Chapter 25: Walloping Stinger: hesitation, my weakness

Everyone knows when uncertainty invades your thoughts to a point that branches out in your mind like a poison ivy. When it gets touch; or touches you, it spreads quickly, and the itchiness of keeping that new relationship drives you nuts. Nothing will calm that itchiness down until something is being done about it.

There's a remedy for it. But there's no prescription on how to keep it away. The need of keeping in contact with that person drives you nuts.

Where he could be now?

Has he eaten?

Is he writing a new song?

Thought social media was the answer to my questions

The answer to my uncertainty

The remedy to my achy heart

The solution to my every day, drilling in my thoughts like a lingering taste a bad drink leaves in your mouth .

I always said and still say that I have a big heart. Learned at early times that to help anyone that needs it feeds your soul and heart. Your self steem, bring happiness around you and your loved ones.

Meeting someone new through social media was great, had same likes, had same ideals, had same tastes.

I was not looking to date someone nor finding my 'other half'

Nope

Like anyone else, I started to listen to my fave singer, dreaming to one day have the chance to meet him in person.

Is he as tall as me?

He has beautiful blue eyes,

He speaks so beautifully, his words are amazing !

I love his accent

I love the way he dresses up

Unfortunately, one day, all these fascinating things that once grabbed my attention and made my imagination create fantasy stories, stopped. I'll blame it on growing up.

New challenges came with it.

I wasn't told that studying for a career to have a job in order to have anything I wanted, became part of my growing up.

Built my own life. I left behind my idols, my singers, boyfriends, playing games, socializing. My opportunity to migrate to another country was there, but for a price.

After 2 years, I finally get my freedom- my visa, my life packed ready for leaving, my hopes hold in my heart. Entering this new world had like many, it's own challenges. New friends, new food, new language. I was young, I didn't care. I will learn fast. Intimidated by the fact I wasn't articulated enough on the language, I shied out. I would've ran away if someone just told me 'what?!'.

I loved to sing my fave songs in English. I guess that helped a lot on my pronunciation.

As a lyrical copycat, I learned and sang the songs by memory.

My social life - slowly declined as I approached my time to migrate. Had high hopes, nothing was gonna stop me now. I left with a heart in my hand, with an opened mind, decided to face anything, to conquer my fears, and start a new life. Everyone that had met me; every single person I had met, all forgotten me. Shame.

Ok; new life, new people.

Racism on steroids. Hard hit.

I don't wish it on anyone.

Got a job, leaned a new job, met new people. New people hated me. People came to my life and left. Lost jobs. New jobs replaced coming with new challenges and new horizons.

As quick as they came,

They left.

They stayed in my heart.

They stayed in my soul.

They stayed in my thoughts.

I felt stupid to allow this invade my thoughts.

How did that happened?

I'm a strong woman….

My world made so many turns, it got hard to keep up with all the sharp turns and twists. The Wonder Woman I thought I was disappointed me one unexpected day. Caught by surprise, I didn't see it coming, and fell sick.

Got a stroke.

Lost my left eyesight.

Couldn't work anymore.

Resilience helped me to overcome the sadness and feelings involved in the process. Seeking support in some music, found myself comfortable in two singers I never knew their music was to have a huge change in my life.

I contacted them to thank them and let them know the influence their music made to my life.

To my surprise, with no more hope towards them to getting back to me at all, found their answering to my 'thank you' note.

Conversations started, conversations kept going.

Conversations turned into an everyday friend to friend, friend to lover relationship.

It was nice to interact with them.

And still is. Beautiful relationship.

Keeping a relationship online has its ups and downs, it's highs and lows.

Distance hurts, without noticing.

The absence of love pushes you to find other ways to cover that loss., meeting people momentarily to cover that momentary loss.

People come, people go.

Still no one is your pot of happiness.

Still no light on your darkest nights.

I felt alone. Again.

Online chatting?

Some possible new friends came across the horizon.

Let's keep chatting.

Never loose hope.

Still my wound of sadness is fresh.

When chatting back and forth became real, felt like Cinderella, where reality, really hits you.

Is it possible that 2 souls could find their real match?

After all this years, when you literally give up and no solutions are available anymore?

I felt my heart sank. I was happy.

Now I'm sad. Disappointed.

Now I'm helpless.

I wish meeting them could've happened before. Perhaps life would've been different.

But what about love?

I was told many times why we couldn't met before.

Idk

All I know is that if we would've have met before; the would have not been as famous as they are currently.

Yeah, things happen for a reason right?

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔?

𝙻𝚘𝚘𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝;

𝙸 𝚛𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚝 𝚗𝚒𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚞𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎.

𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜 𝚠𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚍𝚒𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝.

𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚜 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕'𝚟𝚎 𝚋𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚢.

𝙿𝚎𝚛𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚜 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚌𝚘𝚞𝚕'𝚟𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝚋𝚢 𝚗𝚘𝚠.

𝙸 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢𝚟𝚖𝚜𝚓𝚎 𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚘𝚞𝚜.

𝚃𝚘 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚜, 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚊 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚝 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢.

𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚢 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚋𝚞𝚢 𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜.

𝙼𝚢 𝚛𝚎𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚝?

𝙼𝚢 𝚊𝚙𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚢?

𝙽𝚘𝚝 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚋𝚎𝚏𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚊𝚖𝚘𝚞𝚜.

𝙳𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚞𝚜.