Chapter One: Accident

"Babe, come on! come with me on thursday it's just one day to be there." pangungulit ko kay Sam habang pinapanood siyang nag aayos ng kaniyang mga gamit sa maleta.

She suddenly stop saka nag buntong hininga. "Babe, you know that I have a full schedule this month. Kahit nga magpahinga hindi ko na magawa eh." pag-susungit niya sa akin saka bumalik ulit sa kanyang ginagawa.

"Yeah! whatever." I said, saka tumayo at lumabas ng kwarto. I let Sam feels that I'm really irritated. She's always like that, don't have any time for me also.

I left the room and go to the balcony saka nag sindi ng sigarilyo. Naramdaman ko naman si Sam na tumabi din sa akin at nagsindi din ng sigarilyo but I just ignored it. Usually I will stop her but nah! I'm not in the mood right now.

"Alam mo naman 'di ba na I need this job Alex." she said na nakapag pantig ng tenga ko. Why does she needs it?!

"So are you saying that, what I am giving you is not enough? that you still need to go for modeling? is that it? huh?!" I know, Sam can feel that I am already getting mad. She throw her cigarette then faced me.

"You know that's not what I meant Alex. Before you asked me to become your girlfriend you already knew me as a model, And you also knew I am doing this because of my mom!" Sam said while seeing her crying.

I suddenly felt guilty right away. "Yeah I know Sam! but I am just asking you to share some of your time with me- with us, even just for a day but you can't still give it to me." I explained. I don't want to see her crying even a bit cause I am loosing control but I want her to know what I feel.

She then hug me back and I hear her sobbing. "I'm sorry Alexa." she said saka bumitaw sa pagkakayakap sa akin at hinawakan yung mga pisngi ko. "Okay, Let's do it. I will tell my manager to clear my schedule for 2 days.

"Really? you will do it for me?" I asked and she answered me with a nod. I hugged her really fast and kiss her. After I kiss her I was shocked when I see her face, It's all covered with blood. I immediately removed my hands on her face tsaka biglang napa-upo dahil sa takot at gulat.

"Why Alexa? is there a problem with my face?" she asked saka naglakad papalapit sa akin. Ako naman eh pilit lumalayo sa kanya. "You want this right? you asked me to come with you even if I can't. Why are you scared?" dugtong niya habang parang masaya pa sya sa mga sinasabi niya sa akin.

What is she talking about?! I don't understand anything. "No! don't come with me!" I scream while Sam was still smiling infront of me.

"Alexa!" sigae niya din pabalik. Yung saya niya ay napalitan din agad ng galit.

"Alexa.."

"Alexa.."

"Alexaaaaa.."

Bigla akong napabalikwas sa hinihigaan ko saka napatingin sa taong nasa gilid ko.

"Are you okay Alexa?" Chia asked habang hinahawakan yung mga braso ko. Napatango naman ako saka humawak sa sintido ko at nagsimula nanamang pumatak yung mga luha ko.

"hussh Alexa, it's okay. That's alright, just cry." She said saka ako niyakap.

Chia is my best friend. She's with me as my personal psychiatrist as soon as Sam died. Yeah, she died the day when we reach Isabela. It's already been 4 or 5 years I think? but I can still feel the pain, the guilt, sadness everything. I always blame myself for what happen to Sam that day, Siguro kung hindi ako nangulit na sumama siya sa akin baka hanggang ngayon kasama ko pa din siya.

I hate myself for pushing her to come with me kahit na full ang schedule niya at kahit na alam kong wala siyang hilig sa ganung bagay. I still asked her to come and now she's gone and I can't forgive myself because of that.

Her family got mad at me especially Sam's mother. I can't blame them kasi alam ko kahit sino magagalit dahil namatay yung anak nila kasi pinilit ko na sumama siya. I can't even come on her funeral and see her even just a glimps.

"I'm sorry Chia, naging personal psychiatrist pa kita ng wala sa oras dahil sa nangyari." she is really a psychiatrist pero sa mga magto-tropa sa akin lang siyang pumayag. And even for that I can still feel na I'm not still so lonely. I still have a friends you choose to stay with my side even if they know that everything was my fault.

"I'm your bestfriend Alex. Why would I decline you. I know you need me and it's my responsibility as your best friend to be with you." She said saka ako niyakap ng mahigpit. Napaiyak na lang ulit ako dahil sa sinabi niya.

I am so tired for everything. Every night I have a dream about Sam then in the morning I will cry until I feel tired then I will go to work feeling empty. My life goes like that since Sam gone. Ramdam na ramdam ko na may kulang.

"Did you drink your meds last night? or you just drink alcohol?" Tanong ni Chia habang sabay kaming kumakain sa isang resto malapit sa company ko.

After I cried for 3 hours I decided to go to work and when I reach -chia ask me to eat that's why we're here.

Chia already knew the answer but still asked me about it. I just shrugged then continue eating my steak. This is the favorite food of Sam everytime we go here we always eat this.

"Can I asked you Alexa?"

"Aren't you?" I said, saka napatingin sa kaniya. Napangiti naman siya saka umiling iling pa.

"Come on seriously Alexa. Why you still can't forget what happen that day? it's been a long time Alexa, you know that." She said, napatigil naman ako bigla sa kina-kain ko saka nagpa-alam na magc-cr na muna.

I don't want to talk about it. Even me, I still can't answer it. Maybe because I am guilty cause I am the reason why she died or maybe I just really loved her.

Nag hilamos na muna ko para mahimasmasan. And when I look at the mirror, I saw a familiar figure. And it shocked me! It was Sam and she was leaving.

Kahit basa pa yung mukha ko dali dali akong tumakbo palabas ng CR at nag tangkang habulin si Sam or kung sino man yung babaeng nakita ko. Pero paglabas ko wala ng babae or kahit naglalakad sa hallway wala din. Natawa na lang tuloy ako sa sarili ko. Am I really expecting Sam here? am I even alright or I am just really sick? But one thing for sure is, I think I really love her.

Tumakbo pa din ako even if I know it's impossible to see her again. Pagliko ko sa hallway ay bigla akong nakabangga ng babae.

"I'm sorry." I said while looking at her, she is wear8ng a hoodie so I can't see her face clearly. Tumango naman siya saka ulit nagtuloy ng lakad. Tuloy tuloy ko na din tinahak yung hallway hanggang sa makalabas at bumalik sa table kung nasaan si Chia.

"What happen to you? basa basa pa yang mukha mo." Chia said habang pangiti ngiti.

"I saw someone." I said with a serious tone. "I thought zi saw Samantha on the restroom." dugtong ko pa. Nagulat ako ng mabitawan ni Chia yung tinidor ma hawak niya. She looked a bit shock pero natawa mamam siya bigla.

"Don't joke Alex. I think you need to go to the nearest mental hospital." Pagbibiro ni Chia. Inirapan ko lang siya saka tumawag na ng waiter para sa bill namin.

"I need to go back now, I still have a meeting." sabi ko lay chia saka nag iwan ng pera sa table.

I go back to the company while still thinking about who I saw earlier but I decided to forget about it and focus. I still have a lot to do for today and I don't have time to think about the girl that I know, it's not Samantha and it will never be her.