Chapter 10
Alex glimpsed at the clock on her desk. Four-thirty couldn't arrive soon enough. Her fingers, which typically ran fluidly over her 10-key pad, hadn't seemed to work at all in the past five minutes. She stopped keying and flexed her jittery fingers then looked at the clock again. She'd see Peter in less than thirty minutes. She tried to key some numbers again. It was of no use. Her brain reminded her, like it did most of the day, to hold her tongue, get hold of her emotions, and remember that Peter was simply a friend. An old friend of hers and Sam.
Finally, the end of the day work whistle blew. Alex sprang from her office chair and hustled to her SUV. Within minutes, she'd arrived at her doorstep, deactivated the security system, and entered her house.
Lili greeted her at the door with his loud Siamese wowing and looked up at her with his piercing blue eyes. They were the most beautiful blue she'd ever seen. She scooped him up and showered his little head with kisses. After a few seconds, he weaseled his way out of her arms, jumped to the floor, and headed toward his food dish. Feeding time was always the top priority for Lili.
She filled his ceramic bowl with turkey and giblets flavored Friskies. He buried his nose in the dish and sniffed at the food. His head popped up, he snubbed his nose at the food and her, then walked away. She stared after him.
Typical Siamese, nothing's ever perfect enough for the king. Hmf. He'll eat it when he's hungry enough.
She spent the next few minutes tidying up her house and waiting for Peter's arrival. She glanced around. It looked so drab and dull, and though the same items remained, it had never seemed that way when Sam was alive.
"What are you looking at?" Peter asked as he stepped through the door with Chinese takeout in one hand and a brightly colored, fake floral bouquet in the other.
Alex shook her head. "Nothing."
"Here - you need something to brighten up this place," he said as he handed her the bouquet. "It's like a cold dungeon in here."
"Hmm, I'm not quite sure how to take that," she replied with a crooked smile, "but thank you." She knew he was right; she'd just thought it herself.
She placed the floral arrangement on the empty oak kitchen table and leaned toward it to smell the flowers but caught herself in time.
They're fake, idiot.
She pinched her lips to hold in her chuckle.
Peter set the food out on the kitchen counter and started divvying it up.
She leaned against the counter and watched.
He stared at her. "What's up with you today?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, for one thing, you have a smile on your face that seems unstoppable. Come to think of it, I haven't seen you smile at all in a long time. It's good to see. You wear it well." He edged forward and pressed his lips to her forehead.
"I just feel good today, I guess," she responded.
A rush of warmth spread from her forehead to the tips of her toes. It wasn't at all uncommon for Peter to give her a peck on the cheek or forehead but lately the anticipation of the kisses, and the aftershock felt different to her. She did her best to ignore her romantic feelings for him but he left her longing for more than a peck on the cheek.
They grabbed their plates of food and a couple of beers, and then headed for the living room. Just like her and Sam, they ate in the living room in front of the television. Side by side on the couch, they ate their dinner and chatted about nothing in particular. She hung on his every word. So what? He makes me feel good and takes away the loneliness.
After cleaning up the supper dishes, they each grabbed another bottle of beer and planted themselves on the couch once again to watch the Brewers game. Peter sat facing the TV, and she assumed a cross-legged position next to him. She craned her head in his direction.
"What?" he asked.
Alex shook her head. "Nothing."
"You're staring at me with a weird look on your face like you want to say something," he responded and shifted his position to face her more directly.
She sucked in a deep breath and blew it out. "I do want to say something. I want to apologize for the way I've been treating you." Just like the night before, he held up his hand to stop her. "No, Peter, not tonight. I need to do this and you need to hear me. I don't know what came over me and why I behaved so badly toward you. You've been such a good friend to me, and yet I acted like such a bitch. I'm truly sorry." So there was a teeny bit of a lie in that apology, but she couldn't help it. Her uncharted feelings, and fear of where her heart might lead her when she sorted them out, was the culprit.
"You've been a bitch? Hmm, I hadn't really noticed," he said as he smiled at her and smacked her on the head with a throw pillow. "Just shut up and watch the game."
Oh, she could watch the game, all right, but she'd never be able to concentrate on it after the heart-fluttering smile he just flashed her.
Alex woke the next morning before the alarm sounded. It was the first time she'd slept through the night since her husband's death. She felt great, yet she couldn't help but feel guilty, even disrespectful. Memories of Sam always seemed to cripple her attempts to move on with life.
She padded barefoot on the cool floor to the kitchen, pulled the container of coffee from the fridge, and cracked it open. The few drowsy cells lingering in her body snapped to attention as the robust hazelnut aroma instantly filled the room. She could almost taste it already and hadn't even scooped any grounds into the filter yet. How had she not noticed the strength of this particular aroma yesterday - or the past week for that matter? She'd been using that same coffee for a while. She hit the brew button and headed to the shower.
She sang and danced in the hot, steamy shower to the tune of Johnny Nash's "I Can See Clearly Now." When she stepped out of the tub, Lili stood at her feet, staring up at her with his big, blue, inquisitive gaze. She scooped him up and continued to dance around the bathroom with him in her arms.
"If someone were to see this display, I'd be looking pretty foolish," she whispered to Lili before she released him and dried off.
With a glimpse into the mirror, she noticed that the dark circles that normally surrounded her eyes were gone. She leaned closer to her reflection. Her smile filled the mirror.
She finished getting ready for work, slugged down some hazelnut brew, and drove to the local bakery.
With doughnuts in hand, she arrived at work early enough to participate in the morning coffee klatch, which she hadn't done in quite some time. It didn't take a genius to notice the looks of surprise on her co-workers' faces as they dived into the bakery box. They chatted for a while before they broke up and headed to their offices.
The day flew by, and before she knew it, the work whistle blew.
On the way home she stopped at the grocery store to pick up dinner, still dinner for one, but dinner nonetheless.
As she stared into the deli case, Mr. Norman, the deli manager, approached her. "Good afternoon, Alex, the usual pasta salad?"
"Nope, not today, I'm gonna live on the edge, spread my wings - tuna salad, please." He chuckled and scooped her some tuna salad.
As she turned to walk away from the deli case, she caught a glimpse of Mrs. Krueger approaching. Alex mentally rolled her eyes and prepared herself for what was to come.
Here we go again with the sympathetic head tilt.
Much to Alex's surprise, Mrs. Krueger's head started to tilt but quickly returned to the normal upright position.
Hmm, what's up with that?
"Good afternoon, dear. My, you're looking chipper today."
"Thank you," Alex replied with a smile as she watched Mrs. Krueger forge onward, pushing her grocery cart as she leaned on it a little for support.
Alex hummed as she wheeled her cart through the store. Feeling a bit adventurous, she chose the medium salsa rather than the mild, spicy V8 rather than low sodium, and pepper cheese rather than mild cheddar.
She wheeled her cart to the checkout lines. Kimberly's aisle was the only one open. The young woman smiled. "Hi, Alex. Can you put a good word in for me with Peter?" she asked as she scanned the groceries.
Alex, realizing that her normal response of "Sorry, I'm not Peter's keeper, you're on your own" hadn't been working and decided to try something new. "I'm sorry Kimberly, didn't you know? Peter's heart belongs to someone else."
She watched as Kimberly's perky, little smile immediately disappeared from her perfectly-made-up beauty queen face.
Alex paid for her groceries and left. By the time she got to her SUV, she realized what she'd said.
Oh my god. How am I going to smooth this over when Peter finds out what I told Kimberly? What in the heck's wrong with me? Peter isn't even dating anyone in particular. Come to think of it, he hasn't mentioned having any dates in months. Crap.
Was it jealousy that made her spout those words?