46. Chapter 46
Bruno groaned deeply as he tried to gather the willpower and strength to get out of his nest.
Time had really just slipped by so fast while Bruno kept to his routine in the walls. And something he had realized was that… Sometimes he had good days. Where he felt decently good and hopeful to have a productive day.
And other days he would have bad days. Where everything just seemed to overwhelm him and felt like a crushing weight on his shoulders.
Today was a bad day…. People had started to stir outside on the other side of the walls, rushing around and setting the table.
Bruno groaned deeply as he reached out a hand, to pull himself out from his blankets and mourned deeply as it felt like every bone in his body would crackle and pop.
He had to make himself ready for breakfast… He had to be there at breakfast. Mama got annoyed when people were late… Get ready for breakfast.
Even when Bruno was a little late he felt the immense guilt just overwhelming him.
Bruno knew it didn't make a whole lot of sense. No one would actually know if he joined them for breakfast or not. Just like nobody would know if he forgot to knock on the wall at specific places or if he accidentally stepped on a crack or didn't hold his breath at the smaller passageways. No one would know. But Bruno had to do it. Not doing it made Bruno feel guilt and sometimes he would almost panic.
For all of his life, he had been taught to be on time and eat breakfast with his family. So then… Even if he didn't want it. Even if all he wanted was to curl up in his nest and stay here forever Bruno dragged himself up.
He went to the water bucket he had acquired, now separate from his spackle bucket, and splashed his face with water he had gathered in the evening.
Then washed his hands with the bar of soap and finally groaned as he sat down on his usual spot next to the wall. Unfortunately smelling all the coffee on the other side he couldn't have.
Bruno just had to do with his water and the bread he had managed to take. Carefully did Bruno put out the bread and the glass of water in front of him and then waited quietly for his family to all sit down on the other side.
Then Alma asked them to keep silent for prayer and Bruno closed his eyes as he folded his hands.
'Thank you for the food. Thank you for keeping my family safe and for a new day where they can be happy.'
Bruno ended his prayer as Alma did and finally picked up his bread allowing himself to eat as the chatter went on outside.
Then suddenly Julieta spoke. "Happy birthday Mirabel." and the rest echoed the sentiment. "Happy birthday!"
Bruno halted…. It was her birthday? Oh… That was weird. Unlike the other children, Mirabel hadn't really talked about her upcoming birthday. The other children would always talk about it nonstop in the week before their birthday.
So Mirabel turned six today. That meant…. Oh. A year… had it really been a year already? It didn't really feel like it.
Bruno put the bread into his mouth and stood up so he could look out of the little crack in the wall and see the table in front of him.
There was little Mirabel. Smiling warmly as she was holding a gift wrapped in pink paper and had a blue bow on the top. "Thank you, Mama. Thank you Papa." the six year old spoke making both parents smile.
And then Mirabel unwrapped the gift to find an embroidery kit! Multiple thick threads in all the colors of the rainbow. Three special needles of different sizes to fit the thicker threads.
Small compartments that had different beads in them of different colors and Mirabel gasped as she looked up. "Thank you!"
Bruno smiled as his heart melted. Julieta as well smiled fondly at her daughter and padded her on the head.
There was something odd about it though. Julieta's movements seemed a little stiff and Bruno frowned… Was she alright?
There were a few other presents too. From Pepa and Felix Mirabel got a new dress and from Alma a good pair of shoes.
The little girl was delighted, no wonder, as the youngest girl in the house her clothes were mostly just hand me downs from her sisters and her cousin. But Mirabel was such a little trooper who didn't mind and would just customize her clothes with colorful bottoms and threats to make it her own regardless.
Once again Bruno's stomach twisted with slight guilt… He couldn't give her anything. Like he hadn't been able to give the other children anything either.
He had nothing to give and even if he did… How was he supposed to give it to them without freaking the entire house out?
That entire hammer business and Bruno's stomach knotted by the memory.
He heard most conversations over the dining table and… He knew they didn't like to talk about him. Whenever someone even mentioned him by mistake that was reprimanded at once.
It made it clear though… Bruno was unwanted. It was a good thing he had left.
Bruno had to sweep away his tears again and he inhaled a deep breath. He couldn't just curl into his nest and cry as he wanted… He had a job.
And so Bruno sat down again to finish his bread before going on his usual round to check all of the cracks.
Trying to not think about it… A year… A whole year had just passed by. Everyone was one year older and… Perfectly fine.
It was good…. This was good. Bruno kept reminding himself over and over as he got up, straightened out his Ruana and headed out to start his round.
Mirabel's six year old birthday. Everyone in the family knew what that day actually meant, and everyone did their best to ignore it.
Mirabel was smiling as sweetly as always thanking people for their gifts. She hadn't even asked for anything. Even when Julieta had asked her daughter what she wanted… Mirabel's eyes had gotten oddly empty and she had said… It's fine. She didn't need anything.
Alma was smiling at Mirabel too. But her smile didn't seem… Real. The light didn't reach her eyes at all.
Julieta was not entirely sure what to say. Alma always treated Mirabel well. Like she would any of her grandchildren. But ever since that night… The night when the door had vanished and then Bruno… It had been different.
Alma had been different. Removing herself further away from the family. Demanding that they all kept to the strict schedule she set for them. She would smile so warmly at her children and grandchildren who did their jobs and then offer Mirabel a nod… Not a smile. Just a nod.
She was not unkind just…. Distant.
Julieta as well put on her best smile. Wanting more than anything for her daughter to forget all about that horrible night so she could enjoy her birthday.
And now the little girl was eagerly examining her kit…. Julieta was such a horrible parent.
This day should be about Mirabel! But the only thing Julieta could think about was Bruno. He had been gone a year now… An entire year.
And Julieta really feared that everyone else was in a similar situation as they were forcing their smiles.
Pepa in particular looked… Tormented. As she was sitting there with a big wide grin on her face, twitching eyes, and a dark cloud over her head making her look like a maniac.
"I can make a rose pattern with this," Mirabel commented. "I can make a pillow to match your chair Abuela!" she smiled up at Alma, clearly trying to get her attention.
Alma looked down at Mirabel. She smiled as usual, but also as usual the smile was cold. "That does sound lovely," she commented.
Mirabel's smile faltered as she looked at Alma and finally she looked down. Then she picked up the green thread and held it up in her hand. Tilting her head as she looked at it.
"Oh that's the same color as your glasses!" Agustin chipped in. "How funny. Or maybe that's for the stalk for that rose."
"Oh… Yes." Mirabel blinked looking a little surprised. Then quickly put the thread back into the kit and looked up.
"We're going to have a nice birthday dinner today." Julieta smiled. "You haven't even told me yet what kind of cake you want," she commented while looking at her daughter.
"I dunno," Mirabel frowned. "Errrhmm." she looked very thoughtful then smiled as she looked up "Chocolate!"
"I had a feeling," Julieta smirked. "Maybe you want to help me decorate it?"
Mirabel gaped. "Can I?" she asked and Julieta nodded. This time making Mirabel grin a very genuine grin. "That sounds like fun!"
That night Bruno gasped. There was one quarter left of the massive birthday cake Julieta had made for Mirabel.
It made Bruno swallow… He felt the guilt overwhelm him already. But he loved chocolate so much and so he took a slice… probably a bigger slice than he was supposed to. And then Bruno scurried back to his room in the wall.
There was plenty of food for the next day and even a bit for storage if one of the days in the week would be sparse so Bruno broke one of his rules and sat down to quietly eat his slice of chocolate cake even though it wasn't breakfast nor dinner time.
It tasted so amazingly good. And Bruno released a satisfying hum as he picked at the cake and put it into his mouth just as his rats came scurrying towards him and Bruno broke his slice into two, crumbling the other half and made sure it was evenly distributed among the rats so they all got to have a little taste.
Yes… A year had passed. But it had been a year where Mirabel had been safe. And that was all that mattered.
For this year Mirabel had smiled and laughed at the dinner table. She had proudly showcased her new creations and talked about the people she had talked to in town.
Bruno gathered each and every one of these little moments in his mind and treasured them. He reminded himself… That was the reason he was doing it! That was why he had to make sure those cracks didn't spread.
And as Bruno remembered that, things didn't seem so bad after all. It was worth it… It was worth it.