35. Chapter 35

MAYA'S POV

-Look at those cheeks! - I heard a little scream from Vic coming from outside my office, she didn't make a point of trying to control her excitement.

-Look at those beautiful blue eyes! - Travis also seemed to be in some state of excitement because his voice was definitely higher pitched.

But there was only one baby with big cheeks and beautiful blue eyes that would cause such a stir in the station. I got up from my chair and crossed my office in a jog already sporting a big smile on my face, seeing that Vic was squeezing the baby's cheeks.

-Hughes, Montgomery! I know my daughter is beautiful but stop squeezing my baby's cheeks! - I said receiving a squeal from the baby sitting on Carina's lap.

-Ciao, Bambina! - My wife said giving me the baby and I hugged her waist before giving her a kiss on the cheek. - We thought about picking you up for a walk in the park after your shift, what do you think?

-I think you have the best ideas! - I said smiling and kissing Bianca's cheek.

Travis took the teddy bear that was in Bianca's hand and started playing with the baby in my lap while Vic took pictures of their interaction.

-Da-da! - Bianca spoke extending her hands to the teddy bear and Travis widened his eyes.

-What? - He spoke still in shock.

-Not you, smart ass. The teddy bear is da-da. - I rolled my eyes at the firefighter and Carina chuckled beside me.

-You scared me for a second, Bianca! - The man said handing the teddy bear to the baby, who took the stuffed animal's ear to her mouth.

-Baby, maybe you don't put da-da in your mouth. - I spoke pulling the toy out of her little mouth.

-Vic, do you want to take Bia to see the rest of the guys? - Carina suggested and the woman's face lit up.

Vic took Bianca off my lap, and I creased my forehead not understanding why I couldn't keep my baby, but apparently Carina wanted to talk to me, so I just let the pair of friends go upstairs with Bianca, they were humming that there was a baby at the station.

-Can we go to your office? - Carina asked extending her hand to me and I held it without understanding very well what was happening.

Inside my office Carina turned towards me lacing her fingers in front of her body like she did whenever she was nervous, and I immediately crossed my arms over my chest in a defensive posture.

-Your mother called. - She said and I arched my eyebrows. - She wanted to know how I was and how the baby was doing, so I figured you talked to her about Bianca?

-Yes, she understood the reason for not having exposed Bianca to the family yet and since she is living with my aunt in another state, and with the pandemic and her leaving the house, everything was complicated. - I replied, still not understanding what Carina's point was.

-Well, she said she wanted to surprise you. She is in Seattle and wants to meet Bianca. - My wife spoke, and I closed my eyes not believing the words. - And as I know this would be a terrible surprise for you, I preferred to tell you right away to know what you want to do with this information.

-See? It's always like this... Always throwing me news without giving me time to process anything, without being able to plan, just things exploding in my face. - I started pacing inside the room, feeling a mixture of bad feelings in my chest.

-I know it's not ideal, but Bambina... Your mother wants to meet our baby, wants to see you as a mother... Now that I have Bianca, I understand her a little more. - Carina just watched me walk from one side to the other.

-I just wanted a warning. To prepare, to plan. - I sighed still keeping my arms crossed tightly against my chest.

-If you don't want to meet her I can call her...

-No. - I sighed. - I want to meet her, but I didn't want to do so under these circumstances, like an ambush.

-I invited her to dinner, we can order Thai food and share a bottle of wine and talk as a family. What do you think? - Carina came to me and put her hands on my face, silently asking me to look her in the eye. - It's gonna be okay.

-Okay. - I spoke in a whisper.

I let Carina hold me for a while, being in her arms gave me the calm I needed to face the idea of meeting my mom after so many months away, mostly because I still saw in her the remains and associations related to the abusive figure of my father.

-Now go change so we can take Bianca to the park. - Carina kissed my forehead twice before pulling away.

I tried to smile, but I don't think my face was ready for it. I walked into my bunk and quickly changed into jeans and a sweatshirt before grabbing my backpack and heading upstairs with Carina.

We were greeted by Bianca's giggles upstairs, my baby was sitting on Vic's legs watching Jack, Ben, and Travis dancing in a very funny way to her as they sang a children's song in a completely off-key way. Bianca moved her head from side to side and swayed a little in a baby dance.

-The toughest firefighters at station 19, ladies and gentlemen. - I spoke as a joke and the three boys turned quickly towards me, completely embarrassed.

-Captain. - The three spoke at the same time.

-Aah! - Bianca yelled and held out her little hand towards us.

-I can see she has you guys wrapped around her little finger. - I said approaching the baby and picking her up, feeling her hands on both sides of my cheek.

-She's got us all wrapped around her little finger. - Vic said smiling.

-Did you have fun with your aunt and uncles? - I asked the baby rocking her in my lap and only getting a laugh back.

Carina patted the back of the baby's head and Bianca tilted her head toward the touch.

-She's a sweet baby. - Travis said.

-The sweetest. - Jack said.

-She is. - I agreed. - Now we need to go and enjoy our afternoon at the park. Bye guys!

We went to the car and after putting Bianca in the car seat, I got into the passenger seat, still not feeling quite comfortable talking - and I was happy to be married to someone who understood me and knew better than to pressure me to share my thoughts.

-How about there? - Carina asked pointing to a spot under a tree.

-Excellent. - I replied smiling without stopping to smooth Bianca’s back who lay on my chest rubbing her face against the fabric of the sweatshirt I was wearing.

My wife held out a towel and placed a picnic basket in the center before sitting down and receiving Bianca's bag.

-This is a park, Bia! - I said turning the baby over so that her back was pressed against my chest and Bianca just stuck a hand in her mouth after spitting out the pacifier. - No biggie for you, I see...

Carina chuckled beside me, and I couldn't help but smile too. A few dogs ran and barked at each other, or jumped around trying to retrieve Frisbees, and that was something that caught Bianca's attention.

-Doggies! - I said pointing to the dogs and Bianca squealed in excitement, drooling over the hand I kept on her belly.

-Do you think we can find a golden retriever or a yellow Labrador with blue eyes? - Carina asked beside me, putting an arm around my shoulders.

-I don't think so, why? - I asked creasing my forehead.

-I have a Maya, a mini-Maya... I wanted a dog-Maya. - She said laughing and I rolled my eyes, but also laughed.

-I don't know if I should be happy or offended by this.

-Happy, always happy. - I felt a kiss on my cheek and my stomach still turned with butterflies every time Carina demonstrated some kind of affection. - How about we try strawberries today, Bia?

The baby was too involved with her own hand to interact with her mother, but when I sat her sideways on my leg and Carina took a strawberry and placed it in front of her face the baby soon forgot her fingers and opened her mouth while extending the hand trying to capture the fruit.

It was amazing to see my baby discovering every new thing in the world, Bianca bit into the fruit and drooled more than she bit, making a funny face at the new flavor, but she soon opened her mouth again wanting more.

-Did you like it, Piccolina? - Carina asked putting the fruit in Bianca's mouth again and this time the baby remained sucking the strawberry for some time.

After dousing herself with the fruit, Bianca received the bottle with breast milk without complaining, drinking the entire content without taking her eyes off me and I also couldn't take my eyes off the baby. It was a moment of connection I couldn't describe.

-Sometimes I wonder how my mother let us stay so long close to my father. - I spoke softly. - I know the circumstances were different, that she probably didn't have a support network to leave him, but even so... When I see Bianca... I would do anything not to see her suffer.

-Don't blame her, Bambina... It's very difficult to get out of a cycle of abuse. - My wife spoke beside me. - Let's do something different for Bianca, and that also means giving her a family that cares about her. Your mother wants to care about her. We shouldn’t deny Bianca any type of love.

-You’re right! - I sighed and gave Bianca a little kiss on the forehead, she was starting to get sleepy, her blinks slower and slower, the sucking on the bottle less and less constant.

-And maybe it's a good time for you guys to get closer? - Carina spoke and her tone of voice showed her insecurity in continuing to talk about this delicate subject.

-Perhaps. - I shrugged slightly.

Bianca fell asleep not long after, and I enjoyed the picnic with Carina, chatting about her day and what was going on at work. It was nice to see that our lives were starting to slip into a state of stillness. Stillness and constancy were good.

…

I was on the couch sipping wine from my glass as I watched Carina talk to Bianca in her lap on the floor, she would point to parts of her own face and name Bianca - and although I thought it was too soon for that, Carina just told me it was never too early to start teaching stuff to babies. Bia laughed and sometimes tried to catch Carina's nose with her hands making us both laugh.

Three light knocks on the door brought me to the terrifying reality in which I would have to confront my mother. I took a few deep breaths and earned a sympathetic look from Carina before walking to the door.

-Hi, Maya! - My mother looked happier, younger. Her arms were soon around me.

-Hi mom! - I said not really knowing how to deal with her hug. It wasn't exactly comfortable, but I managed to place my palms on her back.

-Where's my granddaughter? - She asked.

I just smiled before gesturing for her to enter the apartment, I led her into the living room and she brought both hands up to her mouth and her eyes widened.

-Hello, Mrs. Bishop. - Carina spoke holding Bianca standing in her lap. - This is Bianca Andrea Deluca-Bishop... Piccolina, this is your nonna.

-Hi, beautiful! - My mother finally spoke, lowering herself to the floor and getting down on her knees in front of Bianca. - May I?

-Of course. - Carina held the baby out to her and my mother took Bianca in her arms, taking her close to her body before giving her a few kisses on the blonde head.

It was a beautiful scene to watch, and I think part of my nervousness was blown away at that moment.

-She looks like you, Maya. - My mother spoke without taking her eyes off the baby. - She looks like you when you were a baby.

-I think so too. - Carina spoke still smiling.

Bianca had her hand inside her mouth and was looking at my mother curiously, but she didn't cry. Her blue eyes roamed over her face, and she glanced at me sometimes, as if wondering if it was okay for this stranger to be holding her.

-She's big for a seven-month-old baby. - My mother spoke, and I smiled proudly.

I sat next to the two women and exchanged a few glances with Carina as she watched Katherine's interaction with Bianca. The baby turned to face me and reached out a little hand, I held out my finger and let her hold it.

-This is grandma! - I told the baby. – Did you like her? Did you like her, princess?

-I don't know if she liked me, but I'm definitely not going to let go of this baby for the next few hours. - My mother said, and I smiled sideways.

-She's charming, I know. - I joked and Katherine laughed before giving Bianca a little kiss on the cheek.

We stayed a while longer with Bianca and her toys on the rug, and the baby was already showing signs that she would be crawling soon - which made the three of us very excited - and when it was time to feed Bianca, we let my mother do it.

She looked radiant next to the baby; she didn't look like the same frightened person who lived in fear of breathing the wrong way inside her own house. She looked lighter and happier.

-She looks happy, doesn't she? - I whispered to Carina in the kitchen, my wife quickly glanced over her shoulder before just nodding at me.

-I hope you like Thai food, it's one of Maya's favorites. - Carina said putting the food on a platter, she had removed from the boxes after refusing to heat it in the microwave.

-After Italian food. - I joked taking the second platter to the table.

-I'm not very picky about food. - Katherina spoke while still feeding Bianca.

The baby's cheeks were dirty from the baby food she was eating, her little hands tried to grab the spoon whenever it came close to her mouth, but my mother almost always managed to dodge the baby's quick fingers. Bianca ate all the food that was on her plate, and we let her play and eat a few pieces of fruit by herself to further develop her manual skills.

The three of us sat at the table and helped ourselves to the food, my mother accepting a glass of wine.

-How's Aunt Mary? - I asked, feeling the silence start to get awkward.

-Oh, she's fine! Glad to have me for company, after your uncle Joshua died of COVID, she needed someone close to her. - The older blonde replied.

-How long will you be here in Seattle? - Carina asked between mouthfuls.

-Just two more days. - She answered. - I wanted to see how you were doing.

I continued to eat silently, I didn't really know how to talk to my mother, in our house our relationship was never well developed because I didn't even have time to talk to her, my father insisted on keeping me running at all times.

-I was happy to hear you were captain again, Maya. - She spoke and I raised my eyes from the food.

-Well… Thanks. - I just said.

-At least that way I don't need to worry so much about your daughter when she leaves the house every day. - Carina spoke beside me smiling.

-What about married life? - Katherina asked.

-It's been amazing. Maya is a spectacular wife. - Carina replied and I bit my lip feeling my cheeks burn from the sudden flow of blood. - We had some difficulties in the beginning when I wanted to have a baby and Maya still needed time to get used to the idea, but other than that, everything is fine.

-I can't express my happiness to see you having a life so much better than what I imagined for you, Maya. - Katherine said and I raised my eyes to look at her. - I knew you would be successful at work, that was never an issue, but I was always afraid that you didn't value the family part enough and seeing you married and with such a beautiful baby...

-It surprises me too. - I confessed, interrupting her. - For a long time, I thought I was too broken to even think that this could be a reality for me. Dad broke me too much. I was just lucky to have found a person patient enough to stick all my little pieces back together.

-And for that I'm so grateful too, Carina. - She looked at my wife. - Because you will understand that the best thing you can do for a mother is to do something good for her child.

At this point I looked at Bianca still immersed in her own world, trying to capture a piece of mango that was quite slippery. Seeing all this innocence and purity I already understood what she meant, anyone who did something for Bianca would be doing me good too.

-I am proud of you. - Katherine's words made me look at her again. - More than I can say.

I smiled embarrassed and felt some tears burning in my eyes, I think making my parents proud of me was always one of my biggest goals growing up. Hearing those words and knowing she was proud of me as a person and not proud of something I'd accomplished was far more gratifying than I thought.

-Thanks. - I said and lowered my head so neither she nor Carina could see the stubborn tear that escaped my eye, I ran my hand quickly over my cheek and swallowed the lump forming in my throat, not wanting to surrender to sentimentality.

-How about dessert now? - Carina asked getting up from the chair she was in, and I thanked God in my thoughts for having such an understanding wife.

-I will help you. - Katherine spoke also getting up.

As soon as the two women went into the kitchen I sniffled and ran the back of my hands over my nose and cheeks, smothered the tears, and got up to go over to Bianca.

-You're all dirty! -I said laughing to the baby and her little arms reached up for me to pick her up. - Let's clean that pretty face.

I walked with Bianca to the bathroom and cleaned her face while the baby continued to open her mouth trying to catch the water running down her face.

-Can you not lick my hand, Bia? - I asked between laughs feeling her cold pink tongue against my hand every time I ran my wet hand over her face. - Okay, much better!

I looked at my reflection in the mirror, the baby also thought it was funny to see herself in the mirror and smiled wanting to touch the surface of the glass.

-So? What did you think of grandma? - I asked the baby and Bia just looked at me before catching my nose between her fingers. - Is that a positive answer? I kind of enjoyed the visit a lot more than I thought I would.

I kissed the baby's cheek before returning to the table to see that the dessert bowls were already served.

-Do you want to hold her? - I asked my mother as I stood beside her with the baby in her arms.

-Of course I want to hold this beautiful girl. - She held out her hands and I handed her Bianca.

-I put an extra spoonful of pudding for you. - Carina said when I sat down next to her.

-You're the best. - I whispered and kissed her face quickly.

-I'm happy to see that Bianca will have many examples of what love must look like coming from you. - Katherina spoke smiling at both of us and I blushed once more. - Your moms are very lovely, right Bianca? Don't you think, baby?

Bianca squealed and slapped her hands on the table.

-I agree. - Katherine told the baby and both me and Carina laughed.

-Oh, I'll make so many baby clothes for you, my love! - My mother held Bianca standing on her lap. - You are the most precious thing I've ever seen!

Carina wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close before placing a kiss to the top of my head. I didn't know that I needed my mother to love my daughter so badly until I saw the two of them interact, knowing that my daughter would have a loving family around her gave me an unspeakable peace.

-Can you guys take some pictures of me with Bianca? People are not going to believe how cute my granddaughter is.

-Yes, of course! - Carina was quick to respond and get up from her chair again, took my mom's cell phone and started taking a bunch of pictures.

When we saw Bianca yawning, we realized that the hours went by faster than we had noticed.

-I'll change Bianca into some PJs and bring her here for one last goodnight kiss. - Carina spoke extending her hands to take the baby from Katherine.

As soon as my wife disappeared down the hall with the baby, I felt uneasy again.

-She's wonderful, Maya. - Katherine broke the silence.

-She is! I've seen crying babies and even ugly babies, and I'm just glad Bianca is just perfect. - I said laughing a little.

-I meant Carina this time. - She answers and I arched my eyebrows. - When I saw her happiness on your wedding, I had an idea that she would be a good wife, but seeing you two today... You will never find someone who loves you more than she loves you, I can see it in every look that she gives you. She knows you and takes care of you like no one else.

-And I love her more than anything. - I smile sheepishly.

-You have the family I always dreamed of having, but I'm happy that my daughter has what I always wanted. Somehow, it makes me even happier. - She reached across the table and took my hand, I felt her soft, warm touch against my skin and for a second, I didn't know what to do but I soon returned the gesture and gently squeezed her hand.

-Thanks. - I spoke. - I hope you can be present in Bianca's life. I really want her to have good memories with you and that we can replace all the evil from our past with new memories from the future.

Carina came back from the nursery with a very sleepy Bianca in her arms, giving a big, funny yawn, baring her two teeth to the world.

-Good night, my grandbaby! I already love you so much! - Katherine said kissing Bianca's cheek.

And then Carina came to me, and I picked the baby up, she immediately adopted her favorite position on my chest, and I kissed the top of her head a few times.

-I love you, princess! Sleep well, good night! - I spoke softly to the baby and felt her little face being rubbed against the fabric of my shirt.

-She always does that when she's on Maya's lap. - Carina pointed in the direction of Bianca and what she was doing.

I felt her little hand grab the collar of my shirt and I patted her back.

-It would be too mean to take her off her mother's lap. - Katherine spoke and stood up. - I better go.

-No, Mrs. Bishop… - Carina said.

-It's okay dear, it was a great night I had with you three. - She said smiling and patting Carina's arm.

-Maybe... - I said uncertainly, cleared my throat and continued. - Maybe you can come back tomorrow?

Carina smiled at me, and my mom's face lit up.

-I would like that very much. - She said.

-Excellent. - I smiled slightly at her.

My mom came up to me and kissed the top of my head like she used to when I was younger.

-See you tomorrow, Maya! - She spoke and then followed Carina to the door.

-See you tomorrow, Mom. - I said and received a last smile from my mother.

-See you tomorrow, Mrs. Bishop. - Carina spoke and closed the door behind her.

I looked down and saw that Bianca was already snoring softly, sporadically sucking on the pacifier she had in her mouth.

-So, was it so bad? - Carina asked walking towards me.

-Nope. It wasn’t. - I replied smiling sideways. - You were right, we shouldn’t deny Bia any kind of love.