17. Chapter 17

MAYA’S POV

-Maya! Come here, the baby is kicking! – Carina yelled from the living room, and I threw the clothes that were being organized into the closet on the bed and ran towards her voice. – They stopped.

-I can't believe they won't kick even once when I'm around! I've been home with you for 24 hours and the baby just kicks when I’m not around! – I complained, throwing myself on the couch beside her.

-They'll kick again soon. – She took my hand and placed it on her stomach, but I felt absolutely nothing.

-Come on, little one! Kick mommy! – I waited a few more seconds, but nothing happened. – I can't wait to find out if you're a little boy or a little girl! And then start fighting with your Mamma about your possible names.

-I hope you know our baby will have an Italian name! Or at least a name that sounds good in both languages. – Carina muttered beside me, and I rolled my eyes before stroking her stomach affectionately.

-It's so amazing to see your belly growing. – My eyes never leaving her baby-bump. – I never thought it would be so amazing to see your body change like that. You were never more beautiful than you are now, pregnant with my baby.

Carina smiled at me, but it was a different smile. A thoughtful smile.

-A penny for your thoughts? – I asked, still rubbing his belly.

-I never understood that expression, I would never sell my thoughts for a penny. – Carina rose from the couch in an attempt to deflect the subject.

My wife went into the kitchen and started making some kind of pasta that I didn't know the name of – I just didn't understand the need for so many names and shapes for the same food – and I went back to my bedroom chores.

It didn't take me long to finish organizing the closet and as soon as I was done, I sat on the bed and opened a shopping app on my cell phone. I was searching for cribs and all kinds of objects for babies – these things were quite expensive – and also inspirations for decoration for the little one's room.

-What do you think of this crib? – I asked without taking my eyes off the phone as I walked towards Carina in the kitchen. I showed the photo to my wife, and she wrinkled her nose. – Did you hate it?

-I didn't hate it, Bambina... But we need a crib that is retractable and can be lifted for the first few months or your back won't last more than three weeks. – She answered.

-It's a good point. – I nodded but let out a tired sigh then. We had been looking for the perfect crib for days. – Do you need help with lunch? You should enjoy your day off and put your legs up...

-I won't trust you with my kitchen, Maya. – She just said, still with her back to me, stirring a pot with a wonderful smell.

I put the cell phone in my pocket and hugged her from behind resting my hands on her stomach.

-Sometimes I think you like the kitchen more than me. – I joked and laughed low before kissing her shoulder, Carina laughed along with me and then something happened.

It was the smallest of impulses, barely pressing into my palm, but it was there.

-Carina… – I whispered wide-eyed, and she looked at me with a big smile on her lips. – Did the baby just kick me?

-Si. - She replied still smiling.

The movement stopped for a few seconds and started again a little stronger against my right hand. It was definitely small kicks.

-Oh, God... – It was a strange feeling, but it only made me happy. – You’ve gotten so big, little one! You are kicking!

-I told you they’d kick you eventually. – Carina said laughing at my reaction.

-I hope you enjoy having my hands on you, because I will need to feel my baby whenever possible. – I patted her belly affectionately when the movements stopped.

Carina continued to cook a few more minutes, not minding my hands on her stomach as I laughed and talked to the baby to get them moving. Apparently, they liked my voice now and kept kicking me.

-How about we celebrate the baby starting to kick you? – Carina turned in my arms, looping hers over my shoulders and tilting her face to capture my lips. It was an energetic kiss, intense and wet.

-Car, we had sex less than two hours ago! – I muttered with my lips still on hers.

-I know! – She replied, still kissing me.

-Maybe after lunch? – I suggested, patting her back affectionately, trying to slow her body down.

Carina pulled away from my body and rolled her eyes before heading out into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

I creased my forehead not quite understanding what was going on, but I knew a conversation was needed. Carina was attacking me every 20 minutes, wanting sex at least twice a day, every single day. Even with all the libido from pregnancy, something was wrong.

It's not like I don't love having sex with my wife – God knows how much I adore Carina's body and having her naked in my bed is always a privilege – but even my athletic body couldn't keep up with the pace Carina was trying to set for our sex life.

I walked over to the bedroom door and knocked twice before opening it a crack.

-Can I come in? – I asked from the doorstep. Carina was sitting in the armchair, legs crossed and face resting in her hands. – Are you crying?

-No, Maya. I'm not crying. – There was a lot of frustration in her tone.

-What's going on, Car? – I asked as I approached the chair and crouched down in front of her. I put one of my hands on her knee in an attempt to make her look at me, but she continued to stare at the ceiling to chase away some tears that insisted on forming in her eyes.

-You just rejected me, isn't that reason enough for me to be upset? – She asked back, finally looking at me.

-I didn't mean to reject you, or make you feel like that... But we've been having a lot of sex lately, Carina and my job already takes a lot out of me. I can't keep up with this pace, I'm sorry. – I confessed opting for honesty and not a lame excuse. – Is pregnancy still making you horny all the time?

-It's not that... – She said, looking away from me.

-What is it then? – I asked and patted her knee, trying to make her feel comfortable.

-I… – She started but snorted and rose from her chair. Carina started pacing. – I'm not an insecure woman, Maya.

-I know. – I spoke immediately, turning around and waiting for her to continue. Carina pacing was a sign that she was anxious or frustrated about something. Now, with her pregnant belly, it was adorable to see her walk with her hands on her lower back to support my baby's extra weight.

-And I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I'm a teenager who needs to prove to the world that my sensuality and femininity is directly linked to my body. I know it's not. I know this rationally. – She talked as she walked. – But emotionally I'm destroyed. I'm scared you won't want me anymore when my belly is huge, I'm scared I won't be able to satisfy you anymore when I'm 70 months pregnant and all I’ll want is to put my feet up. I deal with pregnant women every day and they all tell me the same thing, that their marriage is sidelined, and that sex is non-existent. I don't want this for us Maya.

-Calm down... Wait a second! Breathe, please! – I asked, extending my hands and going to her. I rubbed my hands against her arms and led her to the bed. – I'll never stop wanting you, Carina! That's not a possibility. Your body is changing, but it's changing because you're carrying our baby and that just makes you the most beautiful, sexy, and hottest woman in the world to me.

She shook her head.

-I mean it, Carina! – I insisted and with my fingers moved her chin so that she could look at me. – I never wanted you as much as I want you now. As for not being able to satisfy myself, I don't think that will ever be our reality. You like sex too much to give it up.

She chuckled softly and I followed her laugh.

-Let's figure things out as they happen. I promise I'll talk to you if I'm not satisfied with something, but I don't need you to want to get laid every 20 minutes to feel satisfied. – I explained and she nodded. – And let's promise each other that motherhood won't stop us from being a couple, ok?

-Okay. – She nodded. – I promise.

-I promise. – I spoke and then kissed her lips affectionately. – Thank you for sharing with me.

-Thank you for being such a wonderful wife and mother. – She smiled and I felt my cheeks burn.

…

-You want to know the sex of the baby, correct? – Addison asked for the third time that day. - I need to be sure not to have dissatisfied mothers at the end of this appointment.

-We are 100% sure we want to know the sex, Addison! – I nodded and grinned at Carina. –  But I feel like it's a boy.

-You feel like it’s boy since Alex. – Carina rolled her eyes and I shrugged.

-It's a feeling.

-Let's find out. – Addison put the gel on Carina's stomach, and I bit my bottom lip hard trying to contain the anxiety that was already making my heart flutter. – You already feel the baby move, correct Carina?

-Yes! – My wife replied. – They’re getting more and more active and kicking Maya like crazy.

-That's excellent! – The redhead spoke, without taking her eyes off the machine in front of her.

I saw the baby's silhouette and its little hands and feet were very defined on the monitor. I could see their small mouth and eyes, a small nose and some hair plastered to the baby’s head.

-Oops, looks like someone is shy today! – Addison spoke and turned the monitor even more towards us.

-Come on, baby! Spread your legs to let us know if you are a little boy or a little girl! – Carina asked, but the baby didn't move. – Maya?

-Baby, today is a very important day! We need to find out if you're a boy or a girl to buy clothes and paint your room in stereotyped colors and live out the rest of your Mamma's pregnancy clinging to the sex you're going to be born with. Although please know we'll be 100% on your side if when you grow up you discover yourself to be something different from what we imagine. We are here to support you, but this is a conversation we will have in a few years. For now, I just need you to spread your little legs for Mommy. – I lowered my face and talked to the baby inside Carina's belly.

On the monitor we saw some movement and my eyes widened seeing that the baby actually responded to my voice.

-Look, you were completely wrong Maya! – Addison spoke and I looked at Carina, who was grinning.

-We have a bambina! – Carina said.

-A girl? - I asked still not believing, but my wife nodded along with the redhead who was doing her ultrasound. – A little girl... You’re a little girl, baby!

Something inside me seemed to change.

This human being was becoming more and more real inside my head, now I could see more or less what she would look like, and I knew she was really a "she". I don't know if I was really prepared for this possibility, part of me wanted a boy because I always thought things were easier with boys, there weren't so many worries, the world was made for men... But a girl... My God, I was already worried about the sexism she would have to face, and the adversities she would go through just because she was born a woman.

-Maya, I need you to get out of your head. – Carina whispered beside me, squeezing my hand to bring me back to reality.

-I wasn't expecting a little girl. – I whispered, still scared by the idea.

-You better get ready, Maya. You'll have two Italian women to boss you around now. – Addison joked and Carina laughed without taking her eyes off me.

The redhead handed me a piece of paper and like every other appointment I wiped Carina's stomach before helping her sit up and get back into her clothes. This time I didn't make many comments, not wanting to say the wrong thing.

-Are there any more complaints, Carina? – Addison asked typing some things on the computer.

-No, I'm tired and my legs are starting to swell at the end of the day. Maya is helping me with daily massages. – My wife replied.

-You hit the jackpot with that one. – The redhead joked.

-I can't disagree. – Carina squeezed my hand once more. It was her way of showing me that she was there, by my side, for whatever I needed.

-Any questions, Maya? – Addison asked me.

-Uh, no. – I responded quickly.

The two women talked about some more very specific things about the pregnancy and then commented on some cases before we were cleared to go home.

I had a shift in two hours and needed to get ready to leave the house, so I went straight to the bathroom as soon as we entered the apartment and Carina didn’t follow me. It was nice to have time to organize my thoughts and I think Carina knew I needed some space.

-I didn't think the baby's sex was that important to you. – Carina commented when I left the bathroom wrapped in a towel.

-It isn’t. I just want them... Her... I just want her to be born healthy. – I spoke while looking for a specific pair of pants.

-Your gray jogger is in the bottom drawer. – Carina seemed to read my thoughts. I opened the drawer she indicated and pulled out my pants. – Is everything really okay, Maya?

-It is. – I nodded. – I just don't think I'll be good with a girl. I don't know how to do cute hairstyles, I don't know how to play with dolls, I don't know how to give advice about boys or girls, I don't know how to have conversations about sex and use protection, I don't know how to talk about menstruation...

-Maya, you are projecting many problems from the future. – Carina commented behind me, and I felt one of her hands on my shoulder in a silent request for me to turn to her.

When I turned around, Carina opened the towel and ran the fabric over my body, getting rid of a few drops of water that still lingered on my skin. She crouched down and ran the towel over my legs and calves before climbing back up to my face and starting to dry my hair. It was an incredible feeling. I felt cared for and protected by Carina every time she did this.

-We won't have to deal with most of these problems for years. – She continued and I sighed. – Our girl will not only play with dolls, and you will learn to make cute hairstyles with me. I will probably need you too, countless times. We will be together in every step of the way, and we will help each other...

-I know, I know... I just don't want to fail her. – I whispered and pulled my clothes to get dressed.

-You are not going to. I'll make you a protein shake. – Carina spoke before leaving the room.

When I was ready to leave the house, I went into the kitchen and gladly received the glass of the mix my wife had made and gave her a kiss on the cheek before heading towards the door. Placing my hand on the doorknob I closed my eyes and gathered all the courage I had inside of me and turned back around.

-Can I talk to her? – I asked, turning to Carina and my wife nodded.

I put my backpack on the floor and the glass on the kitchen island before heading over to Carina, who was already sitting on the sofa in the living room. I bent down beside her and lifted her shirt, kissed her belly a few times, feeling my wife's fingers in my hair – it had already become a habit for her to do this every time I spoke to the baby.

-Hi little princess. – I spoke against the skin of Carina's belly. – I'm a little scared now that I know you're a little girl, I don't know if I'll be as good as your Mamma in some things, but I promise I'll try my very best. We had a baby before you, I've told you about Alex a few times, and because they weren’t born that makes you our rainbow-baby. And knowing you're a little girl just makes it all more special. You're going to be born bringing all these rainbow colors to us, you're going to be our rainbow princess and I can't wait for you to have me wrapped around your little finger. I bet I'll never be able to say no to you and I'll spoil you more than I should.

-That's probably pretty accurate, bambina. – Carina said, agreeing with me. – And I am very happy to know that you will be born looking like your mother. It was her eyes that made me fall for her at first sight and knowing you're going to be a little copy of her will bring me more happiness than I thought I would ever have.

-We’re very happy to welcome you to our family, little one! And now we’ll start thinking about names. I have to go, princess! See you later! – I said before giving one last kiss on Carina's stomach. – See you later, Car! I love you!

-I love you, Bambina. – She said and gave a peck on her lips. – Apparently, I have two bambinas now.

-This is going to be quite confusing! – I played getting my things in the kitchen.

…

-So? What is it? – Andy asked as I turned the corner to enter the station. I creased my forehead when I saw my friend waiting for me.

-What are you doing here? – I asked as I approached.

-Carina said you were going to find out the baby’s sex today. – She explained and behind her I saw Vic and Travis running towards us.

-What is it? – They repeated the question.

-It's a girl. – I replied laughing softly at the shocked faces of the three people in front of me.

-I can't believe Dean and Jack won the bet. – Vic snorted contemptuously with her head.

-I also lost the bet against myself. – I shrugged. – I was confident it would be a boy.

-Oh, Maya... She'll have you wrapped around her little finger! – Andy said holding me by the shoulders before hugging me. – Congratulations, Mommy!

-Thanks, Andy! – I replied still embarrassed to be receiving so much attention from my friends.

There were lots of hugs during the day, apparently people liked the idea of a girl coming to our family and Dean was confident that my baby and Pru would be best friends despite the age difference between the two.

"Amelia is freaking out at the idea of having a niece and Teddy already wants our baby and Alisson to be best friends" - Carina's message popped up on my cell a few hours after my shift started.

"The position of best friend is already occupied by Pru" - I replied smiling at the idea.

"The trio of best friends! So adorable!"

Seconds after Carina's last message, the alarm went off and I had to run to get dressed. As soon as I got into the truck, I typed a message.

"Our little girl is going to be so happy, Car! Three-alarm fire, gotta go! Eat and drink plenty of water so my princess can grow healthy! I love you both, my girls."

"We love you, Mommy"

That was the kind of thing that made me nauseous when I saw other couples doing, but right now, that kind of cheesy thing was one of the reasons I was so happy. I loved my girls, and they loved me too.

How did I get so lucky?