44. See The Vulture Circling In Dark Clouds

Thanks so much for the reviews on the last chapter, I appreciate each and every one of them. They mean a lot to me, I know I always say that, but they do.

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"What could you possibly need from me?" Jay asked taking a step towards Ryan.

Ryan looked down at the ground before looking at Jay "I need to borrow some money"

"What?" Jay asked.

"I need to borrow some money, I'm in debt, Jay. Really bad" Ryan confessed.

"Are you gambling again?" Jay asked.

"Yes" Ryan whispered.

"Damnit Ryan, when is it ever going to be enough man? Don't you remember what happened the last time you gambled?" Mom lost her house because of you. She lost her home to pay off your debts" Jay ran a hand through his dark hair and shook his head as he looked at his brother.

"I know that Jay, but that's different. This guy is going to kill me if I don't give him his money. This isn't about losing a house. This is life and death" Ryan explined.

"How much do you need?" Jay asked.

"$22,000" Ryan confessed as he felt his brother's gaze on him.

"You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to give you that much money" Jay said.

"Why can't you just help me out Jay?" Ryan asked.

"BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF THE SHIT YOU PULL" Jay yelled.

"I'm your brother" Ryan said "They're going to kill me, Jay. Do you really want to live with that the rest of your life? Do you know what that will do to mom?"

"DO NOT BRING MOM INTO THIS" Jay shouted before lowering his voice. "You left our mother with nothing when she paid off your debt. You don't know what Rachel and I had to do to help her get back on her feet. You hurt her, and I never want to hear you bring her name into this again"

"Alright" Ryan said holding up his hand.

"Get the hell out of here" Jay said walking into Voight's house and slamming the door behind him.

Erin was on her way down the steps. She was just about to get in the shower when she heard Jay yelling. She watched as Jay brushed passed her and Erin looked at Ryan who was stepping up onto the porch.

Erin stepped the rest of the way down the steps and walked over to the door and opened it.

"Hello, Erin"

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Erin felt a shiver travel up her spine as she stepped toward the voice. She didn't know why he was here. She really didn't want to know.

"Ryan." She said his name in an icy tone, not hiding her dislike for the man in front of her. He was so different from Jay, she didn't even understand how they were related "What are you doing here?"

Ryan looked upon the young woman whom his brother had married. The beautiful, strong willed, feisty girl in front of him. Not the woman he would have chosen for his brother. Certainly not a woman their dad would've approved for his son. But his approval didn't matter to Jay and never had.

Ryan looked up at Erin, who now had her arms folded over her chest in a defensive posture.

Since he didn't answer her question, Erin spoke up again. "How did you find where we lived?"

"Hospital records" Ryan didn't like that she was looking down on him. She was a woman who'd obviously never been taught to respect family.

Erin's eyes narrowed at the cold way in which Ryan spoke, not even attempting to be civil to her. Erin shook her head as she silently scolded herself for being polite to him. "You know what. Is there a reason you're here, Ryan?"

A smile formed on Ryan's lips as a soft, chuckled escaped. "Now that 's the greeting I was waiting for. You almost let me down there, Erin."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" she snarled, not at all intimidated by him or his attitude.

"It means that you're the white trash I always knew you were" Ryan said. "Why don't you give your brother in law the respect I deserve. I mean, I did save your kid's life"

"Respect that you deserved?" Erin interrupted, aghast. "I'm sorry, but I must have heard you wrong because you did not just say that you deserved respect"

Ryan held up his hand and shook his head. "Erin, I didn't come here to fight with you. I came to speak to my brother"

She was not going to be dismissed in her own home. "You have a lot of nerve calling him your brother. You gave up the right to that when you abandoned him when he needed you most."

Ryan sighed audibly "I knew this was going to be a mistake," he said under his breath.

"You're right, coming here was a mistake. You're not welcome here and I'd like you to leave." Erin dropped her arms and placed her hands on her hips.

"No wonder Jay hasn't ever tried to mend fences with his me." Ryan picked at the lint on his sweater.

"Excuse me?" Erin's mouth fell open. "Why would he need to mend fences with you. You're the ones who should have come to him. You should have sought out his forgiveness, not the other way around."

"You shouldn't shoot your mouth off about things you know nothing about, Erin," Ryan growled, his patience wearing thin. "My relationship with my brother is none of your business and you'd be wise to remember that."

"How dare you speak to me that way in my own home? And Jay's relationship or lack thereof with you is most certainly my business. He's my husband and I was the one who held him when his heart was breaking because his father and brother turned his back on him. I'm the person stood who by him without hesitation when he needed his family and I'm the person who loves him without putting any limitations on it." Erin stepped closer to him without thinking. "I don't just love him when it's convenient for me or when I agree with his choices. I love him no matter what he does. I love him the way you, as his brother, should have loved him but always failed to. Unconditionally."

Erin stopped as she realized she was standing above him, her finger in his face and her eyes blazing. Ryan backed up until his legs hit the banister of the porch and his eyes were wide with shock at her behavior. She shook her head and stepped back, surprised by, but not embarrassed by her behavior. She'd wanted to give him a piece of her mind for so long that as soon as she'd started she was unable to stop.

Voight walked to the front door when he saw Erin through the window. Had there not been the banister behind Ryan, he would have stepped off, concerned that Ryan would have backed right off the porch. It appeared as if the confrontation was over now, but he still felt the need to make his presence known.

"Erin, is everything alright?"

Erin and Ryan both looked over at him, startled. Ryan cleared his throat and nodded his head, but didn't take his eyes off Erin. "Everything's fine. Just give me a few more minutes and then I'll be ready to go."

Ryan looked at Erin for a minute longer, as he waited for his own heartbeat to slow. "I can't believe Jay married you, you're trash just like your junkie mother"

"Don't you dare speak of my mother. I will not tolerate you saying one word about her." The words were barely a whisper on her lips but her tone was firm and demanding.

Ryan shifted slightly, a look of pain crossing his face and he sighed. "I shouldn't have come here. I knew trying to make amends now was probably too late. I just hoped, considering everything that's happened" Ryan stopped, not continuing his thought and Erin narrowed her eyes at him.

"If you're looking for sympathy for your current situation, you're looking in the wrong place. I'm sorry if I can't muster any sympathy for the man who showed none to his own flesh and blood when his life was on the line"

Ignoring her words, Ryan shook his head. "I didn't expect you too show me anything, Erin. In fact, I expected you to make this as difficult as possible for everyone. I just hoped now that you and Jay had a child of your own, you'd realize how truly daunting being a parent is and maybe you'd understand how difficult it was for my dad to raise a child like Jay."

Erin's eyes flashed again. "I can't imagine raising Jay was any more difficult than raising you, except maybe the disappointment he felt at knowing he wasn't going to turn into a bastard like you. That he was a good and decent person and had grown into a kind and loving man, despite having you as a brother and your dad as a father."

Ryan scowled angrily. "We're going in circles here, Erin. I don't expect you to understand why I've done what I've done in my life but I assure you, everything I've done has been with my family's best interest at heart. I knew marrying you would only bring him suffering but I'm afraid, like almost all the others he's had to learn, he's going to have to learn that particular lesson on his own."

Erin's hand reached out and connected with his cheek just as Hank stepped back on the porch. Hank's eyes widened as he watched Erin slap Ryan across the face and he immediately stepped forward. Everly, who was sleeping in his arms was jolted awake and she started to cry. Hank silently cursed himself for his actions and he lifted his granddaughter up, cuddling the hysterical child against his chest, gently placing soothing kisses on the girl's ear.

"Shhhh, it's okay, Ev, Grandpa's sorry he scared you." Hank pushed the door open and stepped out, Everly's wailing echoing across the porch and Erin looked over, alarmed at the distressed sounds of her daughter.

Hank quickly and determinedly strode across the porch steps as Everly cried. Erin met them on the stairs and took her baby into her arms, As she tried to soothe her..

"What the hell is going on here?" Hank asked narrowing his eyes at the man in front of him. He looked between Erin and Ryan and then back to Ryan.

"What are you doing here?" he directed his question at Ryan since Erin was quietly trying to calm Everly and herself at the same time.

"I wanted to speak to Jay." Ryan watched with interest Hank stepped between him and Erin.

"Why didn't you just call?" Hank asked.

"I didn't want to give him the opportunity to hang up on me. This is rather important and I wanted to do it face to face." Ryan wrung his hands together.

"Well, you're not welcome here. As Erin has continued to point out" Voight explained.

"This doesn't concern you" Ryan said.

"It does, this is my family. I told you that in the hospital and I'm telling you that again" Hank's voice gruffly explained.

"This is between me and my brother. So I would like to see him" Ryan said. "Except he's the coward who stomped off in his house and ran away from his brother"

"Brother? That's a joke right?" Hank asked.

"No" Ryan said. "I mean I know that it's hard to believe with me being a doctor and Jay being..."

Hank held his hand up "Let me tell you something about your brother. He's twice the man you'll ever be. At least there's one Halstead who busts his ass every day for his family. So you use that term "brother"? That's bullshit. Because your name isn't even worth being mentioned in the same sentence as Jay's" Hank spat.

Jay finally calmed down and walked to the window and frowned. He didn't want it to come to this. He didn't want Erin and Voight brought into his past family drama.

Jay sighed and stepped out onto the porch.

Everly had stopped crying but was still hiccupping as she babbled softly to her mom as if trying to tell her about the talk she and her grandpa had earlier. Erin was kissing Evie's eyelids and nose and cheeks and murmuring how much she loved her.

"Er, take her inside. I'll be inside in a few minutes." Jay kissed her temple and then the top of Everly's head. Erin looked up at him, her eyes dark and troubled and he winked at her, letting her know it was all going to be okay.

Erin looked at Hank and nodded with her head for him to follow her.

Hank assessed the situation between Ryan and Jay and stepped inside with Erin.

She looked over at her Ryan and frowned before she turned and walked back into the house. Ryan hadn't said one word about Everly or indicated that he wanted to meet her and that left an empty, hollow feeling in Jay's chest.

"You need to leave, Ryan" Jay said as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

"That wife of yours is a spitfire, Jay. How do you put up with it?"

Jay frowned. "There's nothing to put up with. She's fiercely protective of her family and I'm her family."

Ryan bit his tongue and nodded his head as he looked at the ground and then at Jay "I guess when you turned your back on me and dad, you found a new one"

Jay looked over at the house and then back to his brother.

Jay sighed. "Ryan, I'm not going to give you the money. I'm sorry"

"Damn it Jay," Ryan growled as he slammed his fist down on the porch railing. "Why do you always have to challenge me? Why can't you just treat me with the respect I deserve as your brother for just once in your life?"

Jay shook his head angrily. "How am I supposed to show you respect when I have none for you. I don't have any respect for people who don't have any respect for me or my wife. And speaking of which, what did you say to her to get her so upset?"

"Nothing that she didn't already know was the truth." Ryan said simply

"Ryan, I don't care what you think of me or what you say to me. But I won't stand for you upsetting Erin or saying things to hurt her." Jay's back was rigid as he spoke and his eyes were dark and unwavering.

"I didn't come here to upset either of you," Ryan spat more loudly than he intended.

"Then why are you here?" Jay's voice rose to match the tone of his brother's. "You haven't given a shit about me in years. You wrote me off when I chose to join the Army and have shown no interest in trying to make amends. But why would you? That would mean that the almighty Ryan Halstead would have to admit that perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps his no good, worthless, loser brother wasn't quite such a worthless loser after all. Now we couldn't have that now could we?" Jay huffed out a breath as he started to pace the width of the porch. "You know, I almost think you got pleasure out of what happened between dad and I. And maybe I did move on to find my own family" Jay stopped and glared at his brother. "Well let me tell you something, Ryan. I've made quite a bit out of my life and it has everything to do with the three people in there." Jay pointed to the front door. "Those people in there believed in me. They loved me and supported me and believed I was capable of doing anything I set my mind to. And they made me believe it too. They made me want to be the best man I could be and even when I doubted it.. So, sorry to disappoint you, Ryan, but I'm the man I am today because of Erin and Hank. They've given me the love and sense of family I craved growing up but never seemed to get from any of you. And now Erin and I started our own family. Not that you seem to care about that either. Didn't you even want to meet your niece, Ryan?"

Jay turned toward the door as it opened and Voight stood there on, letting Jay know he'd heard everything he said. Everly was in his arms, her face now dry of tears as she happily cooed to her grandpa. Jay took a deep breath as he looked back over at his brother.

Everly cooed loudly when she saw her daddy and smiled a gum filled smile.

Jay felt his eyes sting with the tears that he vowed he wouldn't let through in his brother's presence and he walked over to Hank, taking Everly into his arms, hugging his daughter tightly to his chest. "Daddy's right here, Everly."

Hank glared at Ryan again and the younger man sighed as he looked away, not willing to let Voight intimidate him.

Jay cleared his throat before he spoke again. "I think you should go, Ryan. I don't care what you have to say. You're just upsetting my family and I won't have that in my own home."

Ryan resigned to the fact that this whole trip had been a mistake. "Upsetting you wasn't my intention. You won't have to worry about seeing me again."

Ryan turned on his foot and walked a few steps before turning to face Jay.

"Jay, I hope you do a better job raising your daughter than you think dad did with you" Ryan simply said.

Jay's eyes hardened. "I'm sure I will, Ryan, because I can't get much worse than him."

Ryan's lips twitched slightly but that was the only response he gave to his brother's harsh words. "Goodbye Jay"

Ryan started toward the car as Jay walked Everly into the house. He had no desire to watch his brother leave any more than he had any desire to ever set eyes on him again.

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Erin placed her hand under the running water, checking the temperature before she flipped the lever to shower. She stepped back and closed the glass doors before turning to look in the mirror above the sink, looking at her reflection for a moment before she sighed softly. It had been a long day and she was exhausted, wanting nothing more than to take a hot shower and climb into bed.

Ryan's visit had taken it's toll on both of them. But Jay refused to talk about it after his brother had left, saying that he'd caused enough conflict for one day, and Erin decided to let it go. In all the years she'd known him, she'd learned that when and if he was ready to talk about something he would. Pushing him to talk when he wasn't ready always ended up in a fight and she didn't want to fight with him today. She never wanted to fight with him but she knew it was the last thing he needed after what had happened this afternoon.

She checked around her eyes for wrinkles before grabbing a hair tie out of the medicine cabinet and tying her hair up into a messy bun on the top of her head. She untied the belt on her short robe and let the silk drop from her body to rest softly at her feet. She opened the shower doors and stepped under the warm stream of water, letting it seep into her tired bones, brushing softly over the skin of her chin and neck and chest. She turned around and let the water cascade down her back as she closed her eyes and reached out to steady herself against the tile wall.

The soft sound of clothes hitting the floor barely registered in her brain until the doors slid open and she felt a rush of cool air hit her body. She smiled softly as she opened her eyes to see the also tired eyes of her husband.

"Is she asleep?" she asked softly and he nodded his head and smiled.

"Finally. She didn't want to go to sleep tonight." Jay stepped toward her and slid his arms around her waist, resting his large hands on the cheeks of her ass. "Not even my threat to start singing lullabies made her stop"

Erin laughed. "She was certainly wound up. It must be the steroids for her lungs." She slid her arms around his neck and pressed her naked body against him, causing him to groan softly.

He nodded his head again and he leaned down and ran his tongue along her shoulder softly as his cock twitched against her belly as it slowly came to life. "I missed you."

Erin's head lolled back and Jay took her invitation and began sucking on her neck. He pulled her closer as he urged her under the water, turning their bodies so he could get wet as well. He kissed a gentle path along her throat and up over her chin, his lips taking gently sips of her soft skin. As his nose passed her lips she kissed the tip softly and a smile tugged on the corner of his lips.

"I love you," he murmured against her lips once his were touching hers and Erin sighed softly as she opened her mouth, giving him the entrance he sought. Jay ran his tongue along her lower lip before dipping it inside the moist cavern of her mouth. Her tongue slid forward and met his, seeking out the intoxicating taste of him.

Softly their tongues caressed as they kissed, unhurriedly, both enjoying the mere act of tasting one another. Things had been hectic for both of them lately and they didn't have much time to just enjoy each other. Life seemed to do that quite a bit lately and so they treasured these quiet moments alone, moments when they expressed the deep abiding love they felt for one another.

Jay slid one hand up Erin's back to her neck, his fingers brushing softly against her spine and the back column of her neck until he reached the knot in her hair. He gently pulled the tie out of her hair and it fell in waves over her shoulders, the tips getting wet from the spray of water. He lifted his other hand and thread his fingers into the silky strands, holding her mouth captive against his as he moved to deepen the kiss and Erin tilted her head back, urging him to take what he wanted.

Erin's hands wandered over the slick skin of his back at the water poured down on them, her fingers bunching the hard muscles until they rested on his ass. She pulled him closer and felt his hard cock pressing insistently into her belly. Jay gently urged Erin back against the tile and she gasped softly into his mouth as her back pressed against the cool tile. Jay released her hair and slid his hands slowly down her sides, the gentle touch of his fingers eliciting a soft giggle from her.

The banging on the door tore Erin and Jay apart and they both groaned at the sound of Hank's voice.

"I don't know what's going on in there. I really don't want to know, but we caught a crime scene and I have to go. So break it up and come get your daughter"

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Two Weeks Later

Erin walked into the empty house, looking around the large living room with its corner stone fireplace and mantle above. Her breath caught in her throat as she felt a rush of warmth fill her. This was it.

They'd seen five houses already and none of them appealed to her. There was always something about each one of them that turned her off completely. But when they pulled up to this one, Erin felt a tingle travel up her spine. In the car, she reached out and squeezed Jay's hand as the realtor drove up the driveway. Then when they entered the house, Erin just knew. This was the home in which they were meant to watch their family grow.

The house was a traditional Cape Cod style home with dormers in the front. It was considered an expanded Cape because the second floor was a full story and not just a half story. There was a farmers porch that wrapped around the front and both sides and a small double swing hung in the left corner.

The large front door opened into a spacious entry way with tile floor, cathedral ceiling and two skylights that created the dormers on the front of the house. The large living room was straight ahead through the archway and stretched all the way to the left and back of the house with a large bay window in the front. To the right was a formal dining room with french doors and a crystal chandelier hanging in the center. Behind the dining room was the large country kitchen with center island and breakfast nook off the back. To the right of the kitchen was the full bath and across from that was a laundry room which connected to the two car garage.

To the left, behind the living room was a short hallway that led to a large family room with an octagonal enclosed porch, which was winterized so the family could sit out there even during the coldest winter day. The porch was enclosed with floor to ceiling glass windows with screens that could be opened in the summer months to let the warm air in. There were skylights adorning the ceiling.

In addition, it had a perfect view of the man made pond behind the house. This was the first and only house they'd looked at that had anything like that because houses like that were extremely expensive to boot. So Erin was sure that finding one was not within the realm of possibility for them. But when the realtor said this one had just come for sale in the last few weeks, it was impossible for them to not go look at it.

It was a 15 minute drive from the city, which would make it easy to get to work. The yard was large with tall bushes lining the perimeter, almost like a natural border protecting the property from the houses on either side of it and in the center was a large oak tree that Erin could see Jay building a tree house in when Everly was old enough.

Erin excitedly pulled on Jay's hand and dragged him up the stairs to the second floor. The top of the stairs opened to a landing that was lined with a railing that partially overlooked the living room and foyer below. There were four large bedrooms on the second floor including the master bedroom which encompassed the whole left side of the house. The master bedroom had a row of windows along the back which overlooked the man made lake below and had his and hers walk in closets and a master bath with sunk in whirlpool tub and stand up shower. The other three bedrooms were half the size of the master bedroom but still quite large. The bathroom shared by those bedrooms was almost as large as the master bath with both a standard bath and shower and two sinks. All the floors on the first floor were hard wood, except the kitchen, breakfast nook and foyer, which were tile and the family room which was carpeted. The stairs were hardwood and so was the landing on the second floor but the bedrooms were carpeted and all three baths were ceramic tile.

Jay could see the excitement twinkling in Erin's eyes and he smiled. He'd been right on the money when he'd looked at this place two weeks ago. He instantly fell in love with it and knew she would as well. It was more expensive than they both anticipated spending but just the look on her face made it worth it. Now all that was left was to convince her they could afford it.

"Oh, Jay, I love it," Erin whispered as she looked out the window to the yard below, her voice full of regret.

He stepped up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. "I do too, Erin. It's perfect."

"I know," she sighed sadly.

"So what's that sigh for?" He tightened his arms around her. "Let's get it."

Erin turned around to look at him. "Are you crazy Jay? We can't afford this place? It's over a hundred thousand dollars more than we were planning to spend."

"Actually, it's only seventy five."

"What?' I thought the realtor said it was four hundred thousand."

"That's what it's listed for. But I met with the owner last weekend when I was here and talked him into cutting twenty five thousand off the price." He smiled proudly at his accomplishment.

"What?" Erin looked confused. "You've been here before?"

He nodded his head, hoping she wouldn't be too mad at him for looking at it without her. "I saw it listed in the paper and something about it made me just know...this is our home. So I called and asked to see it right away. When I did, I knew it was ours. This house was made for us Erin. Can't you see our children growing up here?" He turned her around to face the window again. "Can't you see them playing in that yard?"

She nodded her head silently, still a bit stunned to even speak, still a bit hesitant to hope.

"Well, I asked to meet the owner and as it turned out I knew him. I'd been in the Rangers with his son. When I told him my wife was going to fall head over heels in love with the place, but that we probably couldn't afford it, he agreed to go down a bit on the price. He'd built it for his son and daughter-in-law as a wedding present but they came back from their honeymoon and announced they were getting divorced."

"That's awful." Erin frowned.

"He was so furious, he refused to let either of them have it. So, it's never been lived in Er. It's been sitting empty for the last year while he figured out what he wanted to do with it. We'll be the first and only family to live in it."

Erin ignored the tingle that traveled up her spine. It was too good to be true. "Why in the world would he sell it though. It's so perfect, why don't he and his wife move into it?"

"They didn't want to" Jay explained

There went that tingle again. "But how can we afford it Jay?" She turned around to face him again. "We only have fifty thousand saved for the down payment and we only qualified for a loan of three hundred thousand. How are we going to come up with the rest of the money?"

He could see the worry in her eyes and he reached up to cup her cheek in his palm. "Well, you see, when I told him my beautiful, amazing wife was a was an amazing mother and detective who would faint over that back porch, which I know you almost did Er. I knew you'd want it as a place for you and Ev to hang out." She closed her eyes as she reveled in how well he knew her. "Anyway, when I told him, he admitted his wife and him always wanted to be grandparents and he thought that the porch would be the perfect room to scatter toys all over the floor."

Jay lifted his other hand and cupped Erin's other cheek, leaning down to brush his lips against hers softly before he continued. "I think he wants us to have this house almost as much as we do. He agreed to hold the seventy five as a second mortgage. So we put the fifty down as a deposit and take out a loan for two hundred and fifty thousand. That lowers our mortgage payment by three hundred dollars a month. Then he holds the balance and we take out a second mortgage against the equity we automatically already have for only borrowing the two fifty and then we pay him the second mortgage. He's agreed to beat the bank's interest rate by one point. We'll end up paying less than we would have if we borrowed three hundred from the bank."

She narrowed her eyes at him during his monologue but couldn't stop the smile from forming on her lips. "You have this all worked out don't you?"

He dropped his hands from her face and let them rest gently on her hips as he nodded his head again and grinned. "Yep! We're meant to grow old together in this house, you know until we go to Wisconsin"

"So why did we see all the other houses today? Why didn't you just bring me here to see this right away."

"Because I wanted you to be sure. I wanted you to fall in love with it as much as I did but I wanted you to see the other options as well just in case." He was fidgeting in his spot like a kid with ants in his pants. "So what do you say?"

Erin laughed and threw his arms around him. "I love you!"

Jay wrapped her tightly in his embrace as he closed his eyes. He loved how she felt in his arms. Erin peppered kisses all over his face as she murmured "I love you" between each one.

Jay chuckled, glad his instincts had been right. "So, I take that as a yes, We don't have to live next door to Voight?"

Erin stopped kissing him and titled her head back so she could look up at him. "What do you think?"

"I think we've just found our home." Jay leaned down and kissed her and she melted into his embrace. They found a home, their home. Now the only problem they had was how they were going to tell Hank.

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A reviewer brought to my attention that Jay's brother is no longer named Ryan, and his actual name is going to be Will. If ya'll want me to change it, I will. Or I can leave it as Ryan. It's all up to you as the reader.

For any of you that are looking for Burzek, I promise they'll be in the next chapter.

Also, perhaps a love interest for Hank Voight? I do believe Olivia Benson may have to make a trip to Chicago. So Venson? Halivia? I don't know if they have a "couple" name.

A/N

I don't know if any of you follow me on Twitter, but my dad is in ICU so if you guys are the praying kind, please keep him in your prayers. He had to have his foot amputated and it's going to be a long road for him and our family. I'm not able to be there and that really upsets me because he's pretty sick. So writing is the theraputic outlet that I have that's keeping my mind off of things.

On a lighter note, how good did Jesse look in those BTS pictures from the SVU crossover? Can he just wear a suit and tie all the time? Cause he looked amazing. I need some Linstead New York sex in my life. ASAP.

ALSO: How about Derek Haas with the Linstead is Endgame to him?!

Be still my heart...

Thanks for reading. Please Review...