Chapter 28: Be Selfish

I was woken up this morning by the ray of sunlight touching my face that passed through my apartment window. I decided to pay it no mind and tried to fall back asleep. But the heat really did bother me so I just woke up. I should've closed the curtains only if I had known that this would happen.

A week had already passed since the new year. I spent most of those days either reading or sleeping. My life basically revolved around that. Today marks the first day of the third semester. Should I go and meet the professors or just skip it like I always do on first meetings? 

I took a cold morning shower to wake myself up. As far as my mind is concerned, it has settled down and started to get a grasp of things. I've thought about it so much but I would only arrive at a single solution. I really wish to get the chance to have a calm conversation with Yukino as soon as possible. 

Right after taking a cool shower, I came to my senses and decided to put on a sweater with a coat on top. I ponytailed my hair and went on my way to skip classes. I guess I can use my motorcycle now so might as well do so. After all, this day might be special since I have enough money to buy my dream shoes. Where did I get this money? I got paid from the job and my book was already published online as an ongoing series. But from now on, I might be struggling to meet the deadlines. One big problem is that I haven't even written a new chapter yet. I really want this slump to end soon. 

I stopped by the sneaker store where they sell the shoes that I've been wanting for a while now. I opened the door as the bells hanging on the glass door rang.

"Welcome sir" Said the female store clerk. 

I canvassed the store to check out the new released sneakers but none of them caught my eye. Only one shoe could ever catch my eye right now, and it's that sneaker near the counter. I went to the store clerk and asked if they have my size.

"Do you have a size 10.5 of this Jordan 1 High Spider-man Across the Spider Verse?" 

"Yes sir, I'll get it for you."

I'm so pumped! I'm finally getting this shoe. I feel like I would cry right now. The store clerk then arrived with the box and opened it in front of me, and my eyes started sparkling as soon as I saw them. I carefully took the shoes out of the box and fitted them. 

It fits perfectly! I love this! I'm definitely buying this! 

"I'll get it!" 

"It fits perfectly! Just go to the counter now for the payment sir!"

I paid the bill through my card. Despite it eating up almost half of my first pay, I didn't care. This is a reward for myself for working hard. I decided to wear it the moment I got it. I put my old loafers on the plastic bag the store gave me and made my way out of the store with a big smile on my face. 

"Thank you for coming sir." 

I made my way to where Yukino brought me the first time we met in college. Aside from wanting to play the piano, I've been wishing that she'll be there. I tried visiting the place these past few days but unfortunately, she was never there. I just hope that today will be different. 

I parked my motorcycle at the side of the road which is a bit of a risk considering that there's no lock. I just hope that my beloved motorbike won't be towed. I made my way as the sound of leaves being blown by the wind accompanied me. I can see the sight of the piano and my heart started to beat faster than it usually would. I can see the silhouette of a girl I know so well as she was busy pressing the piano keys. I can confirm that those notes were random and had no real direction but it sounded pleasing to my ears knowing that the girl I wanted to meet was the one playing them.

"Skipping classes are we?" Said I.

Yukino was surprised to see me when she turned around. 

"So are you. I don't want to hear a lecture from you so please don't." 

"Who am I to lecture you when I myself skipped. Can I sit down beside you?" 

Yukino nodded so I simply sat beside her. I didn't say a word and just started playing the piano as she listened attentively. Classical music is the best way for me to calm down my nerves so I played a Chopin nocturne. At times like this, I really am glad that I can play the piano. 

I finished playing and I looked at Yukino. "Can we talk about it?" Asked I.

"I'd rather we don't but I guess you'd still insist on doing so." Said Yukino while looking down, not even stealing a glance at me.

"How much time do you have left?" 

"A year. More or less." 

I was surprised and shocked at the same time. But none of these matter as I have already arrived at an answer. So I looked up and decided to let my heart speak what it wanted to. 

"Let me love you during that time. Be mine all your life. Love me during your remaining days. Never let go of my hand until time and fate would allow. I won't let go of yours no matter what." 

Yukino started crying but I decided to not look at her and let her pour out the emotions that she's been hiding throughout. She didn't answer for a while. A few minutes later she started talking. 

"You know I can't." 

"Do you not love me?" 

"I do, but I don't want to hurt you. I'll be leaving you here." 

"I don't care."

For the first time during this whole meeting, Yukino looked at me shocked.

"What? Did you not understand what I just said? Didn't my uncle already tell you everything? I'm drying! Soon! I'm–" Yukino started crying again so I hugged her tightly which seemed to halt her crying. 

"I know everything. I understand it. It's hard, but I've already decided to love you no matter what. If you're thinking that you might hurt me, that's fine. Be selfish, think of your own desires and wants just this time. Allow yourself to open up to someone. Be a kid, tell me what you want and I'll give it to you. Don't think of the consequences, please Yukino, I'm asking you, just tell me what you really want without any regards to what would happen in the future. We'll deal with it when the time comes." 

"I want to be with you! I want to be your lover! I want to have fun with you as lovers! I want us to experience all the things that any other lovers would! Go on adventures, tell each other how much we love each other! I want to be with you all the time! I want to date you! I love you Aoi!" Said Yukino crying in my arms hugging me tight. 

"You finally decided to be honest haha. I'll be your lover! Until time allows it, I'll stay by your side and love you with all my heart. I'll make you the happiest person in this world!"

We hugged each other the whole time she was crying. I wondered how this small, frail and petite of a body managed to be this strong and fight this hard even depriving herself of deep connections. I want to protect this girl. I'll definitely make her the happiest.

As Yukino settled down, we realized that we were hugging each other then decided to sit properly once again releasing ourselves from the tight hug while blushing.

"S-s-so I guess we're a couple now?" Asked I.

"Y-yes. Please take care of me Aoi." 

"I promise I will." 

We both smiled at each other while still blushing.