41. Are you avoiding me? 2

My heart broke upon seeing the sad look on his face, it was a face I had never seen him wear before, I froze for a while, lost for a response.

Still holding my hand, he asked again, "Are you avoiding me?", this time with a bit of annoyance in his tone. I was debating on ways to tell him about Khalinda, but I could not find a single right way, as a result, I kept choking on my words, then I started stuttering, 

"No, is not that I am avoiding you, so, is just--you see-- Walter I-".

Walter somehow misunderstood my stuttering, in response, he let go of my hand and began to pack his things, "Look I came all this way because I was worried, but I can see that my visit is not welcomed, so..I will go", he made his way to the door.

His reaction broke my heart and I could see that he was misreading my intentions and misunderstanding my actions, that was the last thing I wanted, my heart started beating anxiously, "Walter, wait!" I rushed to hold his hand which was now holding the door handle,

"Are you not going to ask me what's wrong? or why I am acting like this?".

Walter shook his hand from mine, still wearing the same, sad disappointed look, but this time, I could also see the frustration written on his face,

"No, I am not going to ask. See Thandie, I have already made it clear that I like you and I was under the impression that you felt the same....". My heart sank even more, 'he really misunderstood me', I thought, I took a deep breath and took a step back towards the other end of the room, readying myself for what I was about to say, "I do...Wal-". Walter cut me off but I was also starting to lose my cool at his constant interruptions, I get that he was upset, however, I wished he could atleast try to listen.

He began to walk towards me, but as he kept getting closer, I kept moving backward until I was barricaded against the wall, however, Walter was too frustrated to even notice, "If you do then why didn't you talk to me? If you knew something was wrong or you didn't feel right about something, why didnt you come to me? Why play this game of hide and seek? We made plans for this weekend but the next thing I heard was that you decided to go home early. I figured it must have been because of the posts, the stress got too much, so I came here to spend at least this one day with you before you go home, but to my surprise...", He stopped midway through his sentence and sighed heavily, "You know what, I will take my leave", with that, he turned back towards the door, this time determined to walk out. It suddenly hit me that if he walked out, I would not be able to stop him, so, at that moment, I yelled out, "I spoke to Khalinda Baker!", stopping in his tracks, he turned to ask "What?", his face darkened and visibly shocked. Still frozen in the same spot he left me, I breathed out, "I spoke to Khalinda..okay? she told me about Rachel, the baby, your grandmother and you..", I was avoiding eye contact because that was not how I wanted to say it, it was the opposite of how I wanted to say it.

Walter furrowed his eyebrows, depicting his annoyance, "Oh, I see...I am sure she had a lot to say, but you decided to ignore me instead of confronting me?", his eyes displaying his disappointment clear as day and his words were like sharp object to my heart. I began to feel like whatever I was about to say from that point on, was just going to be misunderstood, so I had to choose my words carefully, "No, that is not why...the thing is-",. Walter cut me off to say, "Look, I am not going to beg you to tell me, but if I make you feel uncomfortable, I would like to know and-". I abruptly turned my eyes up to look at him, I was now annoyed, not just at my inability to express myself, but at him for jumping to conclusions, and not letting me get my point across, "Walter! Would you listen!..Please". Hearing the change in my tone, Walter stopped talking and focused his attention on the stern look on my face. Words started falling out my mouth, "I was not ignoring you because I felt uncomfortable or wanted to cut ties with you, it was because I didnt know what to say. You and Rachel went through something so traumatic, and I honestly did understand her urge to hurt you-",

Walter didn't let me finish my sentence, with his face now less tense, he said "Yeah, I deserve all of it, after what I did to her and my grandmother, I can not forgive myself", 

The pitiful look on his face somehow annoyed me, I found myself yelling again, "That! That is what I don't understand...at first, it made sense, I got why you may have felt like that. Honestly, you could've handled the situation better, but I get why it may have been tough, you were just a boy. I get both of your actions, but guys! Dont you think this thing between the two of you has gone on long enough?! She hurts you and you let her, every time. I honestly don't want to be caught in the middle of this and end up like Cindy, I got lucky this time, but what's next? What if she does something irreversible? It seems like Rachel has figured out the best way to hurt you. She has you figured out", before I knew it I was very close to Walter looking up at him, and a tear rolled down my cheek, he reached out to gently wipe it, his eyes were red as well,

"You must have thought about this a lot hey", Walter's look told me he finally understood my actions which made me finally calm down,

"Yeah I did, y-", he suddenly pulled me to his chest,

"I am not going to let her have her way this time?", he said calmly

"What do you mean?", I asked still buried in his chest. He pulled me out and led me to the edge of the bed. "You said I always let her have her way and you are right, I always let her win because I felt like no amount of pain I went through could compare to the hell she went through after losing the baby. It was my baby too, but Rachel was more connected to him than me. While all I felt was guilt, Rachel felt the loss, hurt, torture, and the unworthiness. The world took something precious from her once again, someone she loved....so I let myself become her emotional punching bag, I wanted to feel something more than guilt. But not anymore, this was the last time..."

"What changed?", I curiously asked