The Rescue of The Birbalinda (2)

When one is possessed by the spirit of a pirate's hat, they are given access to the strange and often illogical world that is the world of pirates. Pirates who have lived long enough with their hats develop pirate eyes that function in pretty much the same way as pirate hats, making them mostly accessories.

Polly, however, who had yet to earn any sort of head gear, saw for the first time that the ocean was just as sturdy a surface as asphalt. The force led her to take off her clogs and hurl them at Man Lamppost. They flew through the air like extremely dull and oddly shaped shurikens thrown by a professionally trained ninja. Man Lamppost's smirk grew wider as he readied his ponytail, the unnaturally tall figure still brimming with confidence from his last hit. Unfortunately for him, he had another thing coming.

Polly's shoes whistled towards their victim while Man Lamppost's glorious rope of hair swung in preparation to land the fatal strike. The dark strands swung skywards aiming to knock the spinning footware to where they sent poor Captain Trixx, but the clogs were having none of that and instead, in all their magnificent brown glory, they sliced through Man Lamppost's ponytail of mass destruction with a sharp swish. He gasped. Polly gasped. The four other females on The Birbalinda gasped. Captain Trixx, who was somewhere out in the water gasped. A single tear welled up in Man Lamppost's right eye.

"You-you STUNTED BEANSPROUT," howled Man Lamppost as the lone sign of agony dripped down his (ras)berry red face. His attempt to insult her height was feeble, and Polly barely batted a lash. Woman Lamppost was prepared to avenge her partner in crime, just as Polly expected her to be. She grunted and flexed. The sleeves of her shirt stretched, then ripped revealing bulging biceps and forearms practically exploding with muscle. She pawed the floor of the ship with her foot like a bull about to charge, and then, just like a bull, she charged.

With elegant grace, she sprang off The Birbalinda and stormed towards Polly with her head tipped forward. Polly had never seen, nor expected to see a person storming straight towards her like an enraged beast, but thankfully she had Captain Trixx's hat to instruct her. Just as Woman Lamppost was about to destroy Polly with her brawn, Polly let herself fall face down and barrel rolled her way to safety. Somehow as she barrel rolled away, a barrel ripe for crashing into had appeared in front of Woman Lamppost.

A crash loud enough to make Polly's ponytail stand straight up ensured. She peeped cautiously only to be greeted with the sight of a completely wasted wooden container and a pair of legs and cringed.

"What savagery," trilled Brunette. "I had regarded our hired bodyguards as competent, but I now see that I was a fool, not unlike the current you. To think that you would dare wage war against us, the Trimmed Trinity, in our own sea. What insolence."

"Your sea? Yikes, but I can't hear you over the sound of all the bull. It's louder than the sizzle of my aunt frying chicken," snickered Polly, still laying down. Her two victories had filled her with some bravado that she was not hesitant to display.

Redhead shook her head with a smile. "Lass, do you know the name of the large body of salt water surrounded in part by land you stand on?"

"If that's your attempt to bamboozle me, then you need to dig a little deeper in that mind though, I'm sure you don't have far to go though. This sea has been called The BRB Cut Sea since man started drinking water."

Blonde smiled almost pitifully at Polly, as if she felt bad Polly couldn't connect the dots on her own.

"What do you suppose BRB stands for, Lass?" questioned Redhead in her characteristic, polite tone.

Realization dawned on Polly and her eyes grew like a stomach after dinner. "By Jove..."

"Exactly," sniffed Brunette smugly. "Now, if you thought you could get away with so cruelly assaulting our darling, but useless, but still darling bodyguards, you were wrong." With a mere twitch of her nose, Brunette conjured a wave that crashed over the pathetic craft Polly and Captain Trixx had attempted chasing The Birbalinda with. The sturdy liquid surface buckled under the might of the wave, and the water tension gave way leading the poor boat to be swallowed by the sea. It was quite the sad sight.

"That was just a show of power, you know to make things more dramatic as typical villains always do. We are typical villains, aren't we ladies?" said Brunette.

She was received with enthusiastic nods from her fellow bowl cut sporters. Blonde princess-waved, causing a giant shroom made of water to rise out of the sea. She then did a jump-split which lead to the shroom to start spinning dangerously fast. For the finale, she performed a jumping jack resulting in the sea shroom hurling itself at Polly, who pulled herself into fetal position. The pirate hat could do nothing to protect Polly, for it was tragically outclassed. It was up to it's master.

"YOUR VICTORY IS NEVER!" screeched Captain Trixx as he knocked down the Trimmed Trinity with an excellently executed spin-kick. The distance from the random place in the sea to The Birbalinda was a long one, but the trusty pirate had made it just in time. No longer able to control the sea shroom, Blonde had to watch her creation sink back where it came from. Man Lamppost made a sudden reappearance, for he could not mourn for his hair while those who paid him were in hot water.

He lifted himself up, onto the tips of his toes, and with his arms outstretched, he began turning wildly, just as the shroom had been doing moments before. Captain Trixx didn't need a pirate hat to tell him to direct the spinning man towards the villains in distress. Casually, the captain moved in the direction of the fallen ladies who apparently could not stand up due to their full length skirts limiting their range of motion. His adversary followed, and was daft enough to allow himself to be led to where he met his doom by getting caught in the dress of one of his employers.

"And my victories, are forever," cackled Captain Trixx smugly. He threw the boat thieves overboard with ease, and they bounced a tad on the water before they continuing their struggle to stand. Polly made her way onto The Birbalinda alongside Captain Trixx. Now, he was far from dejected; his face glowed with the kind of pride one gets when having defeated foxy enemies by simply being the superior being.

"Leave us now," hissed Brunette. "You have defeated us, and we do not need you to mock us with your presence."

Because Polly and the captain were understanding souls unlike their adversaries, they did not tarry any longer and began the sail back to the mainland.

"I suppose The Birbalinda is yours to keep now that we've recovered her," said Captain Trixx. "I couldn't be more thankful for yer help, lass, and I'm a man of me word."

Polly beamed with joy. The first part of her dream was becoming a reality.

"By the way lass, I never got your name," remarked Captain Trixx.

"Folks used to call me Polly," replied Polly, "but now that I've got this ship backing me, you can call me Polly the Pirate."