -",

Walter cut me off with a smug look, "Don't worry. Everything is booked....all set, just waiting for you..."

He sure was being a good messenger, feeling annoyed and cornered, I dragged myself to my bedroom, "Okay.. Fine but I need to shower and change.", Walter nodded still with the same annoying grin on his face.

I changed into another pair of black sweats, then wore a beanie over my head. I didn't put much effort into my looks, the more unattractive I looked, the better. It meant fewer eyes on me.

"I'm done", I said as I came out and surprisingly, he didn't give me any reaction, he just nodded indifferently, as if he expected it.

He led me out the door but made sure to remain as close as possible as if to ensure I didn't run. For the first time in a couple of days, I stepped foot outside my room and it felt strange. I was sober and so my brain was working over time, every time my eyes met someone's eyes, I felt exposed as if they knew what happened to me, and when a man looked my way, I couldn't help but wonder what they thinking, were they perhaps saying something about my looks. I was beginning to freak out and I felt Walter's hand tightly grabbing onto mine, in response, I glanced up to his face and was met with a smile, "It's okay. I'm here..", he mumbled, and I quickly averted my eyes. It didn't make me feel any better at that moment, but somehow it assured me that I would be okay one day.

I still couldn't smile back, instead, I pulled my hoody over my head and got into his car.

Walter booked me in with his family therapist, and after the hour-long session, I found him waiting for me in the sitting area. He didn't ask how it went, instead, he drove us to a supermarket to get groceries, "proper food", as he puts it. Although I was still skeptical about the whole therapy idea, but at least the doctor was nice enough for me to return.

I sighed heavily on our way to the shops, just thinking about the whole journey I was about to embark on and how I ended there in the first place, I was really doing this therapy thing, was I ever going to be normal?

As if reading my mind, Walter blurted out, "You will be okay Thandie. I know it", his eyes remained fixed on the road and I finally gave a subtle smile, he didn't see it though.

We finally reached the supermarket but all of a sudden I couldn't step foot out of the car, I was scared, the crowd was a lot to handle and thank goodness he understood.

He smiled, "One step at a time...I will go alone today..." I just nodded, and he went inside on his own, 40 minutes later, he was back pushing a trolley full of groceries. We then drove back home because he wanted to cook for me, to be honest, I needed the home-cooked meal, after the crap I'd been eating, I needed something warm so I did not protest that idea.

We carried the bags upstairs and the moment my door opened I was met with a clean apartment, it left me speechless. The whole mess was gone, the trash by the door and the empty bottles were all cleaned up, and my laundry machine was running...it looked like a properly functioning apartment. I was so astonished that for a second I thought it was someone's place, but then remembered I punched my code at the door. I turned to Walter who had a guilty face.

"Yeah... It was me, I'm sorry.. you know I can't function in a messy environment, and I had to cook. To be completely honest, I paid some cleaning company to help out-"

I didn't know what to say. I was happy my apartment was clean. It made me want to do better and maybe put a bit of effort into my appearance, after all, I was in my space. I figured it wouldn't hurt to doll up a bit indoors. I placed the bags on the counter, "I will go take a quick shower, help yourself in the kitchen...", and he nodded with a smile.