Insomnia

Amy had left him. His parents were divorcing. And he had forgotten the test in math class today. Mr. Wilson didn't allow retests, so he'd permanently damaged his grades, on top of everything else going wrong today.

Nathan lay in bed, cocooned in his thoughts and the blankets, unmoving. He had been sitting here for hours, not doing a thing, just trying to process all the thoughts and feelings running through him. It wasn't working, and he still felt as panicked and upset as he had when he first started.

Why would his parents hide this from him? How long had they known and not said a word? He'd always known his parents didn't have the best relationship, but he'd also always assumed that was normal. People fight, then get over it and make up. That was just how relationships worked.

At least, that was how normal parent relationships worked. He had no clue how they were supposed to work for him, with Amy's backstabbing and Connor's girlfriend stealing.

But then again, that wasn't how adult relationships worked either, since his parents were splitting up. He just didn't understand relationships at all. Why even bother if things never worked out anyway?

He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. Maybe this was all a dream. Maybe things would be better when he woke up.

He knew the thought was ridiculous, but he wanted to at least fast forward through some of the pain and grief that he was feeling. So he closed them anyway.

It was a bright, sunny day, and he could see red light through his eyelids. He pulled his pillow over his face. As he did, his emotions came roaring up, and he screamed into it, full throated. Screw this, he thought as he screamed.

He kept his eyes closed, thoughts running through his brain like Olympic sprinters. What would it be like once his parents split up? Would he have to live part time with his mom or dad? What about his birthday? Christmas? What would he do when he saw Amy again? Pretend everything was okay? Tell her she was a bitch for betraying him, like he so desperately wanted to?

So many questions, none of them with answers. His stomach hurt, and he felt sick.

"I want to die," he whispered, but even as he said it, he knew it wasn't true. He wanted his life back. He wanted Amy to call him on the phone and ask if he was okay, like she used to when they were dating. He wanted his parents to be okay.

It took a long time, zoning out between sharp, intense bursts of emotion, but sleep eventually overcame him, his thoughts still playing in his dreams.