30. Chapter 30

CARINA’S POV

-Smile! – I spoke happily to my wife holding Bianca in a dress that was too beautiful for no pictures to be taken. Maya was smiling proudly, holding Bianca like she was a real trophy and my wife, who never really liked photos, today posed for every single one of them without complaining, wanting to eternalize every moment together with our daughter. – I'll set a timer, get ready.

I fiddled with the phone's settings and propped it up over the fireplace before rushing to Maya's side, quickly straightening my clothes and hair, hugging my wife, placing a hand on Bianca's stomach as she was being held sitting in Maya's arms and turned towards the camera sucking her pacifier not caring a bit for anything that was happening.

-We are a beautiful family. – Maya spoke while looking at the photo just taken.

-We are! – I agreed. – Okay, now we need to go or we're going to be late. I take the bag, you take Bia.

-Okay. – Maya nodded already heading towards the door.

I made sure the lights were off and the stove properly turned off – habits acquired from living with a firefighter for years – and grabbed the bag of Bianca's things before closing the door behind me and locking it. Maya was already holding the elevator doors open with Bianca snuggled into her chest.

-She's going to sleep as soon as we get in the car. – I commented and Maya laughed, patting the baby's back. – She really takes after me on the sleep side.

-If it's been difficult like that with a baby who sleeps well, can you imagine the despair of having a baby who doesn't sleep more than two hours straight? – Maya commented rocking the baby against her chest.

Bianca already had her quirks, even though she was only three months old. She liked to lie in my arms, but whenever she was with Maya she preferred the comfort of her chest, lying on her and rubbing her little face a few times before finding a comfortable position and just staying there, looking at us, sometimes smiling at me when I talked to her, but I never getting out of that position.

Going to our car, Maya put Bia in her car seat – checking at least three times that all seat belts were securely fastened to the seat – before she climbed into the passenger seat.

-We're going to the pediatrician, but she's fine, right? – Maya asked beside me, her leg swaying nervously.

-Just a routine appointment. – I nodded and she still looked nervous. – Bianca is healthy, Maya.

-She is. – My wife spoke and looked over her shoulder, in an attempt to look at Bianca, but the car seat was facing away from us. – We need to buy one of those mirrors for the car seat, she might think she's alone here.

-She's sleeping, Maya. – I rolled my eyes.

-But she feels things, Carina! I don't want her to feel lonely back there. I was supposed to be back there with her in the back seat… – She was sounding irrational, but I knew it was just her anxiety talking. Maya hated going to the doctor or dentist and having to take our baby to an appointment was getting to her.

-She's fine, dreaming about something babies dream about. – I spoke and reached out to caress her thigh. – She is smiling while dreaming more often now, she probably dreams of you.

-Do you think that? – I got what I wanted, change the focus of Maya's thoughts.

-For sure. She's not that interactive yet, but she sure rejoices when she hears your voice, I'm sure she dreams of us… – I shrugged and Maya smiled thoughtfully.

-She really is happy when I arrive. – My wife spoke, and I nodded.

As soon as I parked the car, Maya jumped out and opened the back door to get Bianca out of the seat.

-Wait. – I asked, opening the bag, and taking a blanket. – It's cold in there.

-Oh yeah! Sure! – Maya said and wrapped the baby in the blanket before returning to snuggle her against her chest. Apparently, it was something she was already doing without realizing it.

We walked into the building where the pediatric clinic was located and waited only a few seconds in line before stepping onto the elevator.

-Is he really good? – Maya asked. – Why can't we just keep consulting with Hayes?

-Hayes is a surgeon, Maya! The first two months were easy, but he can't stay with Bianca forever, she needs a clinical pediatrician for that. – I replied patting her back with my free hand, adjusting the bag on my shoulder with the other. – It was Hayes’s indication, I'm sure he's excellent.

We went to reception as soon as the doors opened.

-Good morning! We have an appointment with Dr. Patrick Smith. – Maya spoke to the receptionist.

-Patient's name? – She asked back, typing a few things on the computer.

-Bianca Andrea Deluca-Bishop. – Maya replied and we waited. The baby moved on her chest and my wife started rocking her. – Shh! Go back to sleep, it will be less traumatic if you are asleep.

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my throat and received a death glare from Maya that had me holding up both my hands in surrender.

-Will the two parents follow the consultation? – The receptionist asked looking at both of us.

-Yes. – I replied with a sympathetic smile and Maya looked at the receptionist as if she had just asked a stupid question, but she said nothing and continued humming to Bianca, making sure the baby continued to sleep.

I signed some papers before the receptionist directed us to the waiting room and asked us to wait to be called.

Other parents were there with their babies, and I saw pretty nervous moms too, and dads distracted on cell phones pushing strollers with their feet to keep babies entertained. A couple of children ran between the chairs and Maya stared at them and then looked at Bianca.

-If they wake up my baby… – She whispered.

-Maya! – I scolded her immediately and a child sneezed.

-Oh God! That one over there is sick! Shouldn't he be in a hospital? Quarantined? At least wearing a mask? – She asked and covered Bianca's face with one of her hands as if with that gesture she was keeping all germs from ever reaching our daughter. – This is a nightmare!

I just laughed at her lines, even though I knew she was serious and was hating every second of the day.

-People should have continued to wear masks for the rest of their lives. – She complained softly.

-You hated wearing masks.

-I didn't have a baby before, did I? – She replied immediately, speaking a little louder and attracting a few glances and even Bianca stirred in her lap. – Sorry, princess.

-You need to calm down! Bianca will be exposed to virus at all times, including today when she gets the vaccine. – I spoke.

-Vaccine? What vaccine? – She asked turning to me and widening her eyes.

-Well, three months. She has some vaccines to take... It's no big deal, she can get a little sick, but nothing to worry about. – Maya stared at me with her mouth open. – Or did you think we wouldn't vaccinate our daughter?!

-Of course we're going to vaccinate her, but I thought that was much later, when she was years old and not months old. – She spoke back a little paler than usual. – Carina, I don't know if I'm feeling okay.

-Give me the baby. – I spoke immediately, not wanting Maya to pass out holding our daughter. I picked up Bianca and laid her on one of my arms before starting to rub Maya's back with my free hand as she rested her elbows on her knees and cupped her head in her hands. – It's going to be okay, Maya!

-You should have told me to prepare for this. – She spoke without looking at me.

-As you are off for the next two days, I thought it was the best time for the appointment, just so you could stay home and not worry so much. – I continued to rub her back and heard Bianca suck the pacifier a few times.

-I hate doctors! – She muttered.

-Ouch! – I said jokingly, and she finally turned to face me.

-Only one exception. – She smirked and smiled at her too. – I'm horrible with health-related things.

-That's why I'm here. – I continued to smile in an attempt to reassure her, and that seemed to calm her down a little. Maya sat up straight again and rubbed Bianca's ankle a few times without taking her eyes off the little girl. – Are you feeling better?

-A little. – She replied with a shrug. – I get anxious about some things.

-With most things related to Bianca. – I watched and she nodded.

-I'm afraid of not being a good mother. – She confessed and I hugged her shoulders.

-We are learning to be good mothers together, everything is fine! Today will be an important day on this trajectory, we'll be fine. – She nodded at my words.

-Deluca-Bishop! – A middle-aged man called from the door of one of the offices and I got up.

Maya took the bag that had been slung over my shoulder so I could carry Bianca more comfortably.

We entered the toy-filled and colorful office and sat on the chairs in front of the doctor's desk.

-First appointment! – He spoke excitedly. – Welcome!

-Thanks. – I smiled at the man and Maya just nodded.

-I need to ask some questions. – He said. – Let me just confirm, Maya and Carina, okay?

-Yes. Maya, and Carina. – Maya replied pointing to her and then to me. – Carina's a doctor.

-Oh, a colleague then. – He smiled at me, and I just nodded.

-OBGYN – I said, and he arched his eyebrows.

-It must have been an interesting experience to have this little one. – He spoke smiling at us.

-You can say that again. – I chuckled and Maya just smiled weakly. She was pale and in a clearly defensive posture. – Maya is a firefighter, Captain of Station 19, so she's a little too worried about the baby and her safety. She also didn’t have much contact with babies before Bianca, so everything is new.

-Understandable. – Dr. Smith spoke giving an empathetic smile to my wife. – I imagine she’s just here for a routine appointment?

-Exactly, I'm a colleague of Dr. Hayes at Grey Sloan and when I asked for some pediatrician’s name, he gave me yours. – I explained.

-Oh, Dr. Hayes and I worked a few years together, good to know that he is around here. – The doctor was pretty nice, but it seemed that Maya only saw him as the bad news carrier and remained quiet by my side. – And how's the little girl?

-She's fine, I'm still breastfeeding at free demand, she wakes up only once during the night to feed and sleep a good part of the day. She's getting a little more active now, smiles and already recognizes us, little hands are starting to get more active, and she holds everything she sees ahead. – I explained and the doctor nodded and typed some things on the computer.

-And motherhood? Smooth or terrifying for you? – He asked. – Maya?

-Mostly smooth I guess... – She answered quickly. – Well... Some things are more difficult than others, being here, for example, it's quite difficult, but that's because I don’t like medical appointments in general.

-But what about your relationship with the baby? Is it good? – He asked again for my wife.

-Oh yeah! I love Bianca, and I would spend even more time with her if I could, but I had to go back to work six weeks after she was born. I was a little afraid of not being able to connect at the beginning, but it was never a problem, we connected in the second I saw her for the first time. – The blonde explained beside me and talking about Bianca seemed to be calming her a little.

-And you, Carina? – He asked turning to me.

-It's quite tiring, but it's gratifying. I had difficult moments, where I thought I wouldn’t handle it, but Maya is an excellent partner and a phenomenal mother. She has helped a lot, and all that help has been making things lighter. – I explained and felt Maya's hand dripping to mine, interlacing our fingers.

-This is excellent! The first few months are the most difficult. – He said and we both nodded.

He asked several questions about Bianca's routine and how he had been the pregnancy and childbirth, we gave all the information about Maya's family history and the donor we chose, and little by little Maya was getting more comfortable during the appointment and interacting a little more with the doctor. Bianca moved on my lap and opened her eyes, spit her pacifier as she yawned.

-Finally woke up, uh? – Dr. Smith said, and we both laughed.

-She likes her sleep. – Maya said.

-It's a rarity between babies her age. – The man spoke and pointed to the stretcher. – Can you take off her clothes and put it on the stretcher, please?

As soon as I got up, Maya also got up and went to the stretcher. She helped me take Bianca's clothes and the baby looked at us with an inquisitive look, not understanding what was happening, and as soon as Dr. Smith approached and placed the stethoscope against her chest the baby began to cry.

-Carina! – Maya spoke widening her eyes.

-It's normal, babies hate being poked around. – Dr. Smith said. – She's going to cry a little, but I need to make the full consultation and test her reflexes.

My wife walked away from the stretcher with her hands on her waist and started walking from side to side, throwing looks at the baby from time to time. I stayed next to Bianca, stroking her head and trying to calm her with my voice as Dr. Smith heard her heart and lungs and squeezed her belly in search of something abnormal. Bianca did not stop crying, something that was completely atypical, and this was beginning to make me a little nervous too, since I was not used to having her so agitated like that.

Dr. Smith turns her aside and put her down with her belly down, moved and touched the baby in search of primitive reflexes that will disappear over time and when he held the baby on the arm and lowered her abruptly to test the Moro’s Reflex, Maya came to us.

-Can you not do that? – She asked. – I'm sure there are other ways to test these things without scaring Bianca, she's clearly upset.

-Bambina, he has to do this. – I tried to comfort her.

-We're all done, Maya! I understand that no mother wants to see her baby crying, but it is necessary. – He explained and Maya just snorted and rolled her eyes, this time staying near the stretcher and as soon as Dr. Smith said we could get her back, Maya picked up the baby on her lap and began to rock her.

-It's okay, my baby. It's all right! I'm sorry, I hate it too. I hate doctors too, it's okay. – She spoke to the baby and I let her stay with Bianca on her lap so she could also calm down.

After a few more minutes Bianca calmed down, just sniffing lightly and sucking the pacifier hard. We put on her clothes back on and sat down, Maya choosing to keep holding the baby.

-Bianca is perfectly healthy, but this first year is full of news for babies, so I want to see her again in two months. – He explained and I nodded.

It was obvious in every look that Maya already hated Dr. Smith for making our daughter cry, but she said nothing. She continued to pet Bianca affectionately, sniffing her cheek and whispering comforting words into the baby's ear.

-She needs a vaccine, it will be fast, I just need you to hold her little thigh for me please. – Dr. Smith spoke, and I nodded once more, Maya looking at me with a scared look as the doctor got up and left the office to get the vaccine.

-Do you want me to hold her? – I asked, stroking Bianca's belly.

-I can hold her. – Maya spoke back, and I just nodded. – Is it too big a needle?

-No, nothing big. – I replied and she nodded a few times before turning back to look at the baby. – We're almost done, piccolina.

-She'll hate us. – Maya spoke still looking at the baby.

-She won't remember any of this at all.

-That's what you think! That kind of trauma gets stored up Carina, and when she's a teenager everything will be thrown in our faces. – She spoke sighing and I wanted to laugh, but I held back the laughter. – I'll surely throw you under the bus.

-What? – I asked laughing.

-If she ever asks me something about it, I'll say it's all your fault. – She explained and I rolled my eyes.

Dr. Smith returned with gauze to clean the area and a syringe in his other hand. Maya held the baby sideways and lifted the dress she was wearing, gripping her thigh tightly and squeezing her eyes shut as Dr. Smith cleaned the area.

-Just a little sting. – The man spoke and inserted the needle into the baby's thigh, a cry immediately echoing in the office. Once the syringe was empty, he pulled the needle out and took a small bandage to place over the spot. – Okay, it's all over.

Maya opened her eyes again and returned the baby to her chest, stroking her back repeatedly as she rocked her slowly, trying to calm her down. When we saw that she wouldn't calm down I held out my hands and she handed me the baby while Dr. Smith typed something in the chart.

I grabbed the blanket Bianca was wearing and threw it over my shoulder, covering the baby and my front, before pulling down the sleeve of my shirt and putting my breast out to start nursing her. Bianca sucked my breast hard, filling her mouth with milk before taking large, audible gulps, ceasing the crying.

-You guys might have a rough night tonight... Fever, spot pain and redness are to be expected in all babies. She may or may not have some diarrhea and may have some nausea, increasing the amount of baby spits for the next 24 to 48 hours. – Dr. Smith spoke, and Maya nodded quickly to his words.

-Should we give some medicine if that happens? – She asked.

-Infant Tylenol and cold compresses at the site where the vaccine was injected are usually sufficient. Diarrhea, if it occurs, will stop spontaneously. – He explained and Maya typed something on her cell phone. – Any questions?

-No, thank you. – I replied, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the force with which Bianca sucked my breast, the skin on my chest being stretched tightly.

-Thanks. – Maya spoke reluctantly and stood up, taking Bianca's bag. I stood up then and felt her hand on the small of my back.

As soon as we left the appointment we went back to reception and Maya gave me a glass of water while I continued to nurse the baby.

-She hated it. – She said.

-Most babies hate doctors; they don't feel safe. To her it's just a stranger poking her. – I explained and Maya stroked the baby's belly that was exposed outside the blanket that covered us.

-We must then prepare for difficult days, shall we? – Maya asked and I nodded. – Let's buy more Tylenol on the way home, and let's put some compresses in the freezer. I hope she's okay.

-She'll be fine, bambina! Some discomfort for a few days so we can be more carefree in the future. – I said and she nodded.

After we stopped at a pharmacy on the way home, Maya insisted on taking the rest of the way in the backseat with Bianca, who was already looking more irritated than usual and I sighed heavily, imagining that the next few hours would be quite difficult.