webnovel

Vanishing Embers

In a world of fantasy and magic, Aisha is born without any powers of her own. Follow her adventures, as she explores the mysteries of this world, on her quest to find her place, in a world that has left her behind...

Lithkren · Fantasy
Not enough ratings
112 Chs

Raxas's Story

"Anyways." Raxas continued. "We got through the first few ranks pretty easy, but…"

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[

Raxas fell onto his ass, sighing in relaxation as he tilted his head back, letting out a deep breath. He shook his bloody sword a bit, which didn't help at all to get the red stains off of it, but did succeed in splattering blood all over Fenix.

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"Watch it, dude! What are you doing!?" Fenix demanded angrily, pulling up the sides of his jacket to look for stains. "You stupid!?"

"Sorry, sorry, Fenix." Raxas sighed. "Ahhhh… damn it's been a long day."

"We still have to get back to town." Falo said quietly, but he also sat down, resting his crossbow in the sand and sitting in the shade of the cliff above them.

"We should get going NOW." Fenix said, irritated. "I'd rather get back before dark."

"A little bit of dark isn't going to hurt." Raxas muttered, closing his eyes.

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Fenix's eye twitched. "It could."

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The tall man walked over to the two resting men, ready to hoist them up, but he was stopped by a gentle hand on his arm.

"Come on." Miari said, softly. "It's just for a bit. I'm a little tired too, okay?"

"Fine." Fenix said, his gaze shifting towards the ground. He didn't want to encourage Raxas and Falo, but at the same time, he was also quite tired from a day of doing contracts. He sighed and sat down, taking out his silver adventurer's plate from his shirt and-

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"Looks like Fenix has got a crush!" Raxas whooped. "Who knew that old boss man-"

The tall man snarled at Raxas, interrupting him in the middle of his teasing. "Shut up! Miari didn't goof off, so I'm more inclined to listen to her!"

"Yeah whatever, we can see that you're tired too." Raxas scoffed.

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Fenix bit back a biting remark, instead vying to stuff his plate back into his shirt. He looked out at the desert, littered with the corpses of wolves, their bodies mangled at their primitive killing methods and fur-harvesting. He scrunched his face with disgust. It was a benefit, he supposed, to having Raxas and Falo in his party. They were… okay with carrying the loads in their bags. Fenix was not.

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Speaking of the two, Fenix felt a bitter jealousy well up inside him as Miari sat next to them, making idle conversation. Raxas had hit a sore spot. He knew-

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"Hey!" Fenix yelled, seeing a pile of sand shift close to him. "Watch out! Raxas!"

"Huh?" The prone boy said dumbly, opening his eyes and looking around him.

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Fenix attempted to scramble to his feet, but his movements were encumbered by the sand, and he slipped on the slope. He was powerless to watch as a wolf burst out of a pile of sand, a bloody wound in its chest, and lunged at Miari's neck, jaws snapping. Miari held her arms up, blocking her neck, but still let out a cry of pain as the wolf's jaws latched onto her arm, sinking into the flimsy leather of her gloves.

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Fenix was finally able to find his footing and blasted away the wolf with a wave of magic. He quickly rushed over to Miari, looking at the wound, and was angry to see blood beginning to leak out of the punctures.

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"Shit! I-I'm sorry Miari! I wasn't paying attention!" Raxas said in a panic. "We've gotta get you back to town- that could be infected or-or-"

Miari turned to Raxas, a pained smile on her face. "It's okay, James. It was just a mistake!"

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Raxas rushed over to Miari as well, as Falo grabbed his crossbow and made his way over to the wolf. He leaned on the animal's snout with a boot before lodging a bolt in the side of it's head, making sure the thing was dead. As he turned back towards the party, he made a note of the wound that was on the side of its body: the wound that hadn't pierced deep enough to kill the wolf properly.

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He then glanced at the sword at Raxas's side, long and wide, covered in blood. Fenix's sword was shorter and thinner, unbloodied. The tall man used his spells, instead of his blade. That was a last-ditch effort, since his swordplay wasn't very good.

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Falo decided to not say anything.

]

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"That was the first time one of us got hurt." Raxas sighed. "Fenix didn't talk to me the entire way back."

"How do you know what Falo saw?" Aisha asked.

Raxas waved his hand dismissively. "He told me after."

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[

"Barrier!!" Miari cried, a solid wall of white light forming in front of the party, as Fenix cast a massive ball of flame, ducking behind the barrier shortly after. The healer of the party let out a small "Eep!" as the monster they were hunting, a giant arachnid the size of a building, smashed against the front of the barrier, venomous teeth snarling and snapping chitinously.

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It continued to thrash against her shield, legs digging into the floor of the cave, until a white-tipped bolt lodged itself into one of its eyes, flown true from Falo's crossbow. It screeched in pain, and Raxas let loose a spell from his massive blade, a crescent-shaped wave cutting through four of the spider's legs. It toppled onto its side, and Miari let down her barrier, beginning to charge a white spell in her staff. The four began to rain down spells and bolts into the insect's body, spells and dust flying everywhere, the cave shaking around them.

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Eventually the dust settled, and what was left was four sweating, panting adventurers, standing triumphant over the disgusting corpse of the massive spider, green blood everywhere.

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"You're…" Fenix took a gasp of breath, turning to Raxas. "You're getting quite powerful, James."

"Thanks." Raxas gasped out. "Still… still takes a lot out of me though."

"Falo's getting better too." Fenix said, begrudgingly. "Nobody got hurt this time."

"Thank god." Miari said, exasperated. "I'm so tired…"

"Let's get out of the cave first." Raxas said. "It's kind of… gross here, anyways."

"Just one minute…" Miari mumbled.

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Falo pressed his hand to the side of the cave, and his face took on an urgent expression as he hastily retrieved his crossbow and bag from next to him. He leaped off the rock he was perched on, and began to sprint towards the cave's entrance.

"Don't speak so soon! The cave's going to collapse!" He yelled urgently behind him.

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Indeed, as soon as Falo finished his words, the rest of the party began to feel and hear shaking around them. Raxas winced as dust fell into one of his eyes, blinking intensely as his eyes were irritated.

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"Come on, Miari!" He said urgently. "We have to go!"

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Raxas began to run towards the exit of the cave frantically, checking over his shoulder to see Miari and Fenix behind him. His legs burned, still tired from their battle, but his body was strong. He had no doubt that Falo could make it out too - the man was short, but fast on his feet, and agile. He was more worried about Fenix and Miari… He looked behind him, but the darkness of the cave and the cloudy dust blocked his view. He had no choice but to keep running and hope they were following him.

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Raxas broke out into the clearing, panting, and saw Falo in front of him, hunched over and hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. Raxas was relieved to see him safe, but looking behind him, he couldn't see Miari or Fenix behind him.

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He looked frantically around him, and bit his lip.

"I-I-I…" He stuttered. "I… I'm going back in, Falo!"

"Huh?" Falo wheezed. "Why do that!? Don't risk your own life for that guy!"

Raxas leaned against the cave wall for support. "C-come on, you know he would do the same for us!"

"He literally wouldn't!" Falo coughed. "They can get out fine by themselves, and you don't even know if they-"

"Don't worry about it!"

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Raxas bolted back into the cave, his sweat going cold as he looked around frantically for his friends.

"FENIX! MIARI!" He screamed. "WHERE ARE YOU!?"

"Stop shouting!" Fenix yelled back in the distance.

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Raxas hurried over towards the voice, finding Fenix, Miari's arm slung over his shoulder as he struggled his way out of the cave, dirty, bruised, and panting heavily.

"Take Miari!" He wheezed out. "She sprained her ankle!"

"What about you?" Raxas asked.

"JUST GO!" Fenix shouted, blood dripping down his teeth. Raxas looked at the man's forehead and was shocked to see a bloody gash, most likely from a falling rock. He reached out a hand, but Fenix quickly slapped it a way, pointing urgently at the way out.

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Raxas shook his head and slung Miari's arm over his shoulder, rushing her towards the entrance of the cave. The healer let out a small whimper of pain as her shoulder was stretched painfully, but Raxas ignored it, deciding getting her out was far more important than a dislocated shoulder.

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He reached the clearing and flung Miari towards the lip, Miari landing on the ground with a small "Oof!"

Falo quickly glanced at the ceiling of the cave before rushing in himself, grabbing Miari and pulling her out.

"Goddammit-" He strained out. "Lose some weight, woman! James!"

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Falo called to his friend to help, but Raxas didn't respond - he had already rushed back into the cave. Back inside, he rushed over to see Fenix's prone body, collapsed face-down, and his blood ran cold.

"Fenix!" He yelled. "Hey! Boss! Get up!"

"I'm… not your boss anymore…" Fenix wheezed. "I can't go on anymore… leave me…"

"I'm not leaving you here!" Raxas said, hoisting Fenix's body over his shoulder. His legs and back screamed at him as the cave began to collapse around him - his eyes widened as rocks started to fall out of the walls and ceiling of the cave, and a new strength entered his body, as a second rush of adrenaline surged through his body.

"You're so... cheesy... I swear." Fenix said weakly.

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They got about ten meters from the lip of the cave before a stone fell in front of Raxas's feet, causing him to stumble. He looked up quickly, and he began to panic as rocks piled up in front of him, leaving only a small gap in the top of the opening.

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"P-put me down." Fenix coughed, adjusting his glasses. "I can move now."

"Okay, great, because we're going to need to work together to climb up this."

"You go first."

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Raxas began to climb up the stony pile, quickly making his way up, but, encumbered by the shaking of the cave and the unsteady footholds, he took a while to get to the top. He heard the sound of rocks falling behind him, and as every stone fell he looked back to see if one had fallen on Fenix. When he was at the top, he laid across the wall, reaching a hand downwards towards his friend.

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"Come on!" He yelled. "Take it!"

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Fenix was about to take the hand when he saw the ceiling above Raxas shaking and crumbling. His eyes widened as he realized that Raxas was about to be crushed under the weight of the mountain. Compared to himself…

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Fenix adjusted his glasses and sighed, his mind pacing rapidly, but ultimately, knowing there was only one option to take for him.

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His voice came out soft, and low. "Sorry, but you're not going to get to be the hero today..."

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Raxas gave Fenix a strange look. "What!?"

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Fenix reached up and shoved Raxas's face, hard, sending him skidding down the pile of rocks in the other direction, just as the cave's mouth collapsed, closing the entrance permanently.

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"NO!" Raxas screamed, as Falo and Miari rushed towards him, concerned at the sight of his cut and bruised body. He collapsed to his knees as the fatigue in his legs got to him, and he pounded on the rocks as he let out a cry of despair.

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"Fenix…" He wailed. "Why'd you do it-"

"He could still be alive, idiot!" Falo interrupted. "Start digging!"

"Huh? O-oh, right. Right!"

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Fenix coughed up a bit of blood, adding to a growing pool in front of him, as Raxas lifted a boulder blocking his face from view. "Took you… long enough. Idiot."

"Why'd you do it?" Raxas asked in a whisper, as he looked on top of Fenix to see a pile of boulders on top of his legs, and part of his chest.

"It was a calculated decision." Fenix wheezed out. "It was more likely that you got out. Besides, you're better at digging."

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The tall man took off his glasses with shaking fingers, turning them around in his fingers, as Raxas and Falo began to remove the boulders on top of him.

"Broken, huh."

]

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"So you saved him?" Aisha said, leaning her cheek on her palm, crossing her legs.

"In a way, I suppose." Raxas said. "But he was the real hero that day."

Aisha sighed. "That's great, but what does this have to do with you? How'd you get powerful? Did you train? Did you… eat something?"

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"Like I said." Raxas explained. "I don't know. I didn't train terribly hard, and I never kept any powerful artifacts. We sold them. I can only tell you how I changed as a person."

"..."

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Aisha was silent for a bit, contemplating.

"Do you think that's where your power came from?"

Raxas raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Your growth as a person. Do you think… there's a correlation?"

"Between magical prowess and maturity?"

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Aisha nodded.

"It sounds uncertain at best." Raxas sighed. "All our current knowledge seems to point that… it's random."

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The sun began to set on the two, and a shadow fell over Aisha's face, hiding everything but her luminescent, red eyes.

"Hm."

"It's getting late. You should head home."

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Aisha yawned as she opened the door to Celeste's apartment, instantly being met with the smell of heaty sex, the scent beckoning towards her, musty and alcoholic. Aisha coughed a bit at the smell, alerting the two women in Celeste's bedroom, their heads turning to address Aisha as she shut the door behind her.

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"Oh! Aisha!" Celeste said, putting her book down and hastily removing her hand from on top of Hana's head. "Welcome back!"

"MMmmph…" Hana groaned into Celeste's stomach. "Hey Aisha… Oh… it's late. Well… let's get to bed…"

The succubus yawned into Celeste's tummy, curling her knees in a school-girly fashion. Celeste squirmed a bit, feeling the warm breath on her navel, but she still held her head close, stroking Hana's pink hair.

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"What were you two doing?" Aisha asked offhandedly. Usually the two women were having sex at this hour, but she seemed to have caught them in a particularly… intimate moment, with Celeste patting Hana's prone head in her lap. Aisha felt a little awkward interrupting it.

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"I'm just reading to her." Celeste mused, suddenly beginning to giggle. "H-hey! Stop that! H-hahaha!"

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Hana grinned as she ran her fingers up and down Celeste's exposed sides, her dress having ridden up her chest as a result of their activities. The fluff on Hana's arms brushed against the woman's tummy torturously, and Celeste tried to escape the tickles with shaking arms, failing miserably.

"Ha ha!" Celeste giggled. "S-ssstop it!"

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Aisha looked at the intimate scene and grimaced at the adorable scene. She wasn't used to seeing the two women all cutesy, even though she had suspected for a while that they were developing feelings for each other. Aisha just stared at the scene for a while, watching Hana, Celeste, and the book discarded on the nightstand...

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[

Aisha twisted the doorknob home with shaking fingers, trembling in excitement to the prospect of cuddling with her mistress. She pulled open the door and smiled as she was tackled by a big, warm body, giggling as she fell backwards onto the carpet.

"Aisha!" Lorian cooed, burying her face into the top of Aisha's head. "How was your day?… mmmmm…"

Aisha giggled involuntarily as she wrapped her arms around her mistress in return, blushing slightly. "I-it was okay."

"Is it better now?" Lorian mumbled. "It is for me…"

"Yeah." Aisha whispered, looking away in embarrassment. Her eyes locked onto a book discarded on the floor a few feet away from her, the pages scrunching up on the floor.

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"Hey, mistress-" Aisha struggled out, from under Lorian's body. "You left your book on the ground."

"Oh… just leave it!" Lorian said, planting little nuzzles and kisses on Aisha's head. "I wanna… *smooch* just cuddle with you… on the ground *smooch* is fine… haaah…"

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Aisha blushed.

"W-well, we should at least move onto the couch!" She stuttered. "It's… dirty."

"Oh fine!" Lorian whined, unpinning Aisha from the ground. She gave her book a dirty look before vaulting over the couch, laying on top of it with open arms, waiting for Aisha to come and join her.

Aisha closed the door behind her before taking off her boots, walking around the couch quickly, giddily hopping into her mistress's awaiting arms. She couldn't help but let out a little squeal of happiness when she felt an amazingly warm hand on her head, petting out all of her tiredness, and all the bad thoughts from the day, replacing them with fluffy feelings and happiness. Aisha nuzzled back into her mistress in response, and her ears twitched every time they were rubbed, scratched or tickled.

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"What were you reading?" Aisha asked, her voice muffled. It took a minute for Lorian to respond, enraptured by the little sounds that Aisha made while being petted, but when her words registered Lorian paled. Her eyes were drawn to the book she had left on the corner table, Lorian having placed another cover on top of the existing one out of a fear that Aisha would look at it.

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"I-I-it's nothing." Lorian mumbled. "Just a bit of light reading."

"Can you read to me?" Aisha whispered, blushing.

"H-Huh? W-why? Don't you know how to read?"

"Um…" Aisha whispered shyly. "Yeah, but… I like your voice better."

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Butterflies exploded in Lorian's heart and the woman blushed, squeezing Aisha tight against her bosom. She couldn't help but make a delighted noise in her throat, hearing the adorable little girl's affectionate words. She couldn't help it. The girl just made her so happy.

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"O-of course." She whispered. "U-uuummm…"

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Lorian glanced around the room for any other book she could read to her, other than the smutty yuri that she usually enjoyed, taking advantage of Aisha's poor reading ability and lack of interest, but she paled as she realized that that was all she had.

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"Mistress?" Aisha asked softly. Lorian shook in response, startled.

"U-Um!" She yelped. "Uh…!"

"You can read me the one on the floor." Aisha offered shyly.

"O-ok."

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Lorian hesitantly reached over Aisha and picked up "The Princess and Yuri Brothels," and flipped to the page she was on. She stared at the contents of the pages for a good minute before she looked down and saw Aisha's expectant expression, cute little eyes gleaming, and began to read.

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Lorian gulped. " 'Take off all your clothes!' The sisters demanded, as Lili gazed on the hooded women with fear and began to comply.

'What are they going to do to me?' Lili thought frightfully, looking behind her for the support of…"

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"And then they, um…"

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Lorian frantically flipped through a few pages of just complete smut, going red in the ears.

"The sisters threw off their long cloaks, revealing that Lili had never been in any harm, and that they just wanted to celebrate her first client, and formal indoctrination into the b-brothel." She read. "When she returned to her friends- hey! Are you even listening?"

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Lorian gazed accusatorily at Aisha, who was pressed up against her stomach blissfully, her eyes closed and arms wrapped around Lorian's back.

Lorian poked her in the cheek.

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"Hhhuh?" Aisha mumbled. "Y-yeah, of course… I didn't know mistress was so lewd…"

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Lorian went scarlet, although Aisha couldn't see it.

"That's enough for now!" She said quickly. "L-let's talk about something else!"

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"Aw… okay…" Aisha said in disappointment. Truth be told, the main reason why she wanted Lorian to read with her was because she loved the way the vibrations from her voice flowed into her. She snuggled deeper into her mistress's tummy. It was so nice… kind of like a massage chair, only warmer, softer, and, well, also kind of erotic.

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Aisha's eyes still tingled with sensation. She had actually heard a few passages from the book, and even though she didn't read all that much, she could tell that the book was just poorly-masked smut. She felt kind of… hot, which was unusual, since cuddling with mistress usually felt so pleasantly warm and snuggly. This heat made Aisha want to squirm, and she in fact did, tickling Lorian's tummy with her ears.

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"H-h-hey!" Lorian giggled.

]

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Suddenly, when Aisha looked at Hana and Celeste, snuggling together so lazily and intimately, Aisha felt like she was… intruding. She felt a strange guilt in her stomach - all of a sudden she was made painfully aware that this… was not her home.

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Her home was with mistress.

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"Hey!" Hana called after Aisha's swiftly retreating form. "Where are you going?"

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Aisha didn't say anything as she bolted out the front door, slamming it behind her. Celeste made a move to get out of bed, but Hana stopped her, putting a hand on the woman's thigh.

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"Don't follow her." She sighed.

"Why?" Celeste asked. "Don't you care about her?"

"I do." The succubus said, closing her eyes. "I care about her a lot. She was the one who introduced me to But she doesn't want us to come after her."

"Why not?" Celeste pouted. "And I love her more than you do."

"N-no… I do!" Hana replied childishly. "And it's because she doesn't want to form attachments! She doesn't want to like us. Just let her brood."

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"I like her more." Celeste insisted, squishing Hana's cheeks.

"No, I do!"

"..."

Celeste was silent, but her expression was smug, her lips pressed into a smirk. Hana grew both curious and irritated at the expression.

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"What!?" She demanded.

"I had sex with her."

"No way." Hana said in disbelief.

"Yes way."

"I literally couldn't even get her to do it when she was charmed!"

"I guess she just likes me more, then!" Celeste said cheekily.

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Hana pounced on top of Celeste, growling, legs pinning down the equally busty woman. The mage blushed in response, holding her hands up to her chest in a submissive gesture, as her eyes shone with expectation, excited for what was to come next.

"I'll show you!"

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As Aisha heard the sound of delighted moans from inside the apartment, she curled up into a ball on top of the roof that she had chosen to brood over. She didn't know why, but seeing her friends be so intimate together instantly filled her heart with grief.

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Tears began to leak down her face.

"I'm sorry mistress…" She croaked. "I've been so unfaithful…"

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"Who's that?" Sounded a voice, uncomfortably close to her.

Aisha jolted in surprise as she swung a hand outwards, fully intent on smacking whoever was next to her in the head, but her hand was stopped by what felt like solid steel. She turned her head in surprise, and her face quickly twisted into one of disdain as she recognized the face that was next to her.

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"False god." She spat.

"And my latest little project." Ifrit said smugly. His blinding aura was gone, and all that was left was a man in a white gown with a smug expression. But even still, being so close, Aisha could feel the power emanating from him, like a pressure inside her chest.

"What do you want?" Aisha muttered. "I thought I made it clear that I wouldn't accept any curses from you."

Ifrit raised an eyebrow. "Curses? So you would have taken items that didn't have curses?"

"Probably."

"Hmph. Well, it's too late for that now." Ifrit scoffed haughtily. "What's my champion doing up on this roof? Shouldn't she be enjoying her harem?"

"I'm not your champion, at all." Aisha muttered. "And I… only need one woman."

"And who is that?"

"..."

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"I see you've made contact with Raxas." Ifrit said, after a long silence.

"..."

"You know, I approached him too. I offered him much greater powers in exchange for… joining me." Ifrit mused. "He declined, just like you."

"Sounds about right."

"Yes, well… the thing is, he's going to be under my heel soon enough. And so will you."

"... Hey! What do you mean by that?" Aisha demanded.

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Ifrit cackled as he began to levitate, his white glow starting to return as he began to rise upwards into the night sky.

"You will require my services soon. I will make you my champion."

"HEY!"

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Aisha reached up to grip Ifrit's leg, but her eyes were assaulted by a blinding white light, forcing her to shield her eyes. After a minute of furious blinking, Aisha slammed her fist on the roof tiles, frustrated and angry. She didn't bother looking for Ifrit, there was no point.

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What really frustrated her was that she had no idea what Ifrit had in store for her. He had an infinite amount of options, and it wasn't even that clear what his intent was. All she knew is that he was watching her, and that if he got bored with her...

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Well, who knows what would happen.

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"Uuuuurrrrggghhh…" She groaned. Why did she have to get mixed up in this shit? Why couldn't she…

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"What's wrong?" A melodic voice chimed next to her.

"Who is it nooooow?" Aisha groaned. "Let me just… rest… Please…"

"It's awfully uncomfortable for a rest, isn't it?" The voice giggled.

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Aisha's eyes widened as she heard that giggle… that adoring, cutesy tone…

"Mistress!?" She whispered, turning her head to look at the woman next to her. At the sight of her beautiful, amazing mistress… Aisha couldn't help but lunge at her, ready to receive her hugs, and bury herself in Lorian's amazing warmth…

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Aisha received a cold reminder of reality as she passed through her vision of Lorian, her face scraping against the tiles of the roofs as tears returned to her face, Aisha laying prone on the rough surface, looking and feeling stupid.

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"Dammit." She cried, forcing her words out through gritted teeth, her nose throbbing painfully. "Of course its not real. How could you be so stupid!"

"I'm not entirely not real!" Vision-Lorian pouted. "Aisha…"

"What's the point if you're not real?" Aisha choked out. "I can't hug you, or kiss you, or…"

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"Don't you want to talk to me?" The vision said softly. "You look like you're hurting. You know I hate it when you're in pain…"

"..."

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Aisha just looked at the vision with anguish, pain filling her heart as the desire to touch her mistress filled her entire body. She wished so badly… She would give anything…

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"I hate everything!" Aisha wailed quietly, in pain. "I hate adventuring! I don't want to sleep… in the grass, on rocks… its cold… I feel like I'm going to freeze to death…"

"It's so cold without you…" She whimpered. "I hate it I hate it I hate it!"

"I don't want to make friends! I-I-I don't want to worry about making people happy! I just want to make you happy! I don't want to have to talk to people, deal with their problems, o-or or anything! Everything just reminds me of you…"

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"Then what do you want?" The vision asked.

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The tears in Aisha's eyes broke free like a dam, flowing freely down her cheeks as she wept.

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"I-I-I- *hic* I want to go back hooome!" She wailed. "I want to come back and hug you, and spend my entire life just hugging you until the world ends! I want to be warm! I want cuddles! I want to- to- to-"

"There there. Good girl." Vision-Lorian cooed, placing a hand on Aisha's back. "It'll all be okay."

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Aisha gasped, her eyes beginning to dry as she sniffled. She wiped her face with a gloved hand, the tears staining the leather.

"I can… feel your hand." She whispered. "I-it's.. .warm."

"Of course it is. Don't you remember? How I used to touch you?"

"I could never forget." Aisha whispered, as Lorian moved her other hand to softly pat at Aisha's head. "I think about it every day."

"Then sleep, my little pet." Lorian cooed. "Come on. I promised you that I would wait for you! As long as it takes…"

Hey look, it took less than a month!

Lithkrencreators' thoughts