2 We Begin

Morning comes as usual, and I jolt awake in bed, drenched in sweat. I look up at my dead air conditioner and curse out loud. Stupid air conditioner and its stupid air conditioning.

My ears register the sound of the familiar alarm tune coming from my phone, and I reach an arm out to shut it off. I rub my eyes with my knuckles and stretch out lazily, wanting to stay in bed but at the same time not wanting to stay in bed.

Directly across from my bed, the mounted Steve head on my wall stares into the depths of my soul. I stick my tongue out at it and swing my legs out of bed. I stagger into the view of my mirror. Hair sticking up every which way, dark circles under my eyes. Hideous. I pull a face at my reflection and reach out to switch the air conditioning back on.

WEE WOO WEE WOO. I flinch at the sound and whirl around, looking for the source. My phone is buzzing. I smack my forehead, remembering I changed the notification sound on Kara's request. I don't even know why I did it. It's just really hard to say no to Kara. WEE WOO WEE WOO. Another message.

I tap on the notification and look at whoever messaged me at this time. Not that it's very early – in fact, it's nearly twelve a.m. – but most people I have on my contacts list are aware of my fucked-up sleep schedule.

Of course, it's Kara.

Kara: bruh are you awake yet

Kara: ART IT'S 12 AM WAKE THE FRICK UP

I smile to myself. My fingers reflexively move to type out a response

You: jesus relax

I immediately get a reply from Kara.

Kara: holy mother of sainted goats you're actually awake I cant believe this

Kara: schedule for today?

You: ehhhh probably three

Kara: fine then

Kara: go brush your teeth your breath stinks

You: okay, mom

I take a second to laugh at my awesome comedy and move to the bathroom. I watch the water hitting the smooth curved surface of the basin for a while then snap out of my trance and grab my toothbrush. I'm forced to watch my reflection as I brush my teeth, like I am every day. Honestly, who thought it'd be a good idea to hang a mirror above the sink in bathrooms? I spit the foam out and rinse a few times. I look around at the shower. The shower head looks innocently back at me. I begin debating with myself.

Should I take a bath?

(Yeah, you should. You haven't taken one in three days.)

Rookie number. I've gone without a bath for two weeks at a stretch.

(Oh my god you stinky poo. Take a bath for god's sake.)

What if I don't want to?

(Why are you asking me? I'm you.)

Dammit. I'm taking one.

So, like every time I take a bath, my brain gives me a weird theory. These have been occurring for so long I named the theories Artegon's Amazing Assumptions. Assumptions really isn't the word for this, but I wanted it to be an alliteration and my slow brain was unable to think of anything else.

Anyway, today's question was:

Where the fuck do the people in The Hunger Games shit in the arena?

Thanks, brain. I was hoping for an epiphany or something, but now I'm gonna be puzzling over where people crap in The Hunger Games and whether it would even be hygienic.

Then my brain gives me the usual question:

Is Kara gay?

Most likely not, as I've told myself every single day this past week. I should probably just ask her, but then she'll think I'm weird. Sure, I've teased her by accusing her of being gay. Sure, our fans have teased us by accusing us of being gay. But that isn't the same as outright asking someone what their sexuality is. And if she really is gay – even though there's no way she is – why would she ever want to be my girlfriend?

I step out of my shower and lazily towel myself down. Changing into new clothes is one of the reasons I don't shower often. My mind wanders over to Kara again. It's difficult to do the cliché 'my mind recalls her smile, her beautiful hair' when I don't even know what she looks like.

Falling in love with a faceless person. Huh. How does that even happen? That's like loving someone solely by their voice. My case must be one in a million. I pull my wet hair up into a ponytail without bothering to dry it.

I pick up my phone again to check my notifications. My slightly wet fingertips create dashes of water on the screen, and I wipe them away, irritated. Kara's sent me some more messages.

Kara: hey you done brushing yet

Kara: art

Kara: artegon

Kara: bruh it's been thirty minutes

Kara: wtf you've been brushing your teeth for forty minutes now

I sigh at how dumb she is and type out a message. Wait, have I seriously been bathing for forty minutes? And the hot water didn't run out?

You: you absolute dunce have you heard of this thing called a bath

She isn't online, so I switch off my phone and the air conditioning in my room and go out to grab some breakfast. By 'go out to grab some breakfast' I mean going into my kitchen to get a bowl of cereal. Not just any cereal. Reese's Puffs. The food of the gods. There's nothing better than scrolling down r/memes and simultaneously eating Reese's Puffs in the morning. Have you tried doing that? Try doing that.

Half an hour passes. One hours. I lie lazily on my bed, re-watching some Rick and Morty episodes. Two hours. I decide to give JoJo a try even though I don't really like anime. Somewhere around 2:30, I begin spamming Kara with messages.

You: hey

You: kara

You: kara im bored

You: KARA

You: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

You: kara

You: kARA

You: bruh

You: DID YOU FORGET ABOUT MINECRAFT

I give up after a while and lie back down to continue watching JoJo. Kara messages me back exactly at three. Instead of messaging back, I call her on Discord.

'Hi. Can we just start this? Also, where the heck were you?' I say immediately after she picks up.

'Relax, what the hell? I was out with my mom.' She says.

'Okay, cool.'

And so, we begin.