That Kiss

Parental guidance is recommended! This chapter includes heavy chapters. Tw- panic attack, Suicidal thoughts

I felt the cold floor under my feet. I couldn't describe what I felt seeing him, after he pushed me against that pole. He wanted nothing to do with life. I couldn't let him leave so soon, some part of me just wanted to spend every second with him. I know it's selfish. I don't even know my feelings, do I like him? I couldn't focus, I was stuck in the past. Every step made me flash back, every since that kiss, I was a mess. It's so hard for me not to be selfish, like I just want the taste of his lips. That few seconds, lasted a lifetime. The way he looked at me, felt like forever.

I could never be with him, I started to tear up. I am to selfish, and I would only burden him. I started to sit on the floor. I curled up, and I had so many thoughts. I couldn't think at the same time, and I hear steps. I couldn't understand who they were from, all of a sudden. I felt warm presence, and I couldn't move, I felt so stuck. I felt dumb for being tranquilized by my own emotions, I start to shake. Feeling my body shake so fast, made my body sick. I looked at the person comforting me and I was so surprised. Kageyama-san. I start to black out, and I hear him speak. "Hinata-chan? You must be so scared. I couldn't forget about our kiss. The way you changed my perspective, I might stay for you." I say softly, did he pass out? I can't loose him, I start to tear up. I kiss him over and over. "PLEASE WAKE UP! I NEED YOU! HE IS NOT BREATHING!" I yell and scream. All of my pain suddenly appeared, all of my emotions. The force my yell had, "PLEASEE ANYONEE." I cry, heavy sobs, and I would do anything for you. I just want you back, and I will make you a promise Hinata. If you come back to me, then- then- I start to cry harder, I will try to stay for you. I kiss him with all the strength I had. He softly opens his eyes, full of tears, he looked in so much pain. I wiped his tears with my finger. He just looked so beautiful, even when crying. I couldn't believe this was his natural cry, "I heard your promise, you better keep it." He says smiling. He grabs my back and hugs me tightly.

I never felt this way before and part of me hated a reason to try. It was so much work, and it was so much easier to give up. To let my life end, and I knew that. I thought about that every day, and I set that day. So why can't I do it? Is this a stronger reason for me to say? Did I just get a glimpse of what it was to almost loose him. "Kageyama-san? You alright?" He says so soft and cute. He pats my head, and I almost got angry. "Boke Hinata Boke." I say smiling, I couldn't be angry at him. I remember, being so miserable at school. All those days, being so lonely. No one asked me to sit with them, and I choose to do homework. Cause I didn't wanna eat lunch, and I just wanted for someone to see me. Ask me to sit with them, and I remember trying so hard to ask. They would never let me, I was not important. I never went to a birthday party and my summer break, I caught up reading a book I loved. I guess part of me was torn. Like a piece of paper, and every time I met someone. They would write on me. I would let them, and I would even let them cut me, and when they didn't need me anymore. They tossed me in the trash. I felt so useless, and I never knew my parents. They left me when I was little. They told me that they didn't want me, and they walked out. They never even got to know me, my mother gave birth and that was the last I even saw them. I don't remember them well, and why would I want parents that didn't give me a chance.

I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, and one of the worst parts is every time I told someone about me. They thought, I was to much to deal with and left. They never told me what I did wrong, and it was hell. Never ending hell. I told myself to never get attached to my friends, and never catch feelings. When I was older, I happened to catch feelings for one my friends. I cried endlessly when they said, "I am sorry, I don't feel the same." Later on, they told me. They had feelings, and we started dating. They were never there for me. It hurt, it was like two sides of a table. Heaven and hell. The got to my heart and they said- I will never leave, I will fight for you. That hurt more than anything, cause I got super attached. Even shows, I watched reminded me of them. I just don't want to mess up what I have with him. If he wants me to stay, then I will try.