4 I'll Take the Low Road!

The sun rose and shone a light through the window of James room. He opened his eyes and squinted because of the bright light. James yawned and stretched, "Soon! I'll definitely escape from these bastards!"

James sat down at the table and watched the sunrise through the window. He waited. Then he waited some more. The sun was high in the sky now and he still waited… "What the hell! When are we leaving! I'm bored!" James attempted to open the door, but it wouldn't budge. "I'm not a prisoner anymore, do they really need to lock me in here?!"

When the sun was at the highest point in the sky the door was finally opened by Lumi. She spoke, "Time to go. The cart and beasts are waiting." James followed her out the door and complained, "You guys didn't have to lock me in the room all day you know… Not like I'm going to run away or anything."

Lumi glanced at James and smirked, "The door wasn't locked." James replied, "Don't try to trick me! I tried to open that door for over 15 minutes and it wouldn't even budge! It was definitely locked!" Lumi chuckled, "Heh, I thought I heard some banging sounds earlier. So that was you? The door only weights 500 lbs. Even a child could open it. The men from your plane must be really weak!"

James face turned red from anger, "It's your plane that's full of freaks! They must do some special magic training to get that strong! My plane is normal okay! No magic, no freaks, no dragon-horn ladies!"

Lumi laughed in an annoying manner, "Hohoho! No magic in your plane. How sad, it must be a very miserable place. How lucky of you to come here instead. Hurry up now. The cart is waiting!"

James followed her and muttered under his breath, "Damn savages. Milky Way plane is the best plane. We've got guns, cheeseburgers, pizza, videogames… I want to go home and eat a cheeseburger pizza!!! Humph, just wait. After I escape I'll make use of my advanced knowledge to conquer all foes. I'll make guns and shoot the strong knights and mages of this world. Then I'll make pizza and cheeseburgers. I'll invent soda and embrace capitalism. Start my own country. I'll create one invention after the other and rule over all you savages! Bwuhahahaa!!!"

James and Lumi arrived at the cart. It was a four-wheel wooden cart pulled by ordinary horses. James spoke up, "Ordinary horses? Don't you guys have like super-fast beasts, dragons, and such?" Lumi snorted in disdain, "Those are tools for war. How could they possibly be used for ordinary travel between cities."

James sighed and obediently got in the back of the cart. Lumi sat up front. Apparently she was going to drive the cart instead of Beardy-face. Captain Beardy got in the back across from James. With that, the seven-day journey towards the capital began.

The group had been on the road for several hours. Captain Beardy watched James like a hawk in case he did anything suspicious. He also kept an eye out for bandits during the journey. James knew he wouldn't be able to escape so soon. He needed to escape near a city or big town to survive. So, he was in no rush at all.

The journey continued. James rested his head on top of his hands and closed his eyes. He thought to himself, "Right. I need to be productive during this journey since I have nothing else to do. Haha, time to plan how I'll school these savages with Earth's technology. First, I'll make guns. I absolutely must invent them! Should be simple enough… basically a metal pipe, some gun powder, a trigger…. Fuck I don't know how guns work! Shit! Damn! No calm down James. Be flexible like a cucumber. Are cucumbers flexible? Argh, I'm getting off track again. Okay, forget guns. I'll make cannons! It's just a giant metal tube you stuff cannonballs down with gunpowder and you light it. Super simple. I can hire a blacksmith to make the important parts after saving up money. That just leaves the gunpowder… Fuck! I Don't know how to make gunpowder! Shit! I'm so useless! There's got to be some knowledge I can take advantage of from home! Think!"

James continued to mutter himself and remained in deep thought. Except for when he was eating, drinking, or sleeping he was thinking of how to leverage his knowledge from Earth to gain an upper hand in this world. Four days passed before James finally came out of his intense thought session. James sat in the cart. He looked up at the surroundings with blood-shot eyes. Beardy-face spoke, "You alright brat? You've been muttering to yourself for days and you hardly respond to anything." James calmly replied in a monotone voice, "Yes, I'm fine. I've just meditated the past few days and I've come to realize a personal enlightenment." Beardy-face replied, "Is that so? Good you're alright then. Just don't cause no trouble before we reach the capital in a few days." James nodded and laid down in the cart.

James stared at the bright blue sky. He calmed down and his eyes returned to normal. His breathing was slow and steady. He let out a small smile and muttered to himself, "Useless. Completely fucking damn useless! I spent 18 years on Earth and I've got fucking nothing to show for it. I don't know how guns are made! I don't know how concrete is made! I know nothing about modern medicine other than washing your hands! The only skills I have from Earth are my acting skills and knowledge on how to build a custom computer." The latter is completely useless due to lack of both hardware and software.

These thoughts are what lead James to his personal epiphany. This kind of mind-opening revelation is something most can only hope to realize as it's not something you can find by searching for it. James continued to stare up at the sky and whispered his epiphany to himself, "Could it be? Could it truly be? Am I actually stupid? Half of all people you meet are stupider than your average human being. This is amazing since most people are already stupid. Yet most people think they are above average intelligence. I myself always thought I was easily in the top 5%. It's only today I realized. Yes, I was mistaken. I am truly stupid. Clearly I'm in the bottom 20% at best."

James laughed at himself, "Haha, its fine! It's all uphill from here. I'll study skills and improve myself! I'll work my way into the top five percent! No, make that the top one percent! I'll become a wise learned man that stands above the rest that just think they're smart! BWHAHAHA, better to realize it now than to live in ignorance any longer!"

Captain Beardy glanced at the young man lying down in the cart. The man kept snickering to himself. He thought to himself, "I wonder if all young folk from his plane talk to themselves like he does? What an odd place."

Late at night. They were now just two days away from the capital. The group set up camp for the night. Lumi spoke, "There is a pond nearby, so I'll be going for a bath. Captain Beardy, keep an eye on the newbie for me. I don't trust him."

Beardy-face nodded in agreement and Lumi walked away into the surrounding forest. According to Lumi there was a pond near the entrance that was often used by travelers for water and bathing.

James sat down across from Beardy-face. He rested his head on his folded hands and closed his eyes to think. A sly grin could be seen on his face. "Now is the moment. The opportunity I've been waiting for! We're less than 2 hours from the nearest city according to the map Lumi keeps looking at. I'll hide out there. Even more importantly is my other goal! I may not be smart, but this is an opportunity that cannot be missed! If it was missed, then I definitely couldn't call myself a man!"

James stood up and walked towards Beardy-face. He spoke, "Oy! Captain Beardy, I know you're hiding the good drinks! Why don't you share with your beloved friend James!" Beardy-face snorted, "Why should I waste perfectly good drink on a snot-nosed brat like you!" James acted shocked, "Captain Beardy! How could you say that! We've become so close in recent days. What fun is drinking alone? There be nothing sadder than a soldier having no one to drink with!"

Beardy-face chuckled, "You make a good case lad!" Beardy pulled a silver flask out from his coat. This wasn't his usual wineskin he drank ordinary wine from. This silver flask was beautiful to behold. It had a shield crest with a sword in the middle engraved on it. Beardy-face spoke, "This is the best booze I have. A shot of it could knock out an elephant! Come. Let's see if a snot-nosed brat like you can hold your liquor!"

James smiled and sat down next to Beardy-face. James spoke, "First one to pass out loses. The loser buys the alcohol for the next time we drink together!" Beardy-face nodded and took his first swig with no problems. James followed-up without issue as well. They kept taking turns and the alcohol didn't run dry. Beardy-face slurred, "Thish flask can holdth 100 lbs of booze! It's a rare interdimensional storage treasure! I won it in my first war! Pried it rightsh outta the enemies cold dead hands! Haha!"

James slurred back, "Thisth isth the besth alcohol I've had! Cheers!" They both kept drinking until Beardy-face finally passed out. James stood up slightly dizzy. "Haha old Bearded bastard! I cometh from a long line of drunk bastards! Not even you abnormal bastards can beat me in drinking!" James staggered over to Beardy-face and grabbed the flask. "Heheh, I'll hold onto this for you brother Beardy."

James was about to walk towards the horse-cart when he suddenly remembered something. He slapped his fist into his hand to indicate remembering something important. He returned to Beardy-face and scavenged on the ground. "Heh-heh. I almost forgot." James scooped up some sand and dirt. He then pulled open Beardy-face's socks. James filled the socks with as much sand as he could. "Kekeke, that will do for now Beardy-face. I don't know enough about plants to give you diarrhea. Nor do I really want to go hunting for unfamiliar bugs. Since I took your flask I suppose we'll call it even with this!"

James walked towards the two horses attached to the cart. He cut their reigns and gave their behinds a big smack. The horses ran off in the opposite direction of the city. Then James staggered off into the nearby woods. He headed straight for the pond! He half-muttered, half-slurred to himself, "Lumi, you can't blame me for this! I gotta do what a man must do! It's all part of the plan! Hehehe." James reached the pond Then he began to search around the area carefully. James saw what he was looking for and slurred excitedly, "There she is! I knew I'd find her!"

James rushed over to what he was looking for. It was an expensive white dress! "Hehehe, my baby, my sweety, my love! Daddy had come for you little white!" James stroked the dress muttering those words. If anyone saw him, they would definitely scream, pervert!!! James searched the clothes and found a small pouch that made a jingling sound. James happily stuck the pouch in his soldier coat pocket next to the flask he took from Beardy-face. Then he looked at the white dress with loving eyes.

James rubbed his eyes and the system appeared in front of him. He selected the Energy option and the system displayed a black-hole. James hurriedly stuffed the dress into the hole in excitement!

[Scanning uniform. Mid-grade priest dress. Dress devoured. 10 Energy points obtained.]

James jumped in excitement. "Haha, finally I can put this shitty system to work again!" James hurriedly rushed out of the forest and started following the road towards the nearest city. He jogged at a steady pace to optimize time. He sighed, "I wish I could have taken a horse, but I don't know how to ride. Fortunately, I was able to cut them loose. Damnit all! I hope those abnormal freaks don't catch up to me!"

James continued to jog towards the city. He lost himself in thought on the way, "I bet there was a great sight to see in that pond! Alas, I am a gentleman by nature. Raised in modern society I would never spy on a young woman bathing. Plus, Lumi is scary! I don't want to die! I'm glad I didn't get caught sneaking nearby or my reputation would be ruined! Or at least the reputation of the soldier I currently look like would be! Granted she and Beardy-face would probably kill me in that scenario… right let's speed up the pace!"

Lumi exited the pond from her bath. She grabbed the towel she left on the nearby tree. She dried herself and reached for her dress to only see it was gone. Her eyes flashed in anger when she realized it and her money were both gone! She wrapped herself in the towel and headed for camp. Upon reaching the camp she saw Captain Beardy passed out from alcohol. He was snoring loudly while smiling. She looked at the cart. Everything was still there except for the horses. The reigns had been cut and the horses were nowhere to be seen!

Lumi screamed at the top of her lungs "James Dawn!!! I'll definitely find and kill you!!!" Captain Beardy continued to sleep soundly. It would be an entire 12 hours before Lumi managed to wake up Beardy-face and recover the run-away horses.

James neared the town and felt a cold chill run down his neck. "Someone definitely just cursed me. It had to be Lumi or Beardy-face. Better get into the city fast and hide. Heh, with my uniform system those bastards will never find me!" With those thoughts in mind James headed towards the city gates.