chapter 4

I slammed the bathroom door crying from embarrassment. I cant believe I allowed this to happen, I broke his arm, I took joy in his misery and pain. They are going to call the cops and I am going to go to jail. I wouldn't survive jail! I may be dirty and thin but I still look like a female. I don't want to be some kind of jail bitch with full blown AIDs. Then that if my uncle doesn't bail me out to beat my ass himself. 

I looked at myself in the mirror and my face was covered in Ryan's blood. I began to shake uncontrollably and my mind started to race going back and forth. My body was no longer my own I was sharing it with a darkness that felt like it could consume me.

"He-He's going to kill me" I said unable to breath. I felt as if there was an elephant sitting on my chest. What was I going to do? I can never get away with something like that when everyone recorded me hurting him. 

"Uncle is going to kill me" I forced out my throat. I felt as if I was choking, the world was slowly becoming dark and everything was shaking. I was unsteady and was losing touch with reality. Everything around me felt like it was being warped and swallowing me whole. I could still feel their eye staring at me. Their laughter rang in my ears making my head feel as it was was going to burst. I looked down at my hands that were also covered in blood and the world around me disappeared. I feel sick like I could hurl. 

"Blood?.... Is this my blood? I don't remember bleeding or hurting myself, how could I be bleeding? Wait this is Ryan's blood on my hands. His pain and screams are my fault. I am better than him right now. There's no way I am better than him." I mumbled to myself as I turned on the sink and began scrubbing my hands in a panic. The blood would come off it was as if it was stained on my hands. 

"Blood… Why won't it come off?" I said scratching even harder trying to get rid of the blood. Everyone here must be horrified of me now. I thought I was an outcast before, now I'm really going to be outcasted by the world. I could be expelled from school! Oh my god, I can't be. Uncle would make me pick up a 4th job and work me to death as if he doesn't already beat me daily for simple things. I wear my hair wrong, eat too loudly, exiting my room after 8pm, coming home after 6pm or before 10am, even wearing blue could get me a lashing. I believe just existing in his presence could end badly for me and here I am getting expelled, most likely sued, and thrown in jail. Uncle is going to trap me in that small deteriorating house for the rest of my life. I deserve it, I deserve to be tormented and punished for the trouble I have caused everyone. 

"This isn't my blood! Why won't it come off?" I screamed scrubbing harder but the more I scrubbed the more blood appeared. It just wouldn't stop bleeding! I don't understand, I wasn't wounded yet I was bleeding heavily. There were no wounds so where was this blood coming from? It was if I was bleeding. Suddenly I could hear that god awful demon's voice in my head yelling and laughing at me. 

"Look at you crying and panicking like a child" He said laughing. His laugh was sickening and giving me a headache. It echoed in my ear piercing through my eyes causing me to scream in pain.

"This voice again…. Please shut the fuck up…" I said as I began to slap myself in the face and punch my head trying to get him to shut up. But he just laughed harder like he was watching the funniest movie ever. Nothing felt real but it all caused me so much pain. It made no sense! What is happening to me? 

"Why can't you be normal?!" I cried out feeling worthless. All I ever wanted was to live a normal life. I never asked for anything, I kept to myself and did my studies faithfully and yet here I am being tormented not only by my fellow classmates but now by the voices in my head. I was about to slap myself once again when I felt someone suddenly grab my arm and yank me to turn around. When I finally turned around and looked at the person it was Jun-Myeon. Why would he be here? Did he hear or see any of that? After everything that he witnessed, I had to go and fuck up again. He must think I am a lunatic.

"What are you doing?" He asked gripping my arm tightly.

"I'm punishing myself…" I replied looking at the ground as I began to cry again. My heart ached and I was filled with sorrow.

"Let Go…. Nakamura" I said trying to calm myself down and pull my arm from his grip, but he just held on tighter. When I finally looked at him through my tears his expression he looked as if he was angered by my words for some reason, or am I just looking too deep into it? There's no way he could care for someone like me, hell he doesn't even know my name. I'm a nobody so why is he even wasting his time?

"I will do no such thing, you are bleeding" He said in a deep, stern voice that startled me.

"why would you need to be punished if you did nothing wrong?" He asked, pulling me closer, wrapping his arm around my waist. I looked at my clothes and they were covered in dirt and blood. I was too close to him, I could get him dirty, and I have done enough for one day. I took a small step back and tried once again to pull my arm from his grip. I can't believe our first meeting was like this! I started sobbing once again from embarrassment.

"It's none of your fucking business!" I yelled but I was stopped mid-sentence when Jun-Myeon yanked my arm and started to hug me. The hug took me by surprise, and I couldn't move. It was as if time had frozen and we were the only ones in the world. His body was warm, and he smelled of Dior cologne. His arms were large and could cover almost my whole torso. It felt safe for once in my life and I didn't know how react. This was unfamiliar to me, and I have never been shown this kind of kindness. 

"I'm not great with words but…" he said softly while holding me tightly. His hands stroked my hair softly which gave me a comforting feeling and helped me relax a little even though I still didn't understand why he was doing this. 

"Sebastian, A friend of mine, once told me that hugging someone who is clearly in pain is the most comforting thing you can do for them" He spoke once again in a soft voice hugging me tighter even though I was standing there like an idiot. 

"It's Okay, you did nothing wrong" He whispered in my ear which broke my heart causing me to cry uncontrollably once again. He was telling me something I already knew but having someone finally say it made it feel real and I couldn't control it no more. Also, it was Jun-Myeon of all people in the world. 

"You never need to worry, I have decided that starting today I wont allow anyone to harm you again. Not as long as I am here." He said as he hugged me. I finally gave in and hugged him back sobbing louder than before. I felt like I was in a safe place finally.

"I promise on my life I will protect you. Even if or when you don't need me to." He continued rubbing my back. I let out a scream that made me feel a lot better. All these emotions that was built up inside me was finally pouring out of me. I felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders.

"I will not allow you to harm yourself either, its not a good way to deal with one's emotions" he stated as I was trying to bite my lip and stop myself from crying more into his chest. 

"I'm sorry… I'm just so…. tired" I said as I stumbled over my words and reached up out of habit and started rubbing his earlobe. My movement had startled him a little being I felt him jump as I reached for his face but relaxed shortly after. I only started rubbing his ear because I was nervous and I normally rub my own but I reached out for him instead and I don't know why.

{30 minutes later}

Jun-myeon had spent the last 30 minutes cleaning my hands and face. He even gave me his gym shirt to change into because mine was ruined. He had also called out to a person name Twix which I thought was a weird name, but he entered the bathroom nervous. He was someone who wore their emotions like an accessory. Jun-myeon had asked twix to go and buy some things from the store, a lot of it I have never even heard of. 

When twix had returned I saw in the bag there was bandages, antibiotics, Food and medications. I'm assuming it was to prevent infection but I'm guessing that he was also hungry. Jun-myeon began to tend to my wounds and wrap my hands.

"are you in pain anywhere" He asked as he wiped my face and putting my hair behind my ears as if he was trying to see my face more. I started to blush and feel hot, I was nervous. What if he didn't like how I looked? Would he become cruel like the others or would he make fun of me for looking like a girl? 

"My hands are a little sore other than that I'm fine" I said folding my hand in front of me and looking at the floor for I was uncomfortable and nervous. I believed he noticed because he started being careful with all his movements. I just blushed more because it was sweet and considerate. I can almost forgive him for letting yeji spend the night. 

"this might help" Jun-Myeon said handing me a few painkillers and some water.

"why are you being so nice to me?" I asked looking up at jun-myeon and seeing his calm face for the first time in the time he spent cleaning me.

"Treating you like a human being isn't me being nice. I was raised with proper manners in class unlike a hoodlum like Ryan that is all" He said stepping back and sliding his hands into his pockets. It was now that I noticed how tall he was, he towered over me. He had a muscular build and wide shoulders and his hair was the perfect length, laying on his chest from his ponytail at the base of his head. 

"It seems like money cannot buy everyone's class. Wouldn't you agree?" He said tilting his head looking me in the face.

"Yeah, he's a jerk" I said laughing softly and looking down at the ground blushing. Something amazing had came out of this horrible day. Now what will happen with me? Am I going to jail?