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Valient

Author: Ariel Slick
Fantasy
Completed · 27.9K Views
  • 79 Chs
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Synopsis

Ariel Slick writes original fiction including short stories, novels, and memoirs to spread the joy of imagination and creativity. She also helps clients achieve their fiction writing goals with her ghostwriting skills on Upwork.com and Guru.com. Although she has worked as a freelancer for three years, she has been dedicated to the craft all her life. Her fiction focuses on themes of love, justice, and magic, and her most popular works include romance and fantasy romance. What would make a girl, terrified of everything, go into the woods? Knights chasing after her, for starters. All Elaine wants is to stay in her small village forever, baking bread with her family. All that changes when she discovers that she is one of seven girls with the gift of magic. Elaine must leave behind her family and flee into the deep, dark woods where anything and everything can happen. Only guided by a talking fox, who may not be who he says on the surface, Elaine battles thieves, murderous plants, and magical creatures of all sorts. She will discover her powers and why they matter: to dethrone the evil king. Will she be brave enough to embrace her powers?

Chapter 1Chapter 1

Come in. 

Come in to a land of monsters and magic, fairies and phantoms, ghouls and ghosts. Step through the magic mirror and enter a world of mystery and enchantment. We've fallen off the map. Here be monsters and here be treachery. This is a land where carpets fly and flowers talk, where lightning strikes and sunflowers grow where the lightning scorched the earth. 

So many never leave from where you are right now. So many never take that first step, that leap of faith, to plunge into the darkness of the unknown. For they know that if they cross the threshold, they may never come back. 

She was afraid too. I know she was. I tried so hard to help her reach out to the stars, to leap from cliffs of doubt into the exhilaration and freedom of self-knowledge. Of knowing this place deeply and intimately. 

Just look around you. Gemstones growing on trees, unicorns prancing by, their silvery manes flashing in the sunlight, and fairies as tiny as butterflies flitting across fields of lavender. The air is thick with the sweet scent of rosemary and clover, nightingales sing for joy, and mourning doves cry in anguish over their enchanted loved ones. 

Frogs can be princes here. Little brothers turn to swans. Foxes are clever and men none the wiser. 

There is danger here. Of course there is. You cannot separate the magic of the earth from danger. When you break the laws that govern the movement of stars and earth, well, things tend to slip out of the cracks in the ether. Terrible things. Nightmarish things. 

Old hags bent with hundreds of years of age, trolls too big and stupid to do much more than wield a club, greedy dragons hibernating over their hoards, and shadow creatures too frightening to name: they all live here too. They share this land, the good and the evil alike. 

There must be balance. 

That was something she has to learn. She has not mastered it yet. 

The question is, will you?

*

Once upon a time...

That's how they all start, isn't it?

Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom...a kingdom so beautiful that the gods were jealous of it. This kingdom exists; they'll try to tell you it doesn't, but it does. There: just on the edge of your mind, nestled in between your cares and your worries. The place you go just before you sleep, where all the colors dance and shift about. 

This kingdom is so lovely that the birds sing all day long and swoop through the air, each and every one a color of the rainbow, as bright as jewels. It has everything: graceful mountains pierce the sky, arching waterfalls shoot cold spray into the air, and rivers glide and sparkle by. Luscious fruits hang from trees laden so heavily that their branches bow toward the earth. The sea hangs to the north, an endless expanse of mystery and beckoning. Great, towering forests thousands of years old stand as sentinels to the goings-on of mortals. 

Watch your step here; creatures and tricksters lurk. Talking animals, magic plants, giants, dragons, sprites, and unicorns. It is a kingdom of enchantment, although not all is enchanted. 

Long ago, a shadow fell upon this land. What once was beautiful turned dark and ugly. 

Once upon a time...

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ResidentialPsycho
ResidentialPsychoLv15

First of all, the synopsis is out of order. The second paragraph is the actual synopsis of the series, and the first is a paragraph of the author promoting herself. This is not a series about Ariel Slick as she goes on an adventure as a writer; instead, it is about an adolescent girl who starts accidentally setting her crush on fire and collapsing houses. Titling the section about the writer as "ABOUT THE AUTHOR" and placing it after the true synopsis would help a lot in inviting new readers. When I started reading this series, I was excited about the writing quality. Unlike many writers on this site, this author actually knows how to use imagery. Unfortunately, the author did not describe the buildings or structures of the places or the atmosphere in the woods. Instead, the writing focuses more on summarizing details instead. It took fewer than ten chapters for me to become incredibly disappointed in this series. The narration frequently changes between first and third person, and the first-person narratives aren't all with the same character. Instead, these monologues dramatically break immersion in the story line and spoil what is to come. This was so bad and distracting, I had to drop this story. This story is completed. Although there are grammatical errors, there are only a few of them, and they only cause confusion in dialogue about who is talking. The story development is spoiled early on. The chapters are posted out of order and told in flashbacks. Although some books can pull of this technique and make it look good, this is clearly not one of those stories. Even more confusing, each of them has two different chapter numbers. For instance, they may be labeled things like "Chapter 5: Chapter 8." I assume this is on purpose since the writer would've fixed it by now if it hadn't been. Although the characters each have their roles, some of them are inconsistent. For instance, One stole a man her sister had a crush on, and she actually felt guilty about this many years later. Although it would make sense for her to dislike the consequences of her action, it is unlikely she would develop a moral character afterward. Her sister, instead of talking about this issue or treating her crush, decides to destroy the world instead in the most dramatic fashion possible. They weren't married, so it's not like they were dedicated to each other, and she could always find someone else. None of the characters thus far are likeable. The MC doesn't have any interesting features; instead, she constantly whines and complains without being grateful about anything. Considering how the people are starving to death while she isn't, she's still not happy about anything. Unfortunately, the strengths of this series are as great as its weaknesses. Some people may enjoy reading this, but it can be a trial for others. I recommend trying the first few chapters before deciding to keep it or drop it since the immersion-breaking first-person spoiling monologues keep popping up during the narration.

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