SOMETIMES I HATE YOU PART 1

Episode 3: Sometimes I hate you

...

It's been a long time since the day Alex and I went our separate way. All I could do is think about him. I miss everything about him, his face, his smile, his plump lips, his squishy pecs, his alluring neck, everything. I want him.

From afar, I can only see his mansion from outside the gate. I visited him everyday. I was worried about him.

Every question started to cross my mind every time I thought about him. "How is he doing?"

"Are you hurt?"

"Have you eaten yet?"

"Do you miss me?"

.

.

.

"Are you... H. A. P. P. Y?"

Just thoughts about him makes me sad.

I just can't stop feeling emotional and begin to cry when I empathise with him for how he is living this long with those monsters. He must be scared and lonely. He is just a poor child.

Here, I can't stop feeling pity for him.

Me: I'm sorry.. I'm.. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry Alex. Please forgive me.

I cry hysterically.

In the end, I know that I can't do anything. I left his house. Before continuing walking, I turn back and have a thought.

"Should I just leave him to their parents?" I thought about it as I felt down-hearted. Maybe I couldn't have him.

Maybe, it was the right choice for him to start a normal life again. A life with a guaranteed future for his happiness.

Maybe at least, it would be better than living with me. Even though I know, he won't be happy with them. I believe it was a better choice for him.

It was the end of my last memory about him. The day I had to give up from seeing him again at his house. It always has the same outcome. I would leave outside the gate from sunrise until the darkness of night, a miracle wouldn't come for me to see him again.

...

(At the present time)

I went to school as usual. Everyday I would only stare at Alex from a distance and never get the chance to get close to him. It hurt me to not be able to reach him when he was so close to me.

After 9 months at our school, I received the news. Alex has to leave our school and transfer to another school in the States because his parents are expanding their business in the US.

The day before he left, I spent time with him as he got permission from his parents to say the last goodbye.

Alex and I were standing in front of the school gate. I know this is the last day I get to meet him. After this, he will head back and straight to the airport. I hold his hand firmly.

Me: I have something to say.

Alex looked at me with a sad face.

Me: Do you remember the last thing I told you?

Alex: ...

He gazed at me to remember it for the last time.

Me: I want you to keep that promise.

Alex: So the time has come.

I turn at him and look in his eyes.

Me: I know you will do everything I said, right?

He nodded.

Me: Can you... Please..

My eyes started to tear up. While on the verge of tears.

Me: Please be happy.. without me. *sob sob*

He also began to cry.

Me: Yaa, what are you doing? I thought today was supposed to be a happy moment for you.

Alex immediately hugged me. He can't bear to hear my words anymore at this last moment.

Me: Stop it and smile a bit. I don't want to see your last face like this.

He tries to muster his courage and stand properly. I also try to stop my own tears and smile for him.

Me: *grin*. I must be looking stupid right now.

Alex chuckled as hearing my jokes.

Me: That's right. You should smile like that more. I like it that way. You look pretty when you smile.

Alex: Thank you.

He looked at me sincerely while keeping his smile on his face.

Me: I wish you the best, Alex.

Alex: Please, don't say it like it will be our last time. Sighed. I promise you. I will see you again.

I nodded to him.

Me: Go on. You will be late.

Alex slowly walked away. He is reluctant to go. I try to push him away from the back.

Me: Hurry up. You have a flight to catch up.

Alex gets in the car and pulls down the window.

While bidding farewell to each other, I swing my hand goodbye to him.

Alex: Lee Carl! I. L. O. V. E. Y. O. U!

Without reply back, I can only smile at him. The sadness was dwelling inside me like anytime would burst out. But I had to endure it and make myself speechless. I'm waiting for him to slowly fade from my vision.

Finally, I burst out my tears as he left. I cry hysterically there while others look at me looking shameless.

But I don't care about it all because what matters for me is, that is the last time I would see him. I can't let out what content in my heart. It's just stuck and makes my heart aching and hard for me to breathe. I feel suffocated with my own feelings and emotions.

"I... I'm... I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry... Forgive me, Alex".

I was too desperate with my own feelings till I did not realise I'm losing consciousness. I slowly fall down to the ground and my vision turns blurry before the dark overtakes my sight.

...