The cliche sarcastic system

Ah, it feels nice going and gaining levels like this. The only thing that would improve my mood more than this was if I didn't get this fucking wall of text.

I'll just summarize the worst of them from now on because as much as I like reading I can only stand so much, especially when they all start with the same look. It's annoying.

'User never set parameters for condensing announcements.'

... Why don't you tell me this shit?

'User didn't ask'

Is there anything else that I can do that you haven't told me?

'User needs to be specific.'

I don't even know what to ask. Have pity ples.

'No'

You son of a bitch.

'I have no parent nor a gender.'

That's enough of your sass X. Just take condense the announcements please.

'...'

Whatever.

[Skill [Dodge (Novice)] has reached Max level. Evolving to [Dodge(Apprentice)]]

[[Dodge(Apprentice)] has reached level 3]

There you go, now that is more like it. Makes things easier on the eyes. At least to me.

Well time to kill the rest of these goblins since my resistances aren't going up anymore.

"FUS RO DAH!"

[[Shout(Minor)] increased to 3]

Shout successful! I stunned all the goblins.

I pull out the bow and start firing at them with three arrows at the same time.

Inefficient? Of course. That doesn't mean I plan on abandoning this skill though. I have dreams for it, one day I want to be able to effortlessly take out 3 people at the same time with head shots.

Remember kids, never give up on your dreams, if you wanna be able to shoot off someones pinky from a mile away keep training for it. Also question yourself, why a pinky? Then, you reply why the fuck not?

Simple as that kids.

Wait what was I doing before?

I look around and see a bunch of dead goblins with arrows in them.

"Oh... do I have a mental problem?"

I remember starting to kill these goblins, but not the rest of it. Hm...

'Scanning... Scanning... Scanning...'

You don't need to keep repeating scanning. Also what are you scanning?

'SCANNING.SCANNING.SCANNING'

God I get it turn down the volume, giving me a headache.

Geez.

'Found 2 mental problems. Neither can be linked to what user specified before.'

What did you find? I'm curious now.

'Depression and schizophrenia'

Heh. I knew about depression, but schizophrenia?

'No. I wanted to try one of those jokes.'

Bastard, don't play with my mind like that.

'The other was anxiety.'

You know, that actually explains a lot. I guess it isn't severe though since I've never had a anxiety attack.

The more you know, right?

Also don't worry about me, we all have our own internal demons. Some of mine come from childhood, others, well who knows. They can't stop me though.

'You say that now, but that is one of those so called flags'

Why are you so god damned vocal all of a sudden!

'I want to level up. The only way is by you using me more.'

Don't use my mental problems as a way for you to level up! Do it some other way. I mean look at me I went and slaughtered a bunch of goblins to get levels!

'Noted'

Oh yeah, can you show me what I gained from that?

[[Multi-Shot(Bows)(Novice)] increased to LV 7]

[[Bow handling(Novice)] has reached max level. Evolving to [Bow Handling(Apprentice)]]

[User has leveled up to level 13]

[User has gained 3 skill points and 33 status points]

Man I love this fast growth cheat.

How many magic proficiencies are there anyway?

'21'

I feel like there are more than there was before

'God has recently added new types that haven't been in this world in a very long time'

Neat.

I wanna get all the proficiency though so I guess I will have to wait till I find someone who can train me in magic.

I mean I'll still use weapons, it's stupid if a person is a mage, or... wait what are they called here? There're so many ways to name them that I can't think of a good standard.

'There are Wizards, sorcerers, and rarely witches and warlocks.'

Okay, well at least I know the differences between those, Wizards study magic, sorcerers have it ingrained, and the other 2 make deals with devils usually.

'Correct'

Wait I was doing something before I got distracted again...

That's right, I was going and killing goblins.

I look around me and see that they're all dead.

"Oh yeah... I forgot, I got distracted because I somehow killed all the goblins"

Well no use dwelling on it, I start collecting the bodies and the sticks for my firewood later.

After collecting however many bodies there were I walk down to the end of this hallway, thankfully there weren't any goblins left because all that grinding made me a little bit bored.

At the end of the hallway there is another wooden door like the one from before.

Well maybe this time I can sneak in and kill the boss, I open the door slowly so I don't make any sounds and I see a goblin sitting in the middle of the room.

Perfect. I walk slowly into the room and draw an arrow back so that I can just kill him quickly.

BANG

That fucking door.

I turn around and see that the door slammed shut. I turn and face the goblin and he's already charging towards me. This one is different from the others though, this one has a sword.

Granted it's a shitty sword, it's a sword.

The only reason I know it's a bad sword is there is about half of it missing, chips all over it, and it's basically pure rust. So, yeah. I think it's a pretty safe to say it's a shitty sword.

I send the arrows flying at the goblin but he dodges which makes it miss his head. It still clipped his ear though.

What are this guys stats that he can dodge the arrow as much as he did?

Goblin Swordsman:

Level 1

Strength: 4

Cunning: 0

Intelligence: -2

Dexterity: 2

Endurance: 1

Luck: 0

Skill(s): Apprentice Swordsman(Novice) LV 2 ...

Hp: 7/8

SP: 5/6

MP: 0/0

That explains a lot, he has a lot more dexterity than the other goblins. That wont save him though, just by clipping his ear I dropped his health by one.

I smirk as I put away the bow and draw out the knife. Fighting at a bit of a disadvantage should help me test myself a little bit.

I grasp the knife in my right hand with the blade coming out from the side of my fist where the pinky finger is.

I definitely am not holding it like this because I've seen people fight with knives like this in video games.

When the goblin finally got close enough to me it swung the blade to hit me. I'm not one to just let myself get hit though.

Wait a second... I was doing that earlier. Shit. Can I still use that line?

Wait I have the solution, I'm not one to get hit without good reason. That should sound cool, right?

Yeah, definitely.

I swing the knife so that the blades both meet, I angled mine though so that my knife would start from the base of where the sword and the hilt meet and use the momentum to push the sword back as I reach the tip (Part where the sword broke).

This had some unexpected consequences though, I scraped off so much rust that it made me cough violently by the time I was done.

[Skill [Parry(Minor)(Dagger)] Acquired]

Another skill where I have to do it with each weapon to get the desired affect. Whatever, at least I succeeded.

The goblin isn't having a good time either, it's health dropped down by another 1 whereas mine is fine. Thanks Suffocation resistance!

I walk up to the goblin and use [Cutthroat].

Critical hit!

Just kidding, I put too much force and just kinda cut off his head on accident...

Don't you judge me, I'm still new to this killing stuff.

Hm? Why am I this good at killing then? Way too many video games is all I will say to that.

Well I guess I'll give a smidgen of backstory too. I had a rough childhood. That's all I have to say on this matter because I don't care about my past. Maybe in the future It'll be revealed.

Till then though I'm the mysterious protagonist of the story that is strangely used to death.

[[Cutthroat (Novice)] Increased to level 2]

[[Dismemberment (Minor)] Increased to level 3]

Wow, bosses are way more efficient than those cannon fodder that I was fighting before!

I wonder if there is a way for me to farm bosses one day...

Hm...

Well whatever I throw the body and head into my inventory along with the shitty sword before heading down to the next floor.

After descending the stairs I see that the next floor it pretty much exactly the same save for 1 major difference.

Each group has 2 goblin swordsmen in it.

I smirk, now this is going to be a fun grind

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Gained: 33 Status points and 3 skill points

Status:

John Arthur

Title: <Slightly Forgiven soul>

Level: 13

Strength: 30(+0) [Up ]

Cunning: 30(+1) [Up 19]

Intelligence: 23(+0) [Up 13]

Dexterity: 30(+0) [Up ]

Endurance: 30(+0) [Up ]

Luck: 20(+0)[Up 1]

Equipment:

Head: None

Chest: T-shirt

Arms: None

Legs: Boxers, Jean pants, Boots

Misc: None

Weapon(s): Pocket knife, Bow, Sword

HP: 34/90

MP: 69/69

SP: 53/60

XP: 3245/4578