Chapter 40.1 (Sakura)

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Everyone dies alone, but after you die the question is whether you want to stay alone is another matter. If even a single person remembers you, you are not really dead, but to live again after you die, you must let yourself to forget other people and then you must forget about yourself so you can be born again. I never remember myself to begin with but the people that I help or save will remember me. With no other option I start again and help others but mostly the innocent children, years after years I am with them and finally a noble clan adapts me to the shiba clan. After ten years I found a kid that is unique in some way, he didn't have any parents in this or his last, but even without any help or guides he was morally as good as it gets. So, I took him into my home and clan and did anything that I could for him and gave him as much parental love as I could, and with that I became the happiest person in the whole world. But it was like universe didn't want me to be happy so it sends those thugs to take away my happiness, but I defend my shred of happiness with everything I got, those thugs want to kill us so I shield my son in my embrace and pray that he will be okay but even then, I could see so much blood that cover him and he didn't move at all, in that moment I know that I failed to even save one innocent child will all my power.

After I died in the soul realm, again I was alone. I have gotten back to where I started but with the difference of experiencing family, parenthood, love, everything that now I know I was missing in my last life. In the vast space of the limbo realm, I couldn't move on again as I don't want to forget my son and family as they are my most important and the only thought I had was the power. I want the power to not be in the same position again, never again. Be in a position of helplessness, be powerless to save even one person. Once someone said "When a person… has something important they want to protect… that's when they can become truly strong." I have that, something more important than my life. I could finally be at peace after searching and searching and finally finding it. After I found kanji at that moment, I received some semblance of hope. Hope of not being alone, hope of being at peace. But they took that from me, stole that from me, killed that from me. So YES, I want power, so much power that no one even thinks of taking anything from me.

It is so sad that all of it ends in power doesn't it.

So be it, I have played by the rules for so long. I have lived by those rules for so long. Believed in them for so long. Believed that if you played by the right rules, eventually you would win. But I was wrong, wasn't I? And now all the people I cared about are dead. Or will be dead soon enough. And we will be gone without a trace. So now I have to decide. Decide whether to let my memory to die, to let hope die, to let the world be ground under their heel all because I played by my rules. I'm trying to decide. I'm going to kill them all, kill them all if they stand in my way. But I need to decide how far I'm willing to go... how many of my own rules I'm willing to break to get it done. So be IT.

In that moment I did the impossible, I was in the states being of exist and not exist at the same time. I don't know how but it was like universe hear me and start give me the power like poison and when I take that poisons power, it gives me more and more until I give up and crumble under the pains that come from gaining this power. But after I lost everything after just getting it, it was easy for as I didn't have anything to lose. At first it was poison, the poisons power that you could feel with every take it is not good for you but you will take it like drugs. Then from those poisons come pains then tortures with all the pains you could take. After pain becomes numbness power, I start losing my feeling one at the same time. Then it became opposite, sensory overload. With every bit of power, I take in my feeling become over-stimulated as if I could hear all the existence at the same time, see them all at the same time, feal them at the same time, smell them at the same time. After that everything stop, and I was at peace at last from my torment. I didn't know how much time from when I start, a moment, a month, a year, thousands of years or time not past at all but all I know that my job was done and I could rest now, so I sleep.

When I was alive, when I was overworked and people told me to rest or go to sleep, I would say "I will sleep and rest when I am dead." How ironic, even in death I couldn't rest. To be continued.

Who are the power seekers?

Oftentimes they're people who, for whatever reason, feel powerless, weak, or scared inside. They seek control or power over others because it makes them feel safe or less fearful. Sometimes their fear is based in reality, because they're poor or physically weak, for example. Other times it's just their perception, perhaps a legacy of childhood.

One thing's for sure: It's a mistake to think that's just the other guy. We all have some of those tendencies in us, albeit to widely varying degrees, and we exhibit that sort of behavior under very different conditions.

For some, seeking power and authority is a cultural thing, a matter of where and how they were brought up. That said, not everyone who grew up with money or privilege ends up seeking power and authority. It's very much a function of upbringing and, of course, individual personality.

Most successful executives and business leaders don't seek power.

Most of the successful folks I've known were driven to achieve, like me. They liked to fix things, solve problems, make products, and ultimately beat the competition. Why? Because that's how they knew they had accomplished something. The bigger the challenge, the bigger the hurdles, the bigger the competitors, the bigger the sense of accomplishment.

Money and wealth, like market share and profits, are essentially metrics to measure our accomplishments. Why are we like that? I'm no shrink, but I suspect there are lots of different reasons. Some of us have something to prove, although to whom, we're not always sure. Maybe it just makes us feel good. It makes us happy.

Once people are successful and "powerful," some change; others don't.

Those who are relatively grounded, are reasonably self-aware, and don't take themselves too seriously, don't change, at least not in a bad way. Those are the ones with the best chance of replicating success.

Others let it go to their head. They lose their sense of perspective and objectivity. Those are the ones who tend to flame out. Those are the ones who become their own worst enemy. Unfortunately, they often take others, even entire companies, down with them.

Power isn't inherently evil, and it isn't inherently bad to seek power. Without power, you can't accomplish anything, good or evil. Even those who want nothing more than to make the world a better place, can't do so without exerting the influence of personal power. It's the abuse of power and the underhanded things people do to achieve it that cause problems.

People who earn and use power wisely have a profound impact on everyone they encounter. Yet, they achieve this power only because they exert so much influence inside, on themselves.