Chapter 110

Liliana's pov

It was now way past 5 and Meredith and I still hadn't heard from Derek and I was completely panicking. I had began to continuously call his phone, hoping for an answer, but I never got one. I kept trying to tell myself that he probably just lost his phone somewhere and that at any moment now he's going to find a way to call me or that he'll arrive back in Seattle and I'll hear the doorbell ring and it'll be him at the door. I was now pacing around the house continuously, because I can't just sit here anxiously waiting for my phone to ring. I don't know exactly what time it was, but eventually I heard someone ringing the door bell. I took off running to the door, hoping that it's Derek.

"Derek Shepherd, you had me so wor..." I begin to say as I open the door, but I stop mid sentence when I see that it's Jackson. "I'm sorry, I thought you were Derek. Come in" I say moving out of the doorway so that he can come inside. "I didn't know that you were stopping by. Not that you have to tell me when you are. I mean this is your house too, but may I ask what exactly brings you by" I ask. Jackson and I are still living separately and giving each other space, so I definitely wasn't expecting for him to stop by the house tonight.

"I need to talk to you. Can we go to the living room" he asks

"Yeah, sure" I nod following him into our living room. He sits down on the sofa as I continue to pace around, since I'm still to anxious to even think about sitting still right now

"Lily, how about you sit down for a minute" he says

"I can't sit right now. Derek, was supposed to be in D.C. this morning and he never showed up and I can't get in contact with him. I mean I'm pretty sure his flight just got delayed and he probably lost his phone somewhere or something, but I just hate not knowing for sure where he is and whether or not he's okay and I'm really freaking out right now, so I just need to keep moving" I sigh

"Sweetheart, please sit down. I have something I need to tell you" he says

"Okay" I sigh sitting down. "What's wrong" I frown looking at the expression on his face. He didn't respond, he just continued to look at me sympathetically, like he's lost for words. "Jackson, you're starting to scare me. Tell me what's going on" I say

"Lily, I don't know how exactly to tell you what I have to say. There's no easy way to say it" he sighs

"Then just say it, I can handle it. What happened? Is someone hurt or something" I ask

"Liliana" he sighs

"Jackson, please just tell me. Tell me what's going on" I say

"Um, it's...it's about Derek" he says as he takes my hands into his. Those words made my heart drop, as all of the bad thoughts that I had pushed out of my mind popped back up and a million scenarios started rushing through my head

"What about Derek? What happened?Is he hurt? He's hurt isn't he" I ask, taking deep breaths as I try to keep myself calm

"Sweetheart" he sighs

"Okay, that means yes. How bad is it" I ask before standing up. "You know what don't even answer that, just tell me what hospital he was taken to. Is he at Grey Sloan? If not I need to call the hospital he's at and get full medical priviledges and I need all of the information from his chart. Whatever's wrong I can fix it" I say as I begin to walk away so I can grab my keys, but Jackson stands up and gently grabs my arm stopping me

"Jackson, let me go. I need to go. I need to get to Derek. I have to be there. I...I need to help him. He's hurt. And he's probably alone, he doesn't need to be alone right now. Does Meredith even know he's in the hospital? He needs her there and we need to call Amelia" I say my voice breaking as my tears begin to fall

"Lily, you can't help him" he says

"What? Don't say that. Why would you say that? Of course I can help him. I'm a surgeon Jackson. I help people when they're hurt. I operate on the inoperable, so I can help Derek. I just need to get to the hospital so I can be by his side and find out how bad he's hurt and what I need to do. I need to get to him, just let me go be there for him. He needs me right now" I say as I try to pull away from Jackson, but he doesn't let me

"Sweetheart, Derek is dead. I'm so sorry" he says. My heart dropped hearing those words. I don't think there's a way to describe exactly what I felt at that moment, because there were so many emotions and questions I had running through my mind, but the main feeling I felt is denial. The only thought that I had is this can't be real. This can't be true. There has to be some kind of mistake.

"No, you don't know what you're talking about. You have no idea what you're saying. Derek isn't dead. He's fine" I shake my head

"I'm so sorry" he says as he tries to pull me into a hug, but I push him away

"Stop it Jackson! There's nothing for you to be sorry about, because Derek is fine. I would know if something happened to him. I would feel it, so I don't know what you think you know or who told you that he was dead, but they didn't know what they were talking about. They were wrong. They lied" I frown

"Meredith told me, Lily. There was an MVC accident and he wanted to help..."he begins to say

"Shut up! Just shut up! I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear anymore. Stop talking. Please stop talking" I cry

"I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'm so sorry" he says pulling me into a hug. This time I couldn't even try to push him away. All I could do was stand there and cry as his words started to sink in.

"He can't be dead. He can't be. I need him. I still need Derek" I sob. Derek is my best friend, he's the one who made me the surgeon I am today, the person I am today. The one who supported me through everything I've been through over the years, the one who makes me smile no matter what is going on in my life, and the one who will hug me and let me cry on his shoulder whenever my world is falling apart and just like that he's gone? I'm supposed to just accept that I'm never going to see him again, operate with again, hug him again, or hear his voice. I'm supposed to accept that a big piece of me is just dead? How? How do I accept that? How do I move on from that? I can't. I won't be okay without him. He's my best friend and now he's just gone and I can't bring him back. Derek Shepherd is dead.