A Gamble

"I cannot agree, Your Royal Highness!" Only the change in the pitch of her voice let on how indignant Court Lady Kim was by Jay Yi's request.

"I do not have a choice, Sanggung Kim. If I do not act urgently, the morning sun will not leave me anything worthwhile to live for."

"This is very dangerous, scandalous, and can harm your position. I cannot help you with something like that."

"I will not have a position to protect by tomorrow morning," Jay Yi said unevenly, trying to control the tremor of her voice. Jay Yi pulled her neck up straight, pushing her chin out. "I was going to do it by myself, but if you help, I have a chance to avoid any ensuing scandal if I succeed. If I fail, there is no reason for anyone to worry about my position anymore."

"This would be considered too dramatic under all circumstances. You must learn to control your emotions at all times and not panic unnecessarily."

Jay Yi toyed with the gold circle of the brilliant green, emerald ring encrusted with infinitesimal, sparkling diamonds around the base of her middle finger, the stones catching and throwing off prismatic rays whenever they captured a glow from the lanterns around them. 

"I have learnt that His Majesty does not want me to be his Queen anymore."

For the second time since Jay Yi had known the Court Lady Kim, the woman showed an expression.

Of worry.

Her eyebrows rose by the width of the crescent of a clipped nail, a faint line furrowed between them.

"Where did you hear that? Did some court lady scare you? You must ignore such horrible jokes. Certain unscrupulous people are known for playing nasty games like this. Do not be afraid. Some of the Palace workers, not me of course, you understand, admire you because you know what it is like to work in this Palace. You have allies in places you do not know yet."

For once, Jay Yi felt terrible at the Dowager getting the blame.

"I cannot divulge my source but it is someone beyond reproach. Try to understand. My position is precarious, Sanngung Kim."

"I do not know what makes you speak like this, Your Royal Highness, but I know His Majesty will never let something so preposterous happen. You might have been a eunuch for a short while, but it does not negate the fact you are a noblewoman chosen by the King emeritus himself. Most importantly, you are His Majesty's most favoured woman. However, it does not matter to us whether one is a chambermaid who has the favour of our Master or a royal-born Princess. We serve them all the same. Our place as Palace servants is never to judge what our Masters do. As your servant, I must adhere to the rules. Moreover, you forget, Your Royal Highness, that His Majesty upholds the standards we all should live by...."

Jay Yi tuned out the rest of Court Lady's sermon. It was like speaking to a wall. A Confucian wall. Jay Yi clenched her eyes in frustration.

Half an hour later, Court Lady Kim learnt first-hand how precarious Jay Yi's situation truly was.

Few people alive had seen Court Lady Kim's face arrange itself into an expression of complete shock.

"That cannot be true! She was speaking the truth then. Why, all of a sudden? This is a highly unfavourable turn of events for this Palace. Perhaps His Majesty's father might help him rethink his decision."

"I do not think His Majesty will change his mind," Eunuch So said sorrowfully. "I have not seen him so heartsick and broken, not even when the late Crown Prince Yi Hyeon died. But he has made up his mind. I am trying to keep this as quiet as possible, so you must ensure Her Royal Highness leaves quietly with dignity in the morning. She is to take everything gifted to her, so arrange to pack those and send them to her after she leaves."

"Is there nothing that we can do?"

"I do not know, Sanggung Kim. What can we do but follow orders?"

Court Lady Kim felt a burden on her chest.

With heavy feet, the worried court lady returned to the detached Palace. The warm hues of the young spring evening had surrendered their space to the silvery velvet of the night. Several Court ladies were prepping and polishing the Detached Palace in preparation for the marriage in two weeks. They were woefully behind schedule, forcing them to burn the wicks at night to reach the finishing line on time. Though the morning had rolled into night, no one paid attention when a court lady held up a brass tumbler high so another could shine it from below or to the one who used her nail to pry out muck from a corner of a lattice on a door, or even to the young court lady who exited Jay Yi's chamber with her meal tray. "Please ensure the morning breakfast has some Japanese tea and is delivered on time for Her Royal Highness." Court Lady Kim instructed sternly. The court lady with the tray hastened to exit. "Her Royal Highness has retired for the night. I do not want any sound coming from here." The other court ladies in the hallway bent down further to attend to their task. Quietly. No one liked to be in the crosshairs of Court lady Kim, who seemed even more stern today than usual. At least the new Queen was kind, and that was a respite.

Court Lady Kim sighed glumly as she watched the lump under the covers on the bed at the far end of the room move restlessly behind the meshed curtain. Against her wishes, she had developed an affection for the young Queen. She would never understand the minds of the royals. How could they treasure chambermaids or cherish deceitful women like the deposed Queen but shun truly noble ones like Min Yay Yi, who had every quality to make a great queen, was beyond her Confucian understanding of the world. Court Lady Kim pulled on the ropes of the hanji around the room to draw them, filtering out the moonlight, and blew off the candles one by one. She did not have the power to change the tide of the course that awaited this Palace, but that did not mean she could not feel sad for the young woman she had come to regard in high esteem.

Hwan's faithful Head Eunuch was worried. People greeted him with reverence as he crossed the courtyard with two more junior eunuchs in tow into the Royal Palace of their King. He had never felt such sorrow for the grand residence and its inhabitants for four decades of the life he had dedicated to the Palace, a good half of which had been devoted to the care of a young Prince who now sat on the throne as their monarch. Lady Min Jay Yi had brought a breath of fresh air, spreading happiness throughout. Hwan had a spring in his step, an almost childlike exuberance that often brought smiles to the faces of his entourage. Few had seen Hwan's playful side since he assumed the roles of Crown Prince and, later, King until Lady Min made her appearance. His unscheduled 'morning walks' had become a source of entertainment and a secret joy to the men and women who had little to smile about in a Palace solely driven by rules and duties.

As a monarch, Hwan was a benevolent King, an astute politician, a kind master, a visionary leader and a gifted ruler. But as a man, Hwan was painfully reserved, emotionally needy, sought intimate soulful connection and needed anchoring. Hwan seldom opened his heart to anyone. However, once he did, there was no going back. Hwan could walk miles for someone he cared about, and there was no one that Hwan cared more about in this world than Lady Min Jay Yi. Eunuch So could bet his life that yesterday, Hwan had been almost jumping with excitement at the proclamation of Min Jay Yi as his Queen.

After seeing Hwan waste away pining after his erstwhile eunuch, everyone who knew about Eunuch Go heaved a sigh of relief when Min Jay Yi finally entered the Palace. After all the trouble his young Master went through to get the lady into the Palace, Eunuch So did not understand what made Hwan make this terrible decision to send her away, especially as he was suffering greatly for it. It was evident Hwan still held the young woman in extremely high esteem and still wore his heart for her, but Eunuch So had little say in what his Master did with his women and could do nothing other than hope for the best.

The attendants for the night shift had started preparing for Hwan's nighttime routine.

Eunuch So stepped into a room bustling with dynamic energy. When Hwan became the King, several new faces had been added to the retinue. Many of them, though young, were highly skilled. But the preparatory room was always a hotspot for bickering.

"Yesterday, I carried the water tumbler. Today, it is your turn."

"Who got these socks? They have a spot on them. You want to be fired, you moron?"

"Did you take a look at him? He looks terrible. He almost took the head off Court Lady Lee. And he did not wash let me wash his hair during the bath. Is His Majesty ill?"

"Shh, stop speculating and get to work."

"Eeesh! This water will be ice-cold by the time we get to the chamber. Raise the fire! Use your lungs! Blow harder! The bellowing pipes do not work by themselves."

"Where is the fresh towel basket?"

Everyone went quieter as Eunuch So entered, though the harrying around did not cease. Instead of yelling in loud voices, they began yelling in - whispers.

"The nightshirt has a crease on it." Worried whisper.

"Why does Eunuch So keep bringing new people we must teach everything to?" Grumbling whisper.

"Take some Japanese tea that Princess Hyeon gifted His Majesty last week. His Majesty is in a terrible mood." Warning whisper.

"First night at duty? You carry the used towel basket. All new eunuchs have to do that." Mean whisper.

"Yeesh. I thought we would not see his nasty moods now that Her Royal Highness is here!" Complaining whisper.

Half an hour later, the team assembled in front of the elaborately decorated latticed door in front of Hwan's royal bedroom, a massive chamber that had come off from a large common space furnished with seating in the middle with simple but elegantly carved pieces with rich red and black cushions. To the left was another chamber that was not yet in use. The future Queen's chamber.

Eunuch So walked over to each team member to do a last-minute inspection. He adjusted a hat, pulled a tunic straight, and sent someone to the back for sporting a spot of black soot on their socks.

"May we come in, Your Majesty?" Eunuch So's voice rang out.

The lanterns inside the chamber further out from him were set low, shadows wrapping their long fingers around the corners, crevices and notches. It fit what Hwan felt inside. Dark, numb, spent. He was - tired. He stared sightlessly as his night shift attendants filed in.

Out of habit, his limbs moved to accommodate the ministrations of his loyal people who cared for him day and night. He had been unkind to some of them in the wake of his destroyed heart. He had to try to be better.

She had been loyal, too. His warrior. The one who would take on anything to keep him safe and happy, even at the cost of her own happiness.

Two court ladies held the ends of the covering cloth like a curtain behind which he changed. Eunuch Nam and Eunuch So ran the warm, wet towels down his body, quickly drying it before his skin reacted to the cold air that came into contact with his warm skin. They polished his skin with a concoction carrying a fine fragrance that his olfactory glands had stopped detecting long ago.

Jay Yi had adored the fragrance on him.

"Your Highness, you must wear this fragrance when you meet Seja-bi-mama. I am sure she will be impressed," Jay Yi had offered him her sage advice, much to his consternation, as his Eunuch when he was to wed the late Crown Princess Han. Jay Yi had inhaled him whole as his woman, driving his senses crazy with wanting her wanting him.

Easing the shirt of his night dress over his shoulders, Eunuch So and Nam stepped away. The court ladies started assisting with the fastenings. Someone unclipped his sangtugwan; another took his hand to wipe it with warm towels.

Two court ladies aired the quilt of his bed. His eyes burned painfully, but he knew sleep would be very far from his eyes tonight. Tomorrow. Next year. Even if sleep came, it would bring along the nightmares that would wake him up with a vengeance.

His unseeing eyes scanned with disinterest as his people moved around. In the rear of his enormous chamber stood a court lady carrying a tray with a pot and cups. One Eunuch pulled down the hanji around him to keep out the silvery night of the flooding moonlight, further darkening the already dim room. Another stood with a large basket to which others transferred the used towels. The woman with the tea tray trod towards him, kept it on a table near him, and looked up to Eunuch So for his approval. The older, senior most ranked Eunuch in the Palace nodded at her. She was the new one who joined last week, Hwan observed distractedly. He liked to drink tea before he retired to bed. That might help.

A lantern played a trick on his overwrought eyes, and his pulse suddenly kicked up a storm. The semi-shadowed profile of one of the eunuchs at the far end of his chamber reminded him of someone who had never left his conscious and unconscious self since the first day they had stepped into his life on the hunting ground. He looked away. He was going crazy.

Hwan smashed his eyelids close over his hallucinating eyes.

He would stop thinking about her. He would not think about her childlike glee at things new to her or her wisdom-filled eyes when something grave bothered her. He would ignore unwelcome thoughts about her ever-flowing kind heart that considered others before herself and forget about her immense courage when faced with life-threatening situations.

He would marry the first woman available amongst the large pool of women at his disposal. He would make a political alliance. All his predecessors did that, and there was no reason why he could not. All he had to do was sire some heirs and fulfil his duty. It could not be too hard.

His restless eyes drifted back to the Eunuch involuntarily.

The Eunuch carrying the basket moved to their left to collect a few more used hand towels from a court lady.

He knew that gait.

Cognizance hit him like lightning, illuminating the ground of his mind with the intensity of a white-hot glow during a storm.

Heat rushed to his head, every nerve coming alive with awareness, and an unholy, exciting tension tightened his body.

Hwan stood up in a flash, and the court ladies tending to him lost their balance at his sudden movement.

"What is the meaning of this?" He thundered.

His entire entourage went motionless, suspended in their positions, a slash of fear quaking them.

Hwan strode and stood in front of her, towering.

"Why are you here?"

Large, liquid brown eyes slowly looked up at him, eyes that had once carried all their hopes and dreams, now left to cinders at their feet.

The massive green latticed door of Hwan's royal bed chamber stood like a ravine separating her from her fate, the closed door of the Queen's chamber behind her mocking her attempts to pry it open. The vibrant red of the pillars around her, the complex symmetrical brushstrokes of dancheong, or painted patterns in bright green, blue, white, red, and yellow on the overhead beams, made little impression on her agitated mind. Her heart raced, but there was no heat in her body. Holding the used towel basket tight with hands almost numb, Jay Yi met Eunuch So's eyes. The kind man dropped his eyes and gave an imperceptible bow of respect before adjusting her eunuch hat. "Do not worry, I am sure it will be all right."

Jay Yi bowed back to him in reply. There was a veritable flower garden in the pit of Jay Yi's stomach that all the butterflies in Joseon had decided to invade and then morph into crawling bugs, creating mayhem in her efforts to hold herself together.

"What you are planning is very dangerous," Court Lady Kim had warned her

"I promise none of you will be in trouble. But this is the only way."

"It is not that I fear for my station, Your Royal Highness, but what makes you think this will work?"

"It might not, but I must speak with him," Jay Yi had balanced the meal tray to ensure the bowls did not slide and mess up the court lady's dress she was wearing, her grip mercilessly tight as if her life depended on it, "Do not ask anything further. It's an order." Jay Yi had calmly crossed the court ladies working around her, everyone too worriedly busy with their tasks to pay attention to a kitchen maid. The older Court lady had watched her exit the detached Palace with worrying eyes.

Jay Yi was taking the biggest gamble of her life. Filling her lungs with air that seemed to be in short supply, she looked straight ahead, eyes focused on a spot between the shoulder blades of the young Eunuch standing in front of her in the line. Summoning the courage that had never failed her so far, she squared her shoulders.

"You look nervous. Try to stay as far from His Majesty as possible tonight and don't catch his attention. He is in a very, very bad mood," the kindly young Eunuch carrying a water vessel in front of her gave her a friendly warning.

Jay Yi gave him a shaky, thankful smile and a nod.

"May we come in, Your Majesty?" Eunuch So's voice rang out.

"Enter," came the voice that swirled the air in her gut nauseously, leaving her legs mush in nervousness.

The chamber was massive. Even in the dimness of the chamber, a riot of colours greeted her. The lavish ceiling covered with intricate, colourful motifs and symbols was supported by bright red pillars that looked dark red in the lantern lights. The expansive walls were interspersed with windows, allowing silver beams of moonlight to illuminate the chamber in its soft glow. The hanji curtains, with their impressive, knotted silk rope pulls, hung suspended everywhere. Even though it was now bustling with a team of twelve people tending to Hwan, it still looked large enough to hold another twenty and not sweat.

Surrounded by several lanterns, the most brightly illuminated part of the room, the floor at the far end was occupied by one of the most oversized beds she had laid her eyes on, the backsplash screen with its black and gold making for an impressive backdrop.

On it sat the man with the power to make or break her.

The sight of Hwan shocked her. His face was grey, devoid of colour, almost as if he had been ill for days. He did everything he was supposed to, habituated since the day he was born, to conduct himself in a fashion that befitted his stature. But his beautiful eyes were listless and looked far into nowhere. He had seen through her without recognising her.

Until he did.

The moment he realised she was in the chamber disguised as a eunuch, his demeanour changed. His body coiled, and he reminded her of a panther who had caught prey but did not know what to do with it.

His angry strides had eaten up the ground between them, and he stood in front of her, looming over her intimidatingly.

"Why are you here?"

Jay Yi grew still for a fraction of a moment before turning to him, the basket clutched in front of her.

The kindly young Eunuch with the water vessel stepped in. "Please forgive him, Your Majesty, it is his first shift during the night -"

Jay Yi would have smiled at the young man's valiant effort to come to her rescue if her heart did not feel like it would explode in fear.

She had been stunned at how sad and sick Hwan looked when she entered. Not so anymore. His face was flushed, his eyes furious - and alive. Her pulse quickened with hope.

"Head Eunuch So!" Hwan barked.

The poor young Eunuch fell silent in fright.

Eunuch So joined them and bowed.

"Please do not fault Eunuch So, Your Majesty. It was my idea," she quickly bowed and defended the loyal servant.

As if he didn't know who among the two could concoct such a hair-brained idea. Hwan would have laughed if he did not feel so sick at the joke she was playing.

He raked her head to toe, taking in the green of her eunuch tunic that always swallowed her whole, her long neck barely visible under the starch of the white collars, her exquisite face resembling that of a young boy than a woman under the eunuch hat with not even a strand of hair out of place. However, nothing in those fierce, liquid honey eyes or the plump, luscious lips were remotely masculine. Never had been.

"I want this person removed from here right now." Hwan was unrelenting.

"To remove me, you have to tell them to throw me out bodily. Because I will not move from this place until -"

"You dare to challenge me?

"I would not dream of it, Your Majesty," she replied timidly while doing precisely that. "I am imploring my King to listen to me."

The audacity! 

"I have nothing else to hear from or say to you. So leave."

"I am not leaving until you hear me out, Your Majesty. I have come to plead my case as your subject."

He could feel the shocked eyes of his attendants bulging at her mutiny. He could not tolerate that, of course.

"Really? If you are my subject, what gives you the special privilege over the others to barge in here and plead your case out of turn?" He bickered. And belatedly realised that as her King, he was not supposed to argue but give orders.

Ugh! He never had his head sitting right where this whisp of a woman was concerned.

She drew herself up and looked into his eyes. "I am still your Queen."

A gleam flashed in Hwan's eyes before it was gone as quickly as it had come.

The wave of gasp across the room reverberated deafeningly.The tray the valiant young Eunuch held in his already trembling hands lost its copper vessel. Someone rushed in with a towel to staunch the spread of the rapidly spreading water on the rich wood slats of the interlocked floor as the poor young servant mumbled his apologies in panic.

Hwan and Jay Yi, oblivious to the commotion around them, were locked in a fight of their life, one glowering, the other pleading.

"Your Majesty, shall we come back later?" Eunuch So asked calmly.

Hwan took a deep breath. Jay Yi held hers.

"You have fifteen minutes to state your case. Eunuch So, leave the teapot here." He stopped and glared at her. "Forget it. Send in some wine."

Hwan turned around and marched to his seat.

Eunuch So quietly took the basket from Jay Yi's nerveless hands. "Forgive me, Your Royal Highness, for making you carry this."

The entire entourage bowed to Hwan and then to her before filing out quietly, but not before she saw the stricken faces of the court ladies and some of the older eunuchs who had failed to recognise her.

Jay Yi suddenly realised Court Lady Kim was right, that she had allies in the Court at unexpected places. With quaking legs, Jay Yi followed Hwan. 

Eunuch So stepped out, drew the door close gently and turned to his junior co-attendants.

"Court Lady Chi, fetch me Head Court Lady Woo immediately. Eunuch Nam, fetch me Eunuch Kim and Eunuch Cha." The astute man paused contemplatively. "Whatever you witnessed inside His Majesty's royal chamber just now, none of you saw or heard any of it. Am I clear?"