Chapter one-hundred-and-seven

I almost ended up with a grazed knee when Ben shoved me out the car. His father glanced at him, then me, but didn't say anything. I hated him and his indifference to me. But his wife came over, brushed me off, smiled at me. I turned my head, abashed, then spotted Harry for the first time. I watched as he looked from one of us to the next, lingering a little longer on me.

I know I'm different from them. But it's the difference that keeps me sane.

But then he was getting hugged by his father and he was grinning from ear-to-ear, and I could feel jealousy rising in my throat. But then I stopped clenching my fists and grinding my teeth. It wasn't his fault that he had a pleasant life and a… true father. One who cared for the right things.

We were supposed to converse with their son Harry, make him trust us, but I couldn't utter a single word. Because I realised, while sitting on Harry's mother's comfy couch, sipping minutely from my steaming mug of hot chocolate, and after being offered as many marshmallows as I desired, I couldn't imagine doing anything bad to this family, let alone try to get to know them… then tear them apart.

I noticed how similar our fathers actually were; all business, a manly sort of politeness, and a tendency to forget that their kids and wife were in the same room as them. I realised that Harry had a lot in common with us.

I agreed to something so big, so permanent; something that would affect me for the rest of my life. There was no doubt about that. But at that moment, I decided that nothing else mattered. Not the mission, and definitely not my supposed family. Just as I did though, Ben turned to me and gave me a look, like: Why aren't you doing anything?

I returned the expression with one that said: Says you.

Less than a few minutes later, with some forced encouragement from Ben's father, he and Harry were having a heart-to-heart. It was so confusing, so frustrating, to see Ben get along so well with someone – and the person whose life we were about to change forever – we'd just met, yet me, his sister, he failed to appreciate even just a little bit.

Ben made me livid.

When my father spoke to Harry's mum, I knew exactly what he was saying. I clenched my fists. But suddenly Harry's mother was beaming at us, offering us drinks. And the warmth in her smile and the way she crouched to talk to us made me feel at home in an unfamiliar place.

My stomach growled, and it wasn't just hunger for food, but hunger for this. Something better than what I had.

Then Edward asked for tea, and before I could stop myself, I wrapped myself around this kind woman's leg and begged for food. I could almost hear Ben saying how pathetic I was for my acting, but it was all necessary.

I wandered into the kitchen after Harry's mother, innocent as a white mouse. She turned on the kettle and I reached for a plate from the top cabinet, and asked her for some help. Within the five seconds it took for her to pull a plate from the cupboard shelf, I had dropped the deadly thallium metal into the steaming kettle pot. It worked just how I had rehearsed, I wasn't even thinking.

She was completely blind to it, and the deed had been done.

Each bite I took from Harry's mum's delicious, freshly-baked cookies was a reminder of what I had done.

When Harry's mum brought out the tea, my father turned it away carelessly, and I examined her face deeply as her smile faltered in the slightest. But on her way back to the kitchen, she smiled genuinely at me, and I couldn't wait to leave. And beside me, Harry sipped his own tea, unbeknownst to what was inside of it.

I remembered wondering where Harry's mum was that whole time before we left their family in ruins.

"No…"

Harry's eyes are wide, filled with horror. I've never seen him terrified of me before. It's the last thing anyone wants to see, really; finding out that your best friend is scared of you.

"Ally, it's not… true."

"It's true, Harry. But don't blame us. Blame our dear father who lost everything because of yours!"

Harry's muttering under his breath, and half of it doesn't make any sense. "... You… And you took away… And after…"

I turn my head to Ben. He stares me and Harry down. I try to give him a glare, but I can barely keep my eyes open.

"What do you wanna say to me, Harry, my best friend? You better say it before I finish my mission."

"All this time." Harry raises his head, and his eyes are filled with tears, but he's angry. He's so angry. He looks like he might cry, explode, faint, all at once. "You knew. You didn't say a thing to me. And you took… her away… You couldn't even tell me what was –" His eyes flick to mine. "– And you as well. You were my partner, you, Ally, were with him all along?"

"I –"

"Trust me, Harry, she's just as useless to you as she is to me." The gun is pointed at me now, and the black void within the tubular barrel surrounds me. "She was supposed to be in my position right now, holding the gun. And she wasn't just passing notes to you. She was passing them to me."

I feel Harry's eyes on me, but I don't think I could ever look at him again. There's a fire in my stomach, fueled by my guilt, fueled by all that Harry is feeling. Then the cold surrounds me. I feel it all over me, and I realise that Harry has let me go. He's left me. I know, right then, that Harry will never come near me again.

Ben's gun is on Harry now, following his every move as he stands.

"You were supposed to die that day, Harry."

"Why didn't I then?"