Chapter 156

" Kyle? Is that really you?" The excitement in her voice was definitely not my imagination. And I knew my mum was on this journey of transformation but I doubt I was ever going to get used to her actually wanting to chat with me. It was like having that one bully at school that always made sure to pick on people for no reason, then one day he just suddenly changed and became nice. In other words, it felt like she had something up her sleeve and I was very weary of finding out what it was. 

" It's me, " I confirmed, but she knew that it was. She had my number after all. 

" How's work going? Everything okay?" 

" Yeah yeah, it's all good. I settled right in. "

" That's good. "

Last night, I had had trouble sleeping since my mind kept thinking of what Austin had said. And I knew that even though I really didn't want to, it was just basic courtesy for me to call my mum and check on her. But it had been so hard for me to decide that, and I had even thought of what I would say. Planned everything out to avoid any awkwardness. But despite how much effort she put in, she still sounded like a complete stranger. This made me sound like a complete asshole, but it has been easier to deal with her before. Because that's the mother I had known throughout my entire life. I couldn't just automatically change my mindset and be all cheery. 

" Come on tell me, how's school? You're at work now, right? How's that going as well? "

" Everything's fine. We have our midterms in a week so I've been really busy studying. "

" Oh I see! But you're a smart kid, I can't take credit for that but I'm really proud of you. "

In my head, I was hoping she'd slow down a bit, just pull the breaks on all the sentimental talk and give me some time to absorb one statement before she made another. Over sixteen years and she finally told me she was proud of me. Something I had always wanted to hear yet it just didn't fill me with any of the joy I thought it would. All I felt was uncomfortable and anxious and I just wanted to cut the call already and go back to my normal life. And when she said she couldn't take credit for my intelligence, I naturally thought "Of course you can't.." but luckily I was sane enough to not voice those words. 

I thanked her instead. It was a dry thank you but it was still better than nothing. 

" Oh! You don't have to worry about the rent, I already paid it. And in a few more days I'll send you some money to buy whatever you need. "

" That's not necessary, I can manage -"

" Kyle, "

I hated that pleading tone! I hated it more than she'd ever guess because it made me feel like I was a horrible human being for being so cold. It was a phonecall but even I could hear my own voice. The forced interest as well as the desire to just say goodbye and hung up. And if I wanted the call to end then I figured I ought to just agree to whatever she wanted. 

" Okay then. You can send it, but only if you don't really need it. "

That was sincere. She could have been trying to get my approval so much that she neglected her own needs for my sake, and I didn't want that. She had just moved there and so she had so many uses for any money she got. But I knew that even before she left, she had always had cash, it wasn't much but lack of money had never really been the issue. It's just that any money she had automatically went to alcohol and drugs. The ages eight to twelve had been the hardest ones for me. I suppose she must have concluded I was finally old enough to take care of myself, so she'd drown herself in liquor. There had been multiple instances when she had preferred to buy alcohol instead of food for her son that hadn't eaten all day. 

I guess one of the reasons I treasured Austin so damn much was because he had rescued me without even knowing. He had given me something else to think of and concentrate on while managing to fill a void within me that I had always carried around. 

I'm good, I already told you. "

" Thanks you. "

" You don't have to thank me, it's my duty, isn't it?" 

" Yeah sure. Umm, I've actually got a few customers to tend to so I'll talk to you later. "

" Oh, okay. Talk to you later. And take care!"

" You too. "

I cut the call and let out a deep breath. That had been harder than I had thought it would be. We had talked once before but I had felt so strange I vowed to just cut all communication with her. Speaking with her was hard. Like a heavy burden that had been dumped on my shoulder and I had to carry it around with me everywhere I went. If I didn't check in with her or answer her calls then I was an awful person. But doing those things just made me fill tired... extremely fatigued. I tucked my phone away, then I dug my hand into my hair and looked up at the sky. Not even knowing what name to give those feelings within me. I stayed out there for about two more minutes, but then I finally decided to he'd back in and get to work. There was some organizing that I was supposed to finish up from the previous week. I just hoped Chelsea hadn't rearranged anything. 

" -...he's also from Straykids, my personal bias is Minho but I've really been feeling Chan lately...." Chelsea was saying when I walked in. Austin was just blankly staring at her as she happily focused on her laptop screen. And when he heard me walk in he immediately came over to where I was. I had been in that same situation a couple of times. And even though I never really got most of what she said, it was obvious that she loved talking about her interest and so I had always tried my best to listen to her. 

" I guess I'll get going, I've got a kdrama to binge watch, " she said as she started to pack up her stuff. She said bye to us and we watched her as she left. 

" That was the longest ten minutes of my life! I didn't even think she talked that much. I always assumed she was really shy or something!"

" She just gets excited about what she loves. "

" Well I suppose if I'm being totally honest, those guys are actually hot!" 

" She got to you?" 

He chuckled and followed me behind the counter, then he leaned against it, facing my side. And that smile slowly disappeared to be replaced by another expression. It seemed a lot like concern. 

" We're you talking tooo..." he just let the statement trail off since he knew I'd get who he meant. And when I nodded he closed his eyes for a brief second and exhaled. Then he opened them and stepped closer to me, cradling my face in his hands and angling me to look at him. 

" I wasn't trying to pressure you into doing anything. " It's the fact that he sounded apologetic which got me. And even though he had played a major role in my decision, it had mostly just been me. 

" I know. I wanted to call her. "

" Was the talking good?" 

Smiling, I nodded. If I said anything he'd know for certain that I still felt very strongly concerning that subject. And I really wanted to avoid it so I enlisted his help in arranging the store. Some customers would just take something out of the rack and then place it somewhere completely different and wrong. And so the entire organization just became confusing. I told Austin what to do and he nodded and went straight to work. But then as we were busy arranging them, he stopped and softly called out my name. Past experience told me that whenever he did that, I should just prepare myself for some unpleasant news. I slowly loved at him and arched a brow. He was holding one of the albums in his hand and his eyes were cast downwards. But then he looked up and went straight to the point.

" I think you should move in with us. You can't go back to your place. "

I found his point very confusing and impossible. But I concluded it was about the whole situation with the lock. He must have been worried about my safety and wanted to ensure that I was completely fine. 

But why did his expression hint that there was more to it?  I crossed my arms and asked him why the sudden decision.