Wait a minute! I didn’t-! @#$@!

"No." I closed the door to my house behind me and muttered, "No matter how tempting it is, I'm not falling into that trap. I mean, being a trap."

Like the notification said, I got a new app installed on my phone. It was super sus, one of those sketchy apps that you found at the bottom of the barrel after scrolling through the list of apps in the app store for an hour before you stopped getting recommendations.

At least, that was what I got after a casual glance at it. But the thing said I had to accept some terms and conditions, and considering how the system seemed to be steering me towards streaming with that avatar... Yeah, I'd check that out later after combing through every damned letter in that agreement.

I shook my head and then took off my shoes, chucking them into the corner and then glanced around.

My house was strangely familiar. Mostly because it was a Western style house instead of a traditional Japanese one.

Carpeted floors, a welcome mat... a bedroom and an office on the first floor for my dad, while my bedroom was on the second floor along with the bathroom. A kitchen, living room... the usual.

And speaking of my dad...

Papers rustled and then a smooth and bassy male voice echoed. "Keep telling yourself that, Son."

"Oh shut the hell up, Old Man!"

I unzipped my sweater and tossed it to the side before walking into the kitchen.

When I did, a man came into view, seated at the kitchen table and flipping through a newspaper article. An American newspaper article.

Salt-and-pepper hair, naturally messy but in the wild way that girls loved instead of the lazy way that moms yelled at you for. Chiseled and defined facial features that could pass for a K-Drama male lead. And not only that, but a perfectly muscular body outlined by his tailored black suit and pants outfit.

Hajime Kimura... my father.

He turned the page and then took a sip from a cup of coffee. "Still beating the morning wood out there by your lonesome?"

"Go screw yourself."

"Sorry Kiddo. Tried that. Not flexible enough." He paused and said, "By the way, have you heard about the recent news story going around here?"

I opened the fridge and grabbed a carton of milk before walking over to the pantry. "Not really. I don't pay attention to that stuff."

"For the second week in a row, a mysterious individual, recently dubbed the Morning Wood Breaker, destroyed trees in the Kichijoji Nature Preserve. Shouting unintelligible English, this individual is at large and considered extremely dangerous. Please, contact the local authorities with any information you may have." My dad paused and then looked at me. "Sound familiar?"

I grabbed a box of cereal. Just some simple cornflakes. Then I grabbed a bowl and poured some cereal out before adding milk from the carton. After stirring it a bit, I sat down at the table with my dad. "If the cops ask, I've got nothing to do with it."

"Oh good. Respond just like that if they show up at our doorstep."

"...Is this why you don't tell me what your job is?"

Since I'd been reincarnated, I had a set of memories to go along with said reincarnation in addition to my own.

It had been a bit awkward trying to fit everything together... but fortunately the kid I took over... Or rather, the kid I became acted pretty much the same as I did so I didn't need to act any different.

He was weird though. Really weird. Mostly because of his dad... Or rather, my dad.

A person who was out of the house the whole day and left his kid alone early in the morning. A person who came back late at night, sometimes covered in blood, sometimes carrying suitcases that had mysterious red stains...

My dad laughed. "If I told you what I did, I'd have to kill you."

"...That's a joke, right?"

"Of course." My dad sipped on his coffee and then glanced at me with his bright gray eyes, smiling. "I could never hurt my cute girly son."

"Again, screw yourself."

"Again, tried that. Too stiff. Though apparently the ladies like that."

I took a bite from my cereal before glaring at my dad. "...How the hell did you get laid in the first place to have me?"

"You should be asking why you don't have dozens of siblings running around the house, Kiddo. But like I said before-"

"Yeah, yeah." I sipped on my cereal and said, "Childhood friend, you got drunk, taking responsibility, mom dead. The usual."

My dad paused. "...Maybe I should be less snarky. That's probably a bad influence."

"...I don't think your snark is the issue here, Dad."

He chuckled. "True. But you're alive and well... even if you take more after your mother than me. A lot more. Enough to where my co-workers keep asking me to introduce you to their sons when-"

"First of all, too much information. Second of all, go screw yourself. And third of all, eat shit."

My dad finished his coffee and then set his newspaper down. After that, he stood up and stretched. "Yeah... Well, you're the only guy your old man can rant to, so tough. Also, again, too stiff for that. And to your last thing... I've tried that once. Bad idea. You get the runs like nobody's business."

"Wait what?"

My dad chuckled again and then ruffled my hair. "Be good, Kiddo. I'll be back late again. You know the drill. Lock the house, don't talk to strangers, and be careful when you bend over around guys. People are into weird stuff these days."

"...How are you even a father?"

My dad shrugged and walked over to the front door. "Beats me. I'm surprised we're both still alive considering I can hardly take care of myself... Anyway, seeya. Remember to eat. Try not to die."

I rolled my eyes and went back to eating my cereal. "Yeah, yeah. You too, Dad."

My dad grabbed some dress shoes from the shoe rack and put them on. After that, he walked out the door, raising his hand up. "Love you, Kiddo. And stop using my cologne. That stuff's expensive and it doesn't help hide the fact that you still smell like a chick even when you use it."

"Well if somebody gave me an allowance, maybe I could buy my own stuff! And what the hell do you mean I smell like a girl? I don't! ...Do I?" I sniffed my shirt.

It was sweaty. It was crusty.

...And it smelled strangely like vanilla.

Dammit.

"Go get a job. You're old enough now. Ah, but compensated dating is no good. Well, unless you want to-"

"Go screw off already!"

My dad laughed and then shut the door behind him. Keys clattered as he locked the door, and then it was quiet.

I went back to eating my cereal and scowled. "Crazy ass old man. No wonder I'm so weird."

He had a point though. If I wanted to buy stuff, I definitely needed money since he was a stingy bastard who didn't give me a single coin.

Sure, he bought food and clothes and general necessities. But luxuries? Pft.

[Note: The System's premier legal team will establish the appropriate bank account and information when you start your career as a VTuber as well as ship the necessary materials as a starting bonus.]

I growled and swiped the message away. "I am *not* becoming a trap VTuber!"

[Note: The System offers premier career counseling for-]

"Go @#$@ yourself!"

[Note: The System can be used to find premier escorts if the user desires to open a VTuber agency where-]

"Argh! Fine! If you shut up about VTubers I'll do one stream! But that's it!"

[Career Mission <Daga, Otoko da.> accepted. Rewards: <Talent Scouting>, <Manager's Eyes>. Deadline: 1 hour from acceptance. Failure: Forced Debut.]

"Wait, what?! H-Hey, I didn't agree to-"

[Note: The necessary equipment has been delivered to your room.]

[Time remaining: 00:59]

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to yell at you. L-Let's talk about-"

[Time remaining: 00:49]

"O-OI!"

[Time remaining: 00:39]

"@!#$!"