It's Two Months Now

Well technically, it's two months, one day and four hours since we saw each others faces properly. It's not like we haven't seen each other in these past two months, it's just that we have successfully ignored each other while being in a distance of less than five feet. It's not like we decided that before meeting, it happened just like that, like all other things we did that night...

But I'm pissed right now. I know it's my mistake but why on earth do you have to taunt me like that. It's been two months now, at least be wholly compassionate or be totally formal, end it with words this time. I'm done with looking at each other's eyes and figuring out that it's over (or something like that). What kind of situationship is this where both of us know something's there, we literally acknowledged that and still that ship is neither sailing nor sinking. We are a team, we were always in a team. I know we are out of college now, we have seen worst things together, you can't do this on the last moment, on the last work we have to do together. It was my mistake to forget to tell you this, but it was not because we had something....

This, and a lot of other things were in my mind while writing a reply to him over his message "you remember people only when you need them, or only at good times, otherwise no one's there at bad times". But I replied with a simple "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. I never intended to not tell you this." I'm still waiting for his reply, like all other times. Sometimes, I think of crying over him thinking it might help in forgetting him but then my inner badass Sia says "no man's worth crying".

I would have been angry (or frustrated at max) in these kind of situations before three months, but not now. I'm not a control freak, but only if I had controlled my emotions and let him go that night, I would not have been in this annoying situation. Or only if I had noticed all the signs he was showing while talking to me, while working with me, while looking at me, while waiting for me, and while keeping his arm over my shoulder and leaning over me at our last college concert.....

There's a lot left to talk, to discuss, to argue, to clarify between us. The last time we met (in a group, not alone obviously), we looked into each other's eyes, parted our lips to say something, then asked something about our work, looked at each other as if it's not worth it to talk about and then thought if it would have been different if we talked about it.

And like that, there was a pile of things left unsaid and questions unasked and unanswered.