Chapter 5

It was one of those blissfully idle days when time stood still, reminding me that there were no classes, no targets, and no meaningful commitments. I began with a hotdog that I found quite satisfying. The meaty taste engrossed me, and my low whistling entertained me. "There is no way I feel like working today," I started whilst taking another nibble. "I can't find it in my heart to do anything," I added with a smile. 

Then, quite unexpectedly, an image of Aki entered my mind, and I felt warmth coursing through me. "I'm not asking much. I want you. All your imperfections, your laughter, your light-heartedness, your teasing, everything," Undesired, but I could not erase the thoughts of him. My heart fluttered in surprise, and embarrassment radiated from my cheeks. Why did he keep appearing in my mind?

Damn it. Keep it out of my head. In some ways, I also chuckled at myself, wishing it would work. "Cristina, don't even think of that dumb Aki guy!" I screamed again, not for anyone's sake but my own. But still, he swam in my brain, an irritating little nag of I don't know what—something I wouldn't want to acknowledge.

"Who are you yelling at?" another voice came, and much to Drin's shock, he heard it, making his voice familiar. It turned out that Drin had entered quietly and now had one of his trademark smirks and was at the door frame as though he had just walked in on me doing something utterly disgraceful. "You know, if I were to say you're just a girl, you've got a foul mouth," he said, looking at the half-empty hotdog in my palm. "A hotdog again? Is there anything else you eat? I could guarantee that if I opened your brain, there would be hotdogs in there."

I rolled my eyes, attempting to act as though I did not care, but his smile encouraged me. Something about Drin always reassured me; he always felt at home. He often knew me better than I knew myself.

"Drin," I said softly, amazed at myself for the sternness in my voice. "This is a feeling I haven't had for ages." I blurted out what I wanted to say before I could regret it. He became less tense and looked at me with an unusual interest.

"Wait, you mean…?" he said hesitantly.

Gathering all my strength, I took a deep breath and spoke out, "Yes, the feeling of being understood, this is… I have not felt this in a long time." I dared to look at my half-eaten hot dog. "The feeling of being… treasured and appreciated," I said and exhaled, glad to have expressed what I had been thinking of saying all this while. "Because one of your friends—Aki— I don't know how to explain it, but he is making me feel that way." I took another bite of a hot dog, hoping it would re-establish order within me, allowing me to focus on the mundane and the ordinary.

Drin's smile disappeared, and I could discern something inside his gaze. It wasn't strong, just a twitch that I would only see if I had been around him for that long. Was that a hint of pain? 

"Are you beginning to have feelings for him?" he questioned, his voice low and almost questionably so. 

I hesitated momentarily, a muddled pyre of conflicting feelings present within me. "No… not exactly." I didn't mean to speak, but with a tremor, I sounded like I was attempting to clarify something straightforward. "But I want to learn more about him. In the most intimate way." I did not know if Drin comprehended her words, but in that particular instance, I didn't even know whether I did 

For the first time, I felt there was someone who would be able to accept me as I am—with all the eccentricities, my warm belly laugh, dry humor, and all the embarrassing bits—and not judge me. It was not love, maybe not for now. But it was something, and for the time being, that was good enough.